A 11 year old called me fat.

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Replies

  • krlaws2
    krlaws2 Posts: 47
    An 11 year old should know better than to say something like that, my 6 year old knows better. She said comments like that a few times and was firmly corrected.

    I would discuss it with him and his parents.

    Sorry that he made you feel bad, but you have to let that slide b/c well, he's 11 and 11 year olds don't necessarily always have the best sense and clearly, he doesn't if he thinks it's okay to say something like that to you.
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
    An eleven year old should know better than to speak to someone that way.

    I wouldn't let his words upset you, you know the work you've done and that's what counts the most.

    Had it been me, the response would have been 'And you happen to be rude.' And promptly give him an explanation as to why he shouldn't make such comments to people.

    I completely don't agree. 11 year olds are still small children, they don't understand adult nuances or what things hurt us.

    But they can and should be taught that word can and do hurt. I don't think there is a certain age when they suddenly have 'filters' to watch what they say, they need to be taught through words and actions from the adults around them. If they are left to be and never told that certain words are hurtful and should not be said then they may grown up never knowing how hurtful they are being.
  • onlyrobey1
    onlyrobey1 Posts: 140 Member
    I had this happen to me before, in fact it was just at the beginning of my journey. I had just finished exercising and decided to take my son to the park. (Ifelt pretty good) As I was spinning him on the merry go round, some kid, about the same age as the one you are baby sitting, said, 'maybe by pushing us, it will help get that weight off.' I didn't even know what to say, just stunned and embarrased. I then look over to see his very skinny Mom sitting not far from us, wearing a nice jogging suit talking on her phone. And, even though it hurt, and was probably in all honesty the thing that motivated me for a long time. (kids can be cruel and I didn't want my son to have to grow up hearing, 'your Mom is fat) I had to wonder just what kind of moral values she was instilling into her son for him to feel its okay to call anyone, let alone an adult fat.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
    But they can and should be taught that word can and do hurt.
    Sure, kids can be taught not to say certain things, but this one was not.

    So the OP has two options.

    1. Introduce a screening process for all the kids she might come into contact with, so she can avoid any who have not been correctly taught how to speak respectfully towards adults.

    2. Realise that kids just say dumb stuff sometimes, and it's not wise to take it to heart.
  • Jreneewright
    Jreneewright Posts: 87
    i think it may be time to sit down with the lil child and explain that calling some one fat is not ok... my step daughter has called me that before because her mom is so small and im not.. i simply tell her that there is no way i would ever use such hurtful words with her and i would expect the same respect.. yes tears may fall in private because no matter who says it, it hurts.. but keep your head up honey.. use this as an educating moment so that he may not do this to anyone else.. especially an over weight child..

    your beautiful and your on an amazing journey for health! dont let this set you back.. you just remember that when you look in the mirror say " HELLO SKINNY MINI!" YOU DESERVE THAT!! keep up the good work lady!!
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
    But they can and should be taught that word can and do hurt.
    Sure, kids can be taught not to say certain things, but this one was not.

    So the OP has two options.

    1. Introduce a screening process for all the kids she might come into contact with, so she can avoid any who have not been correctly taught how to speak respectfully towards adults.

    2. Realise that kids just say dumb stuff sometimes, and it's not wise to take it to heart.

    I disagree, by not saying anything to him/her about how the words hurt her then he/she will never know or learn to control what comes out of his/her mouth. Since the parents have not done so, then it's up to her to let the child know how rude it was, and yes I have let children, who are not mine own, know that they are being rude. She does not need to screen each child she comes in contact with, and yes kids say dumb things but this was not dumb and the child was not 4 yrs old. In a few year this 'child' will be a teenager, what happens then if he/she is still rude? Do we just chalk it up to teenage angst? No, the child needs to be held accountable for being rude.
  • Diamonds_R4_Ever
    Diamonds_R4_Ever Posts: 42
    Toughen up!! Kids can be cruel, and adults can be cruel as well. I don't care what size you are, ALWAYS walk with confidence. I have been a size 4 to a size 14 and always get compliments on how I carry myself. Don't give other people the power to make you feel bad. Love yousef no matter where you are on your weight journey!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    If he's from a family where weight has never been an issue, why would he have been taught that "fat" was a bad word? I don't think it IS a bad word, actually. He's probably only heard it as a description before. It's not as if at a certain age you sit down with your children and give them a list of every single word that anyone might possibly find offensive.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Kids just don't have tact, period. I was staying with a friend a few hours away for a funeral. Her 6 year old daughter was helping me get ready. I went to the closet to get my dress. She looked at it and said, "are you really that fat?" I dismissed her promptly from the room.
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
    Phone books don't leave marks! Just kidding... Don't let it bother you. It's just a kid.

    :laugh:

    How did he say it? I mean was it in a mean way? My daughter has called me fat more than I would like, but she doesn't mean it in a "Your fat and Ugly" way. Its more like a descriptive word. After have a talk with her about how it can hurt peoples feelings I can see her struggling when trying to describe people who are overweight because she can't think of the right word to explain that they are bigger than she's used to.

    I know that might not exactly make you feel better, but he might not have meant it in a bad way. Don't let it get you down! You are doing great!
  • Debkam
    Debkam Posts: 80
    Okay first, our society bombards our kids with unrealistic perceptions. My skinny 12 year old daughter makes comments about being fat on occasion. She does not get this at our house but gets it from school. It's a constant battle going against this tide. Second, I remember when I was in school being called fat in the 9th grade. I now look at those photos and think WTH??? I would give my eye teeth to look like I did then. So, ignore the ignorance of youth. They haven't a clue. They are too busy trying to fit in themselves and have distorted views of what defines normal. Take the numerous positive comments you've been receiving and ride on those. By the sound of it, you deserve it. Here's to your success so far. :drinker:
  • Micheller1210
    Micheller1210 Posts: 460 Member
    You gave an 11 year old authority over you ???? I have taught kids from pre_shool to highschool and they will say something rude to get what they want..... Glad I don't teach anymore :-)... why are you dependant on an 11 year old for your self worth, your an adult. Your beautiful, your vibrant and confident! Walk it! Walk as thou you have a million in the bank!
  • slick_fox
    slick_fox Posts: 85 Member
    Quit beating yourself up. What does a 11 year old know? You are on a wonderful adventure to your transformation. Keep up the good work and don't listen to other people when you are suceeding. Be gratiful for what you can do today!
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    Wow at 11 the kid should know better. That's not ok. I'm sorry. You look great by the way.
  • memieof3
    memieof3 Posts: 33
    I worked a nurse in mental health with children primarly young and adolcsent. I had the same patients for years. I gained about 45-50 pounds over a 2 month period ( divorce) well I saw the kids every 2-4 weeks. I had 5 of my patients 7-12 year olds If I was pregnant and I said nope but thanks for asking. I said that I had gained alot of weight. They said "oh ok" I have found if you are faced with a rude child you should answer with an honest answer. Don't let a child make you cry or ever an adult for that matter. You know that you are working towards a healty weight and that is between you and whoever you want to know.:flowerforyou:
  • LilChickPea
    LilChickPea Posts: 122 Member
    I know how you're feeling. I was helping with my daughters pre-school class and one of the little girls told me I had a big belly. I was crushed. Even though she was only 5, it still hurt. Sometimes my daughter will say things about the way a person looks (not to their face of course), but I correct her immediately. I told her that everyone is different and that we accept everyone. She has stopped.

    It doesn't matter who it comes from, whether they know what they are doing or not, its a blow to one area in which you are most insecure about. If the child ever says it again, correct him/her. That's probably what I would do.

    Sorry :cry:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I don't mean to belittle anyone, but can't you see that to a pre-adolescent, we are all fat? Children (unless they are obese) really don't have any spare fat on them. They shouldn't anyway. Adults ARE fat compared to children. It's nothing personal. It's just the way of things. We always see ourselves as average, so anyone bigger will look fat.
  • quixotic84
    quixotic84 Posts: 66 Member
    The word "fat" does not need to be so powerful, yet our society has given it SO MUCH power! There is nothing wrong with being fat! It's not a problem unless you are lethargic, get diabetes, can't go upstairs without wheezing... there are "fat" people who run marathons and work out every day! Fat is not the problem - HEALTH is (that and being able to find clothes that fit and look good!)! Just worry about your health and how YOU view yourself! YOU are all that matters! Chin up! I hope you feel better!!!
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