My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. Do guys want kids quite soon after marriage?

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Krishnaya108
Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. There's a possibility that I will get married when I'm 20 or 22. Do older guys want kids only after couple years of marriage? I personally don't want kids until my late 20s or early 30s. I just feel like they're a huge responsibility and I won't have much time to have fun. Plus, I want to make the most out of my career before having kids. Thoughts?
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  • hopeandtheabsurd
    hopeandtheabsurd Posts: 265 Member
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    It really depends on the guy. Are you to the point in your relationship where you have talked about kids at all?
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Completely depends on the guy. One would hope you would speak to him about this kind of thing before you are looking at getting married.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Completely depends on the guy. One would hope you would speak to him about this kind of thing before you are looking at getting married.
    We haven't had a complete full-on discussion about it. He did say it would be fine if I had kids later but something makes me feel like guys would never want to wait so long. I just wanted to see what other people thought.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    arditarose wrote: »
    You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
    Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    arditarose wrote: »
    You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
    Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.

    Um...you understand that he will be about 40 if you guys wait 10 years? That's....not "too old". Lots of people have children at 40.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    Um...you understand that he will be about 40 if you guys wait 10 years? That's....not "too old". Lots of people have children at 40. [/quote]

    Yeah, I understand that. They sure are a lot lot lot of responsibility.
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
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    You should probably talk to your boyfriend about this rather than a bunch of strangers.
  • jpaulie
    jpaulie Posts: 917 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    arditarose wrote: »
    You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
    Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.

    I'm 54, had my daughter at 48. Still have lots of energy for her. Not an issue
  • sault_girl
    sault_girl Posts: 219 Member
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    You should talk to him and get it sorted out now. Why waste your time in a relationship if you think the kids issue might be a deal-breaker?
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Ask him...
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,902 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    arditarose wrote: »
    You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
    Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.

    My 55 yo fiance has plenty of energy for kids, if he wanted them, which he doesn't, which works out well, as neither do I.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    All of your comments sound good and make sense.
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
    edited March 2016
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    sault_girl wrote: »
    You should talk to him and get it sorted out now. Why waste your time in a relationship if you think the kids issue might be a deal-breaker?

    Wanting/not wanting kids was a deal-breaker for me in three serious relationships I was in. Each of those relationships could have led to marriage, but didn't. OP, if you and your boyfriend are seriously considering marriage, have the discussion sooner rather than later.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,877 Member
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    Some guys don't want children at all.
  • sarochka85
    sarochka85 Posts: 103 Member
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    Why the rush to get married?
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Bbg340 wrote: »
    You're 18

    or under?
  • blancoms
    blancoms Posts: 165 Member
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    My husband is turning 30 this year. He told me he doesn't want to be an old dad, and I don't blame him, I'm 24 with a kid already and I don't want to be an old mom either. So were on the same page. The sooner the better. But not all guys are the same. And who knows, make be well change our minds when were older.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    arditarose wrote: »
    You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
    Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.

    This is totally untrue. It comes down to the individual not their age.
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