Not-so-helpful S/O
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I literally googled this same thing like a month ago. I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about needing him to support me, and although bringing me french fries for lunch is nice, it's not helping me on what I need to do for myself right now. The temptation is too much and it's not good for him either (even though he somehow doesn't gain weight). Sit him down and open up about how you feel. Try to compromise. We eat separate meals a lot. Specific things that are hard for you to resist ask him not to bring around out of respect for you right now. Tell him why this is important to you. It's the only way he'll understand you're serious.
Don't feel bad saying "no thanks" to something he gives you either. I felt bad about for a long time because it was something he went out of his way to get for me but now that I'm saying "no" my boyfriend seems to get it. I say "no, you can eat it" and leave the room to avoid temptation. Now he's started asking before he brings junk food home and he's even started changing his eating habits a little too... He ate a kale salad this week. Major accomplishment. Men can just be hard to get through to. Be firm and communicate clearly what you need from him. Some small compromises aren't too much to ask. Goodluck!0 -
I cook and everyone else has to eat it lol. I like my sweets etc too so I make them fit. I find it easier to resist when they are in the cupboard and available though (weird) If I haven't got them in then I want them more. I have kids so sweets, chocolate, cakes and biscuits are always here. If it fits into my calories I eat it - if it doesn't I don't or I do more exercise to allow for them.0
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You don't have to eat what someone else is eating. Yes, you can eat those foods if you fit them in your calorie goal but if you don't want to use your calories on them then have what you want to eat.
Have him make a list of at least 10 meals he will eat. Get him to agree to eat out less often. Make/buy your food and he makes/buys his own.
I live with my husband and daughter- both have different calorie needs and food preferences. Neither need to lose weight. We eat out one meal a week and the rest are prepared at home. I plan meals for the whole month at a time and post the list in the kitchen. No surprises for anyone.
Dd is the pickiest and just won't like dinner a few times a week. She won't eat fish so we don't have it very often. She loves pasta which dh doesn't like. So fish or pasta has something on the side that the other person will eat. We eat chicken or meatless meals often. There are tons of chicken recipes. Turkey or pork are also okay. Beef is too expensive so we have it maybe once a month. I make soup once a week so I can freeze it or reheat it for other meals. Breakfast for dinner is popular with everyone- and generally quick to prepare foods.
Sometimes dd is just going to be making her own sandwich, eating cereal, fruit, yogurt or whatever. She is a teenager not a toddler.
I am responsible for what goes in my body. I put more vegetables on my plate than dh and dd. I buy frozen vegetables to reduce waste so I only cook what I need. I have a salad with dinner. I weigh or measure my portions of food. I look up nutrition info for restaurants and make a choice that fits my goal. I pre-log my whole day of food every morning.
They like ice cream, sweets and chips for snacks so they are always in the house. If it doesn't fit my goals for the day then I don't eat them. I have snack food I can enjoy. The only food left out in sight is a bowl of fruit and a loaf of bread.
My family has enjoyed recipes from http://www.budgetbytes.com
http://www.skinnytaste.com is also a good source.
I get food ideas from pinterest often as well.
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Trust me, from the 'married twenty seven years after dating & traveling together for five years' side of things: there are a lot of ways to be a couple... food doesn't have to be one of them! Focus on eating what you want & need to eat when you want & need to eat it. Period. He will figure out if he wants to eat what you're eating or fend for himself. Refuse to split an item you wouldn't eat otherwise. Absent yourself from the food & it will all be fine.0
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A funny aside: I have spent many years home with the kids while my husband developed his career. I was the primary cook. Im not proud that I gradually gained weight during those years, and he was quietly critical of my weight. This year he moved back east for four months on a job assignment & I joined MFP. I told everyone I stopped cooking. Not exactly true: I still wash, slice, sear and braise things. I just don't cook elaborate menus for hours and I almost entirely gave up baking. Unsurprisingly, I lost twenty pounds. Guess who gained twenty pounds? That's right, mr. fitness who had to step and shuffle to feed himself everyday far from home. Did I feel vindicated? A little. Being in charge of all the food all the time was not the best job for me. I wish I would have given myself permission to quit that sooner.0
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Is he bringing home the ice cream, candy, chips, fast food, etc. because that is how your relationship has always been, or is he bringing it home to prove his point that you can eat those things and still lose weight because that is what he does? If it is the latter, I can see how that would be really annoying, especially because you are reaching the more challenging part of weight loss when you have to be very choosy about spending your calories wisely.
I think you need some clear communication so that you can set a boundary. Let him know how much you love and appreciate his thoughtfulness in bringing delicious food home for you - acknowledge his effort and that it is an attempt to be caring. Then communicate your need to be very picky about what you are eating right now - if you don't want to work those foods into your daily calories, let him know why (i.e. if I spend 300 calories on an order of fries, it will not be very filling or satisfying to me, so it wouldn't help me to reach my goal). Let him know what you will be doing when he brings home food for you in the future - if you continue bringing me treats I won't eat, I will put them in the refrigerator for you to eat later. Finally, let him know what he can do to support you - what can he bring you instead of treats? For instance, I no longer keep diet soda at home, so a bottle of diet soda would be a huge treat for me that wouldn't impact my progress.
Then, adhere to your plan.
As for meals, my husband and I eat so differently that it doesn't make sense to try to cook one meal. We each cook for ourselves. I tend to meal prep over the weekend and eat whatever I've made over the week. He likes to cook different stuff each evening. If he refused to cook for himself, either he'd get really skinny really fast or waste a lot of money eating out. He's an adult, and I trust he can figure it out.0 -
I think there are 2 issues here, the first is although the OP can say no to the treats he brings home, everybody here knows that can be hard. Also he sounds like he offers more than once, even if she says no the first time, which isn't very fair. So speak to him about how he needs to understand that you are trying your best and you feel he's not as supportive as he could be etc...
The cooking thing, if he doesn't like what you make, then he can either eat it or make himself something. I think @chimaerandi has the right idea with the 3 things that you won't cook thing. Also there are ways for you to have salmon and he have something else, I'm vegetarian my boyf isn't and has no intention of ever being, he will make stew and add meat in separately, I will make a veg option for me and he has meat with potatoes/chips/veg etc... My boyf is over 6ft and is convinced the best way to lose weight is just exercise, he can eat almost 700 - 1000 calories more than me a day.
To echo all others in the post, speak to him, show him this is upsetting you.0 -
bendyourkneekatie wrote: »bendyourkneekatie wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics
What have the pictures got to do with him?
Well, he wouldn't want his property exposed without granting permission first, would he?
Property? She is her own person.
Pretty sure davpul was being sarcastic. Sunnybeaches105 not so much.
Nice. It depends on their relationship but I wouldn't posts pics like that without checking with my wife first. This is MFP though so gotta follow the script, right? Carry on with the outrage . . .
ETA: I do find it interesting how much can be read into a statement. Keep in mind the OP was both complaining about her spouse and posting pics. It's the perfect MFP recipe for unsolicited proposals. Hence, my response. What I did not say is that her pics are in anyway inappropriate, absent some agreement with her spouse, and people have a variety of relationships and comfort levels with pics.
There are certain subjects on here though the tend to go right to dumpster fire with the right prodding. Oh, and thanks Dave. Nice to see you again. That was the perfect response to push this thread over the edge, and I'm pretty sure it will go there as a result.
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You don't have to eat what someone else is eating. Yes, you can eat those foods if you fit them in your calorie goal but if you don't want to use your calories on them then have what you want to eat.
Have him make a list of at least 10 meals he will eat. Get him to agree to eat out less often. Make/buy your food and he makes/buys his own.
I live with my husband and daughter- both have different calorie needs and food preferences. Neither need to lose weight. We eat out one meal a week and the rest are prepared at home. I plan meals for the whole month at a time and post the list in the kitchen. No surprises for anyone.
Dd is the pickiest and just won't like dinner a few times a week. She won't eat fish so we don't have it very often. She loves pasta which dh doesn't like. So fish or pasta has something on the side that the other person will eat. We eat chicken or meatless meals often. There are tons of chicken recipes. Turkey or pork are also okay. Beef is too expensive so we have it maybe once a month. I make soup once a week so I can freeze it or reheat it for other meals. Breakfast for dinner is popular with everyone- and generally quick to prepare foods.
Sometimes dd is just going to be making her own sandwich, eating cereal, fruit, yogurt or whatever. She is a teenager not a toddler.
I am responsible for what goes in my body. I put more vegetables on my plate than dh and dd. I buy frozen vegetables to reduce waste so I only cook what I need. I have a salad with dinner. I weigh or measure my portions of food. I look up nutrition info for restaurants and make a choice that fits my goal. I pre-log my whole day of food every morning.
They like ice cream, sweets and chips for snacks so they are always in the house. If it doesn't fit my goals for the day then I don't eat them. I have snack food I can enjoy. The only food left out in sight is a bowl of fruit and a loaf of bread.
My family has enjoyed recipes from http://www.budgetbytes.com
http://www.skinnytaste.com is also a good source.
I get food ideas from pinterest often as well.
Any chance you share your monthly meal plan somewhere? Because it sounds like you are all over this. Very much like my life, except I hate meal planning.
OP any chance communicating some simple math would help? Maybe calculate his maintenance calories vs. your current goal calories?
My DH's maintenance calories are around 2400 at a guess (don't know his exact weight), with no exercise. My setting here now is 1400.0 -
A funny aside: I have spent many years home with the kids while my husband developed his career. I was the primary cook. Im not proud that I gradually gained weight during those years, and he was quietly critical of my weight. This year he moved back east for four months on a job assignment & I joined MFP. I told everyone I stopped cooking. Not exactly true: I still wash, slice, sear and braise things. I just don't cook elaborate menus for hours and I almost entirely gave up baking. Unsurprisingly, I lost twenty pounds. Guess who gained twenty pounds? That's right, mr. fitness who had to step and shuffle to feed himself everyday far from home. Did I feel vindicated? A little. Being in charge of all the food all the time was not the best job for me. I wish I would have given myself permission to quit that sooner.
YESSSS scolaris I had no idea but I loooove this! I wish vindication weren't so sweet sometimes...0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.0 -
Avoiding temptation can be tough. I suggest figuring out what foods are the most difficult for you to avoid and sweetly demand that he keep those foods out of the house. He can eat them when you are not around. For those less tempting foods, you can learn to say no by practicing. It does get easier. Personally, I cannot handle cookies. I will eat them until they are gone. So, I don't allow them in the house. But, we do buy ice cream and chips that I do not eat because I am committed enough to say no.
As for the grocery shopping, buy what you like. One night, make extra portions of something he likes. The following night, make your salmon or whatever, and he can eat leftovers or fend for himself.
There has never been a woman who can eat like her man and exercise enough to still lose weight. It just isn't gonna happen.0 -
Any chance you share your monthly meal plan somewhere? Because it sounds like you are all over this. Very much like my life, except I hate meal planning.
Here-> https://lounmoun.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/meal-plan-end-of-feb-end-of-march/0 -
jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?0 -
slong12041989 wrote: »He's fit because he works out a lot, but he has terrible eating habits. He doesn't understand that my body doesn't work that way and insists that if I just work out more, I can eat as unhealthily as he does and still lose weight.
This is basically true. You can eat the same way as him, but less calories, and work out more and you will lose weight. To your point, that's not what you want to do.
Or to better summarise what I think your position should be is: "I have found the best way for me to lose weight and be healthy is eat salmon and .... and not eat a lot of ice cream and ... while doing this amount and type of exercise that I like to do." He has a different way.
I will say before we had kids and still had a social life, I found when my SO was excluding highly caloric food, I found myself feeling (although incorrectly) that she was not enjoying what we did, generally hanging out with friends at bars/restaurants. So he may be similar, thinking you are changing something about your relationship. As others said, tell him what you need and he should support you. If he doesn't, then I think you know the answer.0 -
My boyfriend "didn't like" broccoli or turkey the same way your SO doesn't like veggies or salmon.
I do the grocery shopping and the cooking. If he "doesn't like" what I cook, he can starve. Or go shopping himself and cook his own food.
He eats broccoli and turkey all the time now.0 -
jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
Yeah but that goes both ways doesn't it? So using your logic, she should show him the door....0 -
OP - My husband doesn't push the temptation the way you say your SO does, but he does similarly believe that everything can be solved with exercise. We have had a couple conversations in which I made it clear that his continued assertions all my problems will melt away with more exercise are unhelpful, and sometimes blatantly untrue.
I agree with jeepinshawn that part of a loving relationship is support. He doesn't have to like the changes you are making to your lifestyle, he doesn't have to change his own eating habits, but he should be expected to be supportive of the changes you are making for yourself. The next time he starts pushing with "just take one bite, just share with me, etc." you need to shut him down. Make it very clear that you are not telling him he can't eat those foods, but he needs to stop encouraging you to do so. I also like the suggestion of showing him your daily caloric allotment and how certain foods do or don't fit.
If cooking for both of you while accommodating his picky eating is keeping you from eating foods you enjoy that also help you stay within your calories, then it is time your SO either start cooking for himself or expand the range of options. In my marriage, I'm the picky eater, but I have learned to at least try new foods, or foods prepared in different ways. I have also learned to distinguish between foods I can't stand, those I don't prefer, and those I like. I generally only ask my husband to avoid the foods I can't stand (we both cook and eat the same dinners), and maybe chop the ones I don't prefer larger or smaller (depending on the dish) so I can pick around them or don't notice them as much.0 -
jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?
I know that your response was directed to @jeepinshawn posting, but I will like to chime in and let you that there are some couples that do eat "the same thing at every meal." I am the cook in the house and I serve what ever I decide to make. If my husband doesn't like it, well he can open the fridge and eat something else. But that never happened because he is very respectful, not at picky eater, and above all he doesn't know how to cook. On the other hand, when we go out to eat he picks what ever he wants.0 -
His he's bringing you home treats, it's a shows he wants to do nice things for you and make you happy. At its core, the intention is good. Do some thinking about "treats" that git into your health plan, and ask for those things instead. That's what I do. Sometimes my SO buys me ingredients for meals I really want to make but would be pricey, or a box of raspberries that I really want, but can't bring myself to spend $5 on. There are tons of healthy foods that are super deliocious, let him treat you with those things, then you'll both be happy.
Cooking can be the hard one, my SO is so darn picky. What works for me is incorporating the overall flavors he likes, and he's more open to my meals. I know if I make food spicy he'll be into it, or if I make anything that pairs well with mashed potatoes (and then just eat a reasonable serving myself) he's down. It's all about Balance and comprises.0
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