Help Me Out

Hello,
I'm in need of some serious motivation and or advice.

I'm an Agoraphobic Hypochondriac (yeah i'm willing to admit it) with Severe anxiety issues. I have to take two sedatives in order to get through my 40 hour work week in a kitchen and i still suffer from Panic attacks (which effect me mentally and physically). I go to one cosplay event a year and it causes me much distress. Last year the day before i was sent to the hospital because of a panic attack and i fear the same thing will happen this year if i'm not careful. I enjoy my hobby and don't want to give it up!
I am unable to travel long distances or on the highway due to my anxiety carsickness, and vertigo. I'm only 24 years old! I struggle to get to the gym and when i'm there i tend to shy away from open spaces with a lot of people.
I've been to a TON of doctors and all they could say was i have anxiety, maybe irritable bowel, and perhaps Vertigo.

I'm 175 pounds with my highest being 180.
My body fat percentage was 38 but now it's 40% from the last time i weighed myself, despite obvious muscle gain in my legs and arms.
I will be frank. I hate my body. I hate that i can't travel, and i hate that i'm lonely because of these things.
People have told me i have to get angry at myself and that will motivate me, but i can't get mad. All i can do is sit in a room and cry or try not to cry at work.

I have a routine at The Edge fitness and see a trainer once a month. He's helping me build muscle but Cardio is my trouble. I can't jog more than a minute without shortness of breath and feeling ill. Walking 45 minutes will make me dizzy and also ill. I have not been on a solid diet and i have no energy to cook myself food so i eat what i can at work and what my mom cooks (living at home to save money). My medication right now should knock a person out, but i'm working up an immunity to it and i'm on the highest dosage i can be without worrying people. I go to the gym when i have energy. And because i take sedatives i don't have much.

I don't normally go and ask people for help because i feel i will let them down. I've been told to drink smoothies and so many other things and i've tried it for maybe a few weeks or days and given up. My own friends have even given up on me. Without constant surveillance and actually putting good food in front of me, i will not stick by my diet and i can't afford to go to a wellness camp. At least not for more than a week, if there are any even that can help me.

What do i want? I want to feel good in how i look, i want to feel good period. I want my conditions to go away or at least lessen to where i can travel on the highway again and actually have a social life. I want to be a normal young lady and enjoy my golden years but i can't. My support system at home is weak despite what they say and my friends just don't really care much about anything but themselves apart from a few exceptions. I'm afraid to reach out to the ones that still care.

So can someone give me advice? Maybe how they got through their issues, or maybe some hope that i can get better.
Three years ago i made a goal to reach 130. I got sick and lost 20 pounds in 2 months and gained it all back.
If there are tips on how to motivate yourself to go on the treadmill or maybe a quick eating trick. Anything.

Thank you.