Second thoughts about surgery
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Please, stop arguing! I appreciate both sides of the story. I just need some direction on what I should ask my doctor on Monday.
Anyway, I do realize the biggest problem on why I gain weight is triggers. Whenever I lose weight, someone or something happens. And I reach for my safety net. One of the most insensitive comments recently came from my mom. She's said, "if you're not eating so much, why are you still obese?" At that moment I had to tell her that if she continue to make stupid comments instead of just support me and do my thing, then I wouldn't be so "obese".
I'm so sorry your mom's like this. I went low contact with mine and she still manages to push my buttons. It's already been said that these things will still be there after the surgery.
Here are my suggestions for you: go see the surgeon and ask about the pros and cons including what types of long-term impact this will have on you (getting enough nutrition can be a struggle for some), look into some counselling (it took a long time and was painful at times, but many of the things that used to trigger me, no longer do), keep using the site/app here, and see how far you can get without the surgery while you wait for it. If you are having success with losing, you can always postpone the surgery for several months until you decide.
The surgery would not be something I would do. In my work, I have seen many complications. I recognize that my experiences come from a biased perspective and that many people have the procedure without difficulties. Just know that even if everything goes well with the surgery, you will still need to make the life long changes to get there and stay there. It is certainly not an easy way out, and requires just as much work and adaptation. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.0 -
Plus I've been eating on average of 1300 calories. There's days I ate far less for religious reasons. I don't know if I can function with only 500 calories daily.0
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You have to permanently change your eating habits for the surgery to be permanently successful. The complications of gastric surgery are too gross to talk about here. I work in a surgical recovery room and have seen the outcomes the doctors don't like to talk about. One doc saved the little bitty staple that the patient blew out by over filling the little stomach pouch. It had been corroded and surrounded by pus and caused all sorts of pain and vomiting.
Your mom does not know what "all costs" mean.0 -
I guess the doubts began when I saw the replies here on MFP when someone's insurance denied for surgery after losing 40 pounds during the require 3-month hospital program. My husband is supportive but hope surgery isn't needed. My mom just want me to lose the weight at all costs.
The main problem I suffer since the last time I used MFP was that once I'm triggered by something, I give up and start eating junk. I lost weight before my wedding until one of my BMs said something before our RD that got me upset and then I let go again.
Surgery's not going to change the urge for emotional/stress eating. That's something therapy can help you figure out. There are people on these boards who've had really positive experiences with surgery and some who haven't. Just make sure you're curing the right disease. Emotional eating and obesity are two different things. You can work on the obesity through whatever means work best for you, but until the emotional eating is under control, your overall progress may be difficult.0 -
It sounds like you have the ability to do this with diet and exercise and using MFP as a great tool. I would encourage you to seek counseling and deal with the emotional issues if you really want lifelong change. I started MFP 85 days ago and struggled like crazy to lose 6#'s in that time. I finally faced head on an emotional issue that was really mucking up the works for me and almost immediately I was able to change the going to my "comfort" thing and started losing again right away. Dealing with the emotional issues before doing anything else is going to yield you much greater success - no matter what you decide with surgery. Best wishes.0
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Mavrick_RN wrote: »Your mom does not know what "all costs" mean.
Sadly, she still doesn't get the meaning of tact. Earlier today while I was talking to my mom on the phone, I told her that I lost 15 pounds since my colonoscopy in February. You know what's her reply? "Oh you should try this oatmeal water diet from Dr. Oz to lose a lot of weight." Trust me, those first 15 pounds were hard. That's early morning workouts, changing my portions, the on-going temptations at work, and eating small meals throughout the day (except for Ash Wednesday and Good Friday). Now is not the time for quick fixes from online or a syndicated tv show. I quickly ended the conversation with her.
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I'm on the bariatric pathway too. It will be 6 months at least before I'm even scheduled. But there are major medical problems on both sides of my family: high cholesterol, behavioral health, high blood pressure, arterial plaque buildup, diabetes types 1 AND 2, some cancers, back problems, migraines--to name a few.
I just got under the 300lb mark today. My bmi is 46. I'm lucky in that my only serious problems are depression, hypothyroidism, chronic fatigue syndrome, sciatica, and migraines. None of the more serious comorbidities of obesity have plagued me yet, but I'll be 30 in a year. I want to maintain and improve my health before I'm older.
I've always had trouble losing weight. But I'm trying again.
I believe surgery can be a great aid to those of us who are obese and have experienced problems losing weight. Surgery isn't for everyone. It may or may not be for you. You will have to weigh the advantages and the risks and decide if it is right for you. No one, save your doctors and surgeons and ultimately you, can definitively decide for you.
It's good you're seeking other perspectives and views on the matter, but I urge you to do what you feel is in the best interest of your health.
Lastly, you and I of course know getting bariatric surgery is NOT the "easy way out" nor is it lazy or a sign that one hasn't tried repeatedly to be healthier. Rather it's a signal that you're taking charge of your health, of your weight, of your future, and a sign that you care enough about yourself to do what is requesite physiologically and medically.0 -
Mavrick_RN wrote: »Your mom does not know what "all costs" mean.
Sadly, she still doesn't get the meaning of tact. Earlier today while I was talking to my mom on the phone, I told her that I lost 15 pounds since my colonoscopy in February. You know what's her reply? "Oh you should try this oatmeal water diet from Dr. Oz to lose a lot of weight." Trust me, those first 15 pounds were hard. That's early morning workouts, changing my portions, the on-going temptations at work, and eating small meals throughout the day (except for Ash Wednesday and Good Friday). Now is not the time for quick fixes from online or a syndicated tv show. I quickly ended the conversation with her.
Warning: I'm about to say something that may come across as really rude.
.... Why do you talk to your mother? At best, it sounds like she is not helping. At worst, it sounds like she may be contributing to your problem. Maybe you shouldn't talk to her about anything having to do with weight. She just doesn't sound like she can provide the kind of support you need, and she's not going to change.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe not.0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »Mavrick_RN wrote: »Your mom does not know what "all costs" mean.
Sadly, she still doesn't get the meaning of tact. Earlier today while I was talking to my mom on the phone, I told her that I lost 15 pounds since my colonoscopy in February. You know what's her reply? "Oh you should try this oatmeal water diet from Dr. Oz to lose a lot of weight." Trust me, those first 15 pounds were hard. That's early morning workouts, changing my portions, the on-going temptations at work, and eating small meals throughout the day (except for Ash Wednesday and Good Friday). Now is not the time for quick fixes from online or a syndicated tv show. I quickly ended the conversation with her.
Warning: I'm about to say something that may come across as really rude.
.... Why do you talk to your mother? At best, it sounds like she is not helping. At worst, it sounds like she may be contributing to your problem. Maybe you shouldn't talk to her about anything having to do with weight. She just doesn't sound like she can provide the kind of support you need, and she's not going to change.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe not.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I finally had to decide that my health was more important then any conversation (which was going to be hurtful anyway) with my mom. Perhaps you need to decide to only have a superficial relationship with your mom? I'm not rude, or unkind to my mom. I just choose not to call her. I do not share really any aspects of any importance with her. It's kept very surface level. If you know she's going to make comments about your weight, why even bring it up? I know for me, emotional distance has been hugely important in my mental health. It sounds like she may be part of your emotional issues!0 -
So I talked to my husband about it and he said whatever I decide, he'll be supportive. But he's also relieved because he felt I can lose it on my own. So I will ask the doctor if there's any food therapists within the center I can go see to sort out my emotional eating issues.
New topic: any good group classes for strength training? I think barre will be fun and challenging. There's an all-ladies gym where I live where they do fun and exciting versions of traditional group classes. I'm going to try them out on Tuesday.0 -
That sounds wonderful... a supportive husband... and he´s relieved that you don´t rush into the surgery... I kind of like him ;o) a lot! LOL
About the classes I think it has a lot to do with the instructor.. some are wonderful and inspiring others will be blehh... ;-) good luck with everything ;-) whatever you decide.0 -
Surely if having surgery means you have to eat a low calorie diet, can't you just do that anyway without having to have the surgery and lose weight naturally? Or am I missing the point?0
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As others have said, surgery won't help with this.I guess the doubts began when I saw the replies here on MFP when someone's insurance denied for surgery after losing 40 pounds during the require 3-month hospital program. My husband is supportive but hope surgery isn't needed. My mom just want me to lose the weight at all costs.
The main problem I suffer since the last time I used MFP was that once I'm triggered by something, I give up and start eating junk. I lost weight before my wedding until one of my BMs said something before our RD that got me upset and then I let go again.
Good plan! Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is especially helpful for emotional overeating.So I talked to my husband about it and he said whatever I decide, he'll be supportive. But he's also relieved because he felt I can lose it on my own. So I will ask the doctor if there's any food therapists within the center I can go see to sort out my emotional eating issues.
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...New topic: any good group classes for strength training? I think barre will be fun and challenging. There's an all-ladies gym where I live where they do fun and exciting versions of traditional group classes. I'm going to try them out on Tuesday.
I looked up barre for another thread. While it does sound fun, it's not strength training as discussed here on MFP.
Maybe you should continue the barre tangent here http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10351875/female-filter-newbie-at-strength-training-what-blogs-sites-should-i-look-at or start a new thread.
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What is it that makes you overeat to the point where you need gastric bypass? Until you can honestly answer that question and learn to control your eating, you will regain it back, even with surgery. If you can figure a way to do that NOW... no surgery needed. Something to think about...0
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Mavrick_RN wrote: »Your mom does not know what "all costs" mean.
Sadly, she still doesn't get the meaning of tact. Earlier today while I was talking to my mom on the phone, I told her that I lost 15 pounds since my colonoscopy in February. You know what's her reply? "Oh you should try this oatmeal water diet from Dr. Oz to lose a lot of weight." Trust me, those first 15 pounds were hard. That's early morning workouts, changing my portions, the on-going temptations at work, and eating small meals throughout the day (except for Ash Wednesday and Good Friday). Now is not the time for quick fixes from online or a syndicated tv show. I quickly ended the conversation with her.
Practice saying this, as often as you have to: "Mom, I love you, but our conversations on this topic are not helpful to me. Let's talk about something else." And follow it up by not raising the subject with her yourself (including updating her on how many pounds you've lost).
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Before you take the permenant surgical step. Talk to your Dr about Contrave. It contains an antidepressant and a huger suppressant. This has been a godsend to me as it has both stopped my desire to binge eat and my constant hunger. It is not a miracle drug and there are serious side effects but my choices were that or surgery. I believe that if you are one of the wonder kids here then white knuckle your weight loss. If your like me and need some help try the meds.0
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Having already lost 15 pounds shows that you can do it on your own. I have had a weight problem my whole life losing 50 pounds and then gaining 60. When I found MFP 1130 days ago, I have been faithful in putting down almost every bite that goes into my mouth - and lost 56 pounds which I have maintained for over a year. Why it worked this time I'll never know - but I do think putting in writing what I eat - even if it is way over what I should eat - is the thing that has kept me on track. Retraining your body to not eat so much food and to eat healthier is so much better than doing the surgery. Good luck to you. If you would like to friend me I would be glad to give you some positive reinforcement! Remember, every day is a new day for success!0
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Lrdoflamancha wrote: »Before you take the permenant surgical step. Talk to your Dr about Contrave. It contains an antidepressant and a huger suppressant.
My friend took that and gave up after 5 days. Made her depressed and cranky. She decided she's going to just eat healthy instead. Plus I've taken diet pills in the past and just gave me heart palpitations.Surely if having surgery means you have to eat a low calorie diet, can't you just do that anyway without having to have the surgery and lose weight naturally? Or am I missing the point?
I'm usually around 1200-1300 calories anyway. Even on rest days.
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OP this might not apply to you, but an interesting read nonetheless
http://www.salon.com/2015/11/02/weight_loss_surgery_was_easy_it_was_becoming_thin_that_drove_me_to_the_brink/0
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