Dirty comments you say at random....and get caught saying...

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  • Bigmomma0u812
    Bigmomma0u812 Posts: 118
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    Years ago my sister was posting online to a forum for Halloween. It was a cute post and she was discussing things that go bump in the night but she made a typo and put "things that go pump in the night". Its been 10 years and I still won't let her forget it, I'm adament that she had a Freudian slip.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    I have my own recruitment agency and a couple of months ago I went along to a sales meeting to sell our services to a very well known healthcare group, the gentleman was explaining how he hates to be hounded with sales calls and recruitment agencies, I ended up saying "don't worry I won't hound you, I just get my head down and get on with it" I nearly died when I said it... there was a long pause...... and raised eyebrows and we swiftly moved on... !! lol
    .

    Bahahahahahahahahahhaahahahhahaha!!!!!!!! that one is priceless!!
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,263 Member
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    I got into a lift once, (an elevator), with 2 attractive women from HR, (okay - I know women in HR are usually witches, but these happened to be quite lush).

    One of them asked me if I was going down. I replied yes but couldn't stop a huge smirk appearing on my face. They immediately suppressed a pair of smiles themselves, and we rode in silence to my floor trying not to acknowledge the joke. As the doors closed behind me I heard the occupants giggling like schoolgirls.
  • Micheller1210
    Micheller1210 Posts: 460 Member
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    My husband use to be a General contractor (now we Truck) we had 6 business cell phones with the last digit just a digit difference from the others....when my husband call he usally ask what am I wearing...what color etc....so one morning the phone and I quickly looked at the caller thinking it was my husband...I answered in a sultry voice, and asked what was he wearing? Then I hear sorry wrong number....he called back but I was so embarrassed. I let voicemail pick it up........another one was cleaning up after a dinner party ,my husband took out the leaves in the table to make it smaller,I was holding one end of the table and my husband was trying to. Close it but being gentle it wouldn't lock..so after the third time of him trying" I said its ok honey I can take it hard"...lol
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    i have a terrible habit of throwing around "your mom" before repeating something applicable to whatever the offending action or statement happened to be.
    for example: i get a system error message saying "your session has expired" and without even thinking i'll spout off "your mom has expired!" (have i mentioned i work in the ER?)

    I also occasionally pop off with an "eat it B****!" now and then... i should really consider working from home again.

    About 75% of my boyfriends replies to anything I say to him start with"your mom. . ."and because my dad informed us that my mom slept with him on the first date the statement usually ends with "...on the first date"

    "did you take the trash out?"

    "your mom took the trash out. . . on the first date"
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
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    I have quite the potty mouth. A few years ago I worked for a real d-bag attorney who liked to talk down to me all the time. We had a really old phone system with intercom and he would buzz me from his office. One day he was being particularly douchey towards me and I hit the button to hang up with him and said "don't you ever talk to me like that again you f***ing c***sucker!". Then I heard a shuffle and a click from the phone. I guess I didn't hit that button well enough. He kind of acted afraid of me and spoke to me with much more respect afterwards.

    My boyfriend and I get caught by strangers discussing our bathroom habits all the time.
  • ratkins811
    ratkins811 Posts: 190 Member
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    My sweet little old mother in law (85) always confuses the saying "got chewed out by my boss" to I got "ate out by my boss" I wanted to crawl away when she said in public one time. lol
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    oh geez.... Im the queen of saying really inappropriate things when the room suddenly gets quiet. its like my gift. :laugh:

    I have a habit of saying ""Ball Sack!" when I hurt myself. Didnt realize how much I said it until one of my little ones repeated it. Trying to keep that one under wraps now!
  • JWeaser
    JWeaser Posts: 302
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    A few years ago my boss was always hounding me for keeping my office door closed and I got tired of people shoving papers under the door so he ordered those mountable "inboxes" to put on the wall outside my door. (Yeah, I am sure you can see where this is going, just hold on though).
    There was a guy in the office that handled the light maintenance stuff, (to protect the innocent we will call him George). After three weeks of the delivery box being propped up against the wall uninstalled, my boss finally put his hands on his hips and said, "When are you going to have this taken care of." To which I replied, "Fine, right now!" and yelled from my desk, down the hall, "Hey George, when are you going to mount my box." Oh yes, the laughter was deafening.
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
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    oh geez.... Im the queen of saying really inappropriate things when the room suddenly gets quiet. its like my gift. :laugh:

    I have a habit of saying ""Ball Sack!" when I hurt myself. Didnt realize how much I said it until one of my little ones repeated it. Trying to keep that one under wraps now!

    I drop the d-bag in the car at bad drivers all the time. My daughter asked me once what a juice bag was. ooops. I now try to call people juice boxes when I am in the company of innocent ears.
  • JWeaser
    JWeaser Posts: 302
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    My sweet little old mother in law (85) always confuses the saying "got chewed out by my boss" to I got "ate out by my boss" I wanted to crawl away when she said in public one time. lol

    This was a common argument between my father and I. No, I am sorry but getting your a** chewed is NOT the same as getting it eaten out.
  • emmyvera
    emmyvera Posts: 599 Member
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    When I used to take my husband (before we were married) to visit my 93 year old second cousin......

    She would always say.... "Ahh, you two are so cute.... I bet Nick just eats you up!"

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Danthewatcher
    Danthewatcher Posts: 101
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    i also had another client with the last name of Butram. I called him Mr Butt-Ram he corrected me and told me it was Boo-Trum. awkward silence.

    :laugh:
    Awesome!!
    That had me laughing hard enough, My Girl runs in to ask what's so funny!
    Thank you for sharing!
  • CaWaterBug8
    CaWaterBug8 Posts: 1,040 Member
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    My son did the same thing when he was around that age... except it came out F**K!! And dump truck came out DumbF**K!!! A little piece of me died inside when he finally learnd to say "Truck"....


    That is sooooo awesome! hahaha
  • atachauer
    atachauer Posts: 28
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    I will NEVER let my little brother let this one down....ever!
    One year we both got summer work as a receptionist at a mental health clinic at different places.
    One time bro came home a bi wound up and shaky as there was some sort of confrontation as a patient was being really aggressive towards him, little bro turned to me and asked
    "Hey sis, has a mental person ever like come right in your face?"
    I burst out laughing, he was very embarrassed.....he still is.... brill!
  • VegGrrl
    VegGrrl Posts: 336 Member
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    The first time I met a vegan bodybuilder I admire who lives here in town, we were introduced, then I looked him up and down and blurted "You look so different with clothes on!" After I caught how that sounded I tried to "explain" by saying "I mean, you're a lot bigger without clothes on..." and it just went downhill from there. :blushing: He always remembers me when I see him around though!


    As for the person named Butram, a similar unfortunate incident happened to me at work. Two of my coworkers were discussing how the evening was going and I said "It hasn't been too bad has it? I'm doing your job tomorrow night." One of them responded - "Oh, wait 'til you get butt checked!" I said "Pardon me?!" She said "Yeah, I hope you don't get butt checked tomorrow night!" and they both laughed. Now, I work in a JAIL so you have to imagine the things I had going through my mind! Again, I said "What do you mean?!" with a very worried look on my face. They laughed their *kitten* off as they explained that we had a real pain in the butt woman named Mrs. Butchek (pronounced but-chek!) that kept calling and calling and harassing the staff. They were hoping I didn't get "Butchek'ed". Egads.
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
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    I work for a non-profit and was setting up laptops in the conference room. Someone had fd up really bad on a program we use and we had to have volunteers (including myself) work overtime to fix the fkup. Well one of the laptops started acting up I believe it froze at mid start up or something so I had to do a hard boot, anyways they heard me huffin and puffin behind the laptop and asked if it was okay my responce was "it likes it rough" everyone busted out laughing and couldnt believe that came out of my mouth LOL!!!!
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
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    oh geez.... Im the queen of saying really inappropriate things when the room suddenly gets quiet. its like my gift. :laugh:

    I have a habit of saying ""Ball Sack!" when I hurt myself. Didnt realize how much I said it until one of my little ones repeated it. Trying to keep that one under wraps now!

    I drop the d-bag in the car at bad drivers all the time. My daughter asked me once what a juice bag was. ooops. I now try to call people juice boxes when I am in the company of innocent ears.

    Am so stealing this... I know plenty of juice boxes.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    Ok, I'm going to tell on myself. Years ago I used to work at a pizza place that also sold chicken, One day I was in the back breading chicken and the phones got busy. My boyfriend, who was the manager at the time, yelled for me to help answer the phones. I yelled back "I coming" and my boss and co-workers (all male except for one) started laughing. I was so embarrased. I was very careful after that to say "I'll be right there" or something like that when someone yelled for me to do anything. :embarassed:
  • polar5554
    polar5554 Posts: 576 Member
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    Spoke with a lady that had a loud buzzing noise coming from a piece of equipment. Jokingly I asked if that was her equipment or if she was trimming her bush? I didn't catch the reference until after I said it.
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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