Men: Dating a woman with kid/s

2»

Replies

  • Lovely0770
    Lovely0770 Posts: 876 Member
    Rottified wrote: »
    If the person you're dating has kids then you have to accept them. The whole point of dating is to find someone to spend your life with. And if you can't accept a big part of their life it's not going to work.

    Before I wouldn't want to be with someone with kids. But I'm more willing to now. So long as the mother is out of the picture or is nice and doesn't have that stupid "my kids, you won't replace me" BS attitude. You're not replacable.

    Now I come from a well blended family. The man I call Grandpa, who I spend holidays with is actually my mothers ex step dad. Who was the father of my mom's youngest brother. And the woman he married after my grandma, I call her grandma, also the person he married after her. The last wife's kids are my aunts and uncles, their kids, my cousins.
    My dad, is my bio dad but not to my two older brothers. My dad tried and tried to make a relation ship between my oldest brother and his sperm donor. Didn't work. On my brothers 18th birthday he and my other brother changed their last names to our dads.
    My brother is currently blending with a woman with 6 year old boy. Wasn't easy. When his father saw him he would tell him the spit on us and that he doesn't have to listen to anyone mom included. He now chooses not to see his son anymore. Her and him also have a 6 month old. When asked if he has kids it "yup two boys."

    I love your outlook on this and it's how it should be. Regardless I feel a man knows when a woman has kids. At least I always am upfront right away, why hide a huge part of yourself? So, men know and if they continue the relationship knowing this and still decides to not accept it, that's a huge jerk. Just my opinion
  • henshemi
    henshemi Posts: 1,977 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    What about the kids point of view for the man dating their mother? I've seen it lots of times where if the kids just don't accept the man, even though the man is willing to be accepting of the kids, the relationship falls apart.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    I did that to my mother growing up. If I didn't like him, she got rid of him. She finally remarried and my step dad is awesome, accepting myself and my sister (he doesn't have any kids)
  • henshemi
    henshemi Posts: 1,977 Member
    Spinner_ wrote: »
    If he doesn't accept your kids. He doesn't deserve you

    Agreed
  • CMae818
    CMae818 Posts: 10 Member
    I think it just depends on the man. I have two kids, and have had several men pursue me even with the knowledge that I have kids. My single male friends don't automatically steer away from women with kids. This is just my personal experience.
  • MondayJune22nd2015
    MondayJune22nd2015 Posts: 876 Member
    katievo92 wrote: »
    What about women getting with men with kids? Now I have kids and I have enough kids I really wouldn't want anymore as I wouldn't want them to have less in life and have to share with more siblings. . Sooooo I really wouldn't want to take on a man with kids for this reason :/
    It's not always men taking on women with kids?
    But saying that I'd want some one to take me and my kids on so am I just being a *kitten* now or what :0

    If your children are already supported by you & his by him, without you even knowing; that each other exists. How would your children and/or his, have less? I'd say that they'd have more because, they'd each have an extra adult; to turn to.
  • 9mike
    9mike Posts: 839 Member
    Well I`m a father of two young girls they are 6-4
  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
    If the woman has her act together and is a good role model , i see no problem. But if the woman is a wreck i would not date her .
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,817 Member
    I had my son when I was 23 and have been raising him on my own for the past 19 years. When I was in my 20's guys my age would run quickly in the other direction when I told them I was a mom. So when I was in my late 20's I started dating older men who had kids of their own. These guys were totally cool with me being a mom, but dating an older divorced man with kids came with it's own set of problems that I, still in my 20's, didn't want to deal with.

    Now that I'm 42 and my son is in college, I don't think I'd get involved with someone who had little kids. But I guess it depends on the guy and the situation.
  • Nuke807
    Nuke807 Posts: 160 Member
    edited December 2015
    I dated a woman who had a son before I met my wife. That little boy became a centerpiece in my life! In fact, I honestly believe that I stay with his mom for so long simply because I enjoyed spending time with him. Her on the other hand...was a different story...

    Now that I have a son of my own, and if the marriage between my wife and I doesn't work out, I don't think that I would have any issues at all dating a woman with a kid(s), but I am at that stage in life where partying and social times are not the most important part of what I do. Spending time with my family and raising my son to be a good man is what I work on daily, sometimes successfully, sometimes not so much, but in the end if my son grows up to be the man that I hope he will be, my life will be fulfilled.
  • MuscleAndMascara
    MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,260 Member
    My response is a little backwards. I don't mean this to be shallow at all. I am a mother of a three year old little girl. Personally I would not date for a long time until I really got to know this person. Out of pure fear for my daughter. I would hate to expose her to a stranger that does not plan on staying around. Or worse, one that does not have good intentions. Oddly that being said, I would date a man with kids as long as he is a good father with a healthy relationship with his ex. I think that is extremely important for the kids sake.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    I think it depends on the mindsight of the guy. If he is not sure he wants to have kids or if he is sure he doesn't want to have kids right now, he is likely not a match for a single mom (I'll throw in the caveat that maybe he has such a strong connection with you and the kids it changes his mind but I have no experience in this arena and only see that on romantic comedies). But if the guy is in a place where he wants kids or has kids himself then I don't think it would be an issue.

  • JessicaJS23
    JessicaJS23 Posts: 1,863 Member
    ryry62685 wrote: »
    I think it depends on the mindsight of the guy. If he is not sure he wants to have kids or if he is sure he doesn't want to have kids right now, he is likely not a match for a single mom (I'll throw in the caveat that maybe he has such a strong connection with you and the kids it changes his mind but I have no experience in this arena and only see that on romantic comedies). But if the guy is in a place where he wants kids or has kids himself then I don't think it would be an issue.

    Im dating a guy that does not want to have his own kids but is happy to have mine as a part of his life. So it can happen ... My brother is the same way. Doesn't want to be a bio father but would be willing to adopt or take care of children that aren't his. It's all about love and I'm sure lots of men's minds change when they are in the situation.
  • KD454
    KD454 Posts: 1,548 Member
    edited December 2015
    JessicaJS23 wrote: »
    ryry62685 wrote: »
    I think it depends on the mindsight of the guy. If he is not sure he wants to have kids or if he is sure he doesn't want to have kids right now, he is likely not a match for a single mom (I'll throw in the caveat that maybe he has such a strong connection with you and the kids it changes his mind but I have no experience in this arena and only see that on romantic comedies). But if the guy is in a place where he wants kids or has kids himself then I don't think it would be an issue.

    Im dating a guy that does not want to have his own kids but is happy to have mine as a part of his life. So it can happen ... My brother is the same way. Doesn't want to be a bio father but would be willing to adopt or take care of children that aren't his. It's all about love and I'm sure lots of men's minds change when they are in the situation.

    First off in this day and age there is almost zero chance of meeting someone who doesn't have a kid/kids. And if you do find one of the few that do not have any then you have to wonder why they don't. (unless they are 20) Dating a woman with a kid/ kids is a man's game and not for boys. There's an easy way to separate the two for you single moms.

    Secondly, you're dating? Wtf..... lol haha (inside joke)
  • robs_ready
    robs_ready Posts: 1,488 Member
    If you want someone enough you'll look past potential barriers
  • JessicaJS23
    JessicaJS23 Posts: 1,863 Member
    KD454 wrote: »
    JessicaJS23 wrote: »
    ryry62685 wrote: »
    I think it depends on the mindsight of the guy. If he is not sure he wants to have kids or if he is sure he doesn't want to have kids right now, he is likely not a match for a single mom (I'll throw in the caveat that maybe he has such a strong connection with you and the kids it changes his mind but I have no experience in this arena and only see that on romantic comedies). But if the guy is in a place where he wants kids or has kids himself then I don't think it would be an issue.

    Im dating a guy that does not want to have his own kids but is happy to have mine as a part of his life. So it can happen ... My brother is the same way. Doesn't want to be a bio father but would be willing to adopt or take care of children that aren't his. It's all about love and I'm sure lots of men's minds change when they are in the situation.

    First off in this day and age there is almost zero chance of meeting someone who doesn't have a kid/kids. And if you do find one of the few that do not have any then you have to wonder why they don't. (unless they are 20) Dating a woman with a kid/ kids is a man's game and not for boys. There's an easy way to separate the two for you single moms.

    Secondly, you're dating? Wtf..... lol haha (inside joke)

    I never expected you to be in here. Yes I go on dates with a real life person but don't worry he's totally not into me. I should really go to Tracy about this.
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
    Excellent post @MuscleAndMascara

    To OP and anyone else in this situation.

    I am sure that being a single parent can be lonely, and certainly it is a must that future partners be accepting of your children. That being said, in my opinion, you should date a person for quite awhile before considering introducing them to your child. Even if your and his/her intentions are pure, your child is going to have to adjust if it does not last. Put your child through that enough times, and it can cause behavioral and emotional issues with your child. I have witnessed it from a sibling's dating habits.

    If I were in this situation, I would get a babysitter and not bring my dates home until it materialized into something more serious.
  • brandid34
    brandid34 Posts: 154 Member
    I've just resolved that it isn't going to happen. He'd have to be pretty amazing to be willing to accept me and my kiddos. So I'm just doing my thing. It's lonely sometimes and I would love to have a meaningful relationship, I actually think I'm a catch ;) but I think it's easier for women to accept men with children than men to accept women with them.
  • Dez11B
    Dez11B Posts: 1,542 Member
    I've dated women with kids. I have no problem with it at all.
  • Derp_Diggler
    Derp_Diggler Posts: 1,456 Member
    Why not? Bonus: once the kid's old enough to drive they can chauffeur us around while we make out in the back seat
  • pierportbeach
    pierportbeach Posts: 647 Member
    I married a woman with two kids. It hasn't always been easy. But I don't see it as a prohibition at all
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    If a woman has 2-3 kids I usually won't ever bother with her. She'd have to be really, really amazing for me to consider. Having no kids is preferred but I MAY accept her if she has a single kid AND the father of that kid is cool. Meaning, there is no *kitten* and games and there are boundaries in place. Nothing worse than some insecure *kitten* who wants his GF back and tries to do whatever he can even using the kid as leverage to control his ex-GF and ruin her life and chance at new relationships. If I recognize this I am gone right away.
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
    I'm perfectly happy to date somebody with children.

    What I'm not happy to do, however, is date somebody who merely sees me as a billpayer/schoolrun taxi service of convenience simply to fit in where the last ex left off (children or no children.) I've been subject to many a rude and intrusive financal audit on various dating sites, the motives were obvious.
  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
    If you get close enough to me to even meet my son you are extremely lucky. Its not about a man accepting my child, its about me accepting a man to be in his life. And know you will always come second to him. True men will expect this
This discussion has been closed.

Categories