I'm sure I'll get bashed for this, but..

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Replies

  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    The OP's post was most likely written out of frustration. I know I've said things out of frustration before. And I don't know anyone that hasn't.

    On that note, while people who are overweight believe they are ostracized, often so are thin people. And when it is pointed out, I've seen it scoffed at. Hell, when I've said it, I've been scoffed at. Let's face it, there is a minority in the US who are a healthy weight. 1/3 is overweight and another 1/3 is considered obese. I don't mean to offend, but honestly, with that many people struggling with being overweight, where is all of this "thin pressure" coming from? I would like an honest discussion on this. Not meaning to flame, but those that truly are "skinny" are a serious minority.

    One of my friends called me, "a boy with boobs," because I was under a certain size. All my life I was called anorexic. And it was when I was a healthy weight for my height. I felt unattractive, flat, uncurvy and was SHOCKED the first time a boy showed interest in me, because of my body type. Until I gained weight, I longed to have the curves of my friends. Called, boney, flat, board like, twig. "Men like real women with curves, not twigs." So many people will say they don't contribute to the hurting of others, but I know LOTS of average sized women would probably gladly echo that statement not realize who it could hurt. Some people might not find it a big deal, but I did. And for the record, since my self-esteem has rebounded, I've learned that straight men like women. Period. :P
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
    Quite honestly, piss off. I don't judge skinny people. In fact, when I see them beside me busting their *kitten* at the gym it inspires me to work harder. They have to work hard to maintain just like I have to work hard to lose.
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    So, in short, ill worded, but I understand her frustration.I've seen a few people who echoed the exact reason why she is frustrated to begin with.

    I also think that some people read things into her post that weren't there.

    We need to all stop doubting each other's feelings.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    It's obvious they haven't. I've "struggled" daily for my entire life. They, on the other hand, have obviously not. They chose to ignore weight control and not bother with it. Now they are trying to take a short cut through all the years I walked away from the fried foods and baked good and still think THEY have been struggling longer than me!

    Sure, I know you've had spells when you THOUGHT about weight control, and times when you may have even given it a meager attempt. But in the end, YOU skip out and enjoy all the good food and *I* keep on struggling to say no to it.

    Well...if you talk like that to people...no wonder you don't like the responses you get...

    If you don't want to be judged...don't judge others. And accept that even if you don't judge someone, they MAY judge you. It's human nature. But lumping a group of people together is stupid...and sounds a bit self righteous. Stop worrying about what other people think and move on with your life.
  • lingading
    lingading Posts: 258 Member
    Just wondering - would you consider yourself having a longer & harder struggle than a drug addict or an alcoholic because you've never "let" yourself become one? This post is so incredibly ignorant it is ridiculous.
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    Those are very different situations.
  • RainDodger
    RainDodger Posts: 8 Member
    I just feel kind of bad for you that you consider it a competition...that's really good for you that you've worked on staying healthy- seriously Bravo! I'm sorry you feel like you're discriminated against for not being overweight- but I don't think that being so defensive is a good way to look at this. MFP is a community of all sorts of people with all different goals. Good for you and keep up the good work, but maybe to get encouragement, you should think about giving some?


    Well said!
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    Though the OP's tone has caused ripples, there us a message we can all take on. Maintaining is hard! I bet more than half of MFP members have lost weight before and put it on, again, right? I certainly have! I have friends who've stayed skinny all their lives, even after we all hit that "difficult" age, but if you look at what they eat and the exercise they do, they are not eating everything they want and always stayed very active. It's all down to the same conscious decisions we make every day when we're losing weight.
  • ratkaj
    ratkaj Posts: 166 Member
    Why is it people who are over weight think they have struggled with weight control more than I have?

    I'm going to back you up. I am getting pretty tired of people complaining about how much they have struggled, and how hard it is for them. I must have had it easy since I'm not obese.... I have heard this from MANY MANY MANY people in the last few months (including my running partner) Yes I have lost weight, yes I can run longer and faster; Mostly because I work hard at it. You would have to work hard too instead of playing the "woah is me"... "I struggle"... "it's hard"... "I can't"... card.

    EVERYONE STRUGGLES!!
  • mandysue1980
    mandysue1980 Posts: 31 Member
    First.... please don't take my response as a bashing. I promise it is not meant that way at all.

    I think most people who are overweight feel that they've struggled longer/harder than someone who is not severely overweight for several reasons.

    1. There is constant pressure on us from several directions to lose weight -- friends, family, dating, doctors, media, retail.....nearly every aspect of our lives reminds us in some way that we are overweight and would be more healthier, sexier, likeable, loveable, popular, active, prettier if we would just lose weight.

    2. When you are overweight -- daily activities become more difficult -- more of a struggle. Walking, bending, standing, sitting, playing. Nearly every aspect of our lives comes with some kind of struggle.

    3. Discrimination and abuse -- how many times have you been walking down the street and had a random car with random people yell obsenities at you -- just because of your weight? Have you ever felt you didn't get a job because of your weight?

    4. Mental/Emotional health -- low self esteem, high self loathing, depression, anxiety, binging, purging, starving, control, helplessness, hopelessness, promiscuity.

    It's rarely a matter of ignoring our weight issues as you stated. For myself -- it's something I think about every day. Somedays I feel motivated and push myself -- other days -- I feel like "what's the point" -- I'll never get there -- why try??

    I don't think less of you because you've never had 50 lbs to lose -- but don't think less of me because I do. And I know men and women who fight and struggle to get their lives back -- harder and longer than you could ever imagine. Getting healthy thru diet and exercise is never a short cut!! Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to discount others simply because you've never faced the struggle that they do.

    Very well said.
    I have been on both ends, 10 years ago I had 40lbs to loose, and in my experience it was more of a struggle to loose that 40lbs then it is now to maintain where I am at. It hurts to have people give you dirty looks because of your weight or to hate yourself and feel like you are unable to do anything about it. I does not hurt (it might suck) to have to pass on that cupcake when you are already at a healthy weight. You should not judge people when you don't know the factors of their weight gain. People gain weight for a number of reasons, some beyond our control.
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
    You have, in just a few paragraphs, effectively pitted yourself against everyone else. Everyone. In accusing others of making assumptions about you and in saying that others claim their struggle is bigger/better/worse/harder than yours, you have done exactly the same thing.

    I think you have turned your struggle into a "me against the world" battle. In doing so, you have cut yourself off from the support of a lot of wonderful people here. All because you think no one has struggled like you. That's a damned shame.

    I'm glad you chose an appropriate subject line for your post. Frankly, I'd consider you nuts if you thought otherwise. Good luck to you, but I think you set yourself up for a lonely road.
  • lapamperedchef
    lapamperedchef Posts: 61
    Well lets see first LET IT GO!! Next would be don't worry about the things you can't control. And finally you need to love and except yourself, the way you are right now. If you can't get past your mental plateau how can you get past your physical plateau?
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    Why is it people who are over weight think they have struggled with weight control more than I have?

    It's obvious they haven't. I've "struggled" daily for my entire life. They, on the other hand, have obviously not. They chose to ignore weight control and not bother with it. Now they are trying to take a short cut through all the years I walked away from the fried foods and baked good and still think THEY have been struggling longer than me!

    Sure, I know you've had spells when you THOUGHT about weight control, and times when you may have even given it a meager attempt. But in the end, YOU skip out and enjoy all the good food and *I* keep on struggling to say no to it.

    Don't think less of me because I have never been 50 pounds over weight. I've been working at this harder and longer than you ever will.
    ---

    Edited to remove a redundancy not content.
    Hmm I wasnt going to respond to this post because of the length it already had and I only read the first page ..BUT after really reading what the OP said ..I will say this to her..I have struggled with my weight for a long time..in 2009 doing 2hr plus cardio a day and eating 1200 calories..I lost 70lbs that year...I started exercising because I had a rapid weight gain and I didnt know why....its now 2011and I am seeing a Doctor for my thyroid which is basically totally inactive...I didnt know this in 2009...I feel sorry for you that you group people into one cluster...EVERYONE has struggles both emotional and physical.....I have one phrase for you most tend to learn it as children "do unto others as you would want have done unto you".....change your ways of being judgmental and Im sure others may think more of your successes.
  • sclosson
    sclosson Posts: 120
    Whats the point in comparing yourself to other people..... This is your own weight loss/ management journey and i dont think it is fair to judge others. You have obviously done really well by making the right choices in your life. Not everyone makes the same choices and thats what makes us human.

    Try to be abit more accepting and focus on your own goals and not the goals of others. There are lots of reason why people are overweight, be it lazyness, over eating, mental and physical trauma or medically induced. You don't know everyones circumstances so it is best to just stay neutral and try to be kind to others.

    Hope this helps you.

    That is the perfect reply. I won't try to top it.
  • sarahbear1981
    sarahbear1981 Posts: 610 Member
    This is a copy and paste from the OP's profile:

    "I live a simple life. I am not interested in all the "health" foods. I eat normal Texas food. I only eat when I am hungry.

    My problem-- when I am hungry, I reach for candy. This will fix the hunger and I'll skip meals (because I'm not hungry any more).. then the next time I'm hungry, I do the same thing."

    It seems to me that this struggle sounds the same as many of the struggles obese people deal with. I know I have had the candy issue. Seems to me like our struggles aren't all that different after all.
  • casey12105
    casey12105 Posts: 293
    I get the point you were trying to make, that a lot of people may assume it's easy to be so small when in fact it's not. But you made your point in a pretty *kitten* way. If you had just stayed with that train of thought, instead of going ahead and bashing all fat people and lumping them into this category that we so often get put in, that all we do and all we've ever done is be lazy and eat anything that we want, you would have been recieved a lot better. But obviously you did this for a reason, you knew it would make people angry and you did it anyways. You seem to have some issues that need to be worked out, I really never expected something so childish to come out of a 52 year old. At that age I would have hoped you would have been over the whole "attention seeking" deal, because that's what it seems like your issue is, especially since you're trying to turn it into a "i struggle more than you do" pointless competition. People who lose a ton of weight get a lot of kudos and praise, while you get nothing even though you work really hard to maintain. The only thing I can tell you is, you can pick up a pair of big girl panties at walmart for like $5.
  • RyvreTam
    RyvreTam Posts: 45 Member
    Sorry if someone has already put it this way, but I was formulating my response and couldn't focus on reading past the first page until after I say it.

    I won't use the word struggle, because as other people said, you don't know about other people, but I get it. Just like I see someone small and think to myself that they inherited good metabolism or happen to love working out, so they've had it easy, you see me who stuffed my face and sat on the couch (in my case, totally true). Now I'm being celebrated for doing that because I have a bigger number to lose, I have more milestones, more habits to change. It makes us feel good to be celebrated like that and would make you feel good to hear the same praise.

    I am being absolutely sincere when I say congratulations. It takes tremendous dedication to do it right the first time.
  • carajo
    carajo Posts: 532 Member
    Are we having a pity party today? Who's to say others do not struggle daily whether they weigh 120lbs or 220lbs..and what business is it of anybodys to judge? I'm sorry you can't be motivational and support others, isnt that what this site is for?
  • jasonweinberg
    jasonweinberg Posts: 270
    This is a very good point and I understand what you mean.

    I was wondering if anyone would. :wink:

    i do too. i have seen many posts on here *****ing about people who "only have a few pounds to lose" and even one or two recommending some form of "segregation" between those needing to lose lots of weight and those "only" trying to lose a little. i for one have lost alot of weight and now that i have less to lose find it pretty much harder than ever. of course i am very thankful to have lost the weight that i have and certainly don't approach additional weight-loss with the urgency i did before but i do understand that someone trying to lose 10-15 lbs can find it very challenging just like someone who has to lose 50+ lbs does...
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
    Hi there


    I'm locking this thread, from some of the comments its obvious that its upset a fair few people. Just remember EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion and you can state your opinion back, it is a public forum but you cannot resort to name calling.

    Please refer to the rules, number 4 in particular......

    4) Do not attack/slam/insult other users. The forums are here so that members can help support one another. Attacks or insults against each other takes away from the supportive atmosphere and will not be tolerated. You can discuss the message or topic, but not the messenger - NO EXCEPTIONS. If you are attacked by another user, and you reciprocate, YOU will also be subject to the same consequences. Defending yourself, defending a friend, etc. are NOT excuses. Violations of this rule are taken very seriously and may result in being banned without warning! If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

    The original poster has clarified who she meant, also issued apologies to some but its made no difference to the replies, so I would also urge you to read all replies before adding your own on similar threads in future.

    Best regards,
    CatCrazy
    MyFitnessPal Forum Moderator
This discussion has been closed.

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