Cheating husband.
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The grass is always greener on the other side because of all the Bull *kitten*!0
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They are not invested at all. Her vagina is invested in everyone at this work apparently. It doesn't make it hurt any less. I refuse to run out of my house like a high schooler. I don't need to rush into anything. I'm just hitting the gym and spending time with our seven year old and keeping it classy for her lol. I need some serious space. It is too raw to even muster an intelligent thought or think of repair. It's time for me.I know you're feeling crushed and destroyed and questioning everything but let me say a few things...This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him from what I hear. You can be 250lbs or 150lbs if that's what he was going to do then it was going to happen. The bright side is that he doesn't sound invested in this woman. It would be a lot harder if he had a woman that he was emotionally not just physically attached to (imo) Fighting for your marriage is one thing, fighting someone else to save your marriage I think is worse. Make sure you get all your questions answered. He owes you that much. Then figure out where do you go from here. Vent when you want to, cry when you need to, then work on you for you...not for him.
Keeping it classy! I like it. Good luck to you. I wish you the best!0 -
I am going to be the "it isn't an excuse but" person here - so he went and experienced because he thought he was missing out. People usually cheat because there is something lacking in their relationship - be it excitement, be it communication, be it emotional connection -- mind you the cheating doesn't happen immediate when those things start lacking but if the relationship isn't strong enough in which either partner can speak up of how they are feeling and what needs are not being met then the cheating occurs...
Addressing the situation with an open mind is very important - we walk in to relationships believing that we are the one and only and without really knowing the real longings and needs of the other person, what are their fantasies, their kinks - do we even explore what their love languages are.
So with that said... this doesn't have to be the end of your marriage -- it could be the start of a line of communication between you and your husband which will open the doors for a stronger relationship. Did he break the trust, of course he did. You can work together in understanding each others needs and figuring out how to meet them -- if it comes to the point that there are certain needs that you are either unable or just not willing to meet then figure out how to best work the good byes then.0 -
Men cheat on 'skinny' women too! I am sorry you are going through this. Everything will be okay and I just wanted to encourage you. I am glad he was honest with you about it. That doesn't make it better but at least you know the truth. Best of luck with the counselor0
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always_smilin_D wrote: »I am going to be the "it isn't an excuse but" person here - so he went and experienced because he thought he was missing out. People usually cheat because there is something lacking in their relationship - be it excitement, be it communication, be it emotional connection -- mind you the cheating doesn't happen immediate when those things start lacking but if the relationship isn't strong enough in which either partner can speak up of how they are feeling and what needs are not being met then the cheating occurs...
Addressing the situation with an open mind is very important - we walk in to relationships believing that we are the one and only and without really knowing the real longings and needs of the other person, what are their fantasies, their kinks - do we even explore what their love languages are.
So with that said... this doesn't have to be the end of your marriage -- it could be the start of a line of communication between you and your husband which will open the doors for a stronger relationship. Did he break the trust, of course he did. You can work together in understanding each others needs and figuring out how to meet them -- if it comes to the point that there are certain needs that you are either unable or just not willing to meet then figure out how to best work the good byes then.
I have considered this. A very good friend of mine went through the same and they worked it out. I'm too shocked and angry right now to let myself really think this way but I think counseling will do that for me. 9 years is a long time. Life gets very kids,work, tired repeat. I admit we lost ourselves. But he should have handled it so differently..0 -
I know they do. I really didn't meant it the way it came out.im sorry. My weight has always been an insecurity and this just amplified it ten times.bmayes2014 wrote: »Men cheat on 'skinny' women too! I am sorry you are going through this. Everything will be okay and I just wanted to encourage you. I am glad he was honest with you about it. That doesn't make it better but at least you know the truth. Best of luck with the counselor
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ok first of all , is your husband blind???!!! to be honest i dont think i need a second !!
i cant even pretend to understand what you're going through but just surround yourself with friends and family , have a think about whats best for you and then go from there.0 -
I'm sorry for what you are going through. You know that its nothing to do with you, everything to do with him and his failures. It just hurts you a lot and I'm sorry you are feeling that pain. I think its normal to look for the reason why and its easy to blame what you perceive to be your fault (your weight) but you know that is not the why. You look lovely in your picture and I'm sure you are a wonderful person.
It is most important to take care of yourself (and any children you may have) right now. I've found that pouring that kind of pain into exercise has beneficial results, the endorphins make you feel better, the physical changes are good for your self esteem and health. Walk, meditate, do yoga, do whatever helps you with stress.
I'm glad you are calling your counselor to talk. You are right not to rush into anything, you have lots to think about and the decisions are all yours. I don't know you but want to send you a big hug for support. Hang in there.0 -
Southampton_PT wrote: »ok first of all , is your husband blind???!!! to be honest i dont think i need a second !!
i cant even pretend to understand what you're going through but just surround yourself with friends and family , have a think about whats best for you and then go from there.
He has to be blind because this woman is a dog. I know that is mean and it isn't her fault but I was so shocked. I'm no super model but wow. He said she is basically the work skank and she offered and he just accepted for the sake of trying someone else and it was just for the experience. Adorable isn't it?0 -
This is so sad. I know there are plenty of people on this site who choose to cheat on their spouses. I've seen photos of the spouses and trust me, people aren't cheating because they have unattractive partners. They are lacking something from their marriage and or seeking attention to make themselves feel better. It's not about you. It's about the cheater needing help. If you stay w/ your husband he will likely continue to cheat at various points during your relationship. You deserve someone more confident who isn't going to need that outside attention in order to feel complete. Trust me. I have friends in real like who cheat and online friends who cheat. It's not your fault! But I would get the heck out of that relationship and get counseling.0
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The issue is with him and not you. Period. It doesn't matter the situation, how green the grass is, your physical traits, etc. It is an issue within himself.0
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People without issues don't cheat no matter what the situation. And, I agree, you're gorgeous.0
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I'm sorry for what you are going through. You know that its nothing to do with you, everything to do with him and his failures. It just hurts you a lot and I'm sorry you are feeling that pain. I think its normal to look for the reason why and its easy to blame what you perceive to be your fault (your weight) but you know that is not the why. You look lovely in your picture and I'm sure you are a wonderful person.
It is most important to take care of yourself (and any children you may have) right now. I've found that pouring that kind of pain into exercise has beneficial results, the endorphins make you feel better, the physical changes are good for your self esteem and health. Walk, meditate, do yoga, do whatever helps you with stress.
I'm glad you are calling your counselor to talk. You are right not to rush into anything, you have lots to think about and the decisions are all yours. I don't know you but want to send you a big hug for support. Hang in there.
Thank you so very much. I am taking this opportunity to pull myself out of the housewife mode I have been in. I'm going to lunch with friends. The gym even when he's home and I wouldn't before because we should spend time together. I need to take some time to get to know Danni again.1 -
I don't know if anyone has suggested it yet, but I suggest your first call be to your GYNO for a pelvic exam and STD test. My partner cheated and swore up and down he used protection but I still went and it was the first time ever I got an abnormal pap and it came back positive for HPV.
It's been years and it has gone away on it's own and the last two pap's have come back normal, but you never know. *hugs*1 -
MissTattoo wrote: »I don't know if anyone has suggested it yet, but I suggest your first call be to your GYNO for a pelvic exam and STD test. My partner cheated and swore up and down he used protection but I still went and it was the first time ever I got an abnormal pap and it came back positive for HPV.
It's been years and it has gone away on it's own and the last two pap's have come back normal, but you never know. *hugs*
I was tested in September and all was well. Because my test was only one month after I have an appointment tomorrow to be rechecked. Sad. Never thought I would even have to be thinking of this.0 -
Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
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barbiemae24 wrote: »People without issues don't cheat no matter what the situation. And, I agree, you're gorgeous.
Thank you very much.
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_dracarys_ wrote: »Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
Seriously. Signed, your friendly local ogre.0 -
meganridenour wrote: »No matter what you think, this is NOT your fault. It is an issue with HIM, not you.
This ^^^ I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please know that his behavior is not a reflection of you. You are correct to get counseling, and to share your feelings. I have been where you are. Everything happens for a reason, and you will emerge from this stronger.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
Seriously. Signed, your friendly local ogre.
Stop that! You are not an ogre nor are your looks any part of the problem here. As many have already said, it's him. 100% him. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you're definitely entitled to your feelings, but you aren't the problem.0
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