My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. Do guys want kids quite soon after marriage?
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michaela_g09 wrote: »I don't think OP is liking the rest of these responses. Girl if you are asking some of the questions that you are, you clearly are too young to be considering making a big decision like marriage
I'm not making the decision right now. There's a lot of other things to consider. I personally wanted to see what other people thought on this matter.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »Personally, I wouldn't want to be one of those dudes in retirement with a high school kid...that would suck some major *kitten*. I didn't want kids early, but I also didn't want them late either.
Also, I can't imagine what I would possibly have had in common with basically a kid when I was in my early 30s...what kind of religion is this where old dudes are marrying kids?
It's not the religion. My sister-in-law met my brother when she was 17. They've been married for about 12 years. They are 17 years apart and have 3 kids. She did have her 1st kid about 2 years after marriage though. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 8 years. Even when I was younger, I had a huge crush on him but he never knew.0 -
when i was 18 i dated someone 10 years older than me
what a moron i was0 -
I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .0
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This speaks volumes about him...
His maturity level matches mine.
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Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Exactly. She says she has known him for 8 yrs ( she would've been 10? When she met him ) and that their maturity level matches one another. So yeah, I'm backing out slowly..0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »Krishnaya108 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.
you are missing my point. what can a thirty year old and an eighteen year old really have in common?
A few kids of course.
We've talked about these things for a year now. His maturity level matches mine.
If a 30+ year old man's maturity level matches an 18 year old girl's... Run.
I am a 31 year old female and most 30 year old men's maturity levels are nowhere near mine. I would never consider dating any "man" (boy) under 25. You clearly need a lot of growing up to do... Or he does. Not really sure which.0 -
Hearts_2015 wrote: »]
This speaks volumes about him...
His maturity level matches mine.
I meant to say that I match his maturity levels.
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My husband is 11 years older than I am. He was 42 when our daughter was born. Age was never an issue. Not sure why you're making it into one.0
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Hearts_2015 wrote: »]
This speaks volumes about him...
His maturity level matches mine.
Yeah, when I was 20 I dated a 35 year old whose maturity level matched mine. It was not the material for a long term relationship. *I* would have probably been ready for kids before he was, so maybe you have the question backward, OP!0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
+1
I was thinking the same thing.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »My husband is 11 years older than I am. He was 42 when our daughter was born. Age was never an issue. Not sure why you're making it into one.
I'm not making it into one. I just wanted to see about the kids part.
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thorsmom01 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Exactly. She says she has known him for 8 yrs ( she would've been 10? When she met him ) and that their maturity level matches one another. So yeah, I'm backing out slowly..
Ah. Okay, this explains the "let's ask the interwebs what my SO thinks" approach to her relationship . . .0 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Exactly. She says she has known him for 8 yrs ( she would've been 10? When she met him ) and that their maturity level matches one another. So yeah, I'm backing out slowly..
Ah. Okay, this explains the "let's ask the interwebs what my SO thinks" approach to her relationship . . .
I wasn't necessarily seeking advice from people on here. I just wanted to see peoples' perspectives.
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thorsmom01 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Exactly. She says she has known him for 8 yrs ( she would've been 10? When she met him ) and that their maturity level matches one another. So yeah, I'm backing out slowly..
When we met, we were more like acquaintances. I moved from Hawaii. We then started talking to each other last April. That's when our relationship actually started.
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AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.
Wait, you have a wife?!0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Exactly. She says she has known him for 8 yrs ( she would've been 10? When she met him ) and that their maturity level matches one another. So yeah, I'm backing out slowly..
When we met, we were more like acquaintances. I moved from Hawaii. We then started talking to each other last April. That's when our relationship actually started.
knowing each other for 8 years and being acquaintances for 8 years are two totally different things, darlin0 -
my magic eight balls says....
"prospects not good"0 -
THIS. If you have no idea about how he feels about this subject, then how can you consider marriage?meganridenour wrote: »You should probably talk to your boyfriend about this rather than a bunch of strangers.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »Hello, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. There's a possibility that I will get married when I'm 20 or 22. Do older guys want kids only after couple years of marriage? I personally don't want kids until my late 20s or early 30s. I just feel like they're a huge responsibility and I won't have much time to have fun. Plus, I want to make the most out of my career before having kids. Thoughts?
If your concern is having fun, you aren't ready for kids.0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Dating = sex? That's a big assumption.0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Presumably they are not having sex, as " Within our religion, we don't eat meat, have illicit sex, gamble, or have any kind of intoxicants."0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Exactly. She says she has known him for 8 yrs ( she would've been 10? When she met him ) and that their maturity level matches one another. So yeah, I'm backing out slowly..
When we met, we were more like acquaintances. I moved from Hawaii. We then started talking to each other last April. That's when our relationship actually started.
yea, that is totally weird....
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Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Dating = sex? That's a big assumption.
Can be, but I have 4 daughters, 3 of them as old or older than the OP and I'm not naive or blind enough to believe that you are dating someone at 16 and not engaging in some type of sexual activity. The average age for girls and boys to lose their virginity, let alone have some type of non-intercourse, sexual activity is a lot lower than most parents would like to believe. That's just the facts of life and I accepted that long ago.0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Dating = sex? That's a big assumption.
Can be, but I have 4 daughters, 3 of them as old or older than the OP and I'm not naive or blind enough to believe that you are dating someone at 16 and not engaging in some type of sexual activity. The average age for girls and boys to lose their virginity, let alone have some type of non-intercourse, sexual activity is a lot lower than most parents would like to believe. That's just the facts of life and I accepted that long ago.
stop being a realist!0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Presumably they are not having sex, as " Within our religion, we don't eat meat, have illicit sex, gamble, or have any kind of intoxicants."
Religion doesn't stop sexual activity, that's a convinient lie a lot of parents like to tell themselves. Not saying this person in particular, since I don't know them, but being mormon (by the looks of it) doesn't stop pregnancy out of wedlock. My ex-wife's family were all mormons and there was more than a handful pregnant and then married couples in their church.0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....
I just like to see the variety of responses I get and different people's perspectives.
Other peoples percpective does not matter. This is a personal matter for you to discuss with your boyfriend not with complete strangers. What is right for one person is not for the other.
If they matter to her, they matter. And she's here on a discussion forum to discuss it. Seems okay to me. What she actually does is her business and will probably stay that way. In the meantime, she's open to listening to the rest of us.
About whether her boyfriend wants kids?
OK. Yes, her boyfriend, a man I have never met and probably never will, is absolutely going to want children the day after they get married. That's my perspective. Hope it was helpful!0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »I think I'll just back out now, OP. You have been dating this guy for a while without your parents knowing yet your just turned legal age of consent for someone that much older than you in most states so you know there was something wrong or you wouldn't have hid it for so long. So no, I'm just going to say good luck with that .
Dating = sex? That's a big assumption.
Can be, but I have 4 daughters, 3 of them as old or older than the OP and I'm not naive or blind enough to believe that you are dating someone at 16 and not engaging in some type of sexual activity. The average age for girls and boys to lose their virginity, let alone have some type of non-intercourse, sexual activity is a lot lower than most parents would like to believe. That's just the facts of life and I accepted that long ago.
stop being a realist!
Sorry, bad habit.
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I would have serious qualms about dating a girl that I knew when she was ten years old....that just screams wrong to me...
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This discussion has been closed.
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