Lack of support

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  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
    edited March 2016
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    I dealt with the narcissistic person I had the misfortune of being birthed too by never speaking to her again. You're not there yet, maybe you never will be but just remember those who need to tear others down to build themselves up will never stop. In a perfect world, parents would be exempt from that type of personality defect and we could lean on them the way evolution designed us to think we always can but it isn't a perfect world, and your mother is one of those people.
    I'd love to tell you to not let it bother you or haters gonna hate or her hearts probably in the right place and she thinks she's motivating you or whatever but it's pointless. It's deflating and it stings like hell when it comes from your mother, doesn't matter if you're five or fifty. Doctors aren't gods because they are doctors and mothers aren't nice just because they are mothers.
    Just keep telling yourself that your achievements are for you and you ARE worthy of praise and feeling good in yourself.
    You're not the broken one.

    [Edited by MFP Staff]
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    jessicaallen1996 wrote: »
    Alluminati wrote: »
    Move out. As long as you live under her roof, she will continue.

    Let's be honest here. My mom will continue for the rest of her life. She's like that with my sisters, and she'll be like that with me. Moving out will only stress me out.

    My mom continued with this crap until my 30s. She has been very manipulative and narcissistic for as long as I can remember. I had to take a stand with her, and have reduced the amount of my time that she gets. I love her, but I cannot be around her for extended periods of time. The only thing you have control over is your reaction to her. Do not allow her constant picking (which is typically rooted in her own insecurities) to influence your self-esteem. If it already has, reaching out for some counselling can be life-changing for you.

    I am sorry you are going through this right now. It does get better over time. Not because she will stop, but because you will no longer react to it as strongly.

    Congratulations on your loss! Keep up the good work!
  • kyrannosaurus
    kyrannosaurus Posts: 350 Member
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    jessicaallen1996 wrote: »
    Alluminati wrote: »
    Move out. As long as you live under her roof, she will continue.

    Let's be honest here. My mom will continue for the rest of her life. She's like that with my sisters, and she'll be like that with me. Moving out will only stress me out.

    You don't have to let her treat you like that. Once you move out you are in control. She can't treat you like crap if you don't let her. My mother and I had a terrible relationship, I set boundaries and rules, when she broke them I changed my phone number. I haven't spoken to her in 9 years. Problem solved. It might sound drastic but I am much happier for it.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    jessicaallen1996 wrote: »
    It's really frustrating because I'm working so hard and she's trying to pull me down like always. My question is how do you deal with situations like this. Today I brought it to her attention that she was hurting my feelings, and that I've worked extremely hard but she just doesn't stop. She just kept not picking.

    This is the way your mom is. She is not going to help you or praise you. That is hurtful and dissapointing. It is her issue though.
    So you don't talk to her about your weight loss and she misses out on being in that part of your life. Find your support in a different place with different people.
  • jessicaallen1996
    jessicaallen1996 Posts: 50 Member
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    b1zzzltmyro4.png

    I thought this was a fitting photo for today!
  • cjean920
    cjean920 Posts: 13 Member
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    jessicaallen1996 wrote: »
    So I'm 20 years old, a full time student as well as working 24/36 hours a week.... I still live at home to save money. I was super happy because I lost weight this week( down 1.8 pounds!!). As well as that I tried on my favorite pair of jeans that I've had to use the rubber band trick on for 9 months, and they fit perfectly! So I went out and told my parents how ecstatic I was, and my mom totally pooped on my parade. She not picked that I had a muffin top( news flash I'm making my way down from 295 I'm going to have a muffin top for a while!). And also that my *kitten* was showing , which it wasn't. My jeans go up to my belly button , front and back.

    It's really frustrating because I'm working so hard and she's trying to pull me down like always. My question is how do you deal with situations like this. Today I brought it to her attention that she was hurting my feelings, and that I've worked extremely hard but she just doesn't stop. She just kept not picking.

    I'd say just go with the flow like showing her that what she says doesn't bother you or get you worked up. For I stance, next time she mentions you still have a muffin top just tell her "geez mom what's your obsession with muffins? Do you like checking out womens muffin tops? Or are you craving sugar? Are you becoming g diabetic?" Lolol but say it kinda fast and like you're actually concerned for her. Hahaha that *kitten* works with my *kitten* of a mom, hopefully with yours too. Good luck!
  • dopeheathen
    dopeheathen Posts: 11 Member
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    Don't ever let anyone bring you down. Carry the fire.
  • yari911
    yari911 Posts: 6 Member
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    You are not alone,you can do this girl!
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    Everything that everyone else has said is true. My mum is very supportive but my father's family are horrible and have been my whole life. I also had an extremely jealous, horrible friend for a while who took every opportunity to drag me down about absolutely everything

    Here is what I have done:
    - Keep quite about your success at home. I put the last piece in bold because you are working hard and deserve to share it but it is better shared on here or with friends. Sad but true.
    - Use it as motivation. That friend? Those horrible Aunts? My grandmother who told me I was getting fat & should suck in my stomach when I was 11? When I first started this change, I would sometimes picture them when I didn't want to go for a run or when I thought about ordering a pizza and eating the entire pan by myself. Use it as fuel.
    - Forgive but don't forget. My dad has one sister who is extremely bitter about my weight loss. I used to be angry or upset. Now I feel sorry for her and hope that she is one day happy enough with herself that she doesn't need to take success from others. It took me a long time to get there. One thing which helped was remembering the times I felt jealous or envied someone I care about. We've all done it, maybe not to this extent, but we know what it feels like. Do you remember how ugly it is? Can you recall how horrid those thoughts feel inside your head & heart? On some level your family know what they are doing and I very much doubt they are happy about having those thoughts. at the same time, don't forget i.e don't put yourself (or them) in a position where it can reoccur.
    - Practice mindfulness and self-love. When we love and respect ourselves, we draw love and respect from others.

    Keep going and feel free to add me as a friend. I'm always happy to offer support and I really understand where you are coming from - and the fabulous places you are going too!

    x
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
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    jessicaallen1996 wrote: »
    b1zzzltmyro4.png

    I thought this was a fitting photo for today!

    That's the way to do it :wink:
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
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    ... And not sure who I offended with my first choice of words to describe my 'person' who birthed me but I honestly apologize.
    I carry a lot of residual animosity towards my mother and am quick to get carried away in my emotional hurricane on all things related to her.
    No excuse for random potty mouth, but it is what it is :/
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    First of all, big cheers for your NSV (Non-scale victory)! Your on campus support group sounds perfect for the validation you need.

    You now have fair warning not to seek validation from your mother, so you can stop that. My mother was similar.
  • sanfromny
    sanfromny Posts: 770 Member
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    1st- Anyone saying move out must understand that being a broke college student makes that sentiment very difficult.

    Here's the thing @jessicaallen1996 , When I was your age my mother used to do the same thing bc frankly, she didn't believe me. It's the old saying "talk is cheap". I'd lose weight, be excited, then put it right back on, sometimes plus more. So don't do this for your mother's approval. Do it for yourself. Stick to it, MFP is great for keeping you on track as long as you use it. Don't mention anything to her anymore. Every small victory, look in the mirror and congratulate yourself. The only way you'll prove it to her is to do it. When I finally figured it out I was much older, now she has nothing to really say. She's amazed. She told me she never thought I'd do it but I did and you can do. I wish you wellness!!
  • dawniemate
    dawniemate Posts: 395 Member
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    jessicaallen1996 wrote: »
    So I'm 20 years old, a full time student as well as working 24/36 hours a week.... I still live at home to save money. I was super happy because I lost weight this week( down 1.8 pounds!!). As well as that I tried on my favorite pair of jeans that I've had to use the rubber band trick on for 9 months, and they fit perfectly! So I went out and told my parents how ecstatic I was, and my mom totally pooped on my parade. She not picked that I had a muffin top( news flash I'm making my way down from 295 I'm going to have a muffin top for a while!). And also that my *kitten* was showing , which it wasn't. My jeans go up to my belly button , front and back.

    It's really frustrating because I'm working so hard and she's trying to pull me down like always. My question is how do you deal with situations like this. Today I brought it to her attention that she was hurting my feelings, and that I've worked extremely hard but she just doesn't stop. She just kept not picking.

    We support you. ....well done keep going :wink:
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,709 Member
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    Obnoxa wrote: »
    ... And not sure who I offended with my first choice of words to describe my 'person' who birthed me but I honestly apologize.
    I carry a lot of residual animosity towards my mother and am quick to get carried away in my emotional hurricane on all things related to her.
    No excuse for random potty mouth, but it is what it is :/

    Yeah, I was wondering what was edited from your post and why, but good for you for posting this follow-up. We all have our "things" and our hot buttons. I cut my mom out of my life for many years. Well, initially it was her choice due to a religious difference, but once we had zero contact my life was so much easier! That lasted for about 8 years. Now she wants to be back in my life, but I'm hesitant and careful. No need to deal with the negativity and the drama.
  • jessicaallen1996
    jessicaallen1996 Posts: 50 Member
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    It said MFP staff removed it for language. I have no issue with it. I kinda filled in the blanks. Thank you all for support! It means so much!
  • cross2bear
    cross2bear Posts: 1,106 Member
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    When I read some of these posts, I feel very lucky that my mother and I have a relationship that recognizes the adults that we are, and that we are able to share stuff with each other and not worry about judgement (if she judges me, she doesnt let on!). Congrats on your weight loss and learn from these experiences with your mother - now you know how NOT to speak when you have your own kids!!

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