Any other recovering anorexics/bulimics??

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  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
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    I'm a mostly recovered anorexic binge/ purge subtype who went through inpatient and day hospital programs. I am weight restored but have bad body image and easily fall into the restrict/binge pattern. I am 40 but was very active between 10-30 though I do tend to overexercise. My body dysmorphia is really bad at the moment and I am fighting against urges to go back to old habits so I am reentering therapy (eek).
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
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    cloudi2 wrote: »
    Best wishes Skazzmatt. Its not easy is it? I second the suggestion of joining the ED group here on mfp.
    I log calories to make sure I'm accountable and stay over 1200 and under 2000. I don't binge or purge. Is that I gained a substantial amount of weight after a crisis in my life. Then found it easy to lose by calorie restriction. So as I got to a low weight I just kept going down, it seemed thrilling at first. After 5 years at a below underweight bmi I made a decision to eat more and gained. Too much! In the ED group here you will find all kinds of people in different stages of awareness. They are all nice people and nonjudgemental. Best Wishes. :)

    Thank you so much!!! That's a lot like what I use this website for too, except I only log stuff on days when I'm worried I haven't done well. I'm finally off a meal plan and trying intuitive eating and it started going really poorly so my therapist recommended we do this together.
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
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    Oh I also have bipolar 2 and anxiety
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
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    singingflutelady wrote: »
    I'm a mostly recovered anorexic binge/ purge subtype who went through inpatient and day hospital programs. I am weight restored but have bad body image and easily fall into the restrict/binge pattern. I am 40 but was very active between 10-30 though I do tend to overexercise. My body dysmorphia is really bad at the moment and I am fighting against urges to go back to old habits so I am reentering therapy (eek).

    oh my gosh that's like exactly where i am basically!! i mean i never left treatment, just lowered it substantially, but my body dysmorphia is OUT of control lately because i'm barely allowed to exercise anymore after semi-ruining my bod w compulsive over-exercising for years, and i've been eating a regular meal plan for over a year now. good luck to you! please add me if you'd like xxxx
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
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    I have always fought issues but I was diagnosed with (and almost died from) Crohn's disease (an autoimmune GI disorder) and lost weight down to my lowest weight in 2 weeks without trying. I also had to take Prednisone for 4 months which makes you retain fluid like crazy and ravenously hungry. I have since gained the weight back (and fast as it was from a medication) but hitting that low weight (and still seeing fat as it was all water/ muscle loss) was very triggering! My exercise is now very limited (I lift heavy not allowed cardio) because of extreme exhaustion and chronic pain. My diet is highly restricted for medical reasons which is a very slippery slope for me! Ugh it never goes away.
  • caffeinatedcami
    caffeinatedcami Posts: 168 Member
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    I do not have an ED but both my twin sister and my older sister have suffered from anorexia. My aunt died from the disease. I just want to say I recognize the bravery it takes to seek treatment. My older sister is recovered but my twin sister's anorexia is currently active and she refuses to see a therapist. It is so hard to see her suffer like this and I feel that I am powerless to help her. I hope some day she reaches the point that many of you have. Obviously disordered thoughts/tendencies may never disappear completely. But nevertheless you keep fighting to take care of your mental and physical health. You should be very proud of that.
  • asyouseefit
    asyouseefit Posts: 1,265 Member
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    I am a recovered bulimic. Only after 10 years being mostly b/p free, I feel confident enough to be on a website like mfp. EDs are often about control and calories-counting site can give you a false sense of control. Until one day, you feel like you are too much and fall back into the habits... Be cautious, remember what your therapists told you about controlling weightloss and food and take a step back if you feel you're spending too much time weighing food r yourself, obssessing about those calories or any other bp behavior. Good luck!
  • cosmiqrecovery
    cosmiqrecovery Posts: 171 Member
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    anorexic with b/p from 14 on. recovery's a little shaky right now but i've been working on it for over a year and been purge-free since last april. confession: i was in the whole prettythin scene too. cringe. that guy was vile.
  • livelovebbg
    livelovebbg Posts: 45 Member
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    I have struggled with disordered eating for 16 years (since I was 12). I initially used MFP to help me gain weight after my last relapse in 2013. I took a break from using it after I gained 15lbs as I did find it to be quite triggering, but I use it off and on to help me be mindful about my eating patterns. I think MFP can still be a good tool as long as you are in tune with the way it effects your overall well being. If it feels harmful, stop logging.
  • lorellelove
    lorellelove Posts: 5 Member
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    Oh boy I too have had ever eating disorder known to man lol. I was anorexic for about a year. I then learned of bulimia and thought this was genius. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous :) I had a very very bad deranged corrupt image of food. After a couple years of therapy, counciling, and going to a nutritionist (who was trying to convince me food is not the enemy) I finally (one day at a time) stopped purging. It was scary and hard. I gained a tremendous amount of weight, but I would never wish bulimia upon my worse enemy. I am so grateful for the life I have today (even if I do need to lose 40 pounds). Another part of my battle with bulimia/anorexia is I am a recovering drug addict. I have been free from the bondage of bulimia longer than I have been clean (I first got clean about 3 1/2 years ago, and that's how long it had been since I last practiced eating disorder rituals), but for me they went hand in hand :) sending love and light to all those who have gone through the same battle <3
  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
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    I am 25 years recovered. From 15-23 years old I never put anything in my mouth without thinking of calories or having bad feelings about it. Did not weigh 100lb until I was around 20 (5'9" so that's not good). Got up to 125 by 23, got pregnant, got well. Seeing my body do such amazing things, feeling the baby, looking in the mirror and seeing the big round belly but feeling beautiful, that was revelatory. Nursing the baby, my body making food for it, that was incredible. Never looked at my body the same way after that, I felt like it was a great body becasue it could do those things.

    My kids say I still have "dysmorphia" because i feel fat if there is any fat, and have what they consider unrealistic giidelines for what is a good weight; but I can comfortably eat nutritious food and feel like it is nourishing me, and can work out in restorative ways, not always to lose weight, and so far have been able to track my food without obsessing over it. ...I love my body and take good care of it now!!!! That is the center.

    Some of the effects of anorexia do linger lifelong, don't take it lightly or think you can just eat better later and fix everything. I still have bird-light bones because they had no opportunity to grow when I was a teenager, and I am sure my heart would be in better shape if I'd eaten enough when younger. And I'll never trust my response to hunger, or what I see in the mirror (so yes, intuitive eating won't necessarily work, you have to remember to eat, once you have broken that response). But I'm healthy enough to get me through, and comfortable, and at my age still better off than a lot of people, body-wise. I consider this as fully recovered as I'm gonna get. Have been over 120lb for those last 25 years, and never on that slide down and down.


    It's hard to tell from inside if obsessively logging food is careful tracking or obsessive limiting, so tracking can be dangerous for people who have had eating disorders.
  • moreclover
    moreclover Posts: 3 Member
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    lorellelove wrote: »
    Oh boy I too have had ever eating disorder known to man lol. I was anorexic for about a year. I then learned of bulimia and thought this was genius. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous :) I had a very very bad deranged corrupt image of food. After a couple years of therapy, counciling, and going to a nutritionist (who was trying to convince me food is not the enemy) I finally (one day at a time) stopped purging. It was scary and hard. I gained a tremendous amount of weight, but I would never wish bulimia upon my worse enemy. I am so grateful for the life I have today (even if I do need to lose 40 pounds). Another part of my battle with bulimia/anorexia is I am a recovering drug addict. I have been free from the bondage of bulimia longer than I have been clean (I first got clean about 3 1/2 years ago, and that's how long it had been since I last practiced eating disorder rituals), but for me they went hand in hand :) sending love and light to all those who have gone through the same battle <3

    Hello lorelle,

    Have to reply to this post as it sounds so similar to me. I've been clean and sober for 3 years 3 months! I haven't used the programme for my ed though I do try to as it's helpful way of thinking about a problem I thought I controlled but realise I'm powerless over. I'm trying to hand over and be free from bulimia just for today. So far it's been 4 days which feels like nothing but I know my sobriety started with just one day! Thanks for sharing, I identify so much!
  • MalkienChrysantheum
    MalkienChrysantheum Posts: 14 Member
    edited March 2016
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    I was a "softcore" bulimic, meaning I would so light binges (usually nothing more than 800-1000 cals) and then purge, but this was only a few separate sessions a week, so I ate normally 75-80 percent of the time and kept that intake in. Because of my being a light bulimic, I would be able to go for weeks without binging and purging and I could go cold turkey.
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
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    moreclover wrote: »
    lorellelove wrote: »
    Oh boy I too have had ever eating disorder known to man lol. I was anorexic for about a year. I then learned of bulimia and thought this was genius. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous :) I had a very very bad deranged corrupt image of food. After a couple years of therapy, counciling, and going to a nutritionist (who was trying to convince me food is not the enemy) I finally (one day at a time) stopped purging. It was scary and hard. I gained a tremendous amount of weight, but I would never wish bulimia upon my worse enemy. I am so grateful for the life I have today (even if I do need to lose 40 pounds). Another part of my battle with bulimia/anorexia is I am a recovering drug addict. I have been free from the bondage of bulimia longer than I have been clean (I first got clean about 3 1/2 years ago, and that's how long it had been since I last practiced eating disorder rituals), but for me they went hand in hand :) sending love and light to all those who have gone through the same battle <3

    Hello lorelle,

    Have to reply to this post as it sounds so similar to me. I've been clean and sober for 3 years 3 months! I haven't used the programme for my ed though I do try to as it's helpful way of thinking about a problem I thought I controlled but realise I'm powerless over. I'm trying to hand over and be free from bulimia just for today. So far it's been 4 days which feels like nothing but I know my sobriety started with just one day! Thanks for sharing, I identify so much!

    Same!! I just celebrated my four years sober birthday. i worked a program for my eating disorder at first, but for me it made me hyperfocus on food too much, and just didnt seem to be working. i know a lot of people it's worked for tho. and i like that OA includes all eating disorder types.

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