Women asking out men, weird, or a new generational thing?

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kaleas
kaleas Posts: 200
in Chit-Chat
This constantly boggles my mind. I was reading over another person's post about how she does not get approached by men. I get approached by men, but in the creepy, 30 years older than me way that makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't think I've ever been asked on a date. Almost 99% of my relationships have begun with a movie hang out with friends and secretly holding hands. Gag. I've accepted that it was because I was younger.

Now that I'm going on 23, I want to go on dates damnit. I interact with many single, attractive men on my day to day adventures and yet, cannot seem to go any further then "Hey, you look really nice today." "Oh thanks, are you flirting with me or is that just your way of getting me to buy more coffee?"

(Actually one of the cute baristas at the coffee shop I frequent every morning asked if I worked out, and complimented me on my arms. Who does that? Is that flirting? Is that a cue that he may think I'm cute? I'm so oblivious to these things.)

I've been told men are intimidated by me. I don't think that's the case. That sounds too egotistical. So I've decided to take matters into my own hands.

I'm going to ask THEM out. Are there any good ways of doing this? Guys, do you find it awkward when a cute girl approaches you? I'm a little too bold and blunt sometimes.
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Replies

  • Hanna82
    Hanna82 Posts: 138 Member
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    It's a new era of women taking on men's roles. I think it's awesome. Embrace it and take charge.
  • LaPistolaSexola
    LaPistolaSexola Posts: 243 Member
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    I think a confident woman is sexy.
  • BamBam1113
    BamBam1113 Posts: 542 Member
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    I wouldn't think it was awkward. I would probably be flattered. Go for it. The guy you're looking at might be too embarrassed to do it so ya never know until ya try.
  • alexbowser
    alexbowser Posts: 322
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    I ask out guys all the time. About half of my relationships started by me approaching guys. I think it's empowering, I'm not going to wait around for a guy to do something.

    The girls that tell me guys HAVE to do the asking tend to not be going on dates.
  • omgsaleslady
    omgsaleslady Posts: 44 Member
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    i was always told i am intimidating because i'm very loud and bold and straightforward...i took that as a compliment and ran with it, using it to my advantage. be yourself, and if you want to ask them out, just straight up ask them out. it worked for me, and now i'm married. :D
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.

    If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
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    You have to take control of your own life...if you like a guy go for it....because they are all pretty dense and sometimes they need things explained, outlined, dots connected and the damn picture coloured in for them too before they "get it".
    there's nothing wrong with you asking a guy out.
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    So I have mixed feelings about this.

    Some women LIKE to be asked out... but being asked out on a spur of the moment thing almost always results in a negative response.

    For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.

    I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.

    THEREFORE: If you think you would be willing to go on a date, ask the guy. You might as well.
  • kaleas
    kaleas Posts: 200
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    I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.

    If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.

    See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.

    I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Dudes in your hood aren't Alpha males or their game is WEEEEEEAK. Sorry to hear that as you look cute. I am sure one will come around sooner then later.
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
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    i dont or didnt get intimidated when women would approach me (i'm married now) i think its cool because alot of times guys are intimidated, or dont know how to approach a woman so its kind of a relief imo. Of course there is a thing of coming on too strong, but if you let a man know you're interested there is nothing wrong with that. for a long time i was very very shy so the only time i went out with women is when they approached me, luckily it happened regularly enough lol
  • kaleas
    kaleas Posts: 200
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    For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.

    I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.

    Haha I do understand that. On the other hand I think if that a girl is making eye contact with you, and smiles, it's safe to approach her and generally start a conversation. We're all so afraid of each other and it doesn't make any sense to me.

    I even joined an online dating website for a research paper in Social Psychology, and found that even online, people are too afraid to message each other, and once they do, are too afraid to actually meet.
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    I am not in the dating game and have been out for a long time, but I have noticed that the art of courtship is gone now. Men don't ask ladies out anymore and ladies are always forking out money on dates, even the first one. When I was in the game, it was a skill that men possessed and took pride in when it came to asking and getting a phone number and eventual date with a woman. I need to open up a school for that. The only thing is, it would be full of women, because men don't have to have that skill anymore---you women have gotten good at it. Think about it.
  • AmberLiscous
    AmberLiscous Posts: 644 Member
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    I asked out a guy because he was to afraid to talk to me and now we have been married for 11 years and we have 4 beautiful children....Go for it!!!:flowerforyou:
  • Psialpha297
    Psialpha297 Posts: 45 Member
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    I love the idea, and wish it would happen more often. Because if you are oblivious to advances from men, it is ten fold on the otherside. As a guy i can admitt that we are very stupid lol, we dont pick up subtle hints, or obvious ones. I think that courtship is a little out dated and i think that this is a refreshing change of pace and should become more common. Go for it. Make some guys day =]
  • SherryGirl
    SherryGirl Posts: 40
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    Theres nothing wrong with asking a man out for an evening. Thats how my hubby and I got together 24 years ago! LOL Men can't read your mind. Through it out there! If the answer is not you haven't lost anything you didn't already have, right? if he says yes...well your one step to maybe a great thing even friend! nothing to loose! =)
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.

    If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.

    See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.

    I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.

    Thats not true at all. Thats making the assumption that all guys are just out for sex. Lots of us want a real relationship and someone to hold.

    Until some psycho slut makes us hate women, at least.
  • katkins3
    katkins3 Posts: 1,360 Member
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    In my single days, I used to ask a guy out by discussing an new movie with him. If he hadn't seen it, I'd say I want to see it too, Why don't we go together? If that went well, I'd suggest we go have a coffee and discuss the movie. This worked so many times I can't say.
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
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    I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.

    If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.

    See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.

    I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.

    Hunny, i hate to break it to you....but guys in the 25-26 age range are still the same...hell, i've dated guys in the 35-40 age range...they are still not ready to settle down. There's no age range to go by--all depends on the guy. You're young--go out and have fun.
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    Options

    For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.

    I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.

    Haha I do understand that. On the other hand I think if that a girl is making eye contact with you, and smiles, it's safe to approach her and generally start a conversation. We're all so afraid of each other and it doesn't make any sense to me.

    I even joined an online dating website for a research paper in Social Psychology, and found that even online, people are too afraid to message each other, and once they do, are too afraid to actually meet.

    It's so true. I'm not a shy person, so I have no problems just walking up and saying "Hey, you look amazing, and I would like to get to know you. If you don't have a boyfriend, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" but trust me when I say... it just doesn't work much.

    Freaking cowards ;)

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