Why do people get mad about me losing weight and being active?
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Keep in mind the majority of the world is overweight. This distorts the vision of what healthy people are supposed to look like. For some reason, when it comes to weight-related health issues, the focus is on underweight people as a huge problem.
So people see someone losing weight and the alarm sirens go off. Anorexia, someone help the poor lady!
That or people just like to see others fail. If the others are fat, they don't look as fat in comparison.0 -
HostageCat wrote: »Thsnks everyone for replying and i dont say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight
So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".
Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.0 -
I really don't know about your family dynamics. I see people posting on here that has to be jealousy this and that. Idk maybe that true. Could it be your family just like to mess with each other? That my family and it doesn't matter of your fat thin tall short you are getting picked on lol. Maybe it just that and your being just to sensitive. Just my two cents
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At a guess your family are all over weight, they see them selves as normal, you being a healthy weight shows them they are in fact over weight.
You just got to ignore them, if they can't handle you at a healthy weight then are they really your family?0 -
Yeah basically ONLY talk about fitness and diet with other people who are into fitness and diet. Everyone else will think you're judging them, eating disordered, a jerk, etc.
Our (I mean North American) society rewards obesogenic behaviour. Obesogenic food & eating patterns are everywhere, especially most social events - difference there is noticeable. Not being overweight or obese takes conscious action for most, if they weren't just lucky and grew up with solid habits. Doing anything different from the norm attracts negative attention and censure.
Some of it is also just shock. Some of it is because hardly anyone succeeds at most Diet diets. So if you're losing, they might be reasoning, it must be because you're eating disordered or have some other mental health issue.
People's ideas about what's normal is influenced by people around them, so if most of these folks are overweight, normal weight people look "too skinny" by comparison.
Don't take it personally at all, because it's not. Understand that this is just what happens and be generous & patient. They will eventually get used to the new you.0 -
Congrats on 70 down!0
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quote="EvgeniZyntx;34747685"]HostageCat wrote: »Thsnks everyone for replying and i dont say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight
So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".
Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.[/quote]
Thay know i run because i run down gravel roads and living in a small town people see me running and it doesn't take long for word to get around in a small town. As for the rest well me and my mom are really close and she knows about everything i do and she tells my grandma everything and my grandma likes to share info with everyone.0 -
Been there. I think anybody who's tried and successfully lost lots of weight has been through that. There are a LOT of reasons people behave stupidly like that. Could be jealousy, insecurity, guilt (for eating what they want during the holidays knowing they'll gain). It can be hard to 'keep your game on" while being sabotaged (like someone else called it).
Everybody's got an opinion - sadly, most of the "size one civilians" have opinions that are NOT conducive to anyone who has had as much weight to lose as others have. My family - none of them have ever *really* been overweight, and I'm obese. So naturally, they think that gives them the right to tell me how to lose weight, and whenever they try to lose weight, it's "the grapefruit diet" or the "cabbage soup diet". I'm like, "REally?????"
Don't let the idiots get to you. Keep talking to your parents and grandparents and those you know are supportive of your efforts.
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I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive.
On the issue of fat v. skinny jokes, I've had this debate with friends in the past. Like someone else said, it's generally deemed ok to joke about people who have it "better" according to society's hierarchy (e.g., poor people can make fun of rich people, fat people can make fun of skinny people, etc.) but it's generally not cool to go the opposite way (like a seeing person making fun of the blind).
My personal opinion is that most people take themselves way too seriously. And people (especially women) are particularly sensitive about weight because for some reason we've tied our weight to our morality. A fat woman is seen as "greedy" or "out of control" or "lazy" by society, and we internalize these feelings whenever anyone even mentions weight. For instance, my boss has watched me lose about 40 pounds and never said a word. When I brought it up one day recently, he congratulated me and said he didn't want to say anything previously because he thought I might get offended. As if just bringing up the topic of weight would have been offensive to me because I am overweight.
I think that if we could somehow decouple weight and morality, maybe we would stop being so damned sensitive about it and learn to take a joke.0 -
HostageCat wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »HostageCat wrote: »Thsnks everyone for replying and i don't say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight
So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".
Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.
Thay know i run because i run down gravel roads and living in a small town people see me running and it doesn't take long for word to get around in a small town. As for the rest well me and my mom are really close and she knows about everything i do and she tells my grandma everything and my grandma likes to share info with everyone.
Which basically means your cousins aren't talking to you and are giving you dirty looks because of something grandma said. That's some crazy family dynamics, I've got nothing but to wish luck and don't let the couch slugs get you down.
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EvgeniZyntx wrote: »HostageCat wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »HostageCat wrote: »Thsnks everyone for replying and i don't say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight
So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".
Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.
Thay know i run because i run down gravel roads and living in a small town people see me running and it doesn't take long for word to get around in a small town. As for the rest well me and my mom are really close and she knows about everything i do and she tells my grandma everything and my grandma likes to share info with everyone.
Which basically means your cousins aren't talking to you and are giving you dirty looks because of something grandma said. That's some crazy family dynamics, I've got nothing but to wish luck and don't let the couch slugs get you down.
Bingo.
Dollars to donuts they think they are being compared unfavorably to you whether that is the case or not. I'm not surprised they are shooting you dirty looks even though it is none of your doing.0 -
missblondi2u wrote: »I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive.
... A fat woman is seen as "greedy" or "out of control" or "lazy" by society, and we internalize these feelings whenever anyone even mentions weight...I think that if we could somehow decouple weight and morality, maybe we would stop being so damned sensitive about it and learn to take a joke.
So insightful. I'm remembering this. I think we react similarly when women appear out of control in other contexts. I remember the few times I've seen mature women, old enough to have families of their own, publicly drunk in the middle of the day. My scorn cut deep and quick.0 -
GetThatRunnersHigh wrote: »Since skinny is higher than fat on the social hierarchy, people assume that it's okay to make fun "up" the social ladder. Your success probably brought out their own insecurities.
I think some of it is also that people who poke fun at each other in jest try not to do it when it would really hurt. I would make fun of my brother for being a klutz but when he was unemployed I wouldn't mock him for being out of work, for example, because I didn't really want to hit a nerve.0 -
They are so jealous and well people close to you do not want you to change it happens all the time. Oh and people can just be stupid like family members!0
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Envy, of your looks and efforts. You go girl !!0
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From all of the context given, it may not *really* be about your weight at all. If your parents and grandma are talking you up and bragging about how well you're doing, it can make others jealous, not because of what you did/are doing, but because they want that attention from their grandma/mom/aunt.
I've dealt with this from family when I did well in school, my brother dealt with it when he was in the military and my immediate family was really proud, etc.
Like I said before, you can't control what others do or say or how what you are doing for yourself makes them feel.0 -
OK, I admit, as she ages Angelina Jolie is looking just a bit like a scarecrow. But being under 140 at that height is not being a scarecrow.0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »when i was overweight, my family gave me all kinds of grief because they're all pretty lean, healthy, and fit...my guess is that it works the other way around too...if they're overweight, they're likely to give you grief about being lean, healthy, and fit.
The Japanese have an idiom: "the nail that sticks out gets pounded flat."0 -
Most people think skinny jokes are compliments.
Often changes to become skinnier or more active make other people feel guilty. Like if you are doing it they should too.
Your body language and actions may also be unconsciously changing.
I'd talk to them about it.0 -
HostageCat wrote: »After losing 70 pounds I have been glared at from across the room on holidays by cousins, and some family members stopped talking to me after my weight loss, I been told I'm too skinny, or I'm doing too much and I will “burn out” (referring to me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training) and I once mention that I was trying to lose 7 more pounds (which would put me at 140) and they looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would be under weight, and if I told them that my doctor said 140 would not be under weight and I will be healthy at that weight they get mad.
Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person
Good job on the weight loss! I think 140 at your height (your profile says 5 ft 8) sounds nice and healthy.
I've not had the same type of experience, but if I were in your shoes I would not take those cousins' glares personally.
As for my family members, weight is never under discussion. I don't open myself up to their comments. If they say something, I will thank them and change the subject. My weight management is my business.
I don't think fat or skinny jokes are cool at all.
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