Pre-Marital test has me feeling depressed!

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cbratthauer
cbratthauer Posts: 228 Member
in Chit-Chat
So my fiance and I are getting married September 3. I'm definitely excited and can't wait for us to begin our lives together as husband and wife. We started pre-marital counseling Sunday. Our religion is important to both of us. We had to go on-line and each take a 300 question test about ourselves and eachother, then it matched up our questions to give us a test score. We're 67% compatable. There are so many things on there that are bringing me down right now! Like how I think I support him in his career and he doesn't think I do, or how he doesn't think we solve our conflicts. I seriously started crying reading that stupid thing. I felt like we were good together, that we understand eachother. We have fun together, we make eachother laugh, we do a lot of things together. I feel like this stupid test is saying we shouldn't get married!!! And now I have to wait 2 weeks to meet with the Pastor about our results. So all I'm going to think about these next 2 weeks is how we don't agree on anything that I thought we did!!!!!
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Replies

  • skinnyhappy
    skinnyhappy Posts: 152 Member
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    A test can't measure what's in your heart. As long as you're happily willing to grow as a person and help your husband do the same you two will grow together beautifully. Always be open to change and a willingness to let go and forgive. Think happy thoughts!
  • CharityD
    CharityD Posts: 193
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    You don't need a sheet of paper or test results telling you if you love someone or not. You know your feelings, ignore the score!
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    You should ask some friends or family that are already married to take the same test and see what their results are. You might find 67% is a really good result!
  • taldie01
    taldie01 Posts: 378
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    oh I wanna take this test
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    Look at it as a starting place for open conversations. For example, you can say "it says you don't feel like I support you in your job, can you tell me why? What can I do to help you feel more supported." Maybe using it this way you can talk about things that would otherwise never come out in the open but might fester under the surface.

    As far as the "67% compatible" - don't read too much into that!! My husband and I would have probably come out as very incompatible - our likes, our family backgrounds, our interests, etc were very different; about all we had in common was our religion and that we really loved each other. 16 years later, we've grown more like each other. I'm actually interested in cars now *gasp* and he is a reader -has read Pride & Prejudice (the real one by Jane Austin) and loved it. We still have plenty of different interests and desires - he's a self-professed redneck and I'm a math geek - but we work to complement each other (one of us has a gap, the other can often fill it in). A marriage is more about what you are willing to put into it than what you bring into it.
  • Enchantica
    Enchantica Posts: 117
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    I wouldn't worry about the results if I were you - My husband and I are like chalk and cheese - and would probably fail any test like that. We're pretty much opposite on everything - from the food we like to eat to the tv programs we enjoy to the music we listen to - the list is endless - but we've been married for 30 years this September!
  • jmacaroni
    jmacaroni Posts: 243 Member
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    Alot of your compatability will only get stronger with marriage. I wouldn't worry about those results. I think your score is pretty good for someone who is not married yet. Just make sure you guys have great communication. COmmunication is the key to all relationships.
  • lindalee0315
    lindalee0315 Posts: 527 Member
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    It seems to me that 67% is a pretty darn good score. Also, these things are inherently...well, stupid. Two different people interpret the responses and the questions differently, or answer them at a bad/rushed time. Moreover, the aren't interpreted by professionals. These tests are, in my opinion, quite superficial and misleading.

    The only benefit I see these types of tests having is getting the two of you talking. I ditto CharityD who said, "You don't need a sheet of paper or test results...."
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    It is a starting point, but perhaps it is opening the lines of communication.
  • twerps4jesusjo
    twerps4jesusjo Posts: 34 Member
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    Although it would be hard to hear when you are so in love, instead of letting the results get you down, let them fuel you into working on those areas that need work. You are blessed to find out these things now rather than after 5 years of hard feelings and misunderstandings. I will be praying that God's will is done in your relationship and that you are both obedient to what you hear from HIM.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    if you feel that basing your entire life on a test is what it takes, instead of love, commitment, communication, honesty, hard work, determination, and great sex...then go talk to your pastor today. I know for a fact that my fiance and I have nothing in common...we weren't raised the same, we don't even enjoy the same hobbies...but he loves the hell out of me, and I love him right back...he's my big strong man, no matter how bad I break down, he holds me up...THAT is all that matters...
  • sweetiepie31612
    sweetiepie31612 Posts: 240 Member
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    Don't stress. The important thing is that you love each other. Use this time to talk with your fiance about why you have different answers. If he thinks you don't support his career, ask him how you can show more support or what qualifies as support in his opinion. Do the same analysis for any conflict of answers you two may have had. Don't stress about this though, its nothing that can be settled and it certainly doesn't mean you two can't have a happily married life together.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Don't feel bad, I got a 44%, Then I disowned the Church and religion all together.
  • bjenny12345
    bjenny12345 Posts: 118 Member
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    Did it make you cry because you already felt those things need improvement? Or did you cry because of disbelief? I honestly don't think my fiance and I would get that high of a score, I realize we aren't "perfect" but we love each other and have for almost 8 years. We have seen each other change so much and through all of that we have never let anything destroy us. If a paper test is enough to make you feel like that I would consider it a red flag. Sorry to be harsh but I am trying to be honest with you.
  • 37mom
    37mom Posts: 74
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    Seriously.....there is NOOOOOOO test that will tell you if your good together or not. Are you happy together? Thats all that counts.
  • millermichellelea
    millermichellelea Posts: 226
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    So my fiance and I are getting married September 3. I'm definitely excited and can't wait for us to begin our lives together as husband and wife. We started pre-marital counseling Sunday. Our religion is important to both of us. We had to go on-line and each take a 300 question test about ourselves and eachother, then it matched up our questions to give us a test score. We're 67% compatable. There are so many things on there that are bringing me down right now! Like how I think I support him in his career and he doesn't think I do, or how he doesn't think we solve our conflicts. I seriously started crying reading that stupid thing. I felt like we were good together, that we understand eachother. We have fun together, we make eachother laugh, we do a lot of things together. I feel like this stupid test is saying we shouldn't get married!!! And now I have to wait 2 weeks to meet with the Pastor about our results. So all I'm going to think about these next 2 weeks is how we don't agree on anything that I thought we did!!!!!

    You will score better on the test later on in your marriage. My father-in-law told me that marriage is a dance you both learn together. Sit down with him and go over the communication issues. That is what it sounds like it is - that can be mended very easily. There was this book "Love Language" [spelling*&} any way it tells how people feel they are supported by a mate. My husband always thinks I support him when I tell him how much he does for us - I feel supported when he shows me with actions. Every person sees it differently and you have to find out what his is, and he what yours is. Give it time marriage is a long journey and you are just starting. Best wishes. :flowerforyou:
  • maria1993
    maria1993 Posts: 112
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    It is commendable that you care about your religion.. But think about it, is there some kind of survey set out in the Bible that couples can take before marriage? No, there isn't. Think about the billions of couples that have had successful marriages, without taking silly quizzes online. There is a book called "The secret to family happiness" that is Bible based. It deals with topics such as Is There a Secret of Family Happiness?. Preparing for a Successful Marriage, Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage, You Can Overcome Problems That Damage a Family, If Marriage Is at the Breaking Point.
    And Secure a Lasting Future for Your Family. Millions of people have followed the advice of the book and have had successful marriages.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Well if I round that up to a 70 then you're officially passing. :bigsmile:

    Just because you are one way today, doesn't mean you'll be that way in 2, 5, 10 years. You will both grow and change, the trick is to do it TOGETHER. We all hear the famous "we just grew apart". Well I say "We just grew together".

    Plus, it's okay to be a little different then one another and if it brings up conflict then solve your conflict in a healthy manner. Funny thing is usually the different things about one another are the same exact things that brought you 2 together but years later are also the same things that can draw you apart.

    To this day there are things that we just agree to disagree on. Marriage isn't easy, at all, but the ones that I have seen succeed are the ones where BOTH partners are open to change, to adapt, and to evolve.. themselves, not the other person (that's a recipe for disaster- take it from me :indifferent: )

    I've been married 10 years and am barely getting it. We were so stubborn and wasted many years standing still when we could had been growing together.
  • jessdeweerdt
    jessdeweerdt Posts: 128
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    You know what.. your relationship isn't on paper - it's real life!! Use these differences as a starting point to strengthen your relationship. Talk it out, work on it. My husband and I have been reading a book called the 5 Languages of Love.. it has really helped me to understand him. I know now that he needs to hear me say "hey, good job on _______" I joke that he needs a gold star for everything. But, you know what, if that's what he needs, okay then. I want him to feel loved, and I need to tell him in a way that he understands. We tend to love others the way that we need to feel loved instead of the way they need to feel loved. It's a really interesting book.. Anyway, don't bash yourself about it, look at it as a tool that will help you have a stronger relationship.
  • Shanell802
    Shanell802 Posts: 37
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    Look at it as a starting place for open conversations. For example, you can say "it says you don't feel like I support you in your job, can you tell me why? What can I do to help you feel more supported." Maybe using it this way you can talk about things that would otherwise never come out in the open but might fester under the surface.

    As far as the "67% compatible" - don't read too much into that!! My husband and I would have probably come out as very incompatible - our likes, our family backgrounds, our interests, etc were very different; about all we had in common was our religion and that we really loved each other. 16 years later, we've grown more like each other. I'm actually interested in cars now *gasp* and he is a reader -has read Pride & Prejudice (the real one by Jane Austin) and loved it. We still have plenty of different interests and desires - he's a self-professed redneck and I'm a math geek - but we work to complement each other (one of us has a gap, the other can often fill it in). A marriage is more about what you are willing to put into it than what you bring into it.

    I agree 100%. My hubby and I probably wouldn't match up on paper, but we have one of the happiest marriages I know of. We were recently at a marriage conference at our church, and the pastor asked if anyone in the room felt like they had the perfect marriage...and they wouldn't change anything. We actually raised our hands! Only one other couple in the room did that, and it was my parents. You just have to know how to communicate with each other. That is the key to any relationship. Agree on the big issues and learn to speak each other's language. I would recomend the book "The Five Love Languages". My husband and I read it together before we got engaged, and it helped a lot. Don't let these test results get you down. Just learn from the test itself. God bless you and your future marriage!

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