Any other recovering anorexics/bulimics??

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  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
    I am 25 years recovered. From 15-23 years old I never put anything in my mouth without thinking of calories or having bad feelings about it. Did not weigh 100lb until I was around 20 (5'9" so that's not good). Got up to 125 by 23, got pregnant, got well. Seeing my body do such amazing things, feeling the baby, looking in the mirror and seeing the big round belly but feeling beautiful, that was revelatory. Nursing the baby, my body making food for it, that was incredible. Never looked at my body the same way after that, I felt like it was a great body becasue it could do those things.

    My kids say I still have "dysmorphia" because i feel fat if there is any fat, and have what they consider unrealistic giidelines for what is a good weight; but I can comfortably eat nutritious food and feel like it is nourishing me, and can work out in restorative ways, not always to lose weight, and so far have been able to track my food without obsessing over it. ...I love my body and take good care of it now!!!! That is the center.

    Some of the effects of anorexia do linger lifelong, don't take it lightly or think you can just eat better later and fix everything. I still have bird-light bones because they had no opportunity to grow when I was a teenager, and I am sure my heart would be in better shape if I'd eaten enough when younger. And I'll never trust my response to hunger, or what I see in the mirror (so yes, intuitive eating won't necessarily work, you have to remember to eat, once you have broken that response). But I'm healthy enough to get me through, and comfortable, and at my age still better off than a lot of people, body-wise. I consider this as fully recovered as I'm gonna get. Have been over 120lb for those last 25 years, and never on that slide down and down.


    It's hard to tell from inside if obsessively logging food is careful tracking or obsessive limiting, so tracking can be dangerous for people who have had eating disorders.
  • moreclover
    moreclover Posts: 3 Member
    lorellelove wrote: »
    Oh boy I too have had ever eating disorder known to man lol. I was anorexic for about a year. I then learned of bulimia and thought this was genius. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous :) I had a very very bad deranged corrupt image of food. After a couple years of therapy, counciling, and going to a nutritionist (who was trying to convince me food is not the enemy) I finally (one day at a time) stopped purging. It was scary and hard. I gained a tremendous amount of weight, but I would never wish bulimia upon my worse enemy. I am so grateful for the life I have today (even if I do need to lose 40 pounds). Another part of my battle with bulimia/anorexia is I am a recovering drug addict. I have been free from the bondage of bulimia longer than I have been clean (I first got clean about 3 1/2 years ago, and that's how long it had been since I last practiced eating disorder rituals), but for me they went hand in hand :) sending love and light to all those who have gone through the same battle <3

    Hello lorelle,

    Have to reply to this post as it sounds so similar to me. I've been clean and sober for 3 years 3 months! I haven't used the programme for my ed though I do try to as it's helpful way of thinking about a problem I thought I controlled but realise I'm powerless over. I'm trying to hand over and be free from bulimia just for today. So far it's been 4 days which feels like nothing but I know my sobriety started with just one day! Thanks for sharing, I identify so much!
  • MalkienChrysantheum
    MalkienChrysantheum Posts: 14 Member
    edited March 2016
    I was a "softcore" bulimic, meaning I would so light binges (usually nothing more than 800-1000 cals) and then purge, but this was only a few separate sessions a week, so I ate normally 75-80 percent of the time and kept that intake in. Because of my being a light bulimic, I would be able to go for weeks without binging and purging and I could go cold turkey.
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    moreclover wrote: »
    lorellelove wrote: »
    Oh boy I too have had ever eating disorder known to man lol. I was anorexic for about a year. I then learned of bulimia and thought this was genius. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous :) I had a very very bad deranged corrupt image of food. After a couple years of therapy, counciling, and going to a nutritionist (who was trying to convince me food is not the enemy) I finally (one day at a time) stopped purging. It was scary and hard. I gained a tremendous amount of weight, but I would never wish bulimia upon my worse enemy. I am so grateful for the life I have today (even if I do need to lose 40 pounds). Another part of my battle with bulimia/anorexia is I am a recovering drug addict. I have been free from the bondage of bulimia longer than I have been clean (I first got clean about 3 1/2 years ago, and that's how long it had been since I last practiced eating disorder rituals), but for me they went hand in hand :) sending love and light to all those who have gone through the same battle <3

    Hello lorelle,

    Have to reply to this post as it sounds so similar to me. I've been clean and sober for 3 years 3 months! I haven't used the programme for my ed though I do try to as it's helpful way of thinking about a problem I thought I controlled but realise I'm powerless over. I'm trying to hand over and be free from bulimia just for today. So far it's been 4 days which feels like nothing but I know my sobriety started with just one day! Thanks for sharing, I identify so much!

    Same!! I just celebrated my four years sober birthday. i worked a program for my eating disorder at first, but for me it made me hyperfocus on food too much, and just didnt seem to be working. i know a lot of people it's worked for tho. and i like that OA includes all eating disorder types.

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