My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. Do guys want kids quite soon after marriage?

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  • AmandaHugginkiss
    AmandaHugginkiss Posts: 486 Member
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    The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
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    1. I never wanted kids even though I was married. After divorce I thought I wanted them when I met who I thought was Mr. Right who had a son and daughter. It didn't work out, and eventually I didn't want any and at 55 am happily free to do whatever I want.

    2. An 18 year old and a 30 year are not likely to have a long term relationship. If you ask me, 18 is too young to think about having children. Don't you want to go to college, become established in your career, and backpack across Europe? Why is someone as old as your boyfriend interested in someone who just became a woman? At 36 I considered a 48 year old, but he made lots of selfish, stupid decisions that his friends warned him away from. The friends' behavior, and his conduct, warned me against HIM.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »
    The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.

    That's why I don't date above 20 yo.
  • AmandaHugginkiss
    AmandaHugginkiss Posts: 486 Member
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    odusgolp wrote: »
    AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »
    The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.

    That's why I don't date above 20 yo.

    Neither do I.

  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    caroldavison332 wrote: »
    1. I never wanted kids even though I was married. After divorce I thought I wanted them when I met who I thought was Mr. Right who had a son and daughter. It didn't work out, and eventually I didn't want any and at 55 am happily free to do whatever I want.

    2. An 18 year old and a 30 year are not likely to have a long term relationship. If you ask me, 18 is too young to think about having children. Don't you want to go to college, become established in your career, and backpack across Europe? Why is someone as old as your boyfriend interested in someone who just became a woman? At 36 I considered a 48 year old, but he made lots of selfish, stupid decisions that his friends warned him away from. The friends' behavior, and his conduct, warned me against HIM.

    Why would he be intersted? Well because... oh wait... that was a retorical question, wasn't it? :blush:
  • michaelafoor916
    michaelafoor916 Posts: 710 Member
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    I don't think OP is liking the rest of these responses. Girl if you are asking some of the questions that you are, you clearly are too young to be considering making a big decision like marriage
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    sarochka85 wrote: »
    Why the rush to get married?

    I'm not rushing to get married. Just whenever my boyfriend and I feel it's time.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    Hearts_2015 wrote: »
    Bbg340 wrote: »
    You're 18

    or under?

    I'm 18
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
    Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....

    I just like to see the variety of responses I get and different people's perspectives.
  • nade0069
    nade0069 Posts: 109 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
    Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....

    I just like to see the variety of responses I get and different people's perspectives.

    Other peoples percpective does not matter. This is a personal matter for you to discuss with your boyfriend not with complete strangers. What is right for one person is not for the other.
  • Char231023
    Char231023 Posts: 701 Member
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    Op how long have y'all been together? In my experience if you haven't been with him for very long you might end up freaking him out with all the plans you have in store for him. Have you discussed the marriage and kids issue with him? Is he aware of your long term plans for him? Has he proposed to you?
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    Hello, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. There's a possibility that I will get married when I'm 20 or 22. Do older guys want kids only after couple years of marriage? I personally don't want kids until my late 20s or early 30s. I just feel like they're a huge responsibility and I won't have much time to have fun. Plus, I want to make the most out of my career before having kids. Thoughts?

    break up now...
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    I feel the same as you lol my fiance was all for kids when we first got together, and i just wasnt. Its not that i dont like kids but id like to enjoy life first and complete everything i want to. And now that we've gotten this far, planning a wedding while trying to save for a house ect, he said yesterday hes scared to have kids now because of all the responsibility and definitely wants to do us first. Which is great cause im not having them anytime soon. Lol and he said "your also much younger than me so its not a big deal." So we've gladly come to an agreement on it finally. I guess it depends on the guy, if your that much younger than him, screw it you have plenty of time to have them lol[/quote]

    Nice!
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.


    Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.


    Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.

    you are missing my point. what can a thirty year old and an eighteen year old really have in common?
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    294Rich wrote: »
    A 4 ft 11 inch 18 year old girl, and that's now. As a guy in his 30s, I can tell you that that is not right.


    I've known this guy for 8 years. Plus, in his traditions, age gap isn't an issue. My sister-in-law met her husband at 17 and he is 17 years older than her. Now, that is a pretty huge age gap.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    WickedPineapple wrote: »
    Everyone is different, even "older guys". We can't tell you what he wants or what's better for you. Talk to your boyfriend about it, go over the pros and cons. Be straightforward and tell him you don't want kids until later and why and take what he says in response at face value. Then talk about it again further down the line before you get married (maybe when you get engaged) to make sure you're still both on the same page on whether you want them, when you want them, and how to raise them if you have them. You might change your mind, he might, or you both might. You're still really young and you don't have to make a permanent decision now or anytime soon. (For reference, my older husband's current stance on kids is "if we find one in the woods, we can keep it".) ;)

    Yes, I will definitely have a discussion with him but wanted to see people's perspectives and thoughts on the matter.

  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    Krishnaya108 wrote: »
    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.


    Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.

    you are missing my point. what can a thirty year old and an eighteen year old really have in common?

    A few kids of course.
  • Krishnaya108
    Krishnaya108 Posts: 34 Member
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    Wheelhouse15 wrote: »
    At 18 dating a 30 year old the odds aren't great that you'll be getting married (when did you actually tell your parents btw?) but if you do and you are considering children it's going to depend a lot on where you both are in your lives. I had my youngest at 42 so it's not a race against the clock by any stretch for most men.


    My parents don't know yet. That's good. I plan on having a detailed discussion with him on the matter but just wanted to see perspectives on it.
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