Jelious

kpom72
kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
in Chit-Chat
Why do I get so jelions when my boyfriend looks at other women or even on tv..is it just me..how do I stop being so jelious
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Replies

  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    edited March 2016
    All men look at other women.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    It could be personal projection. If you aren't happy with some aspect of yourself or you let your eyes wander it's more likely that you will fear that your partner is looking elsewhere. All people look at others. If you have a happy and fulfilling relationship there's no need to be jealous.
  • timmy9613
    timmy9613 Posts: 25 Member
    very well said
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    I just don't know how to stop..I really don't want to be the jelious girlfriend
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    To add to what I said:

    There were two times in life when I experienced irrational jealousy. The first was when I hated how I looked and the second was when my husband (now ex) did very suspicious things and was distant in the relationship. The first one I fixed by learning to love myself and making myself a priority. The second one was fixed when I found out he was cheating and ended the relationship.

    If he's not doing other things that make you suspicious then maybe it's time for personal reflection.
  • timmy9613
    timmy9613 Posts: 25 Member
    how unlucky he must feel now
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    No he's an amazing boyfriend soon to be my husband...thank you
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    timmy9613 wrote: »
    how unlucky he must feel now

    I don't think he thinks about it. I did start out the weight loss thing to make him jealous, but success comes best when you are in it for yourself.

    @kpom72 What do you do for yourself? How do you focus on self improvement? Not necessarily fitness/weight loss/health related self improvement. Could be a hobby or work related pursuits.
  • timmy9613
    timmy9613 Posts: 25 Member
    I surround myself with good solid people which helps me stay grounded.
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
    Its a matter of trust. If you don't truly trust him to be faithful, or trust that he truly loves you, jealousy will run rampant. Whether its sub conscious or not.

    Often times a person who allow themselves to look at eye candy or lust after someone else will be jealous and paranoid that their partner will also do it.

    Address these issues and be sure to resolve them before marriage, or your marriage will struggle.
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    I do trust him. I know he is with me and only me but it is still hurtful especially since I've gained 40 pounds in the last year
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
    edited March 2016
    Then you need to talk to him about it. Don't go into a marriage with unresolved issues. Talk it out, express your concerns and hurts without accusing or blaming him. He probably has no idea what's going on. Most men don't!
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    Thanks
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
    Is he looking discreetly? Or is he blatant about ogling other women when you are with him? If it's the latter, he is showing you total disrespect and you need to talk that through with him.
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    No. But he also hasn't been in a relationship for 15 years so he is still learning how to be in one
  • wmccarter33
    wmccarter33 Posts: 41 Member
    arditarose wrote: »
    All men look at other women.

    Don't be silly...all women look at other men...and..other women. ......
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    He is the only man I care to look at..I guess I'm not like other women
  • rewb81
    rewb81 Posts: 4 Member
    It's male nature. Men are easily attracted by visual stimulation. What matters is that your the one who has him
  • majigurl
    majigurl Posts: 660 Member
    is the root of the problem is that you are scared he will leave you for another women?

    Figure out WHY you feel this way. If you are afraid he will leave you because he is "looking" you need to address that. Or whatever other reason ...

    Jealousy is a strong feeling and can turn into other ugly emotions and behaviours.

    The GOOD thing is you get you are being irrational.

    Which means you can have open honest conversation and figure out how you can fix it.

  • wmccarter33
    wmccarter33 Posts: 41 Member
    kpom72 wrote: »
    He is the only man I care to look at..I guess I'm not like other women

    How do you not look at people....and it is a proven fact that women are extremely judgemental of other women...
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    once you realize being jealous is a complete waste of time, at best and, at worst, something that will drive him away - then you may be able to let it go.

    i mean, being jealous give you nothing but bad feelings and anxiety, and makes him feel (if he is aware of it) like he constantly being scrutinized. and if he's not aware of it, it makes you resent him. you need to know that if someone is going to cheat on you, they are going to cheat on (or leave) regardless of what you do. you are not in control of his behavior.

    I don't agree with the poster who said it is blatant disrespect. some people have relationships where both parties freely talk about who they think is hot. some people don't. It's about the dynamic of the relationship. talk to him about that too.
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    Thank you all for the great advice. .it's not that I think he would cheat on me it just makes me feel ugly and undesirable
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    He won't stop looking until he is either blind or dead. So you have to find a way to deal with it. Realize that he is choosing to be with you. Understand that just because he looks, it doesn't mean that he finds you lacking and it doesn't change how he feels about you.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    how does he treat you? does he tell you you are pretty? do you guys have an active sex life? does he do things for you? does he help out? or does he just sit around and ogle other women?
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    He tells me everyday I'm beautiful. And he is amazing to me and we have a great sex life
  • tayter_tot7
    tayter_tot7 Posts: 220 Member
    That isnt healthy. Most ppl want their partner to be a little jealous...but not when it comes to far fetched thing like movies stars. Its ok to have a celebrity crush. Also if you like this guy don't drive him away by worrying about every woman. Guys dig a girl that has confidence :) And besides your beautiful you have no reason to be jealous
  • OneHundredToLose
    OneHundredToLose Posts: 8,523 Member
    As a guy, I just want to say that 99.99999999% of the time that we look at other girls, it's purely an instinctual reaction. I may look at other girls occasionally, but I go to sleep next to the same girl I've been with for 7 years every single night, and I wouldn't ever have it any other way.
  • kpom72
    kpom72 Posts: 17 Member
    Thank you..I just keep most of it to myself
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    kpom72 wrote: »
    He tells me everyday I'm beautiful. And he is amazing to me and we have a great sex life

    Then the problem is how you feel about you. There's nothing else he can do. You need to figure out how to be happy in your own skin. You mentioned weight gain and for many people that is a huge factor to causing insecurity and then jealousy.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    usmcmp wrote: »
    kpom72 wrote: »
    He tells me everyday I'm beautiful. And he is amazing to me and we have a great sex life

    Then the problem is how you feel about you. There's nothing else he can do. You need to figure out how to be happy in your own skin. You mentioned weight gain and for many people that is a huge factor to causing insecurity and then jealousy.

    Ya, @kpom72 as you start working to lose that 40 pounds you gained recently you may start to feel better about yourself, and be less insecure.

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