Why did you let yourself gain so much weight?

I was travelling around the world for 8 months, and eating as I went. I didn't have a scale, often didn't have much of a mirror, and was cycling a reasonable amount, so I didn't worry about it.

It wasn't till I settled somewhere that I became concerned enough to do something about it.

I was actually below average weight until my mid-twenties.
I got pregnant. I had my baby and was 20 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight. I was still a healthy weight so I didn't worry much about it.
I became more sedentary and ate too many calories for my activity level. My child had sleep issues and I was getting by on 4 hours of sleep often. I replaced sleep with food.
I didn't think I was eating a huge amount of food but some of the foods I was eating were kind of high calorie so eating a bit too much all the time added up. I didn't gain 50 lbs in one month or year. It was a 15 year process of gaining, losing, maintaining, gaining, etc.
When I tried to lose weight before I did not know how many calories I should have been eating. I did not count calories or keep a food diary. If I could go back and tell my younger self to do this I would.

Also, I gained because I fixed my husband's favorite foods when we got married (pizza, nachos, etc...) and always ate as much as he did. Needless to say, we both gained a TON of weight.

Which time?

Can't fully account for the chub when I was a little kid. But I was another of those "oh dear, your heavy, must restrict the goodies", so then once I had access to get what I wanted I did. Plus that was around the same time my parents had a fairly ugly divorce that I felt in the middle of and my mom essentially was shut down and recruited me to be her "wife" with the housework and my brother.

Battled it down in high school with a lot of exercise (5 hours of aerobics a week, walking/biking everywhere, 12 hours a week at the roller rink), but after my BF moved away and I got a car and part time jobs at 3 different food places it piled back. Had a not nice spike due to depression, true binge eating (not my usual MO), and then, lucky me, the anti-depressant that I took for a year had weight gain as a known side effect.

There was a first unhappy marriage...my highest weight ever besides pregnancy...then when it ended even though everything was crashing the scales were going the right direction. New relationship, a round of low carb, still over 200 (SO kept losing on the low carb, I didn't). But I was still down 40+ from the bad marriage.

So then I got pregnant. God laughs. Miserable as a pregnant woman, really bad post-partum depression...wouldn't trade my kid for anything.

By that time I really was trying with healthy choices, tried exercise but the weight meant I kept getting injured.

Desperate and determined VLCD...yes, supervised, nearly all protein to preserve muscle. Managed to just get off 100 pounds...didn't stick there long. Up about 15, not feeling too bad about it though sad those dreams of ever being really little didn't come true..single digit sizes, never say never, but not yet.

Then spouse took a job 2 days drive across country from the city where I always lived and where my family are. There only about 4 months when my dad took ill and I had to make that kind of flight back home. Stayed and visited him in the hospital daily for near a month, finally had to fly home and he passed that night. That year there was grief, and another move (only military move house more than me, and I've moved more than a lot of them, if not always that far). I didn't so much love eating as I just ate whatever was easy. I did try to stick with exercise for stress at first. That winter and the following were really harsh here; second winter I didn't have a gym membership for financial reasons.

So here I am again, determined again, trying again.

Losing so much was eye opening for certain. I went from invisible to smiled at to flirted with. Then as the weight came back I once again disappeared. Heartbreaking.

But where there is life there is hope.

Because my friend was killed when I was 16 and my parents told me to "get over it" and move on. They never got me any help and I suffered for years in deep depression. I got on anti-depressants when I was 23 and my weight, while never thin (180), sky rocketed. I gained like 100 lbs in about 2 years or less.

Emotional eating coupled with an incredibly draining family dynamics which led to more emotional eating.

I've been incredibly lucky that even though I'm in my 40's, my weight hasn't impacted my overall health. I aim to not let it.

I was a really picky eater as a kid, to the point where I would literally throw up because I found vegetables disgusting. I typically ate a lot of carbohydrates and fat, with little else (think, potatoes and cheese, cereal and milk, bread and peanut butter, etc). I rarely had treats, but I also rarely exercised. My parents were introverts who didn't do the "play outside" thing, and I was hopeless at hand-eye coordination (still am, really) so no sports. I was sick a lot as a kid, and had surgeries and lots of rest. I don't remember eating a lot, ever, until after high school. I don't know how I gained weight then, but it was probably munching on whatever was in the fridge (more carbs and fat) and sitting around with a book or my homework. I don't think I was ever taught that physical activity was fun or important. It was an option, but I liked reading so I did that instead usually.

But at that point, I was only a bit overweight. I wasn't obese. That happened in the last 5 years. I made the connection from "I have money" and "candy costs money" to "I can buy candy." I got myself treats to reward myself for finishing a difficult paper. For getting to school on time. As a consolation for a hard day. To get myself through the hard day. Between Starbucks and Tim Hortons and vending machines and Bulk Barn and corner stores, I was rolling in it. I got myself a little stash of chips and candy and donuts in a box in my office. I bought something, sometimes hit 3 different places on my way home, nearly every day. I used it to motivate myself to get out of the house when I was sad. It became habitual. Then it became a punishment. I would say mean things to myself as I made the choice to go buy 2 bags of chips and a thing of candy, and a box of timbits, and a pint of ice cream after school. "You're going to be 400lbs and alone" "you're so disgusting" "you can't do anything" "you're useless" "you're going to be homeless and disapoint your parents" "you're unlovable." So it would be reward and punishment and consolation all at once.

It was a very complicated cycle of emotions that drove me there, but what kept me there was habit. What pulled me back there was habit. "I'm stressed and sad and feeling worthless and hopeless" "oh well better eat crap and do nothing." The habit needs to change.

Because weight wasn't all that interesting to me when it was an appearance question. Once my blood sugar was affected I got motivated to change it. Also I like food

My weight gain begun when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they put me on the antipsychotic, quetiapine.

I averaged at about 8.5 stone when I was in my early 20's (and managed to get back to that in 3 weeks after my first daughter!). A few year back when i first went on my meds, they warned me I would put on weight. No amount of research I have done has singularly explained weight gain in so many people with quetiapine, I put it down to bad sugar cravings, the way my body held water and a change in my metabolism (it was like I didn't have one at all). Whatever I put on my plate ended up on my hips it seemed, healthy food or junk. My weight gradually crept up.
From starting the meds in May to December of that same year I was about 9.5st-10st. Then my pdoc increased my meds by 100mg.... And 9 months later I was at my heaviest at 11st 13.

A year and a half down the line I have gone on a different version of my meds and decreased the dose and I can feel a massive difference. I have been fighting to eat clean and burn this unwanted 3 and a half stone and finally it seems my metabolism is speeding up again.

In fact, i got the news at the doctors this morning and my hard work has paid off... I have finally lost 1st since my highest weight and have hit the 10st region again!

I have a long way to go yet but I know it's doable. I'd never want to get back to 8.5 again - too slim even for my 5ft 4 frame. My long term goal is 9.5

Also...food

To be honest, I don't think I ever really understood what healthy or even normal eating was. I think my family was struggling with this themselves as I was growing up and so I just didn't learn until later in life how to live a normal life but make healthier choices. As soon as I hit puberty my weight went up and stayed that way until about 19 when I lost 60 pounds incidentally when I decided to become a vegan. I put on some weight when I got married and had a baby and started eating meat and dairy again...and about 80 pounds crept up on me over the years. I was in a bit of denial as to how much weight I'd gained...and poor eating whether you're thin or heavy makes you exhausted...so it's just super easy to continue the cycle of over eating and becoming sedentary the lethargy that follows.