Do any of you have this problem?

RoseMillerCoon
RoseMillerCoon Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a co-worker who I talk to frequently and see at a meeting once a month. She has told me several times now that I've gotten too thin and need to regain some. Now, I understand that some people overdo the diet/lifestyle change, but I'm 5'4 and am still losing, I'm at 194# now. I started at 255# and she's been telling me I'm too thin since I'd lost about 20#. But to me, being told I'm too thin at my height and weight... You'd think someone would have to be joking, but she's not. She's very large (fat) herself and she's taller than me. She has asked for my diet plan a few times and she tried it once but didn't stick with it. Last month she wanted to treat me to dinner for the holidays and I declined because A) my cheat days are few and far between and I used them for family gatherings and B) I avoid restaurant food now. And she was pouty and offended by this. I'm really mad right now cause she just told me again that I'm too thin. It's REALLY annoying. This time, I abruptly ended the conversation. I gotta find a way to address these comments.

Replies

  • vespiquenn
    vespiquenn Posts: 1,455 Member
    When I hear these comments, I just shrug and change the subject. If it bothers you, confront her. If it's more of just an annoyance, just ignore it and move on. You know your goals and what is healthy for you. She will eventually get bored of the conversation if you change it whenever it comes up.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    At 5'4" I didn't hear that until I was in the 130s, and I STILL disagreed with everyone. You have to brush it off. Part of it could be her jealousy at your success. Also, remember you can still get some tasty lower calorie options at restaurants!
  • allaboutthefood
    allaboutthefood Posts: 781 Member
    Sounds to me that she is trying to sabotage you, maybe she is a bit jealous? I would just tell her to stop with the comments, tell her you do not like them. You know your body and where you want to be and what is healthy for you. Don't listen to her. Unfortunately there is no easy way to do this, you just have to come out and say it. Best of luck and congrats on all your hard work, keep pushing forward.
  • Fizzgig168
    Fizzgig168 Posts: 400 Member
    This is going to sound mean and nasty, and I don't mean it to be, but there's no way to say it nicely, so here goes: In my experience, when people say things like this to you when you *know* you're still pounds and pounds away from a weight you feel good about, it's almost always because they resent the hell out of you and are actively or subconsciously trying to sabotage you. It happened to me more times than I can count from many different people in many different circumstances. You've got some options, but they all boil down to either ignore her/tune her out, or confront her/shut her down. I went the confrontational route more often than not, and while sometimes it created serious friction, it always felt worth it to me. Getting healthy is hard enough without people pushing their crap onto you, so my advice is refuse to take it.
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    She's probably envious. And it bothers her too because maybe in the past she didn't feel as bad about overeating or had a partner who would eat like her and follow her lifestyle. So in a way she is losing this and it bothers her.
  • blankiefinder
    blankiefinder Posts: 3,599 Member
    Maybe you could start a conversation with 'You know, I appreciate your concern, but I really want to get to a healthy weight in order to improve my health. I appreciate you for who you are, regardless of whether you are thin or overweight, and I hope you feel the same way about me.'
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,619 Member
    edited January 2016
    RoseMillerCoon wrote: »
    I'm really mad right now cause she just told me again that I'm too thin. It's REALLY annoying. This time, I abruptly ended the conversation. I gotta find a way to address these comments.

    There's no point getting mad ... just smile and nod. :)


    __________

    Lots of people have been telling me I'm too thin. I smile and nod, but if they keep at it, I tell them the truth:

    -- "I am back to the real "me" again." <<puzzled looks>> "This is how I looked up till just a few years ago. The heavier me was just a temporary thing but I've fixed that now and I'm back to the real "me" again. I've been slender most of my adult life."

    -- "I am within my normal BMI range." <<some protest about the BMI scale>> "The BMI scale works for me."

    -- "At this weight, it is so much easier to do things." <<like what?>> "Like breathing, walking, cycling, carrying groceries, sitting comfortably ... pretty much everything."

  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    RoseMillerCoon wrote: »
    I have a co-worker who I talk to frequently and see at a meeting once a month. She has told me several times now that I've gotten too thin and need to regain some. Now, I understand that some people overdo the diet/lifestyle change, but I'm 5'4 and am still losing, I'm at 194# now. I started at 255# and she's been telling me I'm too thin since I'd lost about 20#. But to me, being told I'm too thin at my height and weight... You'd think someone would have to be joking, but she's not. She's very large (fat) herself and she's taller than me. She has asked for my diet plan a few times and she tried it once but didn't stick with it. Last month she wanted to treat me to dinner for the holidays and I declined because A) my cheat days are few and far between and I used them for family gatherings and B) I avoid restaurant food now. And she was pouty and offended by this. I'm really mad right now cause she just told me again that I'm too thin. It's REALLY annoying. This time, I abruptly ended the conversation. I gotta find a way to address these comments.

    This is one of the cases where you just have a very jealous person in your life ;) Ignore her, and think of her comments as praise.
  • happygalah
    happygalah Posts: 343 Member
    Ignore ignore ignore. You are under no obligation to discuss your body with anyone else. She's jealous. She wants to sabotage you.
  • jserencsa
    jserencsa Posts: 9 Member
    You're a constant reminder of what she's not doing for herself. You just have to ignore it because it's more about her than you. Keep up the good work!!
  • xcalygrl
    xcalygrl Posts: 1,897 Member
    It's annoying. I'd try to ignore it and change the topic when it comes up. If that doesn't work, you can come up with some rebuttals to nip the conversation in the bud before it goes too far. Just don't let her get to you! You have a goal, keep working toward that!

    "According to my doctor, I'm not too thin."
    "According to my BMI, I'm not considered underweight or too thin."
    "Thank you for your concern but my body and weight is not up for discussion/debate."
  • joinn68
    joinn68 Posts: 480 Member
    As she even seen a BMI chart? If you find a nice me you should give it to her and highlight her height and weight range as well as yours. A bit tongue in cheek advice but if push comes to shove...I had to tell a friend of mine (250ish lbs) that being obese was not good for one's health. 5ft7, more than 200lbs and he said I was fine. He sounded surprised that there are some risks to being obese!
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 552 Member
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10115889/youre-too-skinny-do-others-ever-make-you-question-your-maintenance-weight/p1

    ^ A thread full of people who've had this same problem. You're not alone! :)
  • VintageMojo1987
    VintageMojo1987 Posts: 6 Member
    If it helps I'm 5'11 and 184 and I still have a way to go. People say to me oh you're a great weight you don't want to lose any more and I'm like he'll yes I do. It's all about what you feel comfortable with at your body. I have had someone in my life like this before and after months of her not understanding when I said I didn't like her comments I finally said and you're too fat I guess we both have something to work on. That helped! Lol good luck. X
  • RoseMillerCoon
    RoseMillerCoon Posts: 3 Member
    Thanks you guys! I figured that people here have probably dealt with this. Love everyone's answers! I think this woman always has to focus on 'fixing' other people rather than herself. I'm just going to try some good old fashioned avoidance of the topic and if she won't let it go, I'll have to bare my teeth a little.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    I don't think it is jealousy, per se, I think she is resentful that she will be the only "fatty" (forgive my bluntness) at those meetings. Misery loves company and she is losing her partner.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    I have started getting those comments now that I am 25 lb away from my goal. Some of it is the way I carry my weight and how I dress. I don't look as heavy as I am because I have decent legs and carry most of my excess in the belly which doesn't show unless I lift up my blouse or sweater. Some of it is that I look so much better than I used to (125 lb gone) and people are seeing me in comparison to the old me rather than as a separate person. My usual answer is "Yeah, there is still too much but I hide it well".
  • PennStateChick
    PennStateChick Posts: 327 Member
    So just to play devil's advocate to the other opinions - she may be TRYING to compliment you. I realize it's not coming across that way, but some people are just really uncomfortable when it comes to talking about weight. If she has struggled with weight issues, it could be difficult for her to be positive about your loss. She doesn't want to ignore your success, but she just doesn't quite know how to express herself.
  • as5811
    as5811 Posts: 62 Member
    I agree with earlnabby. She probably didn't feel so out of place since you were overweight, too. Now that you are apparently looking good & having success losing weight - she's feeling left out. Maybe this will give her a push to start her own weight loss. Good luck & keep going!
  • mkakids
    mkakids Posts: 1,913 Member
    Part of it, imo, is that most people have a skewed image of normal, healthy weight. When most people in america are overweight... and we look around day after day, the size you see most often becomes normal. And unfortunately, thats usually 30# too heavy for their frame.

    But just because its normal, doesnt mean its healthy.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    PennStateChick wrote: »
    So just to play devil's advocate to the other opinions - she may be TRYING to compliment you. I realize it's not coming across that way, but some people are just really uncomfortable when it comes to talking about weight. If she has struggled with weight issues, it could be difficult for her to be positive about your loss. She doesn't want to ignore your success, but she just doesn't quite know how to express herself.

    It's always good to look at things from a different perspective, so thank you for pointing this out. I also believe it has a lot to do with what @mkakids posted.

    OP, if it bothers you, I'd say might as well learn now how to address these types of comments directly rather than choosing avoidance. You may hear comments from other people as you lose more weight that make you uncomfortable so no time like the present to learn skills in handling them. Just my $0.02.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
    earlnabby wrote: »
    I have started getting those comments now that I am 25 lb away from my goal. Some of it is the way I carry my weight and how I dress. I don't look as heavy as I am because I have decent legs and carry most of my excess in the belly which doesn't show unless I lift up my blouse or sweater. Some of it is that I look so much better than I used to (125 lb gone) and people are seeing me in comparison to the old me rather than as a separate person. My usual answer is "Yeah, there is still too much but I hide it well".

    This. My waist is tiny so people say oooh you're so skinny stop calorie counting. If they saw my *kitten* and thighs they would stay quiet. Only you know what's right for you, and if it pisses you off tell her to shove it!
  • BoaRestrictor
    BoaRestrictor Posts: 194 Member
    Obesity is normalized these days. She's jealous and in denial and projecting it on you. Just ignore her.
  • AlphaCajun
    AlphaCajun Posts: 290 Member
    "I've clearly got this under control." Conversation over without offending those who you don't wish to offend. to the rest, "that's what all the fatties say." lol

    I started getting the comments about 25-20 pounds from a good healthy weight and got tired of it.
  • RoseMillerCoon
    RoseMillerCoon Posts: 3 Member
    More good answers! Thanks :)

    And to those who said she may be trying to compliment... Nope. I ruled that out. Last night I told her I was going to add a little calories because 1200 is probably too low and her response: Good!! I am sure you have gotten too thin. (I've tried to explain and reason with her about it and now I'm just sick of it. Reasoning and explaining is a waste of my time and not getting me anywhere. Frustrating.)
  • OyGeeBiv
    OyGeeBiv Posts: 733 Member
    If you don't want her opinion about your body, diet, weight loss, etc, then stop talking to her about it.
  • cranium853
    cranium853 Posts: 138 Member
    Some of that can be cultural. I have known a couple of men who really liked round women- and men- and who think that thin is dangerous. A casual friend of mine who weighs lots more than I ever imagined confided how comforting she found her round self. But when someone who knows that my knees hurt or that I miss wearing my red silk dress or that I am really working at being healthier does or says something that I consider to be sabotaging, I smile and say, quite calmly, "If I stay at this weight I am going to die years earlier," and change the subject. I need to remember that because it's true. I don't give a rat's behind what anyone else thinks about my weight, my hair, my shoes, or my attitude. OK, if EVERYBODY says I smell funny I will take a shower. But so far that's never happened. I try to move away from toxic people. I usually need the exercise anyway.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    RoseMillerCoon wrote: »
    More good answers! Thanks :)

    And to those who said she may be trying to compliment... Nope. I ruled that out. Last night I told her I was going to add a little calories because 1200 is probably too low and her response: Good!! I am sure you have gotten too thin. (I've tried to explain and reason with her about it and now I'm just sick of it. Reasoning and explaining is a waste of my time and not getting me anywhere. Frustrating.)

    I swear I would respond, "I know you think that. But just so you know, I think you're bonkers about that!" Hey, if we're trading opinions on it, we're trading opinions on it, lol. It wouldn't stop her, probably, and she might even get mad, but she shouldn't. It really is rude for her to keep telling you that when it's clear you don't know what to say. Just say whatever you like (within reason, of course).
  • White_hibiscus
    White_hibiscus Posts: 1,594 Member
    Fizzgig168 wrote: »
    This is going to sound mean and nasty, and I don't mean it to be, but there's no way to say it nicely, so here goes: In my experience, when people say things like this to you when you *know* you're still pounds and pounds away from a weight you feel good about, it's almost always because they resent the hell out of you and are actively or subconsciously trying to sabotage you. It happened to me more times than I can count from many different people in many different circumstances. You've got some options, but they all boil down to either ignore her/tune her out, or confront her/shut her down. I went the confrontational route more often than not, and while sometimes it created serious friction, it always felt worth it to me. Getting healthy is hard enough without people pushing their crap onto you, so my advice is refuse to take it.

    This!

  • His_Buttercup2015
    His_Buttercup2015 Posts: 114 Member
    I can understand your frustration. The best I can offer is just say, "I appreciate your concern for my health but I honestly don't understand how I could be too thin. But, you know, I respect your opinion and I hope you can respect mine enough to agree to disagree and let the subject drop."

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