Am I the only one?

2

Replies

  • shellshell43
    shellshell43 Posts: 116
    So in actuality, me being a stay at home mom makes more sense to us because of the cost of daycare! We figured if I did have a job we would be using that towards childcare. No thanks, I'd rather be the one to watch my children grow up. I love kids and knew I wanted kids since I was 15. But since it's important to me to also have some type of income, we sat down and discussed the possibilities of different things I could do out of the house. Since I love to bake and am good at it, we decided that would be something I could try to do. I'm starting small with what I have (which is actually quite a bit) that way if it doesn't work out, I didn't put thousands of dollars into it. I know once I get it up and going we will have to put some money into it, but it will be worth it in the end!

    We, my husband and I, decided early in our marriage that I would stay home while the kids were young so that we wouldn't have the extra cost of daycare...I decided when my first born was a year old that she could use a playmate and that's when I started to do daycare 21 years ago...my children are now 17 and 22 and I am still at home doing daycare. I am performing an important necessary job. I wouldn't change a thing about the past 21 years..I have spent some wonderful time with my children and have gotten to know and care for many other children. I do believe I made a difference in many people's lives and I did it at home being a house wife and mother...Do what feels right for you!
  • texasladysv
    texasladysv Posts: 103 Member
    I did not read all the comments here, but I'm sure you are getting some good feedback on this comment~
    I am a stay at home mom, and there is nothing wrong with thriving in that way... If that is what you love & you thrive in life by cleaning house & doing all those (what I call) "womanly" things! lol!!! I love cleaning, used to clean houses for others & get paid for it! I love the smell of a clean house any room... clean sheets, clean toilets, clean kitchen.... it all smells good, and that makes me feel good.... maybe I'm a little old fashioned, but I think it is wonderful.... not everyone is "cut out" to thrive in this way~

    and with a home based business being your goal, & you thinking ahead for your children that is so awesome... You sound like you have a head on your shoulders, & got it together...

    my advice is never let anyone make you feel down, even when they talk down to you...no one is better than anyone else... it is a personal choice, and your choice is YOURS! no one elses! If it works for you & your husband, that is what matters..... LOVE EVERY DAY! Find moments of joy in every day, & your life will be a great memory when your kids are grown... It doenst matter what anyone else thinks or says... especially when they are being negative~
  • Tinan76
    Tinan76 Posts: 56 Member
    I'm am a stay at home mom. I personally believe if you have kids that's the way it should be. Even now that kids are in school. I volunteer in their class chaperone their field trips. I've never missed a baseball practice, game or school program. I had kids because I loved them and wanted to raise them. Not pay someone else to do it for me. I here a lot of woman say they can't afford to stay home. I gave up a lot to raise my kids, like trips to the salon and shopping having a bigger home and new cars. I dont use credit cards. But I wouldnt have it any other way. My family is worth it. You only get one chance to raise them, and I wouldnt miss that for the world.
  • Rudeene
    Rudeene Posts: 2 Member
    More power to you. If it makes you happy to be an at home mom with a home based business then go for it. Read Proverbs 31 for inspiration. Make sure you pay yourself and have your own nest egg. :bigsmile:
  • sschiano
    sschiano Posts: 48 Member
    Im still young but i also dream of being a housewife and working from home and like you when i tell people this they start yelling at me about feminism and how women have fought for years to be able to work. the thing is they fought for the CHOICE to work.

    i recomend watching MONA LISA SMILE, amazing movie about this very topic
  • chelekaz
    chelekaz Posts: 847 Member
    You definitely are not alone. If we could afford for me to not have to work I would so just be a stay at home mommy / housewife. As it is I am lucky that my company set me up with a home office so I do WORK from home while taking care of the kids. My husband and I share all of the house hold stuff... cleaning, cooking, yard work (well, not this summer as I broke my leg 3 months ago and still cannot really walk)... but .... IF I didn't have to work I would gladly be taking all that on me.

    Yes, women fought for the right to CHOOSE what they wanted to do... and I see nothing wrong with choosing to be home to take care of your family!
  • Jenscan
    Jenscan Posts: 694 Member
    But to the OP.... I say screw them. If you want your children to be raised by you, and fed healthy meals by you, then PROPS to you, Children should be raised by their parents, not a daycare!

    My child is not raised by his daycare. I raise my child. Period. I absolutely hate it when people say stuff like this. I work because I am a single mother. Even if I weren't, I'd still work outside the home. Remember, I have the choice to do that too.

    Unless you have a child, and have experience in this, do not say things like that.
  • JBRENTLINGER
    JBRENTLINGER Posts: 160
    Honestly, I wish I made enough money so my wife would not have to work. She is a 1st grade teacher and we have a 4 year old son. With inflation the way it is, it is almost impossible for a family to live in one income, unless one spouse makes over $80,000/yr.

    My Mom stayed home with my siblings and I until we were 9. Then she got a job at the elementary school we went to. I think growing up, a child needs one parent at home, whether it be the Mom or Dad.

    I would LOVE to be a stay at home Dad. I could get more down around the house!
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    I am a stay at home mom and I get this crap ALL the time. I have had be stand in front of me slack jawed and murmur incomprehensively about my college degree and my intelligence and I should work....blah, blah, blah....

    I have a job. I am raising two humans. I am in the business of making men. It is up to me and me alone to teach them to change the toilet paper roll and to put down the seat.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    I would love to stay home once we start having kids! It's a personal preference thing. It's not like you're his slave; you enjoy what you're doing and you want him to be happy. I say more power to you!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Women wanted to have a CHOICE. You have that. Do what makes the two of your happy.

    THIS! :smile:

    I'm "between jobs" at the moment and do just about everything around the house. Laundry, dishes, lawn, garbage, drywall, electrical, plumbing. I say I'm not a housewife. I'm a one-woman maintenance crew. :laugh:
  • tabbydog
    tabbydog Posts: 4,925 Member
    Why do people think that they get a say in what other people choose to do with their lives? :huh: Why would that person think that you would give a rat's *kitten* what THEY think of YOUR CHOICES. Honey, you do whatever makes you, your hubby, and your kids the happiest! Feminism is about choice, and thank goodness we each have one! :wink:
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    You've just experienced your FIRST experience of the SAHM vs. the working mom. SAHM's often feel guilty because they don't bring home $$. Working moms often feel guilty because they aren't with their children. It's an on-going debate.. Don't be surprised to hear comments like that (it could be the person who said that would give their left arm to stay home but can't afford to do so). Choose what is best for YOUR family, let others decide what is best for them. (and ignore any mean comments).
  • lcoulter23
    lcoulter23 Posts: 568 Member
    I hate cleaning so my hubby does most of it, but I love to cook and bake and have often thought of starting my own in home bakery. I am not unemployed by choice, it is just how the chips have fallen so I am home all day with my son (who up until thursday was in school all day). I go a little nuts at times, but I am not cut out for this life and I know that others are. I say good for you for knowing what you want. Don't let other people try dictating what YOU want to do. I start night classes at cosmetology school in July. I am VERY excited to learn new things. I may also start that in house bakery to help bring in funds! My specialties are cheesecakes and brownies.

    A lot of people around my area give me weird looks when I say I hate being home all day and that I hate cleaning. it just isn't my bag. But in an area where most mothers are SAHM's it is weird for a woman to want to work outside the home.
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
    But to the OP.... I say screw them. If you want your children to be raised by you, and fed healthy meals by you, then PROPS to you, Children should be raised by their parents, not a daycare!

    My child is not raised by his daycare. I raise my child. Period. I absolutely hate it when people say stuff like this. I work because I am a single mother. Even if I weren't, I'd still work outside the home. Remember, I have the choice to do that too.

    Unless you have a child, and have experience in this, do not say things like that.

    How do you know I don't have experience in this?
    And FYI its my opinion, not law. so I am entitled to it if I wish. just as you are entitled to your opinion and choice to pay for daycare.
  • chicpower1
    chicpower1 Posts: 169 Member
    I completely understand how you feel. I began volunteering at the age of 13, was hired on by the company I volunteered at the day I turned 16, and had always worked right up until I had my first child 5 years ago. My goal was never to be a stay at home mom, I was a career woman! But--it was in the best interest of my child to be home raising her and we had the financial ability for me to do so. I chose to drop the career and become a stay at home mom.

    Prior to this decision, I thought stay at home moms had it made. Home playing with babys all day, cooking at their leisure, doing whatever they felt with no schedule. Boy was I wrong! Being a SAHM is harder than ANY job I've ever worked, even harder than the Army.

    I do catch a lot of slack for being home. People assume I have it easy. They think I sleep until 10:00, spend my days shopping, and just having fun all day. I don't. I'm usually busy changing dirty diapers, entertaining the 5 year old, balancing the check book, paying the bills, cooking the meals, running errands and doing the grocery shopping, etc. I have little time for myself and, unlike those who work, when the end of the day comes my job does not end. The best way I know to explain it is to tell someone "Okay. Move to your office. You're going to live there from now on, and by the way, you are now the manager AND the employee. You are in charge of everything in the office and must do it all yourself. You need to order supplies, create and print the documents, go to the warehouse and build the materials, ship them out yourself, and still manage the employees under you and keep them happy while you're at it. You don't get a lunch break, you eat at your desk when you're able, and there is no 'end of the day', you're on-call, on the job 24/7".

    I can't say I have the passion that you have. I love taking care of my husband but I'm exhausted and tired and sometimes resent the lack of time I get to myself. Even just getting one hour a week out of the house to go take a peaceful walk with a girlfriend is often not possible.

    People are just ignorant. Just because women CAN get out of the home and into a career doesn't mean they always SHOULD. The women who came before us and fought for these rights didn't fight for us to get out of the home, they fought for us to have a CHOICE. :)
  • lcoulter23
    lcoulter23 Posts: 568 Member
    The only thing I can say that is good about me being home all day is that I get to research about my son's disability (he has autism) and go to his doctor appointments with him and work with advocates. The biggest downside is that we only have one car and I can't get out to do any errands because the nearest bus stop is over three miles away and then the bus system here is so unreliable and my son HAS to have a schedule. Also, since my hubby only makes 9.10 an hour and works an hour away we don't have much money to start with so I have started couponing and the time I am at home allows me to look at sales and stuff but I only devote about 5 hours a week to it. I still save us upwards of 50 percent on our grocery bills though. the other downside is that I have very limited contact with people outside of my house during the week unless my husband has a day during the week off. I don't completely hate being home all the time but it isn't my favorite thing either.
  • millermichellelea
    millermichellelea Posts: 226
    It is your life and your path ~~~ people give advice off of their wants, needs, desires and experiences. Which means---their path may not be right for ours. You know what will make you happy --- that is your answer. :smile:
  • GrampsWooha
    GrampsWooha Posts: 184
    pay no attention to the haters. its your life and if that what makes u happy then go for it!
  • AlyssaAmes3
    AlyssaAmes3 Posts: 26 Member
    I think we may be twins LOL! I am a stay at home wife and mother and a current college student and I love it all. I wouldnt have it any other way. I get remarks sometimes but I dont let it bother me for to long. I like taking care of my husband and son. I like having a clean and tidy house and have fun cooking meals. My husband takes car of ALL the outside housework. He mows, cuts, splits and stacks firewood, weed wacks and is currently buidling himself a tool shed. Not to mention he works a full time job plus works on the side as a Handy man. I know how you feel. I always feel like i have to defend my choices (especially to my family and mother who think women should not be controlled by a man and do as they please no matter what). FYI my husband does not control me. Just like you we take care of eachother but it different ways. Do what you want to do for you and your family no matter what others may think. You're already doing more than me by planning an at home bakery! Congrats!
  • Britt22706
    Britt22706 Posts: 97
    first of all, I am with you. I love to take care of my man and he loves to take care of me. And by accident we have taken on those "gender roles" because I don't mind the cleaning and cooking ( I LOVE to cook!) and he doesn't mind being mister fix it and what not. I'd say, whatever works for you two, do it. Whatever makes you both happy! Especialyl yourself, whatever makes you happy!!
  • jamontagne
    jamontagne Posts: 115
    I want the "best of both worlds" lol. I want to be a stay-at-home mom, "barefoot and pregnant" for about 4 years so we have 3 kids but I want to work and be able to depend on my own income if ever neccessary. So ... I found a job that will allow me to work from home via a home office. I will be able to actually work for a company - putting in a typical 40hrs/week while still being home with kids and taking care of the house. :) As a matter of fact - by the time we have kids (probably 2 years from now) I'll most likely be making more money than my fiance.

    So ... I'll be the "bread-winner" and "housewife" - and my fiance will jsut be a nice little extra in my life hahahaha

    That is waht feminists (spelling) fought for - the right to choose whatever path we want with no one telling us what to do - AKA FREEDOM!!
  • Chiquita_Banana
    Chiquita_Banana Posts: 500
    So I recently had somebody talk down to me because of this and I wondered if I am the only one who does this/ feels this way?

    I genuinely enjoy taking care of my fiance because I know that he takes care of me, we just do it in different ways! I take care of the house, do the cleaning, the dishes (though he does do the dishes now and then when he knows I am too busy), do the laundry, and cook. I like to have a clean house and to be able to make him a hot meal when he gets home from work. On the other hand, he does the lawn work and the carpentry stuff on the house (we're remodeling a lot on our house). After we have kids, I want to be a stay at home mom so that I can take care of the kids and keep a clean house. I love being home and being able to cook healthy meals. When I was growing up, I didn't have that. My mom worked and we always had fast food for dinner. I have been independent most of my life, though, so I am starting an in-home bakery right now while I still have a day job in the hopes of it being pretty successful by the time we have kids and I quit my job. This way I will still be bringing an income into the house to help with everyday things. I don't, in any way, want to have to rely on my fiance financially.

    Somebody the other day asked us what our plans were after marriage. After finding out I wanted to be a house wife they said some not so nice things and told me to look up what women went through to have rights in this country. I'm not saying all women should stay home and none of us should work, and since I want to do the in-home bakery I think I will still be working, just at home. So am I the only one that likes to do the housework and cook??? I don't feel like I'm degrading myself by doing this!
    I am going to put this as nicely as I can. Why do you care what those people think? I would have shot back, You are right, I can make my own choice and staying at home is my choice. Ironically, your comments are doing more to suppress my rights with that pseudo-feminazi crap you are spewing. Who are you to judge?

    Maybe you would want to state it a little nicer.

    so agree, we have the right to choose what we want to do whereas before, nots o much choice, do whats best for you and your family and dont mind what people think.
  • KMcBandit
    KMcBandit Posts: 65
    I stay at home and raise 5 kid's I clean cook do laundry everything a homemaker should be doing. We work hard and some people are just ****'s don't let it bother you just do that math if they had to pay a babysitter..a cook.. a housekeeper.. a laundry service... a driver.. a nurse.. an accountant and someone to wipe the tears of everyone in the family those *kitten* holes would go broke so I say tell them to suck it suck it hard and get over the fact that they get their balls put to the wall by people who pay them jack **** for being their *****es all day :D I got no boss and noone to answer to so yeah more power to you sweetie do what you do be proud of who you are and what you want to be and everyone else can be non existant because your job is the job that really matters.
  • KMcBandit
    KMcBandit Posts: 65
    Ps.. It's been said to me too and I have no problem telling them my thoughts on the matter but I don't let them get to me :heart:
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Being a stay at home mum IS a job...really, women who do this have my utmost admiration. :flowerforyou:
  • leni1us
    leni1us Posts: 859 Member
    I think you got a resounding - "Who cares what they think!!" from just about everybody. Do what you feel is best for you and your family.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    Women wanted to have a CHOICE. You have that. Do what makes the two of your happy.

    This exactly. Women wanted the right to choose.

    As an aside, I have a couple of friends that are stay at home moms / housewives. I'm seriously in awe of the cool things they can do that I can't. I just do not have the aptitude to be a housewife.
  • osmoticferocity
    osmoticferocity Posts: 23
    If you're able to make that choice, you're both extremely lucky.

    As for me, I don't really care one way or another about gender roles. If I had a ladyfriend sweet enough to take care of me, I'd count myself blessed. And if I had a ladyfriend with a six figure pay check who didn't need me to contribute financially, I'd gladly mind the household duties.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
    Yeah it was really terrible in the days when all Moms stayed at home. I mean there were no school shootings or latchkey kids or all this other garbage.
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