Trying to lose with NO support at home
Options
Replies
-
-
ashleeeeanne wrote: »ashleeeeanne wrote: »My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried...
I can speak from some personal experience on this one. It may not be that he is trying to sabotage you or not support you, he is worried about what your relationship may become. If you're anything like me and my wife (and I have no reason to believe you are, so please ignore if I'm wrong) he associates good times and fun experiences with you along with food. My wife and I, everytime we got stressed or upset with one another, we would always turn to food to sit down and enjoy together so that life got less complicated for at least a few minutes. When I first started losing weight it caused problems with my marriage. I wasn't wanting to eat late nights anymore, I wasn't wanting take out as often, and it caused a rift in our marriage because we didn't share that time together. Maybe this can be a problem he is experiencing and he may not even realize it. If he is telling you how much he loves you and how great you look then he is being supportive. He just isn't being supportive in the way you need. Please communicate with him your needs and feelings and express to him the desire to continue to lose weight but continue to find ways to be together and enjoy each other's presence without food.
Just my .02 cents.
I think this could be very correct. He works nights, so a lot of the only time we get to spend together is spent around food...
Y'all can still share food - you just have more non-starchy veggies and less of the high calorie foods.0 -
ashleeeeanne wrote: »I guess a little bit of both.... I hear how great I look as I am starting to lose weight, but then how I'm not eating enough or when I don't want to eat what they are having.stephanie20314 wrote: »Are they actively sabotaging you or just not making the same lifestyle changes?
I have found that showing my husband my calorie log for the day shushes him about "not eating enough". I tell him that I am monitoring it closely, thank you for caring, but I am definitely on top of it. People don't like to feel guilty while making poor eating decisions. I mean, I get grumpy when people come to my birthday party and I'm eating a big slice of cake and they pass on it. I get it--so I stay quiet. So I think they are trying to make themselves feel better by dragging you down with them. "Yay the healthy one is eating this too so it's not so bad."
When you receive compliments, really emphasize how much you appreciate them--hopefully to reinforce the support. And when they are negative, try to not fight and instead move to another subject. (Or flash your calorie log at them lol)
Good luck!0 -
As long as you are eating a reasonable amount of calories for your height & weight, and a variety of nutritious foods, and not always complaining about being "on a diet", it shouldn't really be a concern for him. Maybe if you show him your food diary, calories and macros, and tell him you are budgeting your calories like he might budget hos money, he'll be more understanding when you turn something down because it doesn't fit in your calorie budget. Otherwise, you'll just have to do your thing and come to the forums for support.0
-
ashleeeeanne wrote: »Any pointers on continuing on with absolutely no support at home...? My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried... We have a not so ideal living situation nor schedules which makes it even harder.
However, I am doing this for me... Was just looking to see if anyone else was in the same boat and how they were dealing with it.
It sounds like you're getting excellent support at home.
0 -
Just get a divorce. It's the only option.-2
-
He gets mad because you don't want to eat something? That sounds controlling.0
-
I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.0 -
Wow. Outta left field on this one? I've seen that happen before, but she wasn't going on and on bashing him or saying he was horrible or controlling. She was wanting to know if anyone else had an issue similar to feeling like there was a lack of the support she is looking for in her SO. I think some other people are reading too much into that. Except @DYELB -- nailed it.PikaKnight wrote: »I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.
@ashleeeeanne You've gotten some great advice, and the base line would be to talk to him about it and how you feel. Communication in any relationship is important! I'm glad he recognizes that you're beautiful where you're at right now too! If spending time together for a meal is what you do, have your meal, just two different meals (there's many threads about 2 meal 1 family as well if you do a search
)
0 -
Wow. Outta left field on this one? I've seen that happen before, but she wasn't going on and on bashing him or saying he was horrible or controlling. She was wanting to know if anyone else had an issue similar to feeling like there was a lack of the support she is looking for in her SO. I think some other people are reading too much into that. Except @DYELB -- nailed it.PikaKnight wrote: »I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.
@ashleeeeanne You've gotten some great advice, and the base line would be to talk to him about it and how you feel. Communication in any relationship is important! I'm glad he recognizes that you're beautiful where you're at right now too! If spending time together for a meal is what you do, have your meal, just two different meals (there's many threads about 2 meal 1 family as well if you do a search )
No - but the post right before the one you quoted intimated that. I'm pretty sure that played a big part in her comment.
0 -
Wow. Outta left field on this one? I've seen that happen before, but she wasn't going on and on bashing him or saying he was horrible or controlling. She was wanting to know if anyone else had an issue similar to feeling like there was a lack of the support she is looking for in her SO. I think some other people are reading too much into that. Except @DYELB -- nailed it.PikaKnight wrote: »I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.
@ashleeeeanne You've gotten some great advice, and the base line would be to talk to him about it and how you feel. Communication in any relationship is important! I'm glad he recognizes that you're beautiful where you're at right now too! If spending time together for a meal is what you do, have your meal, just two different meals (there's many threads about 2 meal 1 family as well if you do a search )
No - but the post right before the one you quoted intimated that. I'm pretty sure that played a big part in her comment.
Exactly ^0 -
Yes I have zero support at home. I think it may be a security thing for my hubby that he worries that I'll look too much better when I lose weight0
-
Thank you guys for the advice. I was in no way trying to bash my husband nor make him sound controlling. Was more so looking for any one else in the same situation....0
-
I think the comments by @jprewitt1 are fairly bang on.
I actually think you may have a really supportive husband, who is himself wondering about how what you are doing is changing the relationship. Sounds like you and your husband have bonded in the past over food, which is a very understandable thing.
Now that that's changing a bit, he may still want that bond, and may be struggling a bit with how to keep the closeness. Guys are pretty bad at analyzing our own feelings and expressing them in general, so I think a talk, a little understanding, a little reassurance, and a little straight talk on how he can support you better will go a long way.
I speak from experience, my wife (who is the healthier one) often eats chips and other delicious foods (cinnamon bun, this past weekend). She's just learned to eat a quarter bag of the chips as a serving, or eat a quarter of the bun, whereas I would eat the whole darn thang in one go.
And if she's eating a new flavour of chips, and starts making yummy noises, I'm the first to take a handful and eat them with her. But that's it, a handful. And sometimes she wants me to have more, so she'll start handing them to me. I have to be the one to just control myself and tell her 'nope, I've had enough'. At the end of the day, I'm accountable to me. And she's not doing it to sabotage me. She's doing it because she loves me and wants me to eat yummy delicious things that delight me. She also wants to share yummy food experiences with me. And I don't begrudge her that - I share it with her - but only in small portion.
Once when she wanted me to eat more, I told her that 'I'm trying to become sexier, for YOU!'. That made her double take. I'm sure it'll work on your hubby too.
0 -
Hey Ashlee! I'm in a very similar situation and I know how tough some days can get! Just remember you're doing this for yourself, wish you lots of luck! Add me, we can support each other 0
-
My husband is a wonderful cook, and our social life is primarily about dinner parties. Cooking fabulous food is a big part of who he is. He's had some trouble adjusting to the smaller portion sizes I choose now, and I had to be somewhat firm about adding some vegetable dishes that he didn't care for, but we've pretty much worked it out. He doesn't have to eat my mashed butternut squash if he doesn't like it. I'm not going to diss his beautiful dishes, but the richer they are, the smaller a portion I'm going to eat. I make sure he understands that my small portion is a huge treat, that it was a wonderful dish, and that I'd cheerfully eat another plateful of it if it was in the calorie budget. It helps that I haven't ruled any kind of food off-limits. I just eat less of everything, and I've adjusted the relative sizes of different dishes.
He was very skeptical at first, but now that I've lost 38 pounds he's becoming a believer. Of course I'd love it if he got interested in cooking very light dishes, because he'd be better at it than I am, but as it is I'll count my blessings. At least we agree on one thing: no fake food. If it's rich, I eat less of it, but I'm not into "lite" versions of genuine rich foods. On the other hand, I'm becoming sold on things like using cauliflower where I'd normally think of potatoes. Just no fake sweetener or fake oil or carb-stuffed "low-fat" yogurt and the like.0 -
ashleeeeanne wrote: »Any pointers on continuing on with absolutely no support at home...? My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried... We have a not so ideal living situation nor schedules which makes it even harder.
However, I am doing this for me... Was just looking to see if anyone else was in the same boat and how they were dealing with it.
I do my thing, she does her's. If the stars align we eat a common meal. If not I cook what meets my needs, she cooks what meets her needs.0 -
0
-
My guy was not excited when I decided to lose weight, he likes thick women. But what he really likes is me confident and feeling sexy, so now that I am at a weight I am comfortable with, which makes me much more confident he is happy too. just keep loving on him and doing you, I bet he will come around when he sees how you feel.0
-
Speaking as a husband...
What should he say instead of telling you that you look wonderful? "Gee honey, you've really packed on the pounds. You really do need to lose some weight." How would you receive that?
I never ever say anything bad about Mrs Jruzer's appearance. (Of course she's always beautiful to me.
) 0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 390 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 922 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions