Weight and Children

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  • cassondraragan
    cassondraragan Posts: 233 Member
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    This may not be completely relevant but I remember when I was a little girl, I used to hear my mom say "oh I'm so fat!" All the time. I have a distinct memory of seeing her look in a mirror and saying that. Then when she left the room I remember looking at my little pot belly (looking back on pictures it was just one of those 3 year old bellies...I wasn't even chubby!) and thinking "Oh, I'm fat too!!" My first self deprecatory memory. So, now when my son asks me why he can't have this or that unhealthy food I say "its not healthy, its bad for our heart!" And when he asks me "Mommy why are you exercising?" I've never said "to lose weight" I always say "mommy's trying to make her heart healthy and her muscles strong!" (to which he always replies "Strong like Daddy's??" and I always say "YES!" lol) Maybe instead of teaching your daughter about calories, maybe teach her about healthy vs. not healthy, big portion vs. healthy portion. I don't know...calories seems to be an abstract concept for a little one.
  • TJWrites00
    TJWrites00 Posts: 27 Member
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    It sounds a lot like boredom eating. If there's nothing to do but sit around and eat, that's what she'll do.

    Even if I'm not at a healthy weight myself, I've been emphasizing healthy eating to my children. I tell them they can't eat junk all the time because junk does not build strong, healthy bodies. It's not to say they are not allowed treats, but they eat the food that keeps them healthy before they can have junk.

    It seems to work. They are all healthy weights and my oldest is practically vegetarian most days, so we consume a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Since i have started eating healthier my son has been eating healthier dinners. That and having way more fruit in the house has changed for him. I also do let he munch on his snack bag of candies that he still has from Easter, Christmas and Halloween. I dont go tot he gym i have become more active in the home and he has joined me. He lost 2.5 lbs three weeks into my diet. not because i limited him he just had different foods to choose from. I also take him tot he park more often and we play Frisbee and badminton. Play with you kids and everything will change also if you make your diet a life style change and introduce it tot he whole family not just you you will like keep the weight off.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Just like anyone else it's two fold, she needs to move and eat better. She needs to eat more more healthfully, when she's hungry eat veggies, if she is getting through all of her food, send more vegetables (no dip) and drink more water. I'd want to know why your care taker isn't ensuring she gets outside to play? What does a fence have to do with it? Also, get her involved in other activities, contact your local YMCA and see what they have for summer programs that your daughter can do that are reasonably priced. Lead by example, yeah it's great that you joined a gym, but what are you doing to encourage her to move with you, buy her a bike and have her ride while you jog? Go on walks together or to the park in the evening after work.

    Added: congrats on your weight loss, it's time to share your experiences with your child.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    DO you know what the cargiver is feeding her? Does she make dinner? If it is stuff like hotdogs, and kraft dinner all the time you need to start on a menu plan and give the lady some recipes to use. Or make food the day before for her to warm up.
  • PANZERIA
    PANZERIA Posts: 471 Member
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    Heya!

    I just thought I would post with more of a warning than anything - be careful how you educate your daughter. I like that you're trying to avoid using the terms 'skinny' or 'fat,' but you want to be careful about how you react when she does start losing the weight.

    I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good 8 years of my life, and it was because when I was younger (11), I was a little chubby. I lost the weight and got a prize for it. It was the coolest thing ever, but it reinforced the idea that losing weight means you'll get a reward at the end of it. Do NOT reward it! Starting to make kids notice what they are eating at such a young age is scary.

    IMO, I'd say just make the sitter aware of what your daughter is allowed/not allowed to eat. At the same time, if she does eat that kind of stuff, don't freak out.

    You also have to remember that there's a special thing called 'baby fat' and that not all kids have to look the same, just like not all adults have to look the same.

    Please, don't stress out over this too much. Change your lifestyle and hers will change, too. Make eating an apple more enjoyable to you over, say, a bag of chips, and she'll follow suit. You're her hero and she will watch and copy you for at least another 8-10 years. Just change your life and you will change hers.

    If the sitter is having issues with keeping her outside, then maybe suggest that they go places, or (this is going to sound harsh and I apologize) find a new sitter who is willing to keep your daughter active. If your daughters fitness level is of a concern for you, then make the change. She certainly doesn't have the mental capacity to do it herself yet. It's up to you.

    But again, this is just my opinion and I don't know how feasible it is for you right now during this difficult period. =( I wish you all the best and hope that everything works out for you!
  • tammykoon
    tammykoon Posts: 302 Member
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    Wow, I saw this and almost started to cry. I have been in both positions. I have struggled my whole life and as I am changing my lifestyle. I can see that my children have been affected by my choices. (We are working as a family now.)

    I can remember being 7 and thinking how fat I was. It was all my Dr. talked about when my mom would take me. It became the focus and my shame. I wasn't huge by any standard. But the Dr. kept saying that we must "nip this in the bud" before it becomes a problem. He meant well and so did my family. But to say I have struggled since that day would be to put it mildly.

    I would make this suggestion. Tell your child she is BEAUTIFUL! Why? Because she is. You sound like a loving mom who only wants the best for her daughter. Make all the healthy changes to your family's diet that you need to. But know that she is watching, listening, and learning. Her entire life view of her body could very well be "shaped" at this moment. Tread lightly and with love.
  • sunyg
    sunyg Posts: 229
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    It could be many things. If your divorce was recent as was the weight gain then I would agree she is probably emotionally eating. But now is a great time to teach her the proper way to eat. She will carry that with her through out her life I believe. At least that's what I'm going by now. My oldest is only 13 :).

    With that being said a fence shouldn't really matter. She should still provide physical activities and games for the kids. Our front yard doesn't have a fence but we go out nightly and catch fire flies or toss a ball. Or take our puppies for a walk. When I can't take my kids outside my 3 year old would drive me even crazier if I didn't burn off his energy. So we play games in the house. Sometimes it's even just a fun thing of turning on the radio and dancing around the house being silly.

    I also agree with telling her she is beautiful. I've tried to stress that with both of my girls. One is slender and petite and the other is tall and has her father's Polish/German build. So she has a larger frame. I don't want them to ever think that one has a better body than the other one. They are both beautiful girls.

    You will find your way. You love her and want the best for her and that is a wonderful start.
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
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    There is no need to use any words other than healthy. Only bring healthy foods in the house and she will only eat healthy foods.
    Tell the sitter if they do not plan outdoor activities you will need to find someone else. I don't believe they won't let her out because there is no fence, it's because they don't want to go out with her! Lead by example and find another sitter that will allow her to have some outdoor activity. A child should not be stuck in the house by a lazy babysitter, that's just sad.
    Also if you think it's to expensive to find another, there is financial help available through the site below. Hope it helps. http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Benefits.shtml
  • Bella3119
    Bella3119 Posts: 104
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    dls06: Actually, she and her sister are eating the same food as i am; whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies etc. She is eating her sister's snacks so that's doubling the portions.
    As for the daycare, this summer I have to use a private sitter. I have found some classes our city offers to the public. She is interested in tennis so she'll start in July.
  • Bella3119
    Bella3119 Posts: 104
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    Thank you Sunyg!
  • BeShrable
    BeShrable Posts: 10
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    This was my question too. My parents divorced when my little sister was 5 and the divorce had a major impact on her. Ever since then, she has become an emotional eater and eats CONSTANTLY, even when there is no way she is hungry. She is now 9, weighs over 100lbs and can fit into a lot of my clothes. My mom is also struggling with the same issue of trying to find the balance between encouraging her to be healthier without damaging her self-esteem.
  • TeraGC
    TeraGC Posts: 40 Member
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    This may not be completely relevant but I remember when I was a little girl, I used to hear my mom say "oh I'm so fat!" All the time. I have a distinct memory of seeing her look in a mirror and saying that. Then when she left the room I remember looking at my little pot belly (looking back on pictures it was just one of those 3 year old bellies...I wasn't even chubby!) and thinking "Oh, I'm fat too!!" My first self deprecatory memory. So, now when my son asks me why he can't have this or that unhealthy food I say "its not healthy, its bad for our heart!" And when he asks me "Mommy why are you exercising?" I've never said "to lose weight" I always say "mommy's trying to make her heart healthy and her muscles strong!" (to which he always replies "Strong like Daddy's??" and I always say "YES!" lol) Maybe instead of teaching your daughter about calories, maybe teach her about healthy vs. not healthy, big portion vs. healthy portion. I don't know...calories seems to be an abstract concept for a little one.

    My daughter is a young adult now but a few years ago she struggled with anorexia, we were able to get her into a therapist who specializes in that area. We learned that there are a lot of issues surrounding eating disorders, but my poor self image encouraged her internalized fear; so I agree with you that hearing our parents criticize themselves for their weight or talk about working out strictly for the sake of being skinny harms our kiddos way more than we think.
  • syd1980
    syd1980 Posts: 283
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    have a 10 yr that im trying to teach about food and exercise. its hard but hang in there , whats helped me is ask him if he has any questions, and including him in on exercise time. i dont push but try to encourage him. fixing to get the trampoline out of layway so we can have more outdoor time. i also take him grocery shopping and let him pick his snacks. healthy ones.
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    congratulations on your weight loss. That is an accomplishment!

    Can you make sure your daughter doesn't eat anyone else's portions of snacks, only her own? That's wonderful that she is eating healthy foods at home with you and her sister.

    It's hot here in the summer. I take my kids to the playground early here... can you take your daughters to a playground on your way to the sitter's in the morning? Ten to fifteen minutes is better than no time..... There are mornings when I run with my kids in the jogger- to the playground. They play for a bit (10-15 minutes) then I push them home. It's a win-win situation for us.
  • Bella3119
    Bella3119 Posts: 104
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    thanks aschwiep for the website! My girls and i are going to have a blast with these recipes!
  • Leigh_b
    Leigh_b Posts: 552 Member
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    Hi Bella,

    My daughters are 4yrs and 18 months but I am trying to teach them healthy eating from the beginning. (I am not a single mom, but my husband travels most days of the week and is often gone overnight so my life is much the same as a single mom's.)

    Part of my strategy is to make them (mostly the 4 yr old at this point) part of the meal planning. We sit down on Saturday mornings and talk about what we want for dinner next week. We put together a menu and a shopping list so we know what we are going to buy when we are at the store. I have a chalk board hanging in the kitchen and I write out the menu and my daughter decorates it. It is one of her favorite things to do each week. And we do it every week even when I don't really have time. Trust me, it's easy not to do it and just go to the store and "wing it" but it's worth every minute we put into it and once we established the routine it's just what we do. There are no other options.

    She gets to pick one veggie and one fruit (with no influence from me) while we are at the store and no matter what it is, we get it and eat it that week (because her favorite color is purple, we have a lot of purple cauliflower :)

    Her "treat" for being a good shopper is to pick a yogurt cup of whatever flavor she wants and she gets to eat it as her afternoon snack that day. She LOVES picking out that yogurt.

    Also, I do not let them drink anything but milk and water. Even when they are at daycare they are "not allowed" to drink juice and the teachers are careful to respect my choice. Proud moment: I was told the other week that a new teacher started and did not know my "no juice" rule and gave a cup of juice to my daugther who very politely explained that she did not drink juice and would like water instead, please.

    This is not to say that we do not eat sugar and pizza and other such foods, but we do it in moderation... and I've found that they actually prefer the healthier options. Pround moment 2: in a bind, we stopped at Burger King for lunch and instead of chicken nuggets (which I begrudgingly told her she could have) she asked to have a salad. Seriously! and she ate every bite of it :)


    We talk about what we eat and about being healthy. I excercise most days of the week and both my daughters see me. My older one sometimes wants to join me, which I let her do even though it makes it more difficult for me. We do 30 day shred together which usually means that she starts out doing it with me and then decides to be the "teacher" and watch me and tell me how I'm not doing it exactly how the girls on the video are doing it, but I think it's important for her to see me working hard and struggling through. It is hard but I do it. When she asks me why I tell her because it makes me healthy and strong.

    I don't know if any of that helps... but those are some of the things that I do.

    Hang in there!

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