Marriage and separate friends?
SemperAnticus1643
Posts: 703 Member
I met my husband 2 years ago. We got along great and were each other's best friend. So I really quit talking with my friends before I met him and focused solely on us. We recently went thru a situation where I was ready to file for an annulment after just 5 months of marriage. I turned to friends for support. Since then my husband and I have reconciled and are working on making our marriage work. I feel like at this point I need to keep my friends. To turn to when things are going wrong or when things are great and I want to brag a little. He thinks I don't need them now cause I never needed them before. My question is, is it healthy to have separate friends?
0
Replies
-
It is definitely healthy to have separate friends!!! Enjoy your time wiht them.....friends are a precious commodity!0
-
Simple answer...YES.0
-
Is very much healthy to have seperate friends and I would in no way give them up again.0
-
Friends are one of those things you don't realize how importnat they are untill they are gone. I lost a lot of friends when i first started dating my boyfirend, 4 years later we are still going strong but I miss my ex-best friend terribly. We are both so different now but it is important to have a females around!0
-
Absolutely, you should both have your own friends!! You are an individual, after all and so is he.0
-
I did the same thing you did, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I cut off communication with my closet friends, and focused all of my time and energy solely on him. We have been together for 11 years, married for 6 and there is not 1 year that goes by when we don't talk about getting a seperation. I miss having my friends to turn to... to talk to... to cry with... to laugh with...0
-
It is healthy and I would say necessary to have separate friends. As much as you love your significant other, you still need to be you and have friends and have that "me" time.0
-
Completely necessary! I think my wife and I would go crazy if we didn't have our circle(s) of friends!
To turn this around a little, he doesn't think you need any other friends, but does he have a group of friends, or people to talk to/hang out with?
I've watched that with my wife's family (they're Mormon). Her (step)dad has people he hangs out with, does his fishing and hunting trips with, and her mom basically has her daughters and grandkids. You can tell sometimes that's just not enough for her.0 -
Never been married, but been in several long term relationships. And yes it is healthy to have separate friends!0
-
Separate friends is a must. For as much as marriage is a union, there's also a need to get away. Removing yourself from situations is often the best view.0
-
YESSSS!!!!:bigsmile:
My husband IS my best friend..
BUT I also have my own friends and he has his own friends
and we have like 3 mutual friends.
I live with the thinking that there needs to be 3 'times'
'us' time
'me' time
'girl time' <--or 'friend' time if you have mixed gender friends.
And honestly he should want you to have friends!!!! Friends are good for the soul!
Hopw everything works out for you!:flowerforyou:0 -
I don't have any male friends that I talk to or spend time with apart from my husband. I feel like that is just asking for trouble.
Its very normal when you get married to transition from having mostly single friends to more couple friends. Our premarriage counselor told us that, and its proved true. My best friends now are all married, and we talk constantly. But its very important to remember that your husband is your priority. E.g. I tell my friends when we are fighting, but I don't speak badly about my husband. I also never share anything too personal about our relationship, because its between him and I.
I think you can find a healthy balance. Sounds like you guys need some support from other couples, and maybe an older couple who can give you advice from their experience?0 -
keeping your friends when you are married is EXTREMELY important!0
-
Keep your friends, keep your sanity lol. Realistically we all need a break from our significant other from time to time or just some form of outside activity. Although you are ex. "Steve's wife", you still have an identity. Dont lose site of who you were before you got married.
I had cut all of my friends back significantly (like a once a month outing to Olive Garden with 1 or 2) or I didnt talk to them at all. Totally not healthy! I am now separated going through a divorce and after a few dirty looks and verbal beatings, my friends acted as if I had never neglected them.0 -
Friends are so important. I am going through the whole divorce thing; after we broke up I realized how estranged I had allowed myself to become from my friends because of the relationship. I was lucky that my friends were willing to take me back in and they have been such a tremendous support to me since. I realize now that regardless of my relationship with a partner, I shouldn't let that relationship force me to lose my support network.
Mike0 -
Yes seperate friends is a requirement!!!! When my ex-husband and I seperated all our friends were his friends. I was left with no one. Loneliest time in my life. My current husband and I have the same friends and seperate friends!0
-
I agree, it's really healthy to have separate friends. Like SandersWifey, I strongly believe in "us time", "me time" and "girl time". I'm totally crazy about my hubby, he's definitely my #1 best friend and I do like to get as much "us time" in as I can BUT there's nothing like hanging with your girlfriends. My two besties have been in my life for almost 20 years now so we're more like sisters and we pretty much know every little detail of each others lives so besides hubby, there's no one else I feel as comfortable around.
Plus, here's the thing - if you only call your friends when you need their support and then you lose contact, that means you're not reciprocating by being available to them when they need you. Like any relationship, it's all about give and take. So keep those bonds going and have a girl's day now and then and I'm sure you'll be much happier.0 -
Completely necessary! I think my wife and I would go crazy if we didn't have our circle(s) of friends!
To turn this around a little, he doesn't think you need any other friends, but does he have a group of friends, or people to talk to/hang out with?
I've watched that with my wife's family (they're Mormon). Her (step)dad has people he hangs out with, does his fishing and hunting trips with, and her mom basically has her daughters and grandkids. You can tell sometimes that's just not enough for her.
My husband is from Las Vegas, and we live in Oklahoma. His closest friend lives in either Vegas or Utah. He calls his friend but doesn't make friends here.0 -
My husband and I have couple friends we hang out with together, and I'll also hang out with just the wife. But we both also have single friends that we each hang out with. You need couple time, me time, and time with your friends. The key is balance. You cant neglect your relationship but you also need to pursue other things that fullfill you too. At least that works for us and we've been married 22 years.0
-
My husband and I have couple friends we hang out with together, and I'll also hang out with just the wife. But we both also have single friends that we each hang out with. You need couple time, me time, and time with your friends. The key is balance. You cant neglect your relationship but you also need to pursue other things that fullfill you too. At least that works for us and we've been married 22 years.
See that's the thing. We started playing softball together. His depth perception is messed up so he decided he didn't want to play anymore and quit going. So now I'm going by myself. He works from 9 to 830 most days so going out for us is a really late outing and his 2 days off are wednesday which is a school/work night for kids/me and sunday which is when we pick the kids up from their grandfathers. So my friday nights are spent at home, which i'm cool with most times, or at my dads until he gets home. So I have the opportunity to go to a concert tonight with some girlfriends and after everything that he and I have been thru this past month he feels like I don't want to be around him. I have a chance to get away from him and I'm taking it. Which is not true. But otherwise I would be spending most of the night by myself anyway.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260.1K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 415 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions