Has your friend circle changed?

beautifulsparkles · February 2016

At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.

Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.

I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.

Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?

Orphia · February 2016

I never had food-pushing friends. I'm very much an introvert (except online), but since joining MFP I've fallen in love with exercise and parkrun, and I've made friends through running.

I'm loving all the running groups my running friends are adding me to on Facebook.

And in real life, I'm chatting with my (new running) friends down the street a lot more than I did when I didn't run.

silverarcheress · February 2016

My friend circles have definitely changed but in different ways. I also have a group of friends who are food focused and mostly overweight. Luckily our 'girls night in's are flexible enough that I can either bring my own healthy snacks, or we get takeaways that I have found healthy options in. I don't see them often enough for it to have a big impact on my health. The good thing is that they are so used to one person or another being on a diet that me being permanently healthier isn't a problem.

A friend who I see more regularly and we used to always eat junk food has been completely willing and happy to switch to home cooking and we both have become healthier since.

I don't think I've dropped any friends other than those who have gone through.

The biggest change is that I have made entirely new friends from the gym. These are friends who actually assume I'm fit and with crazy stamina levels! They encourage me to try new classes or event days. They invite me to do 5k races with them. I absolutely love hanging out with them and seeing how the friendship is building from just gym friends to true friends.

ARGriffy · February 2016

My friends have not changed at all, but I chose friends wisely who would never do anything but support my choices, they are all very proud of the task I've accomplished

AdrianChr92 · February 2016

F...F...Friends?

lisalsd1 · February 2016

Yeah, that happens. I started lifting and lost most of my female friends. Go figure.

hopeandtheabsurd · February 2016

My friend "circle" sort of takes on different shapes depending on where I am. If I am exercising a lot, I am hanging more with people who enjoy doing active things, and I suggest active things to my other friends (even though they rarely accept). I still eat out with friends but am more aware of what I eat. I try to host more, cook more, and offer healthier snacks (people in my area feel free to bring their own extra drinks/snacks if they want, it's not been a big deal). I'll admit, it does make me a little crazy to be in social settings where there is nothing to do but sit around and stuff face, so I limit those or try to change/add to the focus (especially if it's someone I hang out with more frequently).

zyxst · February 2016

AdrianChr92 wrote: »

F...F...Friends?

I didn't have friends before when I was 300+ and I don't have any friends now. Hell, I haven't had any friends since I moved to Canada 14 years ago.

DaddieCat · February 2016

No... but my love triangle did. Does that count?

cwolfman13 · February 2016

No...but maybe it's a guy thing or something because none of my boys are like, "hey...you need to eat this with me." My primary circle of friends have been around for about 20 years...the only change has been that I have made additional friends who share my fitness passions.

Actually, none of my friends except one really have had a weight problem. Ironically, most of my long time friends aren't really into fitness at all...they don't have fitness bodies, but they're not fat either. I was the fat guy of the group.

CollieFit · February 2016

No, I can't say I ever had a circle of friends obsessed about food. My other half and I have a lot of active friends. When we met he was involved with a bunch of distance mountain bikers (people who would ride from Germany to Italy etc) and I was in Ironman triathlon training. Then my parents got sick and I needed to care for them. I ate crap and had no time nor the energy or inclination to train and got fat. Eventually mum died 2 years ago and my dad died last summer. Then I spent six months in a daze.... Then I slowly got my act together again. My friends never changed though.

feisty_bucket · February 2016

Almost all of my socializing with friends is where we do a "walk & talk" session and just sort of meander around a neighborhood or park, looking at stuff and chatting. Sometimes there's an ice cream destination or convenience store along the way and sometimes not, but it's never a big deal. None of them are overweight.

I know one guy though, more of an acquaintance, and he's an overweight foodie. Hanging with him is kinda weird and different. He's _really_ enthusiastic about food, like stoked to go to this high-end bakery place and buy all these expensive cookies to take home. Then the dinner place is fancy and he'll take pictures of his food, and he's loudly buddies with the waitstaff (being a regular), and then order this enormous desert. I dunno, man, can't relate. I got dinged here when I was new for ragging on foodies. So I'll just say what comes to mind about people like that is that they've "lost the plot," re: food.

Rachel0778 · February 2016

I struggled a bit with transitioning my relationship with my best friend since we used to binge eat together all the time. It was a tough 6 months while we got used to our relationship no longer revolving around food. But now she's a super fit yoga instructor and so our lives have re-synced in the perfect way.

There's nothing wrong with going along to hang out and just saying "no thanks" when food is offered that you don't want. And there's nothing wrong with choosing different snack options, especially since it sounds like it was common for people to bring their own bag of something so they didn't have to share. My best recommendation is to just flow like everything is normal with these two small changes and hopefully everything will go smoothly.

AnnPT77 · February 2016

So far, I still have pretty much the same friends, but I can't say that I ever had a circle that was as food-focused as you're describing.

For the last few years, my friends have been a mix of artsy/craftsy people (who tend to be very sedentary and very overweight) and rowers (who of course tend to be very active, but maybe on average slightly less attuned to culture & cerebral pleasures). I also have a couple of friends who are foodies in the sense of enjoying special foods, often home-prepared, but they aren't really junk-food snackers.

So, the artsy people don't push food, but don't encourage/understand vigorous activity (though I think I've encouraged at least one on the MFP weight-loss track, not by evangelizing but just by example), and I continue to do artsy things with them. With the rowers, I do active things, but even if we go out to eat after, they're tuned into the general idea of health management, and don't push me to eat more than I prefer. With the foodies, the general response has been for them to treat my healthy food pursuit as an additional fun challenge - to try to provide at least some gourmet goodies in the meals they fix that are healthy and lower in calories.

I'm not particularly vocal about what I'm doing, though, and don't make a big issue of my change in eating habits. If people ask questions, I'll answer & continue conversation as long as they're interested, but I try not to seem obsessed or compulsive. Absent questions, I just quietly do what I want to do, and eat what I want to eat.

The worst response I've gotten - and it's not bad - is people making kind of silly assumptions about what I will or won't eat.

cnbbnc · February 2016

beautifulsparkles wrote: »

At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.

Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.

I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.

Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?

Why do you find it hard to be around them now? I don't see what the big deal is. If going out to a restaurant or for an ice cream is something you would normally do with them, then order yourself a diet soda and stop being self righteous just because you lost weight. It doesn't give is the right to start being judgemental towards others and feel the need to shun people we have been close with. I also think it's sad for you to say you're grossed out by them. This is your issue more than theirs. Sorry.

areallycoolstory · February 2016

you can still enjoy food with them. food is delicious. you don't have to overeat to enjoy delicious food. try not to be grossed by them. and try not to be grossed out by yourself because you used to be like them. you were not gross before. your friends and family are not gross now. just love them for who they are. and love yourself for who you were and how you have grown.

CoffeeNCardio · February 2016

Me and my husband lost all our friends when we had children (they are all DINK). So yeah, my friend circle shrunk, but not because of weight loss.

beautifulsparkles · February 2016

areallycoolstory wrote: »

you can still enjoy food with them. food is delicious. you don't have to overeat to enjoy delicious food. try not to be grossed by them. and try not to be grossed out by yourself because you used to be like them. you were not gross before. your friends and family are not gross now. just love them for who they are. and love yourself for who you were and how you have grown.

+1

FitPhillygirl · February 2016

I didn't have much weight to lose so I still have the same friends as before, with a few more from my new gym.

LivingtheLeanDream · February 2016

No, but then I didn't have that much to lose (20lbs)

I find my MFP friends have changed, with being at maintenance for 3 years now I tend to lean towards other friends who are maintaining as well - we have more in common I guess...

toe1226 · February 2016

I have done a few things, one, I invite friends to movies (but the movies are the central part, not the food), I also invite them to my house where I prepare the meal so I'm in charge. Each of my friendship circles has a vice though, my music community drinks a lot, my girlfriends snack a lot, its only my fitness friends that I really don't have to think about it, so when I get together with my non-fitness friends, I make sure that there is an activity that I can engage in other than eating *kitten*, even if that's there plan.

mankars · February 2016

Not really. Me, being originally from India, food is the "center" of every meetings, parties & gatherings. Plus its always the wrong foods (aka.. oily, fatty, carb-loaded...etc.). So, now I eat less and make it a point to choose healthier options. Plus, most of my friends know about my weight-loss goal, they have been helpful too.

beautifulsparkles · February 2016

toe1226 wrote: »

Each of my friendship circles has a vice though, my music community drinks a lot, my girlfriends snack a lot, its only my fitness friends that I really don't have to think about it,

That's interesting...

victoria_1024 · February 2016

No, my friend circle has stayed the same. Maybe I make new friends easier now that I've lost weight and feel more confident? But my old friendships are still strong. I don't feel like any of my relationships were ever centered around food really. We had lots of common interests that are still present. Plus, my love of food hasn't changed one bit since losing the weight. So I still love to go out and get ice cream with a friend or joke about how much we love food. I can just moderate my food intake much better now.

The main thing that has changed for me is my activity level. I stayed with a best friend for a weekend who is (and always was) more sedentary. I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk around town with me during my stay and she really wasn't up for it, kept saying she was tired. But I know I probably used to be the same way when I was overweight and sedentary.

kelly_e_montana · February 2016

My circle has definitely changed because I am very active and I no longer party much. Most of my friends before my life makeover were rather sedentary hard party peeps. I still like them, but I prefer to spend my free time doing outdoor activities, yoga, etc. so I find little in common to do with them if they don't want to be active. However, I have met a bunch of great people who do share common interests so it's been fun getting to know other people into lifting, hiking, yoga, etc.

Shokei · February 2016

My circle has definitely changed. Sitting around drinking and eating is not my thing anymore. Some friends understand however others want to see you fail. Those are the friends I no longer have...Ha Ha!

crb426 · February 2016

I know you weren't looking for advice, but what if you started making suggestions for things to do that didn't revolve around the junk food? It sounds like you are letting others control the events, so maybe plan one for the circle. Now that the weather is becoming more pleasant maybe you can plan a picnic at the park. Organize a walk, some games (like horseshoes or volleyball), and ask everyone to bring their healthiest snack. You can bring them into your world without forcing it on them, and without feelings of resentment. Maybe it will help inspire them to make healthier choice, maybe it won't. But at least you can feel good about your time with them.

beautifulsparkles · February 2016

crb426 wrote: »

I know you weren't looking for advice, but what if you started making suggestions for things to do that didn't revolve around the junk food? It sounds like you are letting others control the events, so maybe plan one for the circle. Now that the weather is becoming more pleasant maybe you can plan a picnic at the park. Organize a walk, some games (like horseshoes or volleyball), and ask everyone to bring their healthiest snack. You can bring them into your world without forcing it on them, and without feelings of resentment. Maybe it will help inspire them to make healthier choice, maybe it won't. But at least you can feel good about your time with them.

Its a family member and a few of our shared friends. We no longer live in the same city so I don't see them that often, maybe 2 weeks a year? If they buy food, I just get less, and healthier options. If they buy junkfood, I try to provide some healthier options and mostly eat that.

codsterlaing95 · February 2016

lisalsd1 wrote: »

Yeah, that happens. I started lifting and lost most of my female friends. Go figure.

drachfit · February 2016

yes. your circle of friends will change depending on what you spend your time doing.

it was hard but I found more enjoyment in physical, outdoor activities. I started spending less time hanging out with my "play video games all night and get drunk" friends because I didn't want to do that. now I hang out way more with my "get up early and go hike a mountain" friends. Not that I don't like my old friends any more, but we have less in common and I only have so much time... I want to spend it doing things that get me where I want to go, not doing things that hold me back.

i was lucky nobody tried to drag me back into it, it was more of a slow realization that I had to make a choice; partying/gaming all night would ruin the next day and I wouldn't get to do the things I wanted to. As I started making that choice we hung out less and less. No hard feelings. Just growing apart.

Orphia · February 2016

drachfit wrote: »

yes. your circle of friends will change depending on what you spend your time doing.

it was hard but I found more enjoyment in physical, outdoor activities. I started spending less time hanging out with my "play video games all night and get drunk" friends because I didn't want to do that. now I hang out way more with my "get up early and go hike a mountain" friends. Not that I don't like my old friends any more, but we have less in common and I only have so much time... I want to spend it doing things that get me where I want to go, not doing things that hold me back.

i was lucky nobody tried to drag me back into it, it was more of a slow realization that I had to make a choice; partying/gaming all night would ruin the next day and I wouldn't get to do the things I wanted to. As I started making that choice we hung out less and less. No hard feelings. Just growing apart.

That sounds very balanced and healthy.

I've found I haven't lost any friends, but I've gained some, and found new things in common with some old ones.

Has your friend circle changed?

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