Marriage and separate friends?

It is definitely healthy to have separate friends!!! Enjoy your time wiht them.....friends are a precious commodity!

Is very much healthy to have seperate friends and I would in no way give them up again.

Absolutely, you should both have your own friends!! You are an individual, after all and so is he.

It is healthy and I would say necessary to have separate friends. As much as you love your significant other, you still need to be you and have friends and have that "me" time.

Never been married, but been in several long term relationships. And yes it is healthy to have separate friends!

YESSSS!!!!:bigsmile:

My husband IS my best friend..
BUT I also have my own friends and he has his own friends
and we have like 3 mutual friends.

I live with the thinking that there needs to be 3 'times'
'us' time
'me' time
'girl time' <--or 'friend' time if you have mixed gender friends.

And honestly he should want you to have friends!!!! Friends are good for the soul!
Hopw everything works out for you!:flowerforyou:

keeping your friends when you are married is EXTREMELY important!

Friends are so important. I am going through the whole divorce thing; after we broke up I realized how estranged I had allowed myself to become from my friends because of the relationship. I was lucky that my friends were willing to take me back in and they have been such a tremendous support to me since. I realize now that regardless of my relationship with a partner, I shouldn't let that relationship force me to lose my support network.

Mike

I agree, it's really healthy to have separate friends. Like SandersWifey, I strongly believe in "us time", "me time" and "girl time". I'm totally crazy about my hubby, he's definitely my #1 best friend and I do like to get as much "us time" in as I can BUT there's nothing like hanging with your girlfriends. My two besties have been in my life for almost 20 years now so we're more like sisters and we pretty much know every little detail of each others lives so besides hubby, there's no one else I feel as comfortable around.

Plus, here's the thing - if you only call your friends when you need their support and then you lose contact, that means you're not reciprocating by being available to them when they need you. Like any relationship, it's all about give and take. So keep those bonds going and have a girl's day now and then and I'm sure you'll be much happier.

My husband and I have couple friends we hang out with together, and I'll also hang out with just the wife. But we both also have single friends that we each hang out with. You need couple time, me time, and time with your friends. The key is balance. You cant neglect your relationship but you also need to pursue other things that fullfill you too. At least that works for us and we've been married 22 years.

YES! You need to have your "me time"! And that includes time with friends and no husband! I don't know what I would do without my friends. I mean, my hubby is my best friend, and I would never want to give that up, but sometimes you need an outside perspective. Or just some time away from each other. Like I said, I love my husband, but I value the weekends I can get away with the girls.

We do have friends we hang out with together, but if I want a girls night, he is ok with it. Just like i'm ok with him having a guys night.

My husband and I have couple friends we hang out with together, and I'll also hang out with just the wife. But we both also have single friends that we each hang out with. You need couple time, me time, and time with your friends. The key is balance. You cant neglect your relationship but you also need to pursue other things that fullfill you too. At least that works for us and we've been married 22 years.

See that's the thing. We started playing softball together. His depth perception is messed up so he decided he didn't want to play anymore and quit going. So now I'm going by myself. He works from 9 to 830 most days so going out for us is a really late outing and his 2 days off are wednesday which is a school/work night for kids/me and sunday which is when we pick the kids up from their grandfathers. So my friday nights are spent at home, which i'm cool with most times, or at my dads until he gets home. So I have the opportunity to go to a concert tonight with some girlfriends and after everything that he and I have been thru this past month he feels like I don't want to be around him. I have a chance to get away from him and I'm taking it. Which is not true. But otherwise I would be spending most of the night by myself anyway.

I'd be saying "Look, I love you, but you'll be working anyway and I need to see my friends. So I'll see you when I get home" He needs to be reasonable in what he expects from you as regards your time. If he really loves you he'd want you to be happy and have time with your friends. My hubby says " A happy wife is a happy husband"

I made the same mistake as you. When I got with him (and vice versa) I dropped my friends... not on purpose but because he turned into my everything.

I learned the hard way that he's not my everything. He's a very important part of my life, after God, he's the most important, but he is not my everything. I will not make that mistake ever again. It doesn't mean he's not my bestfriend or that I'm lacking but I have got to keep my individuality that way WE can be greater. I also encourage him to make friends now (opposite of what I used to do- wanted to keep 100% of his attention) so that he can also feel free and feel whole. In return, I believe I'll get a more well rounded healthy man who loves me for ME.

However, we are now trying to make friends with other couples because he has 1 or 2 guy friends that are his, while I have about 6-8 good girl friends whom I visit and have girly nights with. He doesn't hang out with my friends nor do I with his so we also want to have a group of couple friends we can hang out with as a couple.

Yes, it is healthy to have separate friends. We have friends together as well. My hubby and I do and it is one of the reasons we work. Beyond separate friends we have separate interests as well.

I've totally been there, and I know what you are going through.

Back when I first started dating my husband- we were both in high school- I completely expected him to drop all of his other friends. At first, he resisted, but when I got upset because he'd stay out all night and he wasn't with me and didn't call me to say goodnight, he stopped. In my defense, the people that he was friends with really were a mess, they were bad friends, and some of them had a problem with our relationship, so I obviously didn't want him to be around them... but what I did was still not ok, and ended up causing issues later on in our relationship, because he blamed me for the loss of his long-time friends and harbored a little bit of resentment towards me because of it. We've obviously gotten past that now, but it wasn't fun- and he was right.

But what happened is that now, 9 years later, all he has is me. He has one friend left who he talks to sometimes. But some stuff happened and their relationship hasn't been the same since- he doesn't trust him anymore. And he is a mutual friend, so when we spend time together, it is always the three of us; and now, four of us, since he got married too. He never really gets any "guy time" or time out with just his friends.

When I was younger, I used to think this was perfect. I had his undivided attention all of the time. But now? I feel horribly sad about it. More than anything, I WANT him to have friends. I don't have many friends myself, but the ones that I have are GOOD friends and TRUE friends, and how could I not want the same for the person that I love? He will always be my best friend, but I would go crazy without my other friends.

To not want the other person to have friends is very possessive, and very immature, in my opinion. And I can freely admit that I WAS both of those things. If you truly love someone and want the best for them, you want them to have people in their lives outside of just you, because that's healthy and GOOD.

And that's not even to mention the fact that you turned to the friends that you abandoned for him, and they were there for you. That is a mark of a TRUE friend. If you abandon them again, how is that fair? You left THEM, but they were willing to be there for you when you needed it and rekindle the friendship. How could you let people like that go, again? Friendship is a two-way street. When they need you, you need to be there for them, too. And if you do this to them again, they aren't going to be there the next time, because you've made it clear that you are not a good friend, and you only want them in your life when things aren't going well for you. And that's not ok, either. They deserve better than that.

Now, if you were talking about a separate friend that was an ex, I can see why that could be an issue. Or someone that you had feelings for even if you never were together. I can understand that completely, and would agree that keeping a close relationship with them, especially one where you spend time alone together, just the two of you, would be inappropriate, and I would say in THIS case, that your husband is right and you shouldn't be that close with them.

But if it is just a male friend, I think even that is ok too, though I know some will disagree. One of the only friends that I can actually physically spend time with (since I live across the country from most of them!) is male, and I go over his apartment almost once a week to hang out, just the two of us. My husband knows him, knows that neither of us have any interest outside of being friends, and it isn't a problem. As long as you are upfront about the relationship and don't hide things, and don't develop feelings for that person, your husband really shouldn't have a problem with it.