Feel like giving up and quitting.

Well I've logged calories on here for quite some time now. In fact i think I have about 265 days in a row. My problem is I see my calorie intake goal for the day, but usually end up going over most days. To me 2200 calories a day seems a little low and I'm even happy with hitting 2500 calories a day, but I still go over. There are days that I have been under but most likely a larger percentage of days I'm over.
I sometimes think what is the sense in tracking these calories if I'm just going to go over any way. The goal is to stay under and I just fail at it.Being thin is something I've never known and after all these years I feel it never will be.I just can't seem to get my mind focused right and stay on track.
My wife bought me a gym membership last year at Christmas and I've been going about 2 times a week, then I missed over a month. Now I'm trying to get back at it again. She bought a smaller pair of pants as a goal for me to get into by May of this year. Yesterday she gave them to my brother as I'm still not in them. No matter how many times I've set deadlines to lose weight, or goals, I just continue to lose at them.
There are nights when I'm bored or even feeling depressed that I will just grab food and snack. I'm not hungry but that doesn't seem to matter. It's after I'm done I regret having done it. I need to learn how to train my brain differently I think before I am ever able to lose the weight.
Sorry, Just my long rant on here.
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Replies

  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,692 Member
    I need to learn how to train my brain differently I think before I am ever able to lose the weight.

    It can be done man.
  • IvyLuci
    IvyLuci Posts: 117 Member
    Before you quit, think about this. A year will pass whether you change your ways or not. By the end of those 365 days, you might end up heavier than before, or you might end up with a lower weight and healthier habits.
    Change is difficult if there is no intrinsic motivation. Your wife can do a lot of things but not one will work if you are not the one that wants to change.
    So start from the beginning. Pick a number, any number :-) For one week (and you can adhere to anything for one week) plan your meals to hit that number. And eat only what is in your diary.
    Then, for the week after that, lower the number by 100 and try again. Pre-log, pre-plan, prepackage, and stick to it.

    Do not focus on the weight you need to lose, focus on the smaller tasks. So, task no.1 is sticking to whatever is logged. Task no.2 is decrease the number until you are in a calorie deficit. Task no.3 is starting an activity you like, anything that will get you moving. If you stick to doing something enough it will become a habit, and then you will have less problems losing.

    And I know how you feel about never being thin. I wasn't even a thin child. I have no idea what I'm "supposed" to look like at goal weight. You just do it one day at a time and let your brain catch up to the new image in the mirror.
  • ladyzakis
    ladyzakis Posts: 14 Member
    Logging for 200+ days means you have a lot of data to work with. Browse back through and really look at which things are high calories for the amount you get. Maybe there are one or two things that you spot that you think 'I really don't even enjoy that food that much'. That could be your place to start. For example, a lot of people on here say fizzy drinks/soda were the first thing they cut back on as they are just empty calories. Also, maybe try lower calorie replacements for some 'big buck' items like oil, butter etc or see if you can use a fraction less of them for the same result. Pasta was a moment of horror for me as I can eat 200g and want more, but I've cut it back gradually and now I eat 60-80g (and my cravings have neither increased or decreased).

    It's OK to keep going over your calories- I go over more often than not. But I make sure I figure out why and learn from it. What did I eat that was unnecessary? What did I shove in my face without thinking that I didn't even enjoy all that much?

    Don't give yourself a hard time. Keep plugging the numbers in and looking at your choices. Find something active to do if you feel bored to try and keep your mind off food. Make some small changes, see how you feel over a week or two, then make some more. Before you know it you'll have become a 'healthy' person without even realising.

    Good luck and just keep trying
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    Things won't change unless you change them. Other people cannot motivate you to do it.

    Can you honestly say you've really tried? You're talking about quitting but it doesn't sound like you ever started. Logging is great but it's just a record-keeping tool. In itself it will not solve your problems.

    Ask yourself why you're not trying and why you don't feel like you deserve to be healthier and why you don't want to be.
  • Rangerfied
    Rangerfied Posts: 93 Member
    Things won't change unless you change them. Other people cannot motivate you to do it.

    Can you honestly say you've really tried? You're talking about quitting but it doesn't sound like you ever started. Logging is great but it's just a record-keeping tool. In itself it will not solve your problems.

    Ask yourself why you're not trying and why you don't feel like you deserve to be healthier and why you don't want to be.

    Well ever since I was young I'd get on track for exercising and trying to lose weight. Of course when I was younger there was never all this talk of tracking calories or exercising. But I use to work out with weights and ride my bike a lot. I'd even get to the point where I was starting to enjoy it. Then something would come up and cause me to miss my workouts. Before I knew it I was no longer working out. This would continuously happen throughout my life. It just makes me feel like I keep going in circles.

    One of my biggest problems I'd say is emotional eating and over eating. If something tastes really good, I go back for more before I realize it.

    Thanks for some of the ideas people have provided to help. It's always good to hear other peoples views and tricks that have worked for them. I guess I need to dig really deep and see what is causing me to not stay dedicated. But that's a difficult step sometimes to find in yourself.
  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
    It's important to look into why you eat too much, because if you don't address that, you'll keep going in the same direction. Support groups like OA or counseling can help. Even talking through it with a supportive friend, or taking some time for introspection can help. As someone who has been overweight for just about all of my life and having a lot to lose, I get it, I really do. I had to deal with the emotional baggage behind my disordered eating to get restarted this time. Also, like another poster said, time passes regardless, and I got tired of each year passing and being further away from where I wanted to be. You can do this. I wish you well.
  • LinCharpentier
    LinCharpentier Posts: 1,129 Member
    This journey is not an easy task. Probably the worst addiction in the world. Ask and over weight smoker that gave up smoking which was the hardest and they will tell you it's the food addiction. An alcoholic or drug abuser. They don't need that in the house. But it's hard not to have food in the house. And if you want to eat it don't matter if it's a slice of bread with peanut butter your going to go for it. Then often 2 or three times. Control is what we need and lots of it.

    We can do this but we must set our minds to it.
    So good luck to you and myself included.
    No matter how many times we start over at least we picked up and started over.

    See you lighter
    Linda in Northern Ontario
  • Why don't you try not setting a deadline. Review your previous logs and look for foods you can switch out for healthier options. Start moving more. You don't have to do a set workout. Just get up and walk around your house. Put on some music and clean. Go outside and do some yard work. Find something active to do everyday and build on it. Find a hobby that keeps you from eating when you're bored. In the meantime, find a low calorie food that you can munch on instead.

    This doesn't have to be an all-at-once change. Start slow and move forward. If you're really worried about the fact that you go over a little everyday, then imagine what would happen if you weren't counting at all. Do you really want to start packing on several pounds every year?
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    Well, if you keep on doing the same thing over & over again, expecting a different outcome ...... you are only kidding yourself.

    Make some REAL changes ...... and stick to them !

    Then get back to us :drinker:
  • DannehBoyy
    DannehBoyy Posts: 546 Member
    Don't give up. Just logging your calories and going to the gym is helping a lot. Just keep at it and eventually someone or something will give you that motivation that you want. Also try taking small steps like eating a hundred less calories a week or something like that. Eventually you will get into a routine. It will only get easier for you.
  • Ms_Effie
    Ms_Effie Posts: 6 Member
    For dealing with the night snacking, which you've self-identified as a problem, you could try picking up a hobby that keeps your hands busy. I find myself watching tv or on the computer at night, and it's easy to snack without thinking too hard about it. But when I do those same things while knitting/sewing/etc, I snack much less. I have to keep my hands clean to work on my various projects, so mindless snacking is curtailed.
  • Mexicanbigfoot
    Mexicanbigfoot Posts: 520 Member
    One of the biggest things that has helped me is setting small goals for myself.

    I set a monthly goal of I will walk x miles, or I will walk x minutes, or I will work out for x minutes. This month, my goal is to walk at least 16 days (35 minutes) and elliptical (20 minutes) and kettlebell (15 minutes) for 8 days.

    I also set long term goals outside of hitting my "goal weight". Right now, I log the mileage I accumulate when I walk and subtract it from a goal destination. I got this idea from a friend. I picked somewhere I've never been (the Statue of Liberty) and per Google maps, it's 790 miles from my front door to the monument. So everyday, I get a little closer.

    I celebrate every non scale victory. Getting into a smaller pair of pants. Someone noticing my weight loss. Getting in the car and my seatbelt fitting around me without squeezing me. Skinny elbows. Walking up a flight of stairs and not being winded.

    I blog and journal. I, too, am an emotional eater. It's how I got to over 350 pounds. I went to a lot of therapy. I started to learn my triggers and when I felt one coming on, I learned how to deal in another way.

    Whatever you do, don't give up. I've had a few false starts (I think I joined around the same time as you) but I'm here and I'm doing it now. I put motivational quotes all over the place where I can see them. On my mirrors, in my car, my work space, and the room where my treadmill is.

    I will tell you I wasted a lot of time looking for someone to motivate me to make changes and it never came. I finally stepped back and took a very long look at myself and it clicked. I had to find the motivation to change in myself, for myself. It wasn't easy, but it's been worth it.

    Today is my 108th day since restarting and I'm down 42 pounds. If I can do it, anyone can. Feel free to friend me for extra support and good luck on your journey! :flowerforyou:
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,605 Member
    Are you weighing your food?

    I'm not spouting this off as the usual advice of "if you're not weighing, you don't really know how much you are eating" (which is true). You said that when you have something that tastes good, you eat seconds without realizing it. I have a hard time believing that you can go back for seconds of the really yummy food, weigh it out, log it into MFP, and still not realize that you did that.

    Try being strict about weighing and logging everything before it goes into your mouth. If nothing else, it makes you stop and think for a second "do I really want to eat this? Is it worth going over my calories for a moments worth of pleasure? Do I really want to change? Am I really hungry or just bored, tired, scared, sad, depressed, etc?"

    I do think your issue is a mental/emotional one instead of a physical one. Weighing/logging can give you enough of a pause to rethink if you really want to eat that. For some people its enough, but you don't know until you try. Give it a go. You don't have to be perfect every day, but try to hit your goals most days.

    If you are still self sabotaging even though you are fully aware of what you are doing (weighing/logging and knowing that you are going well over your calories every single day), then I would seek out extra help. Counseling or OA or something else to reach down to the root of your issues.

    It could also just be a motivation thing. Last year, I would never have done this. I wasn't in the right mind set. I knew that I needed to lose weight, but until I woke up one morning with the drive to do so, any attempts would have failed miserably.
  • Rangerfied
    Rangerfied Posts: 93 Member
    Just reveiwing some of these old posts. Starting to get discouraged again. But looking back at my weight logs I probably am down some in weight since I originally posted. Guess I've hit a plateau and now have to try and get over it.
    I thought I'd check what people told me before to see what I may respark in me.
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
    I recommend the book The Beck Diet Solution. It isn't a crazy diet, it is a way to change the way you think about food and identify why you overeat. I struggle with boredom eating and emotional eating (especially at night), and it really helped me. There is a group here too, but it wasn't very active last time I checked in.
  • elaineamj
    elaineamj Posts: 347 Member
    Glad you are still hanging around! Hang in there :)

    What worked for me (well, only been 4 weeks so far) has been easy wins so I can give myself gigantic pats on the back. I also pre-log. The other day I wanted to try making this "low cal" dessert, I built the recipe and when I saw the calorie count - I said "no way".

    Yesterday I ate a sugar cookie without prelogging because I knew I had extra cals to play with. But when I logged it, I groaned a bit - half that cookie would have been fine but the whole cookie just wasn't yummy enough to be worth the calories. If I had pre-logged, I could have made the decision then. That said, the small handful of caramel popcorn last week was pre-logged AND worth the calories!
  • Chaagy
    Chaagy Posts: 109 Member
    Hey man. Don't get discouraged. You've been logging in for a long while now. What is it that keeps you here? You need to think on that. Is the reason your here, worth it to you? If so, then make the changes you need.

    What is stopping you from making real changes? Old habits (they die hard, but they can die). Peer pressure (I get the razzing from my friends for eating salad and a diet coke... meh). Cravings (learn when a craving is just a craving vs. something you really desire). All of that can be overcome.

    I know for me (I think I'm about your age), I just got used to eating the way I did. I also like to go out with friends and family, and I'm a pretty happy go-lucky guy. Food and drink are part of that way of life for me. BUT... I started feeling achy, I had high blood pressure, I had Type 2 Diabetes, and I started realizing, I can't keep living that way. It's hard changing your life when for 40 years, that's the way you've been living it.

    When my friends want to go out for wings, sometimes I order a salad with chicken on top (sometimes I have wings, but I always keep it reasonable) and instead of a beer, I get a diet coke. I get a bit of razzing, but so what? I really need to do what's good for me. Those guys are my friends, but they also are not living my life. I'm the one living it, and I'm gonna live it my way.

    There are so many things I had to do differently, and all required not just doing, but thinking about things in a different way:
    - Pre-planning my meals and making food to have on hand
    - Pre-portioning my food at restaurants (I would move food off of my plate before I start, and move it to a 'garbage' dish). Even a burger and fries would lose a bun, and then I'd take a small bunch of fries and the rest would move to the garbage plate. Sometimes, I would literally mash a napkin into that food so that it was clearly garbage.
    - Learning when I really want something and indulge in it, and when I just have a craving. And learning to resist it. I usually know if by the next day, I no longer crave it. But if it's a few days, and I'm still thinking about it, then I know that I need to plan to do something (ie. if I can't just get cheeseburger off my mind, then so be it, I will go have the best cheeseburger I can think of!)

    In the end, you do need a good mindset. You need to be clear about the reasons why you are doing this. And you need to decide if it's worth doing. If it is, then just do it. Keep up the fight!
  • Rangerfied
    Rangerfied Posts: 93 Member
    I recommend the book The Beck Diet Solution. It isn't a crazy diet, it is a way to change the way you think about food and identify why you overeat. I struggle with boredom eating and emotional eating (especially at night), and it really helped me. There is a group here too, but it wasn't very active last time I checked in.

    Thanks for the recommendation. I may need to check that out. I need to change the way I think about food for sure. Just been all my life, one way of thinking and it's extremely hard for me to change it. Often when I've watched The Biggest Loser shows and see the trainers sitting and talking with the contestants about what makes them eat like they do and what brought them there, makes me think I need that type of person to talk to. One that can help be dig deep and identify the problem. I have ideas, but may not be the full reason.
  • Rangerfied
    Rangerfied Posts: 93 Member
    Chaagy wrote: »
    Hey man. Don't get discouraged. You've been logging in for a long while now. What is it that keeps you here? You need to think on that. Is the reason your here, worth it to you? If so, then make the changes you need.

    What is stopping you from making real changes? Old habits (they die hard, but they can die). Peer pressure (I get the razzing from my friends for eating salad and a diet coke... meh). Cravings (learn when a craving is just a craving vs. something you really desire). All of that can be overcome.

    I know for me (I think I'm about your age), I just got used to eating the way I did. I also like to go out with friends and family, and I'm a pretty happy go-lucky guy. Food and drink are part of that way of life for me. BUT... I started feeling achy, I had high blood pressure, I had Type 2 Diabetes, and I started realizing, I can't keep living that way. It's hard changing your life when for 40 years, that's the way you've been living it.

    When my friends want to go out for wings, sometimes I order a salad with chicken on top (sometimes I have wings, but I always keep it reasonable) and instead of a beer, I get a diet coke. I get a bit of razzing, but so what? I really need to do what's good for me. Those guys are my friends, but they also are not living my life. I'm the one living it, and I'm gonna live it my way.

    There are so many things I had to do differently, and all required not just doing, but thinking about things in a different way:
    - Pre-planning my meals and making food to have on hand
    - Pre-portioning my food at restaurants (I would move food off of my plate before I start, and move it to a 'garbage' dish). Even a burger and fries would lose a bun, and then I'd take a small bunch of fries and the rest would move to the garbage plate. Sometimes, I would literally mash a napkin into that food so that it was clearly garbage.
    - Learning when I really want something and indulge in it, and when I just have a craving. And learning to resist it. I usually know if by the next day, I no longer crave it. But if it's a few days, and I'm still thinking about it, then I know that I need to plan to do something (ie. if I can't just get cheeseburger off my mind, then so be it, I will go have the best cheeseburger I can think of!)

    In the end, you do need a good mindset. You need to be clear about the reasons why you are doing this. And you need to decide if it's worth doing. If it is, then just do it. Keep up the fight!

    You've been logging in for a long while now. What is it that keeps you here? I've been actually logging for quite some time. I use to have a program on my computer called Fit Fare (Believe that's the name). I came across this site and liked how I could sync it with my app on my phone. I've just kept it up and it's hard to believe that I've logged in so many days. I need to find a way to take that same dedication to logging and apply it to exercising and eating healthier. That's what I've found difficult. There's always too much good food around me and I find it hard to say no a lot of the times. A history of eating to much is the bad habit that needs to die. Goes back to my childhood and always over eating. Back to the days when people weren't tracking what they eat or counting calories.

    What is stopping you from making real changes? To me what's hard is the food that does come in the house. It's nothing for us to have potato chips, have desserts (Something I do enjoy) and other food that's not the healthiest. I've brought it up to my wife in the past, but I believe she feels it's me needing to have the self control not to eat it as they all still enjoy it. My self control is week at the best of times when it comes to food. I say food is like my addiction. I don't drink, smoke or do any form of drugs. Mine is food. I love it and always have. From being born (10lb baby) to being a child and now an adult I've never known anything different. I've never known what it's like to be thin. I mean I am able to give myself some credit in the fact I have dropped from 318lbs in approximately 2006 to around 271lbs that I am now. So I guess I know it can be done, but I think these plateaus are hard to get pass.

    But I agree that I need to find something to change my mindset when I'm bored or feeling my nerves bothering me. That's when I kick in and eat more too. Eat what I shouldn't.
  • ClosetBayesian
    ClosetBayesian Posts: 836 Member
    edited February 2016
    Rangerfied wrote: »

    To me what's hard is the food that does come in the house. It's nothing for us to have potato chips, have desserts (Something I do enjoy) and other food that's not the healthiest. I've brought it up to my wife in the past, but I believe she feels it's me needing to have the self control not to eat it as they all still enjoy it. My self control is week at the best of times when it comes to food. I say food is like my addiction. I don't drink, smoke or do any form of drugs. Mine is food. I love it and always have. From being born (10lb baby) to being a child and now an adult I've never known anything different. I've never known what it's like to be thin. I mean I am able to give myself some credit in the fact I have dropped from 318lbs in approximately 2006 to around 271lbs that I am now. So I guess I know it can be done, but I think these plateaus are hard to get pass.

    But I agree that I need to find something to change my mindset when I'm bored or feeling my nerves bothering me. That's when I kick in and eat more too. Eat what I shouldn't.

    If you cannot eat chips or ice cream in moderation (kudos to the people here who can do that; I sure as heck can't), the easiest way to solve this is for those items to not come into the house in the first place. In my house, this meant asking my husband to stop buying ice cream when he went shopping. Dessert is now for special occasions (holidays, birthdays, etc.), and we've replaced the more calorie dense snacks in the house with fruits and vegetables. Maybe your wife would agree to something similar?