My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. Do guys want kids quite soon after marriage?
Krishnaya108
Posts: 34 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hello, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. There's a possibility that I will get married when I'm 20 or 22. Do older guys want kids only after couple years of marriage? I personally don't want kids until my late 20s or early 30s. I just feel like they're a huge responsibility and I won't have much time to have fun. Plus, I want to make the most out of my career before having kids. Thoughts?
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It really depends on the guy. Are you to the point in your relationship where you have talked about kids at all?0
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Completely depends on the guy. One would hope you would speak to him about this kind of thing before you are looking at getting married.0
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We haven't had a complete full-on discussion about it. He did say it would be fine if I had kids later but something makes me feel like guys would never want to wait so long. I just wanted to see what other people thought.Alatariel75 wrote: »Completely depends on the guy. One would hope you would speak to him about this kind of thing before you are looking at getting married.
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You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.0
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Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.arditarose wrote: »You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.0 -
Krishnaya108 wrote: »
Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.arditarose wrote: »You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
Um...you understand that he will be about 40 if you guys wait 10 years? That's....not "too old". Lots of people have children at 40.0 -
Um...you understand that he will be about 40 if you guys wait 10 years? That's....not "too old". Lots of people have children at 40. [/quote]
Yeah, I understand that. They sure are a lot lot lot of responsibility.
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You should probably talk to your boyfriend about this rather than a bunch of strangers.0
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »
Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.arditarose wrote: »You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
I'm 54, had my daughter at 48. Still have lots of energy for her. Not an issue0 -
You should talk to him and get it sorted out now. Why waste your time in a relationship if you think the kids issue might be a deal-breaker?0
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Ask him...0
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »
Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.arditarose wrote: »You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
My 55 yo fiance has plenty of energy for kids, if he wanted them, which he doesn't, which works out well, as neither do I.0 -
All of your comments sound good and make sense.0
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sault_girl wrote: »You should talk to him and get it sorted out now. Why waste your time in a relationship if you think the kids issue might be a deal-breaker?
Wanting/not wanting kids was a deal-breaker for me in three serious relationships I was in. Each of those relationships could have led to marriage, but didn't. OP, if you and your boyfriend are seriously considering marriage, have the discussion sooner rather than later.0 -
Some guys don't want children at all.0
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Why the rush to get married?0
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My husband is turning 30 this year. He told me he doesn't want to be an old dad, and I don't blame him, I'm 24 with a kid already and I don't want to be an old mom either. So were on the same page. The sooner the better. But not all guys are the same. And who knows, make be well change our minds when were older.0
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »
Hmmm.....but don't you think that the age difference also has something to do with it? Also, I heard that you don't want the guy to be too old when you have kids otherwise he won't have the energy to really help take care of them.arditarose wrote: »You boyfriend is young still. I'm sure he can wait to have kids. I'm 30 and that is not happening anytime soon for me.
This is totally untrue. It comes down to the individual not their age.
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Really? This is a conversation to have with HIM not internet nobodies.....0
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What a bizarre question. Men are individuals regardless of age, and therefore they will all vary regarding whether at all or when they want kids.
Surely whether he wants kids, when and who with is something you would need to discuss with him?0 -
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Krishnaya108 wrote: »Hello, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me. There's a possibility that I will get married when I'm 20 or 22. Do older guys want kids only after couple years of marriage? I personally don't want kids until my late 20s or early 30s. I just feel like they're a huge responsibility and I won't have much time to have fun. Plus, I want to make the most out of my career before having kids. Thoughts?
I feel the same as you lol my fiance was all for kids when we first got together, and i just wasnt. Its not that i dont like kids but id like to enjoy life first and complete everything i want to. And now that we've gotten this far, planning a wedding while trying to save for a house ect, he said yesterday hes scared to have kids now because of all the responsibility and definitely wants to do us first. Which is great cause im not having them anytime soon. Lol and he said "your also much younger than me so its not a big deal." So we've gladly come to an agreement on it finally. I guess it depends on the guy, if your that much younger than him, screw it you have plenty of time to have them lol0 -
what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.0
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What's the rush?0
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Age is just a number but when you're 18 and he is 30....let's just say maybe marriage isn't his only goal in this relationship...since we are generalizing men here anyway...0
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I wouldn't want to be retirement age with a kid still in HS...but that's just me.0
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A 4 ft 11 inch 18 year old girl, and that's now. As a guy in his 30s, I can tell you that that is not right.0
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »what kind of thirty year old dates an 18 year old?? you guys can't even have a drink together.
I'm actually surprised it took this long to come up...0
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