Not-so-helpful S/O
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I can understand all the arguments that he's an adult and he can eat what she cooks or cook his own. And she can chose not to eat the snacks that he has. But it seems to me that the problem is not that he has snacks that he eats, but that he brings snack for her and gets annoyed if she doesn't eat them. My husband is a very picky eater and it annoys the hell out of me. But I do love him and I don't force him to eat stuff that he doesn't like the way his mother always did. There are meals where we don't eat the same thing and that is ok. But sometimes he gets annoyed when he is eating something and he tries to feed me a bite ("one bite is not going to hurt anything") and I won't eat it. My advice to the OP is to figure out if he is really trying to sabotage your weight loss or if he is just doing it out of habit. My husband is getting better about it although I sometimes think that it annoys him that I weigh everything. But he is tall, he has never been overweight and he has a very active job and he just doesn't understand how much harder it is for me, a short person with a very sedentary job to keep my weight under control. Hang in there OP. Just tell him, thanks but no thanks and hopefully he will stop trying to tempt you with stuff you don't want to eat.0
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My husband is your boyfriend's twin! He's naturally thin & can eat all day long without gaining an ounce. He kept bringing home junk for me until I started saying "I'd love to eat that but the way my goals are set up..." It only took him a few days to notice that I was serious & he jumped on the support-me-or-get-the-eff-out-of-the-way wagon shortly after.0
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jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?
I know that your response was directed to @jeepinshawn posting, but I will like to chime in and let you that there are some couples that do eat "the same thing at every meal." I am the cook in the house and I serve what ever I decide to make. If my husband doesn't like it, well he can open the fridge and eat something else. But that never happened because he is very respectful, not at picky eater, and above all he doesn't know how to cook. On the other hand, when we go out to eat he picks what ever he wants.
I don't think you understand what I mean. We cook one meal at our house. It generally consists of a main mean dish, mashed potatoes/rice/or-couscous, and vegetables. I eat meat and vegetables. My husband eats meat and the "starchy" side. Our daughter eats any combination of that stuff. One meal, each of us eating slightly differently.
My takeaway from jeepinshawn's comment--"that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*"--is that thorsmom's comment that adults can pick their own foods and ZeroDelta's comment that if there's food in the house that isn't compatible with his meal plan he doesn't it, is objectionable. I was asking if jeepinshawn and his wife eat exactly the same thing at each meal--he eats mashed potatoes, she must eat mashed potatoes. She eats salad with croutons and balsamic vinaigrette, he must eat salad with balsamic vinaigrettte. Surely that is over the top?0 -
My husband is your boyfriend's twin! He's naturally thin & can eat all day long without gaining an ounce.
No, he's taller than you and is a man and has more lean body mass so he needs more calories. He cannot defy the laws of thermodynamics--if he eats too much he will gain weight.
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slong12041989 wrote: »Thanks everyone. I definitely don't expect him to eliminate what he likes to eat just because it's tempting to me. I guess it's the "have a bite, aw come on just one, split it with me" day in day out that's wears down my resistance haha. It is up to me though and I will just have to be better with self control and explaining to him how important is it to me to eat healthier, so although it's nice to want to share, I'd rather he not offer, especially if I've already said no.
Chimaerandi, thank you for the tips on cooking meals. I also do most of the cooking and feel guilty making something I know he won't eat, but I like the idea of setting up the foods I agree not to cook, maybe it could be his top three most hated or I can learn different ways to cook certain veggies so he may like them more.
Sounds like we just need to focus on being more independent with our meals since we have different goals!
I would find that very annoying. However, when you give in, you are sending him the message that he should keep bringing home treats for you. If you tell him to not, yet eat it anyway, he'll chose to listen to the message from your actions, not your words.
My OH got with the program after I kept repeating "I don't have the calories." He know that if he wants pizza, he has to give me notice so I can eat less and exercise more earlier.0 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Good lord. Is it possible he wouldn't appreciate you posting these pics and saying what you're saying on the interwebs? Couples get out of sync with each other but talking to him, rather than the ether, is probably a really good start.
Yes, my OH would have been really upset with me had I done either of these things. In previous relationships, not so much.0 -
That sucks. Been there. It's really hard. :-(
My first suggestion is make him prepare his own meals/food. I am able to stay away from my trigger foods only by not seeing or smelling or touching them. If I had to prepare something for my junk-addicted BF to eat and then sat down to a hot delicious bowl of lettuce (mmm mmm good), I'd end up saying, "Look behind you! Saskwatch!" and then shove a few bits of his food in my mouth when he wasn't looking.
Second suggestion: I love to show this video to idiots who say (sorry, he's an idiot for saying), "Just workout more!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQbuzsY_34Q
Also, you could say, "Awww hun, if I'm spending all my time exercising off the pizza, nachos, burgers, etc. you THINK I should be able to eat, when will I have time to have s*x with you???" Blink your eyes alluringly while you say it.
Finally, you could point out that he's obviously not much of an actual "bodybuilder" because there isn't a SINGLE male (or female) authority on the subject who does not advocate eating clean for optimal body composition. Tell him to find you ONE source, one teeny tiny itty bitty source, that gives the advice he's giving you and you will follow it.0 -
jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?
I know that your response was directed to @jeepinshawn posting, but I will like to chime in and let you that there are some couples that do eat "the same thing at every meal." I am the cook in the house and I serve what ever I decide to make. If my husband doesn't like it, well he can open the fridge and eat something else. But that never happened because he is very respectful, not at picky eater, and above all he doesn't know how to cook. On the other hand, when we go out to eat he picks what ever he wants.
I don't think you understand what I mean. We cook one meal at our house. It generally consists of a main mean dish, mashed potatoes/rice/or-couscous, and vegetables. I eat meat and vegetables. My husband eats meat and the "starchy" side. Our daughter eats any combination of that stuff. One meal, each of us eating slightly differently.
My takeaway from jeepinshawn's comment--"that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*"--is that thorsmom's comment that adults can pick their own foods and ZeroDelta's comment that if there's food in the house that isn't compatible with his meal plan he doesn't it, is objectionable. I was asking if jeepinshawn and his wife eat exactly the same thing at each meal--he eats mashed potatoes, she must eat mashed potatoes. She eats salad with croutons and balsamic vinaigrette, he must eat salad with balsamic vinaigrettte. Surely that is over the top?
I understood your post, however what I was trying to say is that yes we eat the same things and no, I don't make mashed potatoes for my husband but I eat something else; no, I don't do that, I run the kitchen in my house I am not a short order cook.
If I make a starch we will both eat it, he eats what ever vegetables and protein dishes I make; his portion will be a little bigger than mine, that's all. I don't cook anything extra for him and if he is still hungry, he will get a piece of whole wheat bread, put some butter on it and eat it to his heart content.
Edited to add, that it was not my intention to start a debate about your topic; it was just a clarification that in some households (at least in mine), husband and wife do eat the same thing.
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jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?
I know that your response was directed to @jeepinshawn posting, but I will like to chime in and let you that there are some couples that do eat "the same thing at every meal." I am the cook in the house and I serve what ever I decide to make. If my husband doesn't like it, well he can open the fridge and eat something else. But that never happened because he is very respectful, not at picky eater, and above all he doesn't know how to cook. On the other hand, when we go out to eat he picks what ever he wants.
I don't think you understand what I mean. We cook one meal at our house. It generally consists of a main mean dish, mashed potatoes/rice/or-couscous, and vegetables. I eat meat and vegetables. My husband eats meat and the "starchy" side. Our daughter eats any combination of that stuff. One meal, each of us eating slightly differently.
My takeaway from jeepinshawn's comment--"that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*"--is that thorsmom's comment that adults can pick their own foods and ZeroDelta's comment that if there's food in the house that isn't compatible with his meal plan he doesn't it, is objectionable. I was asking if jeepinshawn and his wife eat exactly the same thing at each meal--he eats mashed potatoes, she must eat mashed potatoes. She eats salad with croutons and balsamic vinaigrette, he must eat salad with balsamic vinaigrettte. Surely that is over the top?
Let me provide you with an example. During the last 2 pregnancies my wife developed gestational diabetes. So the last 6 months of both of those pregnancies the entire house lived a low carb lifestyle. We brought no soda into the house, no ice cream etc. If I needed some junk food I ate it at work, it seemed cruel to sit and eat a pizza or a package of starbursts in front of my wife.
When I started to get healthy and lose weight my wife did the same for me. We figured out a menu and she 100% supported me, junk food was kept to limited quantities and it certainly wasn't rubbed in my face like some have described here.
We are on our own for breakfast and lunch in my house, I make breakfast for myself and the kids. Lunches are also on our own. For dinner we make 1 meal, we plan a week in advance, and of course we can choose what quantities we want on all the side dishes and main course.
It seems very uncool and very uncaring to know your spouse is doing his/her best to lose weight and get healthy, and then to bring home piles of their favorite junk food, much less push them to eat it, thats not loving or supportive. That is the equivalent of being married to a reformed alcoholic and constantly drinking beer or wine in front of them. I guess if that works for you and your relationship, I don't understand how though, then more power to you.0 -
jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?
I know that your response was directed to @jeepinshawn posting, but I will like to chime in and let you that there are some couples that do eat "the same thing at every meal." I am the cook in the house and I serve what ever I decide to make. If my husband doesn't like it, well he can open the fridge and eat something else. But that never happened because he is very respectful, not at picky eater, and above all he doesn't know how to cook. On the other hand, when we go out to eat he picks what ever he wants.
I don't think you understand what I mean. We cook one meal at our house. It generally consists of a main mean dish, mashed potatoes/rice/or-couscous, and vegetables. I eat meat and vegetables. My husband eats meat and the "starchy" side. Our daughter eats any combination of that stuff. One meal, each of us eating slightly differently.
My takeaway from jeepinshawn's comment--"that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*"--is that thorsmom's comment that adults can pick their own foods and ZeroDelta's comment that if there's food in the house that isn't compatible with his meal plan he doesn't it, is objectionable. I was asking if jeepinshawn and his wife eat exactly the same thing at each meal--he eats mashed potatoes, she must eat mashed potatoes. She eats salad with croutons and balsamic vinaigrette, he must eat salad with balsamic vinaigrettte. Surely that is over the top?
I understood your post, however what I was trying to say is that yes we eat the same things and no, I don't make mashed potatoes for my husband but I eat something else; no, I don't do that, I run the kitchen in my house I am not a short order cook.
If I make a starch we will both eat it, he eats what ever vegetables and protein dishes I make; his portion will be a little bigger than mine, that's all. I don't cook anything extra for him and if he is still hungry, he will get a piece of whole wheat bread, put some butter on it and eat it to his heart content.
Edited to add, that it was not my intention to start a debate about your topic; it was just a clarification that in some households (at least in mine), husband and wife do eat the same thing.
My husband and I are the same way - we both eat the same thing for dinner just different sized portions. Both of us at least some of every component prepared. I don't understand why that is considered over the top. This is only for dinner and Sunday breakfast. For all other breakfasts and lunches, we do our own thing.
As this relates to the OP, she stated that accommodating her SO's picky eating meant she felt she could not eat foods she enjoys that help her stay within her daily calorie allotment. Some people were suggesting different meals or components and others of us stated that we have found ways to compromise with our SOs so separate meals don't have to be prepared and everybody gets what they need.0 -
I dont know if someone has suggested this, maybe have a conversation at some point about what to have for dinner for the week - that way you can incorporate the food he likes and you control the cooking. It may reduce his frequency of bringing home treats if he can predict what will be wating at home for him, and will show him how serious you are about retaining some control over your eating habits. If, as someone suggested earlier, he wants to shower you with treats to show you how much he cares and thinks about you, suggest he bring even grocery store flowers instead of a half litre of ice cream!!
And PS - my husband and I eat the same thing. I like to try new recipes, but if he says he doesnt like something I have tried, then unless I absolutely loved it, I wont make it again. I always try to make one of his favourites during the week, and when I do that, I only make enough for him, and then I can opt for a little treat for myself, like a super spicy something or other, which would send him off to fast food (or the hospital!) if it was the only option.0 -
aliciamariaq wrote: »
Yeah but that goes both ways doesn't it? So using your logic, she should show him the door....
No it is called common courtesy. If you know your spouse is trying to become a more healthy, why on earth would you bring home a bunch of junk and try to get them to eat it? When you love and care for someone you find a way to compromise, eat your junk food at work, on the way home from work, whatever you don't need to rub it someones face.
How is it any different then plopping a nice fat piece of cake down in front of a diabetic or a beer down in front of an alcoholic?
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jeepinshawn wrote: »jeepinshawn wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »slong12041989 wrote: »
Does anyone else deal with a significant other who is picky or insists on having unhealthy foods around in spite of your efforts, and do you have any tips for dealing with this situation??
If there's food in the house that's not compatible with my menu plan I simply don't eat it. It's my weight loss journey, not my SO's. If she makes something for a meal that's not on my plan, I cook my own meal. We have differing nutrition goals. That's fine.
Same here. Grown adults can pick their own foods . support of a spouse isn't needed . sure it would be easier if each spouse picked the same foods but that is not realistic. All people have different likes and dislikes .
Sorry that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*. When one gets married you do it for love, part of loving someone is supporting them and helping them make healthy decisions.
What? You and your wife eat the exact same thing at every meal? You never have a meal where one of you eats one side dish and the other eats a different dish?
I know that your response was directed to @jeepinshawn posting, but I will like to chime in and let you that there are some couples that do eat "the same thing at every meal." I am the cook in the house and I serve what ever I decide to make. If my husband doesn't like it, well he can open the fridge and eat something else. But that never happened because he is very respectful, not at picky eater, and above all he doesn't know how to cook. On the other hand, when we go out to eat he picks what ever he wants.
I don't think you understand what I mean. We cook one meal at our house. It generally consists of a main mean dish, mashed potatoes/rice/or-couscous, and vegetables. I eat meat and vegetables. My husband eats meat and the "starchy" side. Our daughter eats any combination of that stuff. One meal, each of us eating slightly differently.
My takeaway from jeepinshawn's comment--"that's a piss poor attitude and if my wife had that she'd be out on her *kitten*"--is that thorsmom's comment that adults can pick their own foods and ZeroDelta's comment that if there's food in the house that isn't compatible with his meal plan he doesn't it, is objectionable. I was asking if jeepinshawn and his wife eat exactly the same thing at each meal--he eats mashed potatoes, she must eat mashed potatoes. She eats salad with croutons and balsamic vinaigrette, he must eat salad with balsamic vinaigrettte. Surely that is over the top?
Let me provide you with an example. During the last 2 pregnancies my wife developed gestational diabetes. So the last 6 months of both of those pregnancies the entire house lived a low carb lifestyle. We brought no soda into the house, no ice cream etc. If I needed some junk food I ate it at work, it seemed cruel to sit and eat a pizza or a package of starbursts in front of my wife.
When I started to get healthy and lose weight my wife did the same for me. We figured out a menu and she 100% supported me, junk food was kept to limited quantities and it certainly wasn't rubbed in my face like some have described here.
We are on our own for breakfast and lunch in my house, I make breakfast for myself and the kids. Lunches are also on our own. For dinner we make 1 meal, we plan a week in advance, and of course we can choose what quantities we want on all the side dishes and main course.
It seems very uncool and very uncaring to know your spouse is doing his/her best to lose weight and get healthy, and then to bring home piles of their favorite junk food, much less push them to eat it, thats not loving or supportive. That is the equivalent of being married to a reformed alcoholic and constantly drinking beer or wine in front of them. I guess if that works for you and your relationship, I don't understand how though, then more power to you.
Agreed. Minimally keep it out of sight and don't push it.0 -
You need to change the dynamic. If he won't eat veggies, he can make his own meals. If you have the space, you might even store your food separately.
The only concession I ever make for my SO is to add bread or potatoes. Usually, he just eats twice as much and then gets a snack.0 -
Is he scared of you losing weight?0
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Trust me, from the 'married twenty seven years after dating & traveling together for five years' side of things: there are a lot of ways to be a couple... food doesn't have to be one of them! Focus on eating what you want & need to eat when you want & need to eat it. Period. He will figure out if he wants to eat what you're eating or fend for himself. Refuse to split an item you wouldn't eat otherwise. Absent yourself from the food & it will all be fine.
Great post!0 -
Any chance you share your monthly meal plan somewhere? Because it sounds like you are all over this. Very much like my life, except I hate meal planning.
Here-> https://lounmoun.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/meal-plan-end-of-feb-end-of-march/
Thanks!
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Looks like a swimsuit outfit to me. Does a woman need to ask for approval to go to the beach? Anyway, I'm shocked someone even has an opinion about should she post pictures of herself, did you get approval, you wouldn't post pictures without approval etc... The earth spins easier when people mind their own business. It really takes away from what this site is intended for. Good luck @slong120419890
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