A 11 year old called me fat.

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  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Because children are cruel with their honesty/naivety. I went to try on some clothes today and found I am a UK size 8 - US 4, and yet my children tell me I am fat pretty much every week. They don't mean it hurtfully, but compared to a 5 year old girl, of course I am fat! It isn't hurtful, and there's really nothing to cry about.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    An eleven year old should know better than to speak to someone that way.

    I wouldn't let his words upset you, you know the work you've done and that's what counts the most.

    Had it been me, the response would have been 'And you happen to be rude.' And promptly give him an explanation as to why he shouldn't make such comments to people.

    I completely don't agree. 11 year olds are still small children, they don't understand adult nuances or what things hurt us.
  • ivy2009
    ivy2009 Posts: 75
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    Who cares what an 11 year thinks. Honestly, who cares. It was rude of him, but he is only 11 years old, so just forgive him. Forgive him and find peace. You are a beautiful person so be beautiful by being peace-filled.
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
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    I agree that this could be a teaching opportunity for you. The word "fat" is hurtful. I'm sure you are someone he cares about, so you can really let him know that your feelings were hurt. Not in a guilt trip way, but get the point across. Words hurt, and cannot be taken away. At the same time--he is a kid, so brush it off, and carry on!
  • shellshell43
    shellshell43 Posts: 116
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    I have to say- from the viewpoint of a skinny 11 year old boy anyone who has a normal amount of flesh on their bones looks FAT to them. I have done childcare in my home for 20 years and I can tell you when the kids are naturally very skinny they think everyone is made that way so if you are not looking like them, then their is something different about you not them. I have also seen it reversed and the skinny kids get teased by the more muscular kids. He should know not to be so rude though even if his naturally self centered brain thought it, he should never have said it because rude is rude .

    But don't let it get you down. I have been asked why my teeth are yellowish, why do I have wrinkles, freckles, etc...And these things ARE true but I don't take offense, they are just learning about the world around them, I use each of these moments to teach them either -not to be mean and to watch their manners , but also if they are pointing out a truth (my teeth ARE more yellow than theirs, I DO have more wrinkles then them, I DO have more squishy parts than them etc) , I teach them that everyone is different and there is no right way or wrong way to look and that's what makes the world such an interesting and wonderful place.
  • justsummie
    justsummie Posts: 320 Member
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    One time I was with my 3 year old niece at the zoo and we had to duck and squeeze into a little cave so we could see the under-water otter exhibit. She looks back at me and says "I don't know if you're gonna fit, big-fat-summie". It was both funny and hurtful at the same time especially since 3 year olds don't have ulterior motives...they are just brutally (and painfully) honest.

    11 is a tricky age because it all depends on the maturity of the kid. They fall somewhere between "too young to know better" and "young enough to get away with being a jerk". Chances are he was just trying to be mean.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Ah! You should of sat on him. He either doesnt think of you as an adult or has no respect for adults. You should talk to him and explain to him how it hurts and that eveyrone is different and unique and pointing out things in such a way will not only hurt others but get him hurt. So he needs to keep it to himself.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    Would you value the opinion of an 11 year old boy on anything other subjects? How to vote perhaps, or which car to buy?

    Of course you wouldn't.

    He's just a kid. *shrug*

    The problem is not with this kid, it's with how you view yourself. Yes you're overweight right now, so kids will describe you as "fat" (not because they're being deliberately mean but because they say things the way they see them) but rather than feeling sorry for yourself and making excuses, you're doing something about it.

    You should be proud of yourself. :smile:
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
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    Yikes! By 11 yrs old the child should have been taught that something are just cruel and rude to say. I would talk to the child let him/her know what he/she said hurt your feeling and it was not nice to say that.

    As someone who takes care of kids, I have noticed some parents don't know what to do when their child behaves this way. I do not let my own kids speak to people rude and I do not tolerate it from my daycare kids either.

    My sons are 10 yrs old and 8 yrs old, they have been taught that words can and do hurt, there is no age that is too early to teach this.
  • Jenscan
    Jenscan Posts: 694 Member
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    Sorry, but when I was 11, I knew better than to say something like this to an elder. Sorry he was rude - you shouldn't believe a word he says.
  • krlaws2
    krlaws2 Posts: 47
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    An 11 year old should know better than to say something like that, my 6 year old knows better. She said comments like that a few times and was firmly corrected.

    I would discuss it with him and his parents.

    Sorry that he made you feel bad, but you have to let that slide b/c well, he's 11 and 11 year olds don't necessarily always have the best sense and clearly, he doesn't if he thinks it's okay to say something like that to you.
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
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    An eleven year old should know better than to speak to someone that way.

    I wouldn't let his words upset you, you know the work you've done and that's what counts the most.

    Had it been me, the response would have been 'And you happen to be rude.' And promptly give him an explanation as to why he shouldn't make such comments to people.

    I completely don't agree. 11 year olds are still small children, they don't understand adult nuances or what things hurt us.

    But they can and should be taught that word can and do hurt. I don't think there is a certain age when they suddenly have 'filters' to watch what they say, they need to be taught through words and actions from the adults around them. If they are left to be and never told that certain words are hurtful and should not be said then they may grown up never knowing how hurtful they are being.
  • onlyrobey1
    onlyrobey1 Posts: 140 Member
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    I had this happen to me before, in fact it was just at the beginning of my journey. I had just finished exercising and decided to take my son to the park. (Ifelt pretty good) As I was spinning him on the merry go round, some kid, about the same age as the one you are baby sitting, said, 'maybe by pushing us, it will help get that weight off.' I didn't even know what to say, just stunned and embarrased. I then look over to see his very skinny Mom sitting not far from us, wearing a nice jogging suit talking on her phone. And, even though it hurt, and was probably in all honesty the thing that motivated me for a long time. (kids can be cruel and I didn't want my son to have to grow up hearing, 'your Mom is fat) I had to wonder just what kind of moral values she was instilling into her son for him to feel its okay to call anyone, let alone an adult fat.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    But they can and should be taught that word can and do hurt.
    Sure, kids can be taught not to say certain things, but this one was not.

    So the OP has two options.

    1. Introduce a screening process for all the kids she might come into contact with, so she can avoid any who have not been correctly taught how to speak respectfully towards adults.

    2. Realise that kids just say dumb stuff sometimes, and it's not wise to take it to heart.
  • Jreneewright
    Jreneewright Posts: 87
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    i think it may be time to sit down with the lil child and explain that calling some one fat is not ok... my step daughter has called me that before because her mom is so small and im not.. i simply tell her that there is no way i would ever use such hurtful words with her and i would expect the same respect.. yes tears may fall in private because no matter who says it, it hurts.. but keep your head up honey.. use this as an educating moment so that he may not do this to anyone else.. especially an over weight child..

    your beautiful and your on an amazing journey for health! dont let this set you back.. you just remember that when you look in the mirror say " HELLO SKINNY MINI!" YOU DESERVE THAT!! keep up the good work lady!!
  • runlorirun
    runlorirun Posts: 389
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    But they can and should be taught that word can and do hurt.
    Sure, kids can be taught not to say certain things, but this one was not.

    So the OP has two options.

    1. Introduce a screening process for all the kids she might come into contact with, so she can avoid any who have not been correctly taught how to speak respectfully towards adults.

    2. Realise that kids just say dumb stuff sometimes, and it's not wise to take it to heart.

    I disagree, by not saying anything to him/her about how the words hurt her then he/she will never know or learn to control what comes out of his/her mouth. Since the parents have not done so, then it's up to her to let the child know how rude it was, and yes I have let children, who are not mine own, know that they are being rude. She does not need to screen each child she comes in contact with, and yes kids say dumb things but this was not dumb and the child was not 4 yrs old. In a few year this 'child' will be a teenager, what happens then if he/she is still rude? Do we just chalk it up to teenage angst? No, the child needs to be held accountable for being rude.
  • Diamonds_R4_Ever
    Diamonds_R4_Ever Posts: 42
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    Toughen up!! Kids can be cruel, and adults can be cruel as well. I don't care what size you are, ALWAYS walk with confidence. I have been a size 4 to a size 14 and always get compliments on how I carry myself. Don't give other people the power to make you feel bad. Love yousef no matter where you are on your weight journey!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    If he's from a family where weight has never been an issue, why would he have been taught that "fat" was a bad word? I don't think it IS a bad word, actually. He's probably only heard it as a description before. It's not as if at a certain age you sit down with your children and give them a list of every single word that anyone might possibly find offensive.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Kids just don't have tact, period. I was staying with a friend a few hours away for a funeral. Her 6 year old daughter was helping me get ready. I went to the closet to get my dress. She looked at it and said, "are you really that fat?" I dismissed her promptly from the room.
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    Phone books don't leave marks! Just kidding... Don't let it bother you. It's just a kid.

    :laugh:

    How did he say it? I mean was it in a mean way? My daughter has called me fat more than I would like, but she doesn't mean it in a "Your fat and Ugly" way. Its more like a descriptive word. After have a talk with her about how it can hurt peoples feelings I can see her struggling when trying to describe people who are overweight because she can't think of the right word to explain that they are bigger than she's used to.

    I know that might not exactly make you feel better, but he might not have meant it in a bad way. Don't let it get you down! You are doing great!

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