He-Man Woman Haters Club

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  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
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    OMG!!!! I Love this!!!! bwahahahahahaha :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    Something here that some of the younger guys don't know (either through inexperience or being too drunk all the time) is that women will go into profuse bouts of farting all night long. What happens is that they go through the entire day holding all that gas in since they refuse to consciously fart in front of other humans (they have well trained muscles for doing this) and at night, as they drift off into the wonderful world of dream land, their muscles start to relax from the long day of having stress placed upon them. Once they enter the first stage of REM sleep, they begin to "deflate" in a process that often lasts the entire night.

    It's also a little known fact that this is why so many married men suffer from Sleep Apnea, it's a subconscious defense mechanism centered in our reptilian brain where we sense the danger from the noxious gas and refuse to breathe it in for fear of suffering permanent sinus damage from the noxious burning fumes.
  • justahorsen
    justahorsen Posts: 234
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    My co-workers are looking at me.....as I sit at my desk and laugh REALLY loud!!! This whole thread is too funny!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
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    Sorry I couldnt resist......

    "why can't women park cars? because for years men have been telling them that 3 inches is 6"

    And of course when we really want to be amused or entertained for 20 minutes, we can always rely on that old stalwart parallel parking when our SO's drive

    not_so_parallel_parked.jpg
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
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    6r2hs6.jpg

    >"Oh em gee! Being Chicks is so much fun!" - Bender
    >"Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff!" - Fry

    http://www.mediamarketjournal.com/2011/05/new-clip-for-upcoming-gender-swap-futurama-episode/
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
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    Bill Burr is a goldmine for this stuff:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztd8Z1qbJ0c

    "Women are just constantly patting themselves on the back about how difficult their lives are, and nobody corrects them, because they want to f*** them."

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztd8Z1qbJ0c
  • registers
    registers Posts: 782 Member
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    I think the ideal woman would be pretty, deaf, blind and mute...
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
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    I think the ideal woman would be pretty, deaf, blind and mute...

    Nah just mute. She needs to hear and see to know how to prepare the sandwiches correctly.
  • LizC26
    LizC26 Posts: 319 Member
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    I've been with the wrong man apparently...All you guys want is a sandwich??? I have to actually cook :(
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    I've been with the wrong man apparently...All you guys want is a sandwich??? I have to actually cook :(

    and a steak....
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    True story: My ex actually broke up with me over a sandwich. We were together 8 years.

    He had a job, and was training to become a ballroom dance teacher. So after work, he went home to his Mommy who'd make him dinner, then go to dance class. I was a fool and wasn't able to anticipate not only what time, if ever, he'd show up at my house (he kept his computer here so he could look at porn and smoke cigarettes without his Mommy's knowledge), but that he would want a grilled cheese sandwich when he got there.

    There were a lot of other factors in our split, but my lack of psychic sandwich making powers were high on his list.

    Lesson learned! I know when to make a sandwich now. And know not to make them for pansy-arsed, mama's boy, jackholes who's dream is to teach ballroom dance to senior citizens. :laugh:
  • kyodi
    kyodi Posts: 376 Member
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    To the women on this thread; less posting and more sandwich making/beer fetching.....GOSH!!! Bonus points for making bread for the sandwich with beer in it.
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
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    He was training to become a ballroom dance teacher. So after work, he went home to his Mommy who'd make him dinner, then go to dance class.

    I lol'd.
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
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    2je61li.jpg
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    OoooOoh. Now I have this overwhelming desire to watch a MANswers marathon. BEST...SHOW...EVER!!!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    To the women on this thread; less posting and more sandwich making/beer fetching.....GOSH!!! Bonus points for making bread for the sandwich with beer in it.

    Sorry. Was too busy mowing the lawn. :wink:
  • kyodi
    kyodi Posts: 376 Member
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    To the women on this thread; less posting and more sandwich making/beer fetching.....GOSH!!! Bonus points for making bread for the sandwich with beer in it.

    Sorry. Was too busy mowing the lawn. :wink:

    Priorities can be flexible as long as it all gets done :wink:
  • zorbaru
    zorbaru Posts: 1,077 Member
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    Ever hear a woman say "a womans work is never done"?

    thats probably why they dont get paid as much.
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    OoooOoh. Now I have this overwhelming desire to watch a MANswers marathon. BEST...SHOW...EVER!!!

    Attractive and cool as hell, didn't realize this combination existed. :D
  • Hanne76
    Hanne76 Posts: 10
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    LMAO!!!!!!! This thread is great!
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    OoooOoh. Now I have this overwhelming desire to watch a MANswers marathon. BEST...SHOW...EVER!!!

    Attractive and cool as hell, didn't realize this combination existed. :D

    (In classic NatGeo narrator voice)

    It's called a former female Marine. The current varieties can primarily be found in Jacksonville, NC, San Diego, CA, and Okinawa, Japan. The elite of these for the overly ambitious or suicidal can be found in Parris Island, SC wearing a "smoky bear"-type hat. Very difficult to approach as they are often surrounded by many males of Adonis-type build who she either mentally categorizes as either her older overprotective brothers she is fiercely loyal to or her annoying younger brothers who need constant minding and a firm hand. Most in her male-harem consider sleeping with her at one point or another and less than half have the combination of testicular fortitude and stupidity to actually approach her with such an offer. The female Marine takes MUCH pleasure in humiliating these lofty suitors to the point they are forever discouraged from ever attempting again; the rejected ones then commit themselves to a life of c@ckblocking so no other males, LEAST of all civilians will ever approach the female Marine. Around a female Marine's second year of development, she has been conditioned and rewired in such a way that she is the most dangerous of women; She actually considers herself "one of the guys". She can swear worse than a sailor could ever aspire to, hurl insults freely and often, give an honest appraisal of a civilian female specimen while maintaining a Kinsey-scale rating under 2, dole out black-eyes with a mean right cross and crack shins effortlessly with her steel-toe boot. Worst of all, she sports an uber-fit & lean physique with a firm *kitten*, ornamentation of the rack-type and deceptively long hair that she keeps pinned up during the day but renders her completely unrecognizable to her male-harem when let down (to the point they'll choke mid cat-call and run to hide once realizing their near-fatal error). SHE IS A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING!!! If ANY male is lucky enough to impress and trick her into having carnal desires for him and secure a marriage contract, he will later be susceptible to the epiphany that she is probably the closest a man can get without actually crossing the line of homosexuality. It is also nearly IMPOSSIBLE for a female to fully return to her prior level of kinship with those of her own gender after undergoing such a transformation, for she now thinks of them from a male perspective, minus the hormonally-induced stupidity.

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