Family won't eat healthy
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Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
For diabetics it's often good to know which carbs are complex to help control or boost insulin levels. For most other people it's largely irrelevant. Calorie intake versus the amount of calories the body needs is the most important factor to weight loss.0 -
Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
So bread like baguette? White right? Simple or complex?
(It's complex.)
A lot of pasta is complex.
Potatoes? Oatmeal?
Both white. Both complex.
You can still eat too much of anything.
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Don't worry, in a family everybody watches everybody. You don't have to say a thing, just pull out your digital scale, log what you eat, keep exercising. Anybody asks, you just say MFP. They are all adults and have to find their own way. I'm sure they think you think you are superior, and hate it. Try being attentive and loving, complimenting each one on something as often as you can. Family is family whatever their defects. You can only take charge of your own life, and maybe lead by example.0
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Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
There are no bad carbs or bad foods.
There are foods that are more nutrient dense than others and yes the majority of our diet should come from those for all over health.
It causes no harm though to fill in the rest of the calories with a nice crusty bread roll with butter or an ice cream etc.
One food or food group doesn't make a diet.0 -
Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
Eh. Maybe. Eh? Eh. That's really minor stuff, and sort of an outdated perspective.
Point being, when you go about giving detailed advice like this, it's easier to pick it apart, decide it's questionable in accuracy, and then end up throwing away your actual point ("You guys are unhealthy, I want you to be healthy.").
* Mom is gonna eat what she wants.
* "sister #1 is allergic to gluten": is she really, or just thinks she is? Either way, she's gonna eat what she wants.
* "Sister 2 wants to lose weight": then just stick to discussing caloric balance. The more details you throw out there, the less likely anything positive's gonna happen. She'll have to figure out her own details. If she really cares, she'll be all over it anyways. People like to talk a lot more than they like to do anything, so try not to frustrate yourself.
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Leave them alone. Some of your advice is completely wrong. Bacon is sometimes better for a diabetic than fruit.I've been trying to get my family to eat healthy for almost two years now, but they just won't. Mom has type 1 diabetes, sister #1 is allergic to gluten, and sister #2 only hears me call her fat, even though that's not what I'm doing at all. Sister 1 has never eaten vegetables or fruit in her life, and has resorted to just bacon and eggs, nachos from a fast food place (which everyone says is "healthy" totally not.) ice cream, and processed meats. Mom had to watch carbs, and says eating vegetables and something else (mashed potatoes) is too much starch and carbs. But instead of getting vegetables, she's eats the unhealthy carbs, way too much processed meat and red meat, (hot dogs, cheeseburgers, which she says has vegetables, but I've only seen her put bacon on it,) and no fruit. They both call lettuce, bacon, croutons, and dressing a salad. No vegetables. Sister 2 wants to lose weight, but won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to cut her white carbs (cereal, giant meals she eats from her work that have no nutritional value) she eats more vegetables and fruit than sister 1 and mom, but not that much. Her meals are too sugary, and she refuses to see that. She also refuses to do cardio. Both sisters tell me the advice I'm giving them is wrong, and that I should just shut up, because they both think I have an eating disorder, (I don't, I'm just thin and I like to exercise.) I don't know what to do. But I don't want to sit back and watch them kill themselves, and I'm0 -
I thought it'd be a simple start, the whole white carb thing. It's still rocky in my mind, but I'm getting a better understanding. Thanks guys. (:0
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You can't change anyone. as others have said. I also have a fat family. What they do is what they do. What I do is what I do. It is none of my business how they eat. Am I concerned that they are all between 250 - 350 pounds? Sure. But it's none of my business.0
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How are they asking for advice but also telling you to shut up? That's not adding up. Are you going on and on? Criticizing? Over stepping?
Perhaps you and Mom can take on cooking together kind of like a hobby. You could explain your choices and how you make the food taste great, etc. That is, if you two can do that while keeping the peace!!0 -
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Lettuce plus bacon and other stuff does sound like a salad to me
I mean what is allowed to be eaten by the time you're done with them, anyway?? That they actually like???
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Putting in my .02 as someone who has a lot of weight to lose (and succeeding at it so far)...
One of the fastest ways to get someone's defenses up, especially if they're fat, is for a thin person to scrutinize what's on their plate and offer unsolicited advice. ANYTHING you say, no matter how well meant, is going to sound to their ears like criticism and judgement. When it's family, it gets even more complicated. What they hear is "I would love you more if only you did this."
Find positive ways you can be an example without bringing diet into it. Stop making comments about their food choices. If they say they'd like to lose weight, suggest MFP. Help them set up accounts, show them how to use the food and exercise diaries, and then let them make their own choices.
I totally get you about the processed food concerns, and that you want to help them make healthier choices. It's your family, you love them and want them to be healthy. But if their eating habits are making them unhealthy, they are the ones who have to want to change. If all you offer is "helpful advice" that comes across as criticism to them, they're going to think, "Man, living on vegetables makes you crabby! I'd rather eat what I enjoy and be happy."0 -
Instead of explaining why your well meaning intentions have frequently backfired, I'll simply model an alternative conversation that is more likely to leave those that want to help themselves feeling supported and enabled:
Sister2: expresses desire to lose weight
You: affirm you love her and she has great qualities regardless of her weight, but if she wants to lose weight you support her
Sister2: expresses feelings of being overwhelmed or not sure what to do
You: you know she can do this, one mini goal at a time. Ask her what SHE thinks she's ready for.
Sister2: sets a goal
You: regardless of your opinion on the goal, you praise her for her efforts and say that is a great place to start.
You: depending, you could choose to indicate you keep track of your goals on MFP, there's people of all weights and goals - maybe it could help her track her goals to
Sister2 leaves conversation feeling empowered to change, higher self confidence and in charge of her own path - you leave feeling happy to have supported her, happy she is happy. Done. You don't mention it again unless she does, if she does join MFP treat her like any of your friends so your relationship with her in person doesn't become solely about weight and or arguing about the health merits of particular food choices.
And as for the rest of your family? If they don't ask for your advice or help, don't give it. You help them best by being their friend , family, support and having a positive relationship with them for when they are ready to change.0 -
Profile picture: that is my bed, and that is my mirror reflecting my bed. And that is my cat. The rod was from another room we were renovating, and those are my necklaces hanging on the wall. They don't give me cleaning advice, because I'm the one who cleans the house. Back to the original topic. I don't know why you're getting mad, Janei. I never said they couldn't eat those things. They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.0
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Profile picture: that is my bed, and that is my mirror reflecting my bed. And that is my cat. The rod was from another room we were renovating, and those are my necklaces hanging on the wall. They don't give me cleaning advice, because I'm the one who cleans the house. Back to the original topic. I don't know why you're getting mad, Janei. I never said they couldn't eat those things. They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.
I'm not, actually. Just giving you a dry run at how some of your input may be coming across
Okay, so you're the thin one, obviously successful at this diet and weight loss thing. Someone is trying to improve their health and get that way, too. They make a salad with lettuce and bacon and you judge it as not even being a salad. I don't know if you actually said that to them, but hey, communication is chiefly non-verbal, anyway. They probably sense it
I dunno. I guess my original question still stands. With so many restrictions, the remaining diet could seem a little sad. You probably make great food but with all the delicious things X'd out, I'd be a little slow to try the meals too, personally. As to whether or not they'd like it, you can't know that?
To lose weight they need to consume fewer calories than their bodies burn. Don't judge individual food items, they need to Make that decision for themselves. Heck, they need to decide whether the weight loss is worth giving up any portion of anything. For some people (even me at some point), doing even just something little to improve their health is still something that can be encouraging and motivating. Being told it's not enough could easily suck the life out of a person rather than nudge them to the next level. If you saying they should do "more" cardio, it sounds like they are doing something already(?), and their efforts should be recognized and commended, rather than being, nitpicked to do more and (IMO) discouraged
"Hey, quit stuffing your face with so much icecream and move your *kitten*!" That would go over like a lead balloon, no?
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Profile picture: that is my bed, and that is my mirror reflecting my bed. And that is my cat. The rod was from another room we were renovating, and those are my necklaces hanging on the wall. They don't give me cleaning advice, because I'm the one who cleans the house. Back to the original topic. I don't know why you're getting mad, Janei. I never said they couldn't eat those things. They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.
Then this is the point at which you start saying "Look, you keep asking me for advice and then getting mad at me when I give it. Let's just have a time out where you do you and I'll do me, and if and when you decide what steps you want to take toward losing weight, I'll support you." And then hold up your end of the bargain.
I know you want your family to do what you think is best for them, but if they're reacting badly, leave them alone. If I did everything that everyone in my family thought was best for me I'd be a pot-smoking bisexual evangelical Christian, married with four children and three doctorates and living simultaneously in two parts of the United States, one Canadian province, and a small nation in Europe.0 -
Oh, I'm sorry! I assumed you were because of the angry face. xD I see what you're saying though. I thought about it a bit more, and yeah, I only know a little of what they'd actually eat. And making that all the time would get boring. Thank you! I'll ask before I assume next time (:
And I don't know, the small nation in Europe sounds okay haha.
I'll back off, and just answer their questions to the best of my ability. Thanks, everyone. (:0 -
It sounds like you have good intentions, but the advice isn't welcome. As others have stated, they have their own journeys to make, just as you have yours. If they've asked for advice and then don't like what they hear, then maybe it's best to just step back and make a general recommendation that they try MFP or seeing a dietician/nutritionist for help (only if they ASK for help; if they're just expressing that they want to lose weight without asking for advice, then say nothing - it's not your place). Sometimes people can learn better from strangers than they can from their own family; there may be underlying issues that prevent them from hearing you. Strangers don't come with that baggage.
I know that you're speaking from a place of caring and their health worries you. But ultimately, you can't change their behaviours - only they can. Lead by example and eat the way you feel is right. If they really do want to make changes, they will follow your example or seek help elsewhere. If not, then they may not be ready to take action. Hang in there!0
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