you cant tell people anything
ANHmommy
Posts: 27 Member
i wiuld like to start this post by saying the last couple of weeks i have been failing in my weight loss goal by eating more than i should and not logging...that being said i know that a person trying to lose weight should not do the following...
my next door neighbor was telling me yesterday that she is trying to lose a bit of weight and boost her stamina...i asked her how it was going and she proceded to tell me that she was eating 600 cals a day, running every night and not eating back the excercise cals, and was trying for a pound a day...this girl is 5'8" and about 138lbs...within normal range for her bmi, and if she has an ounce of fat on her it must be invisible...she said she wants to be 120-125 by the time she is done...i immediatly told her what she was doing wasnt safe for her body and she said its what another neighbor has been doing to lose weight...i didnt try to argue...
she told me she was doing this without medical advice, so her doc has no clue what she is doing to her body...she doesnt use a food scale and goes off what her packaged food states...
it makes me sad to know what she is doing...esp since she knows how much ive done to lose the last 3 lbs...for someone to do a crash like this unhealthily is mind blowing
and yes i know...not my circus, not my monkeys...
my next door neighbor was telling me yesterday that she is trying to lose a bit of weight and boost her stamina...i asked her how it was going and she proceded to tell me that she was eating 600 cals a day, running every night and not eating back the excercise cals, and was trying for a pound a day...this girl is 5'8" and about 138lbs...within normal range for her bmi, and if she has an ounce of fat on her it must be invisible...she said she wants to be 120-125 by the time she is done...i immediatly told her what she was doing wasnt safe for her body and she said its what another neighbor has been doing to lose weight...i didnt try to argue...
she told me she was doing this without medical advice, so her doc has no clue what she is doing to her body...she doesnt use a food scale and goes off what her packaged food states...
it makes me sad to know what she is doing...esp since she knows how much ive done to lose the last 3 lbs...for someone to do a crash like this unhealthily is mind blowing
and yes i know...not my circus, not my monkeys...
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Replies
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that is why i didnt try to argue the facts with her..0
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That's frustrating when you see someone doing something so dangerous.
I've had a co-worker ask me three different times what I am doing to lose weight. I've explained, all three times, that I am just tracking my calories in MFP using a food scale. Not cutting out foods, not drinking special shakes or taking any pills. She has said, all three times, that using a food scale is too hard...
Then quit asking me! 0 -
People will be people. Everyone think they can beat the odds and who knows, maybe she will. The thing is, everyone is on their own journey. You have to let others make mistakes because that's how we all learn and grow. It's a shame when those mistakes result in injury but once again their path is not yours. You gave her good advice; that's all you really can do.0
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Our neighbor lost 50 pounds be eating 800 calories per day. She told me that in last spring, she's gained it all back now. Asked what we're doing, then tells me she's going back to the 800 calorie diet.
Oh well.0 -
This isn't uncommon. It's funny if you ask someone: "Would you step out in front of traffic without looking?", "Would you take a medication that's not yours?", "Would you go run down the street at night in an unfamiliar neighborhood by yourself?" and all the answers would be almost likely be "NO".
But then say "I can show you a way to lose 10lbs, but it may harbor on dangerous.", then answer is "What is it?"
Sad.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I hope your neighbor doesn't develop an eating disorder.0
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Ah...the eternal dilemma of minding your business vs showing someone that what they're doing is harmful
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I kind of understand the mindset for both sides, the healthy and unhealthy ones. Before I have any sort of knowledge about weight-loss, I'd like to try those seemingly fast and effective "magical weight-melting" methods. But when time went by & after multiple failures, I started to do what the professionals would suggest and am on track since then. That's why my personal history of weight-loss is 16 years but it took me almost 10 years (the past 10 years) to successfully lose 24 lbs.
It's a painful yet personal learning experience, and not everyone can accept the healthy way for permanent weight-loss from the moment they decide to lose weight, especially for those who're not too far from their goals (from my personal experience) or those who have unrealistic goals...0 -
In this case it is good that she is not using a food scale. She is probably eating a lot more than she thinks she is. Since she does not need to lose weight and has an unhealthy view on the subject you don't really want her being accurate in her pursuit of extreme weight loss. So just smile and nod and let it go.
Sometimes you have to just let people do what they are going to do. If they are not ready or willing to hear what you have to say you can't force them to and trying could potentially really damage a relationship that you might enjoy.0 -
What's even better is it becomes gossip amongst a group of friends.Ah...the eternal dilemma of minding your business vs showing someone that what they're doing is harmful
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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shadowfax_c11 wrote: »In this case it is good that she is not using a food scale. She is probably eating a lot more than she thinks she is. Since she does not need to lose weight and has an unhealthy view on the subject you don't really want her being accurate in her pursuit of extreme weight loss. So just smile and nod and let it go.
Sometimes you have to just let people do what they are going to do. If they are not ready or willing to hear what you have to say you can't force them to and trying could potentially really damage a relationship that you might enjoy.
This is a good point and probably true.0 -
A friend of mine said she was eating under 1000 calories to lose weight. I told her it wasn't healthy. I got the dreaded eyebrow raise so I shut up.0
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You really can't say anything. It's a shame.0
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as someone who has known her for years i dont want to see her hurt herself, but on the other hand she has never been one to listen to advice (about anything from anyone)...it makes me sad0
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Hey, she didn't ask any questions, so I just would have smiled and listened to her nonsense. I just can't with folks and weight loss.0
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All you can do is tell her it's unhealthy and why. After you've done your part she has to figure it out herself.0
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God, I hate 1) that a woman who is perfectly healthy would feel the need to do something so drastic to improve the number she sees on a scale! I'm all for a person improving for themselves. Building muscle or lowering body fat%. But seriously, even if she is actually eating more, it stinks that she thinks she needs to try to kill herself. and 2) that she has obviously received support for the idea from somewhere (online, in person, informercials, whatever) and truly doesn't understand the risks to her health and vitality.0
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One way to help is just to "track" with her. If the conversation makes her wall-off and not share with you, then the topic is closed. But if you take a genuine interest without judging at all, you can ask her later how it's going. She may open up to sharing with you then being open to your input!0
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Nope, you can't (with some people). My mother in law, who lives with us now, has congestive heart disease and kidney failure. I feed her according to her health team's orders. 6 months later, she's on less meds (and kidneys are not in neexd of dialysis) and her pants are literally falling off (she had about 20-30 extra lbs on her).
I feed her the types of things she likes, just tweaked to closely match her medical needs (she sees how I prepare and shops with me). She claims I'm doing it (my way of eating/feeding my family) unhealthy and I'm killing them all, slowly, because once a week we eat fast food in modest quantity.
As if eating at greasy spoons twice a day, and potato chips for dinner was the "right" way (her prior eating ways).0 -
im going to keep being supportive in a healthy way and not get overbearing...what advice she takes, she takes...hopefully in time she will see the error of this, and hopefully before she cause real damage to herself0
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When I run into people like this, I try to say something like "I spent a lot of time reading others people success and what most of the medical community recommend. From that, the conclusion seems to be that weight loss that fast will result in loss of too much lean mass-stuff you don't want to lose and a diet like that is not sustainable. You will probably end up gaining all the weight you loss back."
Point being, I don't try to make myself an expert based on my Google/MFP degree, but do try to share what learned. If you take the tack that is typical on the community boards here, something like "That's unhealthy, its not going work long term, you are trying to lose too fast" the person is going to shut down and not listen to you.0 -
When I run into people like this, I try to say something like "I spent a lot of time reading others people success and what most of the medical community recommend. From that, the conclusion seems to be that weight loss that fast will result in loss of too much lean mass-stuff you don't want to lose and a diet like that is not sustainable. You will probably end up gaining all the weight you loss back."
Point being, I don't try to make myself an expert based on my Google/MFP degree, but do try to share what learned. If you take the tack that is typical on the community boards here, something like "That's unhealthy, its not going work long term, you are trying to lose too fast" the person is going to shut down and not listen to you.
Well said.0 -
I sympathize. A few months after I started to lose weight, my boss decided he wanted to do the same. I would guess he's about 5'11" and started with about 50 pounds to lose. He set his calorie goal at 1200, he takes about 15K steps everyday according to fitbit, and he doesn't eat any of those calories back. He's been at it for a little over 2 months, and of course he's dropping weight like crazy! I casually mentioned that 1200 sounded really low, and that I was losing 1lb/week on closer to 1700 calories and I'm 5'2". He said 1lb a week was too slow for him, and that as soon as he reached his goal weight he would go back to "eating normally."
I resisted the urge to tell him that he was likely losing a good deal of muscle and that if he immediately went from 1200 calories to unmitigated eating he would just gain it all back, because he's my boss and I didn't want to argue with him on it. Luckily, he logs but doesn't use a food scale, so he's likely eating more than 1200 calories. I'll just let him hit the wall and hopefully try it again the right way!0 -
im going to keep being supportive in a healthy way and not get overbearing...what advice she takes, she takes...hopefully in time she will see the error of this, and hopefully before she cause real damage to herself
It's all you can do, really. If she brings it up again or you talk to her about it, I'd approach it from the energy aspect. I'd ask her how her runs are going and if she feels she has enough fuel for them. As a friend, I'm sure you'd hate to have her pass out somewhere while out running or on the treadmill. As others have noted, since she doesn't use a food scale she probably is eating more than she thinks.0 -
williams969 wrote: »Nope, you can't (with some people). My mother in law, who lives with us now, has congestive heart disease and kidney failure. I feed her according to her health team's orders. 6 months later, she's on less meds (and kidneys are not in neexd of dialysis) and her pants are literally falling off (she had about 20-30 extra lbs on her).
I feed her the types of things she likes, just tweaked to closely match her medical needs (she sees how I prepare and shops with me). She claims I'm doing it (my way of eating/feeding my family) unhealthy and I'm killing them all, slowly, because once a week we eat fast food in modest quantity.
As if eating at greasy spoons twice a day, and potato chips for dinner was the "right" way (her prior eating ways).
Wow! She's lost that much weight and doesn't need dialysis and yet she still claims your way is unhealthy??? I don't even know what to say about that other than good for you for taking such good care of her and your family and yourself.0 -
How the heck is she able to run only eating 600 calories?!
I would think that would be awful :-(0 -
thts why i dont even try to tell people anything anymore.
my routine answer hen im asked how i do it
'eat less, move more'
and even that is 'too hard' for people to do
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Jess830409 wrote: »How the heck is she able to run only eating 600 calories?!
I would think that would be awful :-(
im not sure how long her "runs" are...if they are anything like we used to do (4-5 mile stretches) then i have no idea where the energy to do them is coming from...but i digress, i keep shaking my head at all she told me yesterday...im so glad to have started my weight loss journey the way my doctor advised0 -
i wiuld like to start this post by saying the last couple of weeks i have been failing in my weight loss goal by eating more than i should and not logging...that being said i know that a person trying to lose weight should not do the following...
my next door neighbor was telling me yesterday that she is trying to lose a bit of weight and boost her stamina...i asked her how it was going and she proceded to tell me that she was eating 600 cals a day, running every night and not eating back the excercise cals, and was trying for a pound a day...this girl is 5'8" and about 138lbs...within normal range for her bmi, and if she has an ounce of fat on her it must be invisible...she said she wants to be 120-125 by the time she is done...i immediatly told her what she was doing wasnt safe for her body and she said its what another neighbor has been doing to lose weight...i didnt try to argue...
she told me she was doing this without medical advice, so her doc has no clue what she is doing to her body...she doesnt use a food scale and goes off what her packaged food states...
it makes me sad to know what she is doing...esp since she knows how much ive done to lose the last 3 lbs...for someone to do a crash like this unhealthily is mind blowing
and yes i know...not my circus, not my monkeys...
If she carries on like this and is only eating 600 calories (not even at BMR) she will be seeing her doctor again and very soon I might add.0 -
Jess830409 wrote: »How the heck is she able to run only eating 600 calories?!
I would think that would be awful :-(
im not sure how long her "runs" are...if they are anything like we used to do (4-5 mile stretches) then i have no idea where the energy to do them is coming from...but i digress, i keep shaking my head at all she told me yesterday...im so glad to have started my weight loss journey the way my doctor advised
She's probably eating more than she thinks/says she is anyway.0
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