Need to vent a little bit...

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stephgreene
stephgreene Posts: 143
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm not one to usually vent online, but I've seriously had it.

I'm having issues with my mom right now and it seems like every single time we fight she brings up my weight. She will tell me to "shed some lard", "stop stuffing my face", ask me if "food gives me all the emotional support that a boyfriend would," and generally makes me feel like a failure because I'm not skinny and not in a relationship, which seem to be everything to her. Since I was 6, she's been making comments like, "future weight watcher of america" or "tub of lard." Once, she even told me she was embarrassed to go out with me because of my weight.

It's been hard enough working on my confidence and self-esteem without her throwing that in my face. She doesn't live with me or anywhere near me (1500 miles away to be exact) and so she hasn't seen the weight loss or how I eat and I doubt if she believes me. My grandmother (her mother) told me just the other day "we all know you say you've lost lots and lots of weight but we all know that you're lying and still fat."

I know I shouldn't let this stuff bother me, but this is my family! They are supposed to love an support me in any endeavor and I just don't feel like they do, at all. :(
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Replies

  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    My mom has been very critical of my weight loss. When I was heavy, she would remind me that there are a ton of heart issues on my real dad's side of the family and that my grandpa (her dad) was diabetic. I decide to lose weight and be healthier. Now, she tells me "You'll kill yourself if you run on the treadmill!".

    Your family is supposed to be your support system. People you can ALWAYS count on. Unfortunately, not everyone is that fortunate.

    Personally, I would avoid speaking to your mom as much as you can. You don't need her or her negativity.
  • mollymoo89
    mollymoo89 Posts: 202
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    (( HUGS )) CONGRATS on losing 20 pounds! That is absolutely awesome. I commend you because you are doing the right things to be be healthy and lose weight. You're mom and grandma can't see that and their comments are probably coming from their own insecurities. Hold your head high and know that you are making the necessary steps to be healthy! :flowerforyou:
  • irenerose25
    irenerose25 Posts: 41 Member
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    God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    Sorry, but family sucks. For your mom, should she bring up you being an overweight child, just say, "I was X years old, I didn't know what to eat or how to eat properly, you are the one that fed me and thus made me fat. " See how she likes that one. I would sincerely consider telling them that if that can't be nice and supportive, then you don't want to talk to them any more. I know they are family, but family should be supportive, not degrading.
  • brndygrl98
    brndygrl98 Posts: 196 Member
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    That is TERRIBLE and hurtful. I have issues with my family, too. Obviously, it's easier said than done to say, "ignore them," but you are making progress and doing this for you and won't it be wonderful when you see them again however many pounds thinner and they have to eat their words? Maybe you could use that thought to fuel your weight loss journey. Sending you a *hug* and good luck. You can friend me if you'd like. I am more than happy to provide positive comments. :flowerforyou:
  • Terri_39
    Terri_39 Posts: 122
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    OMG! I am so sorry your family does not support you. I could never imagine telling my daughter such things and it's too bad your mother doesn't see how much she is hurting you. I truly wish you luck and if you can't find support from family I hope you have good friends and people that are close to you who will help you as you take this journey. Good luck to you!:flowerforyou:
  • ronda_gettinghealthy
    ronda_gettinghealthy Posts: 777 Member
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    somtimes blood is Not to be thicker than water--I dont care if she is your mom- that is UNCALLED for-- suggest counseling for both of you- if she refuses- in my opinion- you should cut the ties. You dont need that kind of poison in your life.


    best of luck to you and I think you should be commended for taking control of your life and relationships will come when you are happy with yourself.
  • Jenscan
    Jenscan Posts: 694 Member
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    Good lord, that's just ridiculous. I agree with chevygirl, cut those horrible people out of your life. You don't need that bs.
  • wantconfidence
    wantconfidence Posts: 47
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    thats family damnnn its like the saying with friends like those who need enemies rings so true for this how hurtful to tell ur child this they should be ashamed of them selves u should be glad u live so far because no one should have to take that abuse family or not
    keep your head up girl because your worth it :smile:
  • Jillyrabbit
    Jillyrabbit Posts: 11
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    Sometimes people who are suppose to love us are very toxic, and the only choice is to keep them out of our lives as much as possible. You are doing great and don't let them poison your success.
  • lyndsaysutton82
    lyndsaysutton82 Posts: 30
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    my family has always treated me like a second class citizen because of my weight. All I heard growing up was how many things I "WOULDN'T" be able to do because I was (and am still) fat. I was determined to prove them all wrong. I accomplished things, like having a good job, meeting a great guy, and being an overall good person, but it was never good enough. The harder the goal, the bigger I got.

    Then I had an epiphany. The hardest thing to prove that I'm not just a "fat person" would be loosing the fat person and just being a person. So, I started on this journey. Despite all of the things I was told I couldn't do, loosing weight has always been the hardest. And now, 1 year or so shy of my 30th birthday, I've realized that it's time to accomplish something I never really tried my best at before.

    I too live as far away from my family as I can. There constant put downs and negativity were all I knew growing up, and it's not something I need now. I limit my contact with the most negative of them, and it's hard. Really hard. You crave a supportive family, but if there is one thing I'm learning, you can also make your own family. And choose who you keep around you for support.
  • mytime60
    mytime60 Posts: 176 Member
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    There are different kinds of "family". There are those that are genetic, but not necessarily good for you; and there are those that you choose to be your "family", that will be there for you and support you through it all. MFP is family! I know it's tough when your genetic family can't seem to support you, but your MFP family will; and some day you will be able to show your genetic family that you have lost the weight and made some healthy changes in your life. In the mean time, if you can; let your family know that you are hurt by their lack of support. If you can't, just distance yourself from them until you feel able to stand up for yourself. I wish you much success in your journey of health and fitness!
  • jb_2011
    jb_2011 Posts: 1,029 Member
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    As my husband would say, "Buckle up lil soldier!"

    Believe in yourself, stand tall and be proud of who you are, and don't pay attention to negative comments. The negativity is "their" problem, not yours. They're the ones who have the negativity in them, not you. You can just brush it off. You can! I know it's not easy but give it some thought and most of all, stay focused on your path. You're doing great!

    Mean people suck.
  • melon_e
    melon_e Posts: 58
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    I'm so sorry that your mother and grandmother are not supportive. No one deserves to be talked down to in that way. Keep going on your efforts though. Know that a lot of us on here are pulling for you and wishing you success.
  • sarahbeth17
    sarahbeth17 Posts: 100 Member
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    Personally I would tell my mother and grandmother to not bring up weight loss/dieting at all to me unless they have something nice to say, and if they don't stop then stop answering when they call until they get the point. My mom was negative to me as a child too, saying she was never as big as me at my age. That hurt, especially when up until that point every meal I ever had came from her! She doesn't say anything negative to me anymore, now she is a lot bigger than I am and looks to me for support on her losing weight. She still doesn't agree that she was a big part of how big I was as a kid, which is ridiculous but whatever. I remember in high school telling my mother NOT to bring me mcdonald's breakfast before school, she would always wake me up with us. Seems nice enough but every morning and I was trying to lose weight, the day after I said NO MORE there she was again waking me up with hash browns and greasy crap, and I didn't want to be rude to her so I just took it. Some people just don't get it....
  • scantrll
    scantrll Posts: 271 Member
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    I am so sorry you have to deal with that in your life! The few times my mother/grandparents have brought up my weight I always point out that I was a chunky kid, but I wasn't making my food choices, they were, and now I'm dealing with that as an adult.

    Feel free to friend me if you want, I'd love to cheer you on during your journey to a healthier you! :flowerforyou: All the best!
  • shanwah8585
    shanwah8585 Posts: 2
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    hey,
    firstly, congrats on being angry at being treated like dog poo and being far enough away to realise that you dont deserve it!!
    secondly congrats on losing 20 pounds!
    family are supposed to be the one thing in the world you can rely on!
    nothing you can do about her (and grans) negativitl but just know that your going to wow them when you see them next, that will be the best thing in the world, keep it in your mind as an extra bonus, the vindication when you get to your goal weight

    my best friend has had a totaly disgusting excuse for a mother and over time it has meant she feels more at home with my family than her own, so with that in mind remember that blood family isnt the only family in the world and you have us (mfpals) and we are all losing it with you!!
    best wishes
  • Wendyma1
    Wendyma1 Posts: 289 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear about your unsupportive family. Please don't let them get you down. I agree with the people who have replied, maybe you just need to stop talking with them for a while. We can be your family and you will get all the support you need right here! Big hugs to you my dear! Keep up the great work! You have done a great job so far, and alot to be proud of! Just keep going and keep your chin up. We're here for you!
  • MelanieP_TX
    MelanieP_TX Posts: 159 Member
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    http://thehealthyapron.com/2011/06/01/you-alone-are-enough/
  • mishelnkiki
    mishelnkiki Posts: 775 Member
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    we are here for u. and we are family as well. the best kind of family. we are here to support u, cry with u, laugh with u. just keep working ur *kitten* off so that the next time she sees u... she can choke on her own words! u are doing fantastic and dont let ANYBODY tell u otherwise!

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