My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. Do guys want kids quite soon after marriage?
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The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.0
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1. I never wanted kids even though I was married. After divorce I thought I wanted them when I met who I thought was Mr. Right who had a son and daughter. It didn't work out, and eventually I didn't want any and at 55 am happily free to do whatever I want.
2. An 18 year old and a 30 year are not likely to have a long term relationship. If you ask me, 18 is too young to think about having children. Don't you want to go to college, become established in your career, and backpack across Europe? Why is someone as old as your boyfriend interested in someone who just became a woman? At 36 I considered a 48 year old, but he made lots of selfish, stupid decisions that his friends warned him away from. The friends' behavior, and his conduct, warned me against HIM.0 -
AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.
That's why I don't date above 20 yo.0 -
AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »The best thing about dating an 18 year old is they can't get into the bar to see you out with your wife.
That's why I don't date above 20 yo.
Neither do I.
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caroldavison332 wrote: »1. I never wanted kids even though I was married. After divorce I thought I wanted them when I met who I thought was Mr. Right who had a son and daughter. It didn't work out, and eventually I didn't want any and at 55 am happily free to do whatever I want.
2. An 18 year old and a 30 year are not likely to have a long term relationship. If you ask me, 18 is too young to think about having children. Don't you want to go to college, become established in your career, and backpack across Europe? Why is someone as old as your boyfriend interested in someone who just became a woman? At 36 I considered a 48 year old, but he made lots of selfish, stupid decisions that his friends warned him away from. The friends' behavior, and his conduct, warned me against HIM.
Why would he be intersted? Well because... oh wait... that was a retorical question, wasn't it?
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I don't think OP is liking the rest of these responses. Girl if you are asking some of the questions that you are, you clearly are too young to be considering making a big decision like marriage0
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sarochka85 wrote: »Why the rush to get married?
I'm not rushing to get married. Just whenever my boyfriend and I feel it's time.0 -
Hearts_2015 wrote: »
I'm 180 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....
I just like to see the variety of responses I get and different people's perspectives.0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....
I just like to see the variety of responses I get and different people's perspectives.
Other peoples percpective does not matter. This is a personal matter for you to discuss with your boyfriend not with complete strangers. What is right for one person is not for the other.0 -
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Op how long have y'all been together? In my experience if you haven't been with him for very long you might end up freaking him out with all the plans you have in store for him. Have you discussed the marriage and kids issue with him? Is he aware of your long term plans for him? Has he proposed to you?0
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »Hello, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. There's a possibility that I will get married when I'm 20 or 22. Do older guys want kids only after couple years of marriage? I personally don't want kids until my late 20s or early 30s. I just feel like they're a huge responsibility and I won't have much time to have fun. Plus, I want to make the most out of my career before having kids. Thoughts?
break up now...0 -
I feel the same as you lol my fiance was all for kids when we first got together, and i just wasnt. Its not that i dont like kids but id like to enjoy life first and complete everything i want to. And now that we've gotten this far, planning a wedding while trying to save for a house ect, he said yesterday hes scared to have kids now because of all the responsibility and definitely wants to do us first. Which is great cause im not having them anytime soon. Lol and he said "your also much younger than me so its not a big deal." So we've gladly come to an agreement on it finally. I guess it depends on the guy, if your that much younger than him, screw it you have plenty of time to have them lol[/quote]
Nice!
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.
you are missing my point. what can a thirty year old and an eighteen year old really have in common?0 -
A 4 ft 11 inch 18 year old girl, and that's now. As a guy in his 30s, I can tell you that that is not right.
I've known this guy for 8 years. Plus, in his traditions, age gap isn't an issue. My sister-in-law met her husband at 17 and he is 17 years older than her. Now, that is a pretty huge age gap.0 -
WickedPineapple wrote: »Everyone is different, even "older guys". We can't tell you what he wants or what's better for you. Talk to your boyfriend about it, go over the pros and cons. Be straightforward and tell him you don't want kids until later and why and take what he says in response at face value. Then talk about it again further down the line before you get married (maybe when you get engaged) to make sure you're still both on the same page on whether you want them, when you want them, and how to raise them if you have them. You might change your mind, he might, or you both might. You're still really young and you don't have to make a permanent decision now or anytime soon. (For reference, my older husband's current stance on kids is "if we find one in the woods, we can keep it".)
Yes, I will definitely have a discussion with him but wanted to see people's perspectives and thoughts on the matter.
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »Krishnaya108 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.
you are missing my point. what can a thirty year old and an eighteen year old really have in common?
A few kids of course.0 -
Wheelhouse15 wrote: »At 18 dating a 30 year old the odds aren't great that you'll be getting married (when did you actually tell your parents btw?) but if you do and you are considering children it's going to depend a lot on where you both are in your lives. I had my youngest at 42 so it's not a race against the clock by any stretch for most men.
My parents don't know yet. That's good. I plan on having a detailed discussion with him on the matter but just wanted to see perspectives on it.0 -
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MiloBloom83 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
Don't be silly, they're sooooo marrying and having babies.
According to the dating formula, you are too young to date him. His minimum dating age is 22. The only way he is having a baby with you is if he knocks you up. Enjoy being his fling that he doesn't have to take out anywhere because you're too young to get in.
Btw, my sister-in-law married my brother when she was 18, met him when she was 17. They are 17 years apart. Within our religion, we don't eat meat, have illicit sex, gamble, or have any kind of intoxicants.
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I would think the only reason to get married at 18 would be to get having kids over with early in life and then be done with it. By the time you'd be in your mid to late thirties, your kids would be grown. You could then get educated to train for the work of your choice, graduate, start your chosen career and commit to it without interrupting the professional process to do part-time parenthood. This way you're completely committed to mothering for the first 20 years or so, and then after that you'll have the freedom to be completely committed to education and career, if that's what you want. But like others mentioned, just talk about it with your future husband.
Interesting! Less time for investment growth though. Could mean a lot of lost money doing it that way.0 -
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....
I just like to see the variety of responses I get and different people's perspectives.
Other peoples percpective does not matter. This is a personal matter for you to discuss with your boyfriend not with complete strangers. What is right for one person is not for the other.
If they matter to her, they matter. And she's here on a discussion forum to discuss it. Seems okay to me. What she actually does is her business and will probably stay that way. In the meantime, she's open to listening to the rest of us.
You're right. I ultimately will make my own choices but it doesn't hurt to see what people say about this.
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »Krishnaya108 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
Within the religion we're in, we don't drink any alcohol.
you are missing my point. what can a thirty year old and an eighteen year old really have in common?
A few kids of course.
We've talked about these things for a year now. His maturity level matches mine. We like a lot of the same stuff including music artists, movies, going out, and a lot of other stuff.0 -
Char231023 wrote: »Op how long have y'all been together? In my experience if you haven't been with him for very long you might end up freaking him out with all the plans you have in store for him. Have you discussed the marriage and kids issue with him? Is he aware of your long term plans for him? Has he proposed to you?
We have been together for a year. We openly talk about getting married. We're not sure when but know that we have to discuss other matters before we both decide we seriously want to be with each other.0 -
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Personally, I wouldn't want to be one of those dudes in retirement with a high school kid...that would suck some major *kitten*. I didn't want kids early, but I also didn't want them late either.
Also, I can't imagine what I would possibly have had in common with basically a kid when I was in my early 30s...what kind of religion is this where old dudes are marrying kids?0 -
caroldavison332 wrote: »1. I never wanted kids even though I was married. After divorce I thought I wanted them when I met who I thought was Mr. Right who had a son and daughter. It didn't work out, and eventually I didn't want any and at 55 am happily free to do whatever I want.
2. An 18 year old and a 30 year are not likely to have a long term relationship. If you ask me, 18 is too young to think about having children. Don't you want to go to college, become established in your career, and backpack across Europe? Why is someone as old as your boyfriend interested in someone who just became a woman? At 36 I considered a 48 year old, but he made lots of selfish, stupid decisions that his friends warned him away from. The friends' behavior, and his conduct, warned me against HIM.
My sister-in-law met my brother when she was 17. They've been married for about 12 years. They are 17 years apart and have 3 kids. She did have her 1st kid about 2 years after marriage though. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 8 years. Even when I was younger, I had a huge crush on him but he never knew.
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