Need to vent a little bit...

Wow, those words are incredibly cruel and uncalled for. You deserve better.

I hope you can be assertive with them and let them know that you've put up with it for too long, and you won't be doing it anymore. Next time the topic comes up, I'd say: "I'm not talking about this with you because your lack of support upsets me" Maybe they'll get the point...

Best of luck to you. You're doing a great job and you can keep it up!

I left home at 18 and haven't spoken to my mother since, precisely because she used to be cruel like this. That will be ten years ago in October and I don't regret it for a moment - in fact, kicking me out was the biggest favour the woman ever did me.

Your mum sounds like a very sad and unhappy person, who projects her own negative feelings on to you in the form of bullying - and that's exactly what she's doing: bullying you.

My recommendation would be to cut her out of your life as much as you can - you don't need people in your world if all they're going to do is put you down and make you unhappy. And, as the other poster suggested - remind her that it is her parenting which will have caused you to gain weight in the first place.

You're worth a million times more than what this woman is giving you - don't ever forget that.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your family should be your support system. You have done an amazing job losing 20 pounds thus far and if they can't support you and believe you then maybe it's time to shut them out. I know it is difficult to think of shutting your family out of your life but if they can not support you and bring you down on purpose you do not need them in your life. You need to surround yourself by positive people willing to help and encourage you!

My heart goes out to you....

and I agree with jb_2011. Believe in yourself because Negativity is their problem, not yours. Stay focused and remember, we all fall off the tracks every now and then. But the key to self control and self satisfaction is being able to dust ourselves off when we fall down and push forward when we feel that we are alone.

Your family may not support you but you have a huge support network right here on MFP. We will be there for you!

I am glad you took the time to vent here......In a perfect world we should all love each other, but let's face it, your mom is outright mean. Sorry mom was/is so mean.:flowerforyou:

Since you live so far apart, I assume that all of your communication is done by email / text / phone. Cut them off. Simply don't respond to them at all. I swear, if someone was putting that much negativity in my life, I would absolutely have NOTHING to do with them. Who needs all that BS?? :grumble:

Thats what I do for sure!

I would freak if my mom said those things to me. It is family, and not to have support of your family stinks.. I dont get much support from them besides the every once in awhile "you are doing a great job" which i dont know i guess should be good enough. it has pissed me off that i have lost almost 40lbs and barely ANYONE home or at work has said really much about it. It pisses me off, i knwo weight can be a touchy subject but **** man if people notice even if you havent lost weight why cant they give you props on it!!! losing weight isnt easy, and it takes dedication to change your life style.

My mom used to be like this. Best thing is to tell her that you love her and wish her well, but that you can't speak to her anymore if all she is going to do is be negative. Either she will come around or she will learn to hold her tongue. It worked with my mom. When I stopped calling for a week, she called and asked why and I told her she was mean to me. Everytime she was mean after that, I told her that if she was going to be mean to me I would hang up or if I was at her house I would tell her I was going to leave. I would be really surprised if she holds out longer than 2 weeks.

Sometimes people who are suppose to love us are very toxic, and the only choice is to keep them out of our lives as much as possible. You are doing great and don't let them poison your success.

I agree with her! I say limit your exposure to them -- this is cruel language they are using and it is time to cut that out of your life. You are doing a great job and taking great care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and eliminate people who don't.

I must say I have nothing but respect for you to keep working on your goals and for still actually speaking to your mother. I'm so sorry you have to handle that but know that you are doing so well! Just keep pushing at it for yourself and never for anyone else!

Okay sweetie, the bad news is that you have a verbally and mentally abusive mother. For this, I am truly sorry as no one deserves that type "mother" relationship. The good news is that you are intelligent and know that allowing her to control YOU is not to your benefit. You are in control of the choices that will make you healthy. Do not allow her, or anyone else, to control you with their own toxicity. You are PERFECT as you are. You are striving to improve your health and you will do it with or without their support because you are worth it. If I can ever be of help, let me know. I am sending nothing but positive thoughts your way

Steph,

Congratulations to you for working on your weight and fitness now! You have already accomplished a lot - and the fact that you are doing it while at college (a time when a lot of us gained weight) speaks volumes about your self-motivation.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people have family members or friends like your mom and grandmother. Such people just make it even harder to feel good about yourself and what you've accomplished. We inherit our genes and learn our eating habits from our families, but some family members have faster metabolisms than others and the naturally skinny ones (and even sometimes the normally shapes ones) don't understand the effort it takes the rest of us to get fit.

Overall, it is good that you are away from them and their criticism at school. My only suggestion is to set your own goals for yourself independently of them and not just based on the number on the scale. For example, I have a sister who is close in age and the same height as me, but a very different build. Sometimes I find it exasperating to see how skinny she is (even when she was pregnant), and I find the scale can really get me down since my weight also fluctuates a fair amount each month. So that the scale won't get me down, I've recently started taking measurements and trying to set multiple goals for myself - like fitting into a particular pair of jeans, being able to comfortably jog for 40 minutes, being able to do a few pull-ups, staying within my net calories for a week straight, working out for 10 days straight, etc. Regardless of what the scale says or whether anyone else notices, I try to remind myself that I'm doing a good thing for myself and that this is a marathon not a sprint and what matters is the long run.

In addition to venting here, I wonder if there are any counselors/thereapists at school who could also give you strategies for keeping up your self esteem in the face of their counterproductive comments. Sometimes there are waiting lists for things like that at colleges, but it can be helpful especially because, when you've lived with such criticisms for a long time, they can echo in your head even if you know they are wrong.

Stop talking to her. She's not close and you can come up with millions of reasons why you aren't answering the phone.

I'm not one to usually vent online, but I've seriously had it.

I'm having issues with my mom right now and it seems like every single time we fight she brings up my weight. She will tell me to "shed some lard", "stop stuffing my face", ask me if "food gives me all the emotional support that a boyfriend would," and generally makes me feel like a failure because I'm not skinny and not in a relationship, which seem to be everything to her. Since I was 6, she's been making comments like, "future weight watcher of america" or "tub of lard." Once, she even told me she was embarrassed to go out with me because of my weight.

It's been hard enough working on my confidence and self-esteem without her throwing that in my face. She doesn't live with me or anywhere near me (1500 miles away to be exact) and so she hasn't seen the weight loss or how I eat and I doubt if she believes me. My grandmother (her mother) told me just the other day "we all know you say you've lost lots and lots of weight but we all know that you're lying and still fat."

I know I shouldn't let this stuff bother me, but this is my family! They are supposed to love an support me in any endeavor and I just don't feel like they do, at all.

Best response if you want to play on her level would be, my body isn't as ugly as your personality....

Stop talking to her. She's not close and you can come up with millions of reasons why you aren't answering the phone.

Not every mother is warm and nurturing. You have the right to some peace too.