Love to pick someone thoughts who had bipolar
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My only thought is to realize this can be misdiagnosed... as it was in my case. I was depressed, no doubt. However, after years on medications that ended up making me feel like total crap, I finally found a really, really good family doctor who helped me to realize that I was not actually bi-polar. I got off all meds and started eating healthy and working out and my whole life changed. Now, I do suffer with mild depression still, off and on, for which I take a mild anti-depressant. However, a good psychologist has also been instrumental in helping me change the things that I can so that I'm 99% a happier, more stable person.
How old is this person? Does she have access to a registered psychologist and would she be willing to go? Could she really just be struggling with a bad childhood? Sorry, I did not read all the posts above. And believe me, I am aware that there certainly are people with bi-polar disorder. Just want you to know there are also people who are misdiagnosed with it as well. I think for you the main thing should be: if she is willing to get and keep on with appropriate help, then it could be worth staying in a relationship. If not, it's time to cut losses and let her deal with it on her own. That's my 2 cents. You don't need a relationship that is being controlled by whether your significant other has decided to take her meds today or not.0 -
michaelhornby365 wrote: »michaelhornby365 wrote: »Starting to see the signs of a manic one coming on today as the story have started and when I offer to help it's a case of dose not matter.
But thanks all for helping me understand a little more
If this is a new relationship, is she on treatment? Does she acknowledge she is ill and keep up with her appointments and meds, or do you have reasons to believe she is in denial? If it is the latter, distance yourself. You cannot help a mentally ill patient who is in a pattern of denial and refusing treatment or who believes she has been cured. I know it sounds cruel, but you really are in for a lot of misery otherwise, and not going to help her either, unless you are prepared for a life of relapses and involuntary commitments. Taking care of a non compliant mentally ill patient is not a situation I would wish to my worst enemy to be honest.
If she is being treated, then discuss with her the possibility of accompanying her to her next appointment so you can get information material about the illness and a recommendation for a support group for relatives. You need to be prepared that this will be for life, that there is no cure, that she will need lots of support, that there will be good and bad periods, and that you too will need support in order to support her.
Whatever you do, do not stay out of pity, or to save her. Neither of you deserves such a relationship.
To add, be prepared to not fall into a pattern of letting the illness dictate how your relationship progresses. She might be overenthusiastic and about to become dependent on you, when you would normally feel ready for this. Do not for a second let the fact she is ill make you take the relationship to a level you would otherwise not feel ready for. I have seen mentally ill patients finding it hard to cope with taking things slowly, or with acknowledging that a relationship might start as more casual, and feeling betrayed from triggers someone else would nto even register. Do not let the illness force you to a level of commitment that feels overwhelming too soon.
Yes on meds. Around 5 aday she has told me.
Have known her for 2 years and only just now we become close..
She had stop her meds now and then and I have help her to retake.
Have said I go with her to the doc and help her and so far she had refused..
Yes the pace has been a problem..
I have had to put the breaks on so many time and pull back to breath..
And dare I speak to any women at work... Ohhhh the green eye....
I don't fill pity for her.
She had inspired me so much..
Have got down to 18% body fat and dropping. Stop somking, and start running. And join the gym.. All Bec I see how hard she works to just face the world and I was just sat on my bum eatting rubbish.
So yes I have done some a lot of things to keep my mind from turning into mush
You need to find time to think about your situation. Not about her needs, even if you love her. You need to figure out if you can do this or not. It might never get better. It is very probable there will be times it will get worse. Your life and your relationship will not be "normal", ever. Which is a hard decision to make, but you need to be aware of it and make the decision realising what it will be like. I know people who are leading "normal" lives and having families, stable marriages, successful careers. But as a partner in a relationship with a bipolar patient, you need to redefine your "normal".
Talk to a therapist. Most people in situations like yours need a good therapist for support. It might be on and off depeneding on how things are going, but it is better to look for one when things are not in the middle of a very bad phase. There are also places that offer therapy sessions for the patient and relatives, so this might help too long term.
If she has stopped meds, is refusing to see a dr and you suspect she is in the beginning of a manic phase, she might be facing the very unpleasant task of involuntary commitment in the not so far future if things get out of control. Does she have family living close or at least family you can get in touch with? You might not be able to even do anythign yourself. And if she has cut all ties with family, you need to know why. If the family was severely dysfunctional to begin with, this might be normal and a good thing. But, it might mean there is a history of episodes that even the most loving family found impossible to deal with.
Get an appointment with a psychiatrist yourself, you need to know what are the risks (to her and others), what are early signs of trouble and how to respond. Be prepared that tough love techniques will also be discussed.0 -
I have bipolar. I am newly diagnosed and on meds. I do have an instant switch in moods. Even while medicated. Medication doesnt completely fix the swings.
I am in a long term relationshipnwith two small children. i struggle daily to get out of bed and the whole day is spent managing how I am reacting. The meds have helped significantly. But the biggest things the meds do for me is allow me to rationalize (being irrational is a huge part of my disorder). The meds make my thoughts more organized and makes it easier to communicate what i need and how i am feeling. This past week has been bad for me and my boyfriend. It feels like the meds are not working BUT something as simple as a cold can throw off the meds (seriously anything that interfers with how you feel will mess with the meds).
Few points.
When someone with bipolar goes into a rage the very last thing they want is to be left alone. Even if we are screaming to go or that they hate you etc. Personally when I am in a rage this is how it is in my head. I am screaming. And usually pacing. Crying is typical. I am saying horribl hurtful things. But in my head i am also screaming at myself. I am screaming "Mindy STOP! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? GET CONTROL" it almost feels like some one has taken over my body and i can watch myswlf going through the process of the rage.
Make it very clear that abusive behaviour such as bame calling and hitting will not be tolerated.
When I am raging the best thing my boyfriend can do is hug me and not say that i am being crazy irrational or ridiculous. I already know all this. I need support love and kindness.
I have broken things. I put a key board through our 50" flat screen. I have broken dishes and i once threw an open full 2L bottle of diet coke at my boyfriend and then told him it was his fault and he could clean it up. I have shut of breakers. One time was going to smash the window out of my car because he locked the second set of keys in it so i couldnt drive anywhere. I have gotten out of vehicles on highways and busy streets.
We dont act the way we do because we think it is funny or enjoyable. Most times we are screaming in our own heads to stop. It is exhausting and embarrassing. It is dangerous mostly for ourselves and sometimes for others.
There isnt a day that goes by where i think suicide would be best for myself and those around me. I struggle with being a well adjusted mom and future wife. My boyfriend is very calm and non reactive. Most of the time now when I feel a rage coming I put myself in time out lol i go to bed or the shower.
Honestly for people with BPD. Everyday is a struggle to do even the simplest of tasks. Things most take for granted becomes a very complicated task.0 -
By the way, my mom carved out for herself a happy and productive life, and her community deeply missed her when she was gone. She had spunk, a family trait I am happy to inherit from her.
I was relieved when dad separated from her and moved on. The dynamics between those two was poisonous and mom would have dragged him to the edge of insanity himself.0 -
mindierae1 wrote: »I have bipolar. I am newly diagnosed and on meds. I do have an instant switch in moods. Even while medicated. Medication doesnt completely fix the swings.
I am in a long term relationshipnwith two small children. i struggle daily to get out of bed and the whole day is spent managing how I am reacting. The meds have helped significantly. But the biggest things the meds do for me is allow me to rationalize (being irrational is a huge part of my disorder). The meds make my thoughts more organized and makes it easier to communicate what i need and how i am feeling. This past week has been bad for me and my boyfriend. It feels like the meds are not working BUT something as simple as a cold can throw off the meds (seriously anything that interfers with how you feel will mess with the meds).
Few points.
When someone with bipolar goes into a rage the very last thing they want is to be left alone. Even if we are screaming to go or that they hate you etc. Personally when I am in a rage this is how it is in my head. I am screaming. And usually pacing. Crying is typical. I am saying horribl hurtful things. But in my head i am also screaming at myself. I am screaming "Mindy STOP! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? GET CONTROL" it almost feels like some one has taken over my body and i can watch myswlf going through the process of the rage.
Make it very clear that abusive behaviour such as bame calling and hitting will not be tolerated.
When I am raging the best thing my boyfriend can do is hug me and not say that i am being crazy irrational or ridiculous. I already know all this. I need support love and kindness.
I have broken things. I put a key board through our 50" flat screen. I have broken dishes and i once threw an open full 2L bottle of diet coke at my boyfriend and then told him it was his fault and he could clean it up. I have shut of breakers. One time was going to smash the window out of my car because he locked the second set of keys in it so i couldnt drive anywhere. I have gotten out of vehicles on highways and busy streets.
We dont act the way we do because we think it is funny or enjoyable. Most times we are screaming in our own heads to stop. It is exhausting and embarrassing. It is dangerous mostly for ourselves and sometimes for others.
There isnt a day that goes by where i think suicide would be best for myself and those around me. I struggle with being a well adjusted mom and future wife. My boyfriend is very calm and non reactive. Most of the time now when I feel a rage coming I put myself in time out lol i go to bed or the shower.
Honestly for people with BPD. Everyday is a struggle to do even the simplest of tasks. Things most take for granted becomes a very complicated task.
Wow thank you.
Kind of help me understand a bit more.
Don't think I have reactive in a good way to start with. would all ways take it as an attack on me and reactive by walking away from the area or shouting back..
I all so, stand up for myself and let her know if I think she over step the mark.
But have never once walk from her life.. Strange how one person can make you see the world from a diff world..
Thank you xxxx
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mindierae1 wrote: »I have bipolar. I am newly diagnosed and on meds. I do have an instant switch in moods. Even while medicated. Medication doesnt completely fix the swings.
I am in a long term relationshipnwith two small children. i struggle daily to get out of bed and the whole day is spent managing how I am reacting. The meds have helped significantly. But the biggest things the meds do for me is allow me to rationalize (being irrational is a huge part of my disorder). The meds make my thoughts more organized and makes it easier to communicate what i need and how i am feeling. This past week has been bad for me and my boyfriend. It feels like the meds are not working BUT something as simple as a cold can throw off the meds (seriously anything that interfers with how you feel will mess with the meds).
Few points.
When someone with bipolar goes into a rage the very last thing they want is to be left alone. Even if we are screaming to go or that they hate you etc. Personally when I am in a rage this is how it is in my head. I am screaming. And usually pacing. Crying is typical. I am saying horribl hurtful things. But in my head i am also screaming at myself. I am screaming "Mindy STOP! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? GET CONTROL" it almost feels like some one has taken over my body and i can watch myswlf going through the process of the rage.
Make it very clear that abusive behaviour such as bame calling and hitting will not be tolerated.
When I am raging the best thing my boyfriend can do is hug me and not say that i am being crazy irrational or ridiculous. I already know all this. I need support love and kindness.
I have broken things. I put a key board through our 50" flat screen. I have broken dishes and i once threw an open full 2L bottle of diet coke at my boyfriend and then told him it was his fault and he could clean it up. I have shut of breakers. One time was going to smash the window out of my car because he locked the second set of keys in it so i couldnt drive anywhere. I have gotten out of vehicles on highways and busy streets.
We dont act the way we do because we think it is funny or enjoyable. Most times we are screaming in our own heads to stop. It is exhausting and embarrassing. It is dangerous mostly for ourselves and sometimes for others.
There isnt a day that goes by where i think suicide would be best for myself and those around me. I struggle with being a well adjusted mom and future wife. My boyfriend is very calm and non reactive. Most of the time now when I feel a rage coming I put myself in time out lol i go to bed or the shower.
Honestly for people with BPD. Everyday is a struggle to do even the simplest of tasks. Things most take for granted becomes a very complicated task.
I have to say you sound an incredibly strong woman!
I know this is a bit off topic, and there is no need to reply, but if you have not already done so, please do talk to a therapist about how to help your kids cope with what is happening. An adult understands, a child does not. Even if they get used to it, they do not really understand on their own. I know there is often the point of view that if we do not talk about what is happening, it will be forgotten and considered as a part of life by kids, but, honestly, it is not that simple.
As an adult, I could understand you are yelling because you just overwhelmed and not because you hate me. As a child, no. Unfortunately kids are self-centred creatures, they always think that what is happening is about them.
My parents were both in need of psychiatric help, although definitely did not have an attitude anywhere as good as yours. Probably your perception of what is happening to you, means that you are already doing a great job helping your kids cope. But even if they seem too young, a therapist might help you explain to them in age appropriate terms what is happening and that is just an illness.0 -
michaelhornby365 wrote: »michaelhornby365 wrote: »Starting to see the signs of a manic one coming on today as the story have started and when I offer to help it's a case of dose not matter.
But thanks all for helping me understand a little more
If this is a new relationship, is she on treatment? Does she acknowledge she is ill and keep up with her appointments and meds, or do you have reasons to believe she is in denial? If it is the latter, distance yourself. You cannot help a mentally ill patient who is in a pattern of denial and refusing treatment or who believes she has been cured. I know it sounds cruel, but you really are in for a lot of misery otherwise, and not going to help her either, unless you are prepared for a life of relapses and involuntary commitments. Taking care of a non compliant mentally ill patient is not a situation I would wish to my worst enemy to be honest.
If she is being treated, then discuss with her the possibility of accompanying her to her next appointment so you can get information material about the illness and a recommendation for a support group for relatives. You need to be prepared that this will be for life, that there is no cure, that she will need lots of support, that there will be good and bad periods, and that you too will need support in order to support her.
Whatever you do, do not stay out of pity, or to save her. Neither of you deserves such a relationship.
To add, be prepared to not fall into a pattern of letting the illness dictate how your relationship progresses. She might be overenthusiastic and about to become dependent on you, when you would normally feel ready for this. Do not for a second let the fact she is ill make you take the relationship to a level you would otherwise not feel ready for. I have seen mentally ill patients finding it hard to cope with taking things slowly, or with acknowledging that a relationship might start as more casual, and feeling betrayed from triggers someone else would nto even register. Do not let the illness force you to a level of commitment that feels overwhelming too soon.
Yes on meds. Around 5 aday she has told me.
Have known her for 2 years and only just now we become close..
She had stop her meds now and then and I have help her to retake.
Have said I go with her to the doc and help her and so far she had refused..
Yes the pace has been a problem..
I have had to put the breaks on so many time and pull back to breath..
And dare I speak to any women at work... Ohhhh the green eye....
I don't fill pity for her.
She had inspired me so much..
Have got down to 18% body fat and dropping. Stop somking, and start running. And join the gym.. All Bec I see how hard she works to just face the world and I was just sat on my bum eatting rubbish.
So yes I have done some a lot of things to keep my mind from turning into mush
People with bipolar who are in a manic phase can be interesting and attractive and charming. The number of pills and medication is not important -- as a person could be taking one major medication that does the job while another person needs several different ones.
She needs to be responsible about keeping in close contact with her psychiatrist and following her plan.0 -
People with bipolar who are in a manic phase can be interesting and attractive and charming. The number of pills and medication is not important -- as a person could be taking one major medication that does the job while another person needs several different ones.
She needs to be responsible about keeping in close contact with her psychiatrist and following her plan.[/quote]
Starting to see a pattern now when she low or down. I tend to get push away.
Ask her last night and was told I only push you away Bec its Easyier to push the ones I love away and bring the one I don't mind hurting in close..
Ask her how she like me to be, and was told just smile...
So finger cross I can take it on board X0 -
As people have said, it doesn't go away. it's a lifetime disorder. I am friends with a person I believe an undiagnosed BPD or at least a borderline personality disorder.
boundaries are necessary. or they and their emotions and whims will destroy your life whether they mean it or not in my experience.
I've found not engaging when an extreme emotion happens can help deescalate an occurrence. Sometimes, I'll just leave if i think the episode won't change while I am present. They can say downright horrible things and then come to you crying five minutes later. I do my best not to take it personally because it's the disease and not the person. but i'm not perfect either. It's a learning experience for both of us and it takes commitment that both parties have to participate in. my friend can be very much like @mindierae1 and it takes a toll but our friendship is worth it.0 -
If she's only on day 5, the meds won't be working very well yet, either. It takes a while for them to kick in. If you two are close, you might be her safe person, and bear the brunt of whatever is going on. For your own mental health, it would be very good for you to find a therapist to talk about this with, to ensure that you're performing your own self care, and that you don't become co-dependent with her.
My boyfriend is bipolar and is an alcoholic. He recently tried to kill himself. It was a terrifying and tragic episode, however it has allowed him the space to get sober, and start back on meds. It's taking a little while for the meds to really fully start working, but I am seeing a much smaller swing between the manic and depressive. In fact - he's only had one day where he has refused to get out of bed in the past three weeks (huge improvement). I love him and want him to get better, but I have to be very careful, as we both have codependent tendencies. I need to remember to go out by myself (specifically without him) and do things that I enjoy (without him). I daily remind myself that I am not in charge of his recovery. I can help him remember things, but it is not my job to monitor him. He will allow himself to be so dependent on me that he will blame me for not following through on things, although will take ownership once I started to refuse to take responsibility for his decisions.
Be careful. People with mental health issues deserve love, and are worthy of love and time. But you need to make sure that you're also taking care of yourself so you don't end up unhealthy. You need to remember that healthy, for you, might mean not being together, and if that comes to pass... you will both be ok.0 -
While not having suffered manic depression myself my best friend, her father and her daughter have it. I've known her and fam for 25 years and I can tell you this; the disorder is as individual as any other aspect of them.
I can't imagine that poi's from others who battle it would be much more informative than trying to figure out someone by talking to others who share the same astrological sign.
I'm not trying to be a big poo-pooer, and I'm sure the advice is coming from the right place but any mental illness/disorder has some base traits that are shared but how a person is specifically affected by or influenced by it is pretty specific to them alone.0 -
I personally went untreated for years and prior to having kids if I hit a low I would just sleep it off. I cant do that now. I am the main care provider for my children as my spouse works six days a week 12 hr days. I am no where near being the mother I want to be. But my children are the reason I finally asked for help. And while I wasnt surprised by the diagnosis I wanted to deny it. I wasnt and am not that reckless selfish person the media portrays people with BPD to be. I felt broken. I felt lost and I was very confused. I was suicidal and barely hanging onto sanity. Yet aside from my spouse no one knew I was suffering in any such way. When I finally told my mother she was speachless and said she had no idea.
I personally dont experience the super manic highs. I will have moments where i have a little more energy than normal and act a little goofy or will go on a cleaning spree (last time i pulled everything out of my closet and dressers and when I snapped out of it I was left standing in a pile of clothjng books old toys and it looked like a cyclone went through the room. I was exhausted and barely had enough energy to clean up after myself).
I also dont typically spend days in bed. I wish I could. But I dont. There litterally is no one else to take care of my children.
This past week has been horrible for me. I have been angry with my spouse. i have gone through moments of crying and yelling to the next second asking him to cuddle and acting like nothing just happened.
I had an appt with my psychatrist yesterday and we both agreed that it is time to increase my med. I was on the lowest possible dosage and now will be taking the dose twice a day rather than pnce a day.
I understand that this is life long. I understand that meds will never entirely make the highs and lows go away but the meds will help me feel more normal and stable and help my mind stay clear and rational about 95% of the time. The meds help me be a kinder more understanding mother and wife. I understand that I will be on meds my entire life even when I feel good.
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