Viscous cycle of self hate

I go through these spells as well. Just last week I fell apart at the gym after ANOTHER weekly weigh-in without improvement. It's so frustrating to do everything right and still have no positive results to show for it.

Avoiding the self-hate mantra is tough. It helps to have a strong support system. It also helps to know what sort of encouragement you respond best.

I think the thing that helped me the very most was a digital food scale. Do you use one?

Just commit to logging all your food and get a realistic idea of where you are currently. Then adjust from there.

Exercise is for health (and my mental health ) but isn't necessary for weight loss. Weight loss is all about eating less calories than your body needs in a day. That can only be accomplished by knowing exactly how many calories you are putting into your body.

You totally can do this! Good luck!

Stop the negative self talk first. Stop it. It doesn't do any good and makes you just want to eat more for comfort. Stop it.

Next, you have to be honest with yourself. You haven't lost any weight. Ok. Are you doing what you are supposed to be doing or are you kinda sliding through the days? I'm not supposed to have sugar. My weight loss has stopped and I had to be honest with myself. I've been drinking more pop, eating a lot of fruit cups and sliding in a few pieces of candy every night. I need to refocus and knock it off. I know if I do a day or two of good behaviors, the weight loss will start creeping up again.

If you haven't been slipping, try changing something, change your exercise routine, change something else in your food & nutrition. Recalculate your calories, maybe you should adjust them up or down a bit. Plateaus are normal remember. Maybe you aren't a morning person and an evening workout is better for you. Maybe a lunch time walk for a week or two will get you more motivated to go back to early morning workouts. Work through your plateau. Its the only way.

Track your food, track your exercise. Make good choices. Sleep, eat. Even if you don't feel like going to the gym, get up and go for a walk. It will happen. The biggest thing I've found is WHAT foods I eat are just as important to me as how many calories. I find more protein works in the morning, more carbs in the evening and stop eating after 7 or 8pm works well for me. (I know a calorie is a calorie but there is something about a good combination of foods that seems to work for me). Find what works for you and do it. It takes patience and practice.

You can do it, I know it. You just have to know it now too.

Identify the things you can control and the things you can't. Then change what you can and accept the things you can't.

So for example, I am not a morning person so me thinking I'm going to get up at the butt crack of dawn to exercise is just setting myself up for failure because it won't happen. So instead, I allow myself to sleep, get up leisurely, and go to the gym in the afternoon when I have energy and the willpower. Success!

I also have a plan that I follow every day. If I don't see progress on the scale every day, that's okay, I just try to figure out what I might be able to change. If it's not something I can change (like maybe I'm PMSing and the scale is up), okay, well, that's okay, because it doesn't last long, so I'll just carry on and just not weigh for a few days.

Those days come where you feel like crap, but say if your best friend was beating herself up, would you be supportive of her or would you join in? You'd probably be more supportive - so do that with yourself. And try to change the things you can control.

And yes, I will echo the poster who suggested using a food scale. Stop using cups and tablespoons to measure. They're incredibly inaccurate. You will be very surprised at the difference that ONE change will make.

One of the best classes I ever attended was an eight week course on living with chronic conditions (I count obesity). These courses are offered by all sorts of agencies all over North America and there's a similar course available also in the UK.

http://patienteducation.stanford.edu/programs/cdsmp.html

I was taught a troubleshooting technique to review weekly my progress and to set SMART goals. By moving the weight loss game from the emotional to the intellectual, I stopped wallowing in regret. If something didn't work, I'd brainstorm the causes and what I might change the next time around. I began to see weekly progress in my goals, even if I wasn't counting the scale. For instance, I might make a better choice of evening snack. Small improvements over time let to bigger changes overall. And I felt much better.

In the example of your very bad awful no-good night of insomnia, what might you try differently next time? I sort of like the idea of doing an exercise video in the middle of the night, working up a good sweat and hopefully a peaceful sleep afterwards.

Read up also on Cognitive Distortion and all-or-nothing thinking.

I totally relate to the funk that follows after bad news at the scale. I really don't like the scale at all. It fails to tell the whole story. Like it totally does not remember that I worked really hard all that week.

I know it's a commercial, but that Dove (I think??) commercial that suggests 99% of women will have a self-hate moment every single day really hit home for me, and it your post does the same.

Most people - men and women alike - will have a moment of self hate or self doubt or something at any given moment.

The advice I learned to take (rather, try to take) is to talk to yourself like you'd talk to your best friend. Because you SHOULD be your best friend. Sometimes you need to tell yourself "it's okay sweetheart, there's always tomorrow" and sometimes you need to tough love yourself. But you should never disrespect yourself. Never. You are in this fight and as long as you're here with a purpose, you are winning the big battle. Some days it will be hard. Some days you'll feel like you're not fighting for anything. But you are, you're fighting for you. For your wellness. For your health. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and hold your head high.

It's okay to feel discouraged. It's okay to feel proud. But it is not ever okay to be mean or hateful to yourself.

Keep on keeping on. As others suggested, try something different. But whatever you do, don't quit. You've got this. You've got all of us on your side. We all need someone sometimes. You've got this. And if you don't think you do, we've got you.

Everyone has failures, i went from 285 to 225 back up to 265 and then have stayed at 200'ish for the past 3 years now.

The biggest difference between someone that succeeds and someone that doesn't is consistency. When you don't do well on X day just forget it and move on. a few good days in a row kill a bad day. but a few bad days in a row can lead to many more.

If you're not losing weight just look at what you're eating. Maybe try and track everything you eat so you can see numerically how you're eating every week. Maybe you think you're eating 1800 calories and you're really eating 2300 because you're not counting your coffee and X snack or something. If you track everything and then stick to eating at /around x number then weight loss is pretty much guaranteed.