Hubby suggested cosmetic surgery :(

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Replies

  • jdavis193
    jdavis193 Posts: 972 Member
    sounds to me like maybe he thought it bothered you and just didnt go about saying what youve probably been thinking all along. (no offense) I have a tendency to appreciate when someone tells me the truth whether it hurts or not. Especially if Im complaining (not saying you were) but if im complaining about my fat flappy arms and my husbands says "start lifting some weights". he's right. Its just like the time my cousin was crying because her siblings were calling her fat and my uncle (her father) took her into the mirror and said "look you are fat! now do something about it". and she did. Im sorry but I dont get my feelings hurt very often. I think that he wasnt trying to be ugly it just came out wrong.

    I will never forget the time i told my husband he didnt want to have "private time" with me cause I was fat and he said "ive had "private time" with you when you were way fatter" I thought i was going to pee my pants. I feel bad for them cause they just dont have the right words but how fair is it of us to make them walk on egg shells? Just tell him that was nice of him to make a suggestion and then dont talk to him about your body again. Therefore the feelings wont get hurt again.

    THIS IS PURELY MY OPINION AND NOTHING ELSE. Thanks for listening.

    I totally agree with you on about wanting to hear the truth and not a lie... I never get mad when I ask my husband... I am thankful he does tell me the truth...
  • Debkam
    Debkam Posts: 80
    I agree. Wait until you're done having children before you consider surgery.
  • GoodMorningGirl
    GoodMorningGirl Posts: 103 Member
    You definitely want to get and stay at your goal weight for at least a year, if not more, before considering surgery. My kids are 8 and 6, and I thought about a tummy tuck after two C-sections with cuts both horizontal and vertical. Between the scars and the skin and the stretch marks, my stomach looked awful!! But it is starting to look much better, flatter, and less saggy all these years later. Plus, when I really looked into what the recovery from the surgery entails, I was turned off. A lot of people have bloating, swelling, and discomfort for a year or more after surgery. Plus, your ability to work out is limited for a long time. And the recovery is painful and yucky. I decided I couldn't take the chance of dying during surgery and leaving my kids without their mom (no matter how slight that risk may be) for a cosmetic purpose. Please tell your husband he should read up on the surgery too. They make it look so easy on TV, but it's a major recovery.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    Bless, he's probably just trying to be supportive, albeit in a very cack handed way.

    I agree. He probably thought about it for ages, trying to think of a nice way to suggest it and it didn't come out quite right. I bet he thinks it is something you would want but would never do for money reasons (or other reasons like that) and just wanted to say something to you about it so you would know that he would support you if that's what you wanted. If he's seen you through 2 pregnancies and at your highest I am sure he is not bothered by the saggy skin. I also have two kids and I KNOW there is a lot worse! I bet he was just trying to compliment / support you (In a bumbling husband kind of way.)

    :-)

    I agree. Its the whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus thing. If your best friend would've mentioned it to you it probably would've stung at all, but I think because you have some self imagine issues with it you may be a little sensitive when it comes to him mentioning it. That is normal. I just suggest not to be mad at him and don't think he is embarrass by you or for you. Reading in between the lines I bet he is a damn that loves his wife and his family. He just wants to make sure you are satisfied emotional with yourself.

    Just my thoughts.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    Well I talked to him about it and he said he wanted me to know I don't need to lose more weight bc its just skin that is on my stomach. He was just trying to be supportive and was telling me that all my hard work is being covered up by the skin and actually my stomach is flat. (Of course he meant flatter than it looks, b/c at 169 lbs it ceratinly is not flat.) So I guess he meant well and I know if it grosses me out he can't find it very attractive. I think I am so self conscious about it I got defensive. I didn't ever tell him how self conscious I was about it I just said I wanted to lose more weight to get a better waistline.

    I didn't see this. I'm glad you spoke to him. I knew he wasn't trying to be mean to you. I'm glad everything is ok.
  • flgirlsteph
    flgirlsteph Posts: 125 Member
    Wow I would have smacked him lol. Some men just don't think before they say something to their partner. I would say dont get any work done until your sure your not having anymore children. Btw bless your heart I would have died being pregnant that close together. Good luck hun :)
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
    I think when women talk to women about things like this we are not looking for a actually solution but getting it off our chest makes us feel better while men on the other hand offer a solution and that is that.

    I do not think he meant to offend you and i am sure you would not want him to lie to you.
    I would give him a smack lol and leave the kids with him for a day while you go pamper yourself :o)
  • Roszepoo
    Roszepoo Posts: 46
    I can imagine how that felt-wow-it hurts thinking about it. However, knowing how my husband thinks, it may be that he was thinking of your feelings, not his. He may have been thinking that he was giving a suggestion to help YOU feel better about your belly. Just a thought-could be way off.
  • justleeanne
    justleeanne Posts: 251 Member
    I am glad you talked it over and that everything is sorted! :)
  • rosiedoes
    rosiedoes Posts: 84 Member
    It sounds to me like he was trying to reassure you that the excess around your tummy is no longer that weight you were trying to lose, but actually the skin that covered it. It's a clumsy, manly way of saying, "I think you've lost the weight you set out to - please don't lose any more."

    I really don't think he was saying it for his benefit, and I don't think it's something anyone needs to get into a feminist rage about his right or lack of right to suggest. I think he's just trying to support you and let you know that if you want to reach your goals, maybe it's time for an alternative measure, rather than continued dieting.

    Whether he's right or wrong, is for you to decide, but don't beat him or yourself up about what he said. I'm sure he meant well and wasn't trying to criticise.


    ===

    Edit: Just read your update! Glad to be able to say 'Told you so!' on that. Hehe. :)
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Since it is your body and you are clearly already leaning that way, I would advise waiting a while. You look young and it will likely correct itself to some degree, maybe totally.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    Men communicate differently. You brought something up so he probably thought he was being supportive of your efforts and giving you the support you might need if you choose to take further steps. I would bet he emant to be loving, not critical or demanding. Your reasons for waiting are valid and unless he said you shouldn't wait because he is grossed out then I would take this as support instead of criticism.
  • TankiBabi
    TankiBabi Posts: 40 Member
    I’m going to play the other side a bit here. First let me say you can take this or leave it because I don’t know you or your husband and I wasn’t there when he said this. There disclaimer out of the way. But maybe he thought he was being helpful, it seems we men sometimes are in a no win situation, if we don’t talk, we don’t care, if we do we are insensitive jerks. Kind of the “does this dress make my butt look big” deal.
    Maybe he thought you were having a hard time dealing with the loose skin and thought he would be proactive in letting you know he would be ok with you getting surgery.

    And to the “it’s your body” post. Yes but they are partners, and I would think something like this should be discussed between partners. I sure as hell know I would be mad as hell if my wife came home one day and said “oh by the way I decided to spend 10k on plastic surgery, and because it’s “my body” I didn’t feel I needed to discuss it with you. GMAFB

    I am in complete agreement. Men and women don't think the same way. So you might want to give him a little bit of a break. If what he said is truly bothering you then talk calmly to him about it. Dont get angry or accuse him because that makes matters worse. Plus we women want men to tell us what they are thinking all the time its a bit messed up though getting upset because we might not like what they say. With all that said congratz on losing the weight thats a tough thing to do :)
  • TankiBabi
    TankiBabi Posts: 40 Member
    i suggest his own cosmetic surgery.............. removal of something with a blunt bit of metal !!

    Thats just wrong wrong WRONG !

    sorry but thats not the support you need right now !


    WOW thats a bit of a strong statement. Maybe you should die down the man hatred there a bit. This isn't a feminist issue.
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