Not-so-helpful S/O
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slong12041989
Posts: 21 Member
Hello! I've used MFP off and on for years now and am looking to be a more consistent user. Not necessarily to obsess over every calorie, but so I can analyze what I eat and see what choices are most detrimental; therefore where I can make changes for a bigger impact! At one point I peaked at about 180 lbs... I'm now down to 150 and would like to lose about 15-20 more pounds as well as sculpt and tone!
I'm wondering if anyone has advice on a bit of on issue I'm having in the journey to eat healthier... My boyfriend and I live and work together, so we share almost every meal. He's fit because he works out a lot, but he has terrible eating habits. He doesn't understand that my body doesn't work that way and insists that if I just work out more, I can eat as unhealthily as he does and still lose weight. He often brings home fast food for me, ice cream, chips, candy, etc. Of course I can always say no, but it's difficult since I'm trying to change my lifestyle and have always been tempted by junk food anyway! It also makes purchasing groceries and planning meals harder. He doesn't really like veggies, or salmon (one of my favorite leaner choices for protein) so I find myself not buying them and struggling to prepare healthy meals with ingredients he will eat!
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
I'm wondering if anyone has advice on a bit of on issue I'm having in the journey to eat healthier... My boyfriend and I live and work together, so we share almost every meal. He's fit because he works out a lot, but he has terrible eating habits. He doesn't understand that my body doesn't work that way and insists that if I just work out more, I can eat as unhealthily as he does and still lose weight. He often brings home fast food for me, ice cream, chips, candy, etc. Of course I can always say no, but it's difficult since I'm trying to change my lifestyle and have always been tempted by junk food anyway! It also makes purchasing groceries and planning meals harder. He doesn't really like veggies, or salmon (one of my favorite leaner choices for protein) so I find myself not buying them and struggling to prepare healthy meals with ingredients he will eat!
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
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My wife loves sweets, and is MUCH taller than me and a heavy lifter--she can make that stuff work way better than I can, and it wasn't until I laid out how many cals per week I get, versus her, that she really 'got' it. For me, I just had to learn to say no, it's her house too, and if she wants chips and candy and stuff, that's her business. Luckily, sweets don't kill me the way her being into, say, chicken wings would, we crave different stuff.
On the food thing, honestly, I'm the cook in the house, and I told her she can give me three things, that I won't make for us. Three. She can change them, but I need a two week notice. Right now they are: peas, beets, and lima beans. Other than that, she can eat what I make or she can make something for herself. She won't often fight me on it, but sometimes she does choose to do Taco Bell instead.0 -
slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.0 -
I would show this blog to your boyfriend and then tell him it how you feel when he brings home junk food.0
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Just ask him to not bring home any for you. If that doesn't work, don't eat it and he will quickly get the message. You can't stop or change his habits, only yours. My boyfriend is 6ft3, works a very very active job and is into weightlifting. His calorie allotment for the day is my super mega cheat day. It makes it hard when he brings home hot chips but the fact I don't have room to pinch some off him isn't his problem. You just have to eat what you have to eat and them them eat what they have to eat.0
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I bring home cakes, cookies and ice creams daily . if my husband doesn't want to eat it, that's up to him. I won't change how I eat because someone else doesn't have self control or can't say no to treats. That's not my problem. I work hard to pay bills so am entitled to have the foods I like in my house. If my husband doesn't like It then he can purchase his own foods or practice self control ,either way its not my problem .
You can't expect him to eat the way you do and vice versa. Instead tell him no thanks and explain that you've been working on improving your diet or trying to stay within your calorie goal . if you don't have the self control then that isn't his problem. If he pays bills and works, IMO then he is entitled to eat whatever he pleases.its up to you as to if you eat it with him.
Unless he is shoving it down your throat and force feeding you, you can say no thanks.
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slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .0 -
I eat whatever is in the house, I just eat less of it. No blaming of others, everyone is happy including me!0
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Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics and saying what you're saying on the interwebs? Couples get out of sync with each other but talking to him, rather than the ether, is probably a really good start.0
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I am surprised by the responses, while I am sure you agree that he is grown and can eat what he would like, he probably just doesn't understand that you are really having a hard time. I would have a really hard time if my hubby was bringing the stuff home for me too. He should be able to make some different choices/have those things away from you to help & support you. Maybe show him with your choices that you are really serious and showing him your words on here might really help too. Congrats on losing 30lbs already!0
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Thanks everyone. I definitely don't expect him to eliminate what he likes to eat just because it's tempting to me. I guess it's the "have a bite, aw come on just one, split it with me" day in day out that's wears down my resistance haha. It is up to me though and I will just have to be better with self control and explaining to him how important is it to me to eat healthier, so although it's nice to want to share, I'd rather he not offer, especially if I've already said no.
Chimaerandi, thank you for the tips on cooking meals. I also do most of the cooking and feel guilty making something I know he won't eat, but I like the idea of setting up the foods I agree not to cook, maybe it could be his top three most hated or I can learn different ways to cook certain veggies so he may like them more.
Sounds like we just need to focus on being more independent with our meals since we have different goals!0 -
I agree that people need to be able to have self control and take responsibility for themselves. I also wouldn't purposefully do something that would make it harder for my husband to achieve his goals in fact I try to make it easier for him. I will buy snacks for myself that I know he doesn't like.
Maybe you can make a list of your favorites and ask that he not bring those home? Or you can weigh out a small portion and enjoy whatever fits into your calorie goals? You can make your own dinner, you don't have to eat the same thing he does. If you like salmon, have some salmon!0 -
@slong12041989 it's been a little bit of a pain in the butt, but I've learned to cook a lot of vegetables in a lot of interesting and flavorful ways, and she's learned that she likes vegetables more than she thinks she does when some prep effort goes into them. Try roasting--it brings out some sweetness.0
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You are going to have to have "the talk" with him. Tell him you will not eat the fast food, ice cream, chips, candy, etc unless the caloric count fits into your plan for the day. Otherwise it will need to go into a special cabinet or the fridge and of course he is welcome to eat it. As for meals, buy what you want to eat and cook it in addition to what you are cooking for him. A 4 oz serving of salmon and steamed veggies will be a nice easy to fix meal to complement his steak and baked potato with fixins. There should be a way to compromise.
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AH another thing! I bank for the weekends, so I always let her make a request for the weekend--chicken and dumplings, chicken pot pie, alfredo, whatever. And then I make that on a day when I have more room to play. It helps with her feelings like I'm always cooking to my needs (because I am not making two meals every night) and she has come to appreciate that she is eating healthier too.0
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I would ask to him to not bring the food home. Explain that while you don't need him to eat what you will be eating, you need his help and encouragement in succeeding in a goal. If he doesn't do this, and instead sabotaging your goals, that is not someone that you would want in your life. You want to be with someone who helps make you your best version...0
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My DH and I have been married 12 years. One of the compromises we've made is that we don't always eat the same meals or snacks...and that's OK. I don't accuse him of sabotage when he's eating a can of Pringles. He doesn't accuse me either when I sit down with Reese's Pieces I budgeted for. If one of us doesn't like what the other cooked there is a cupboard of alternatives. It's been invaluable as I've learned to say no to work donuts and reduced my eating at company lunches. There was a time I felt I couldn't say "no" unless I was very full. Now I can say No at home, work, big family events. The practice only made me stronger.0
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics
What have the pictures got to do with him?0 -
bendyourkneekatie wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics
What have the pictures got to do with him?
Well, he wouldn't want his property exposed without granting permission first, would he?0 -
bendyourkneekatie wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics
What have the pictures got to do with him?
Well, he wouldn't want his property exposed without granting permission first, would he?
Property? She is her own person.0 -
bendyourkneekatie wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics
What have the pictures got to do with him?
Well, he wouldn't want his property exposed without granting permission first, would he?
Property? She is her own person.
Pretty sure davpul was being sarcastic. Sunnybeaches105 not so much.0
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