Has your friend circle changed?

Options
beautifulsparkles
beautifulsparkles Posts: 314 Member
in Goal: Maintaining Weight
At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.

Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.

I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.

Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?
«13

Replies

  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    Options
    I never had food-pushing friends. I'm very much an introvert (except online), but since joining MFP I've fallen in love with exercise and parkrun, and I've made friends through running.

    I'm loving all the running groups my running friends are adding me to on Facebook.

    And in real life, I'm chatting with my (new running) friends down the street a lot more than I did when I didn't run.
  • silverarcheress
    silverarcheress Posts: 125 Member
    Options
    My friend circles have definitely changed but in different ways. I also have a group of friends who are food focused and mostly overweight. Luckily our 'girls night in's are flexible enough that I can either bring my own healthy snacks, or we get takeaways that I have found healthy options in. I don't see them often enough for it to have a big impact on my health. The good thing is that they are so used to one person or another being on a diet that me being permanently healthier isn't a problem.

    A friend who I see more regularly and we used to always eat junk food has been completely willing and happy to switch to home cooking and we both have become healthier since.

    I don't think I've dropped any friends other than those who have gone through.

    The biggest change is that I have made entirely new friends from the gym. These are friends who actually assume I'm fit and with crazy stamina levels! They encourage me to try new classes or event days. They invite me to do 5k races with them. I absolutely love hanging out with them and seeing how the friendship is building from just gym friends to true friends.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
    Options
    My friends have not changed at all, but I chose friends wisely who would never do anything but support my choices, they are all very proud of the task I've accomplished :)
  • AdrianChr92
    AdrianChr92 Posts: 567 Member
    Options
    F...F...Friends?
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
    Options
    Yeah, that happens. I started lifting and lost most of my female friends. Go figure.
  • hopeandtheabsurd
    hopeandtheabsurd Posts: 265 Member
    Options
    My friend "circle" sort of takes on different shapes depending on where I am. If I am exercising a lot, I am hanging more with people who enjoy doing active things, and I suggest active things to my other friends (even though they rarely accept). I still eat out with friends but am more aware of what I eat. I try to host more, cook more, and offer healthier snacks (people in my area feel free to bring their own extra drinks/snacks if they want, it's not been a big deal). I'll admit, it does make me a little crazy to be in social settings where there is nothing to do but sit around and stuff face, so I limit those or try to change/add to the focus (especially if it's someone I hang out with more frequently).
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
    Options
    AdrianChr92 wrote: »
    F...F...Friends?

    giphy.gif

    I didn't have friends before when I was 300+ and I don't have any friends now. Hell, I haven't had any friends since I moved to Canada 14 years ago.
  • DaddieCat
    DaddieCat Posts: 3,646 Member
    Options
    No... but my love triangle did. Does that count?
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
    Options
    No...but maybe it's a guy thing or something because none of my boys are like, "hey...you need to eat this with me." My primary circle of friends have been around for about 20 years...the only change has been that I have made additional friends who share my fitness passions.

    Actually, none of my friends except one really have had a weight problem. Ironically, most of my long time friends aren't really into fitness at all...they don't have fitness bodies, but they're not fat either. I was the fat guy of the group.
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
    Options
    No, I can't say I ever had a circle of friends obsessed about food. My other half and I have a lot of active friends. When we met he was involved with a bunch of distance mountain bikers (people who would ride from Germany to Italy etc) and I was in Ironman triathlon training. Then my parents got sick and I needed to care for them. I ate crap and had no time nor the energy or inclination to train and got fat. Eventually mum died 2 years ago and my dad died last summer. Then I spent six months in a daze.... Then I slowly got my act together again. My friends never changed though.
  • feisty_bucket
    feisty_bucket Posts: 1,047 Member
    Options
    Almost all of my socializing with friends is where we do a "walk & talk" session and just sort of meander around a neighborhood or park, looking at stuff and chatting. Sometimes there's an ice cream destination or convenience store along the way and sometimes not, but it's never a big deal. None of them are overweight.

    I know one guy though, more of an acquaintance, and he's an overweight foodie. Hanging with him is kinda weird and different. He's _really_ enthusiastic about food, like stoked to go to this high-end bakery place and buy all these expensive cookies to take home. Then the dinner place is fancy and he'll take pictures of his food, and he's loudly buddies with the waitstaff (being a regular), and then order this enormous desert. I dunno, man, can't relate. I got dinged here when I was new for ragging on foodies. So I'll just say what comes to mind about people like that is that they've "lost the plot," re: food.
  • Rachel0778
    Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
    Options
    I struggled a bit with transitioning my relationship with my best friend since we used to binge eat together all the time. It was a tough 6 months while we got used to our relationship no longer revolving around food. But now she's a super fit yoga instructor and so our lives have re-synced in the perfect way.

    There's nothing wrong with going along to hang out and just saying "no thanks" when food is offered that you don't want. And there's nothing wrong with choosing different snack options, especially since it sounds like it was common for people to bring their own bag of something so they didn't have to share. My best recommendation is to just flow like everything is normal with these two small changes and hopefully everything will go smoothly.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,259 Member
    Options
    So far, I still have pretty much the same friends, but I can't say that I ever had a circle that was as food-focused as you're describing.

    For the last few years, my friends have been a mix of artsy/craftsy people (who tend to be very sedentary and very overweight) and rowers (who of course tend to be very active, but maybe on average slightly less attuned to culture & cerebral pleasures). I also have a couple of friends who are foodies in the sense of enjoying special foods, often home-prepared, but they aren't really junk-food snackers.

    So, the artsy people don't push food, but don't encourage/understand vigorous activity (though I think I've encouraged at least one on the MFP weight-loss track, not by evangelizing but just by example), and I continue to do artsy things with them. With the rowers, I do active things, but even if we go out to eat after, they're tuned into the general idea of health management, and don't push me to eat more than I prefer. With the foodies, the general response has been for them to treat my healthy food pursuit as an additional fun challenge - to try to provide at least some gourmet goodies in the meals they fix that are healthy and lower in calories.

    I'm not particularly vocal about what I'm doing, though, and don't make a big issue of my change in eating habits. If people ask questions, I'll answer & continue conversation as long as they're interested, but I try not to seem obsessed or compulsive. Absent questions, I just quietly do what I want to do, and eat what I want to eat.

    The worst response I've gotten - and it's not bad - is people making kind of silly assumptions about what I will or won't eat.
  • cnbbnc
    cnbbnc Posts: 1,267 Member
    Options
    beautifulsparkles wrote: »
    At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.

    Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.

    I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.

    Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?

    Why do you find it hard to be around them now? I don't see what the big deal is. If going out to a restaurant or for an ice cream is something you would normally do with them, then order yourself a diet soda and stop being self righteous just because you lost weight. It doesn't give is the right to start being judgemental towards others and feel the need to shun people we have been close with. I also think it's sad for you to say you're grossed out by them. This is your issue more than theirs. Sorry.

  • areallycoolstory
    areallycoolstory Posts: 1,680 Member
    Options
    you can still enjoy food with them. food is delicious. you don't have to overeat to enjoy delicious food. try not to be grossed by them. and try not to be grossed out by yourself because you used to be like them. you were not gross before. your friends and family are not gross now. just love them for who they are. and love yourself for who you were and how you have grown.
  • CoffeeNCardio
    CoffeeNCardio Posts: 1,847 Member
    edited February 2016
    Options
    Me and my husband lost all our friends when we had children (they are all DINK). So yeah, my friend circle shrunk, but not because of weight loss.
  • beautifulsparkles
    beautifulsparkles Posts: 314 Member
    Options
    areallycoolstory wrote: »
    you can still enjoy food with them. food is delicious. you don't have to overeat to enjoy delicious food. try not to be grossed by them. and try not to be grossed out by yourself because you used to be like them. you were not gross before. your friends and family are not gross now. just love them for who they are. and love yourself for who you were and how you have grown.

    +1
  • FitPhillygirl
    FitPhillygirl Posts: 7,124 Member
    Options
    I didn't have much weight to lose so I still have the same friends as before, with a few more from my new gym.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,345 Member
    Options
    No, but then I didn't have that much to lose (20lbs)

    I find my MFP friends have changed, with being at maintenance for 3 years now I tend to lean towards other friends who are maintaining as well - we have more in common I guess...
  • toe1226
    toe1226 Posts: 249 Member
    Options
    I have done a few things, one, I invite friends to movies (but the movies are the central part, not the food), I also invite them to my house where I prepare the meal so I'm in charge. Each of my friendship circles has a vice though, my music community drinks a lot, my girlfriends snack a lot, its only my fitness friends that I really don't have to think about it, so when I get together with my non-fitness friends, I make sure that there is an activity that I can engage in other than eating *kitten*, even if that's there plan.

Categories