When do the comments stop?
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I havent reached my goal weight yet but my family likes to talk about things like "Oh your getting too small, your going to look sick at 130 pounds (i'm 5'3 no way in hell will I look sick at 130 lbs) and well ... what will you do after you reach that weight? How long do you think it will take to gain it all back? You realize that after you've lost the weight you have to keep working out and watching what you eat right? (No seriously people have said that to me lol) " The comments are stupid but I over look them nine times out of ten it is always someone in my family that is struggling with their own weight, they chose to project their negative feelings on me. It gets old, but I usually over look it.0
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Right, so I've been in maintenance for well over a year now. Yet every time I go back home to visit family and friends (moved away for university purposes), it seems like I'm still getting subjected to a barrage of comments about my size. And they're not particularly pleasant to hear either - my shoulders are too bony, I don't have any boobs, my hands look anorexic, and so on.
Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying. I know what I look like, I know I still have things to work on, and I DON'T. NEED. REMINDING. EVERY. TEN. SECONDS.
Ok, not every ten seconds. But still far too frequently, and the bloody topic keeps cropping up despite my repeatedly telling them to stop and/or changing the subject (because let's face it, there are far more interesting things to talk about than my weight -.-").
I'd understand it more if it were a new thing. A year ago my mum was a bit surprised, but now she's just like, "Yep, you're a normal size" (just shy of 5'5, around 120lbs after having lost 30) and doesn't really dwell on it. And I would trust her to tell me if she thought otherwise.
So in a nutshell: I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences, and how long it took people to get used to it.
WOW! I keep hearing (and experiencing) that ppl don't comment about us losing weight. This is a whole new perspective I haven't thought about. Thanks for sharing!!! According to your stats, you're completely healthy!! Don't mind others' negativity...ppl find it hard to be positive/happy for others...or even their selves!! I'm 5'7 and 120 is in my healthy weight range (the lower end of the scale) so you're def healthy/fine/looking great!!
Don't mind them and I hope they let go of their comments soon for ya!
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I have mostly a supportive family, but the one thing that sort of irks me is when I start talking about fitness/exercise/tracking food, I inevitably get a "there better not be a strong wind or you're liable to blow away." I get that I am petite, and I realize that they really mean it as a compliment, but it would be nice if someone would just not focus on that and actually hear about my deadlift gains or ask me about my protein pancake recipe.0
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I can totally relate to this only today my dad told me I look ill my mum said I need to put on 7lb. I am for the first time in my life a healthy weight after losing over 70lb. I am also fit I run regularly and do Zumba. What I don't understand is why nobody has an opinion when I was fat and unhealthy yet everyone has one now. It has upset me tonight as I've worked so hard to get where I am. Please feel free to add me
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I get a lot of these comments too, as well as the "eat a cheeseburger" that never ceases to be funny. ::eyeroll::
It really used to hurt my feelings, but I try to remind myself that those comments are a reflection of how they feel about themselves, not about me. Also, I posted about how hurtful comments like that can be and directly quoted some things friends and family have said to me (while suggesting they were comments by strangers) and I think it made people re-think their comments without feeling attacked. Now my parents are super supportive, and I've even overheard friends defend me when others would make rude off-hand comments (mostly anorexic jokes).
I dont think the comments will ever completely stop, but it helps having supportive people in your corner. As long as you know that you are working towards the healthiest you, everything else is just noise.0 -
They stop when you don't put up with it0
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"My response to that would be "Please get your hands off me NOW. Thank you." Repeat as often as necessary. You don't have to let them treat your body as public property"
That would be my response as well. In most jurisdictions, that would be considered assault. On any level that is incredibly rude. Slap their hand away whenever they do that.
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When I was at my lowest weight seven years ago (100 lbs, 4'11") I had a lot of comments too especially from family because my sisters are overweight and don't care that they are. My ex-mother-in-law back then was battling cancer and told me all the time I was too skinny and if I ever get sick like her then I'd die sooner because I'd lose weight too fast. Ridiculous.
I'm losing weight for my health and because I want to feel better and don't care what anyone thinks of me. I want to get to 115-120 this go round because at 47 years old I don't expect to get boney this time around, lol.0 -
I'm not there yet, but I wish the constant comments would subside, too. I don't like all the attention, and in the past, once the constant comments start, I go off my diet. That's NOT going to happen this time, but I still wish they'd stop. I know it's a big deal that I've lost 102 lbs, but really...I'm more than just my weight. It doesn't have to be the sole topic of conversation now!
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I like to point out something painfully obvious about their physical appearence.
"well that's nice- have you noticed how big your ears are today?"
and when they get super butt her you look aghast and say- oh- *kitten* I'm sorry I thought it was give my unsolicited opinion day!"
judge their clothes their face- their voice- whatever- their food- doesn't matter- then just follow it up with the above- or "OH I'm sorry I thought it was say stupid *kitten* day"
or
"I'm sorry I thought it was add random commentary about people for no reason day"
whatever- you get the point.
Let them have it.0 -
If someone tried to grab me it would be "Unhand me or withdraw a bloody stump". well, I wouldn't go quite that far but I'd think it.
I had to put up with that sort of thing when I was a kid because telling adults off was considered impolite (don't get me started). Some adults think that kids love to be grabbed. Put up with it now? F--- that for a game of soldiers.0 -
Meh. The comments don't really bother me. I know that people are projecting their own insecurities onto me. Just today I heard that I am disappearing. On other days, from other people, I hear I shouldn't lose more weight because I am fine as I am right now. One of the people who said I shouldn't lose more weight is one of my friends. We became friends when I was overweight and during/after the time she'd lost weight. So she was used to being the skinny friend. I want to lose 6 to 8kg still so...that'll make me the skinny friend. It's going to be interesting to see how that will affect our friendship dynamic.0
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I've always been what my family considers "small" so I have always gotten the comments... I bet they stop pretty quickly if you make a jab about their body in return.? My favorite is, "Compared to yours, maybe".0
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@AllyCatXandi NEVER or until you move to a new town. Being an old crippled guy helps some and is the reason I grew the beard to they could not see my missing fat face.0
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Okay, people can say anything they want. When I was at my heaviest, my father died. At the church just before his funeral, my aunt, who I'd not seen in about 6 years, felt that it was okay to stand near his casket and exclaim, "Wow Rox, you're so fat now!" To which I replied equally loudly, "Wow Aunt Edy, you're fatter than ever too!"
As one non-touchy-feely person to another, this part bothers me the most:Plus people seem to think it's ok to grab and pinch and squeeze and point out every bit of pudge they might find. I've never really been a touchy-feely person in general, and when others get that way with me for the purpose of being critical instead of affectionate...highly annoying.
Anyone grabbing me without permission gets one warning and loses teeth the second time. There has never been a third time! It's not okay for them to touch you without your permission, it's your body.1 -
I can't believe that so many of you have experienced such negativity from your family and friends. I am sorry. They should be ashamed. Maybe they are jealous or something else psychologically speaking is going on? I don't know but you all have done such an amazing thing changing your lifestyles to reflect a healthier you. I am proud of each and every one of you! I guess I am pretty lucky, my family has been nothing but supportive and they cheer me on as I work towards my goals. I actually think I have rubbed off a little on some of them.0
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I've never had any of these experiences, but I think I might be inclined to throat punch someone so rude. I probably don't have these problems because of my well known temper and predisposition to throat punching. Kidding, I'm not violent, but seriously I would tell haters to stop hating. I might even sing them that stupid Taylor Swift song.0
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The comments stop when you punch someone in the throat for touching you without invitation. Not cool.
Kidding. Don't do that (think it, but don't do it). Do people really touch you? I'm flabbergasted.0 -
Now I get people saying I'm too thin and need to put weight on and stupidly I listen to them when in fact I should listen to myself like I have done my whole weight loss journey.
I've put on weight recently as trying to maintain so have been testing out different things and I absolutely hate it so I'm going back to my way0 -
Crabs in a bucket. Just ignore them.0
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Lol has no one noticed that this thread is almost 3 years old and has been dead since? Anyways, since someone revived this thread it could be interesting to get an update from the OP regarding this topic.0
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CrabNebula wrote: »Crabs in a bucket. Just ignore them.
"Stop pulling me down with your remarks, you're like crabs in a bucket!" *sprinkle some Old Bay seasoning on the person when she tries to grab you*
And I like your name.0 -
I sometimes get "You're too skinny," or "You've lost too much weight" type comments. Not all the time. I try not to let them get to me but I find them really rude. The touching?? Oh hell no!! I agree with @Mslmesq about boundaries and how to handle people who violate them.0
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I just hate my mum saying "you can stop now" when I decline cake or a second biscuit. I don't think she gets the concept of a healthy diet, not being on a diet! And thinking I'm obsessive because I'm concious of what goes in my mouth! I'm not "wasting away" I've been this exact size for 2 years (nearly!) ! So yeah. Longer than 2 years it would seem to answer original op post!0
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I would love to know the answer to this question myself. Over the past two months I've heard everything from speculation that I don't eat, being asked if I'm done losing weight, and told I need to gain 5lbs. I've been called skinny which pisses me off.
Now tonight I pick up my son from a family member who had been watching him, and all of a sudden my kid says to her "weren't you going to say something to mom about her being skinny?" She then goes on to ask me how much I've lost..,if I plan on losing more...and that she noticed my neck the other day and..,I'm too thin. I lose a lot of weight through my face and neck which I can not help! I'm most furious because apparently my weight was a topic of discussion with my 9yo child!
I'm sick to death of people. And people who can't seem to control their own weight to boot.1 -
There are days being an old aloof guy has its upside.
In part I grew the beard because my fat face what the first fat to go.
I think people are just going to talk. It seems like women can make the most cutting remarks to other women that they would never make to a man.
Wording like 'You do not look as fat as the last time I saw you' to me speaks more about the speaker's EQ (emotional quotient) and the person who has lost weight in my view.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence0 -
My first inclination when I read your post, lucky you, you didn't get it coming and going. Evidently I have no perfect weight, I poof go from embarrassingly overweight (size 10) through to jeopardizing your health skinny (size 4) without ever passing through "just right." Really?? in what universe is this possible? Some people do not have a rational self image and they project it on you. You know it, so why are you letting it bother you? As long as you have fact based evidence that you are at a healthy weight you should easily be able to shut them down or at least signal them that you have no tolerance for this crap. I put it that way because I've known people with diagnosed eating disorders and they truly have no realistic self image, they view themselves as fat/out of shape when they are killing themselves with under eating and/or over exercising.0
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TheNightWalker wrote: »Lol has no one noticed that this thread is almost 3 years old and has been dead since? Anyways, since someone revived this thread it could be interesting to get an update from the OP regarding this topic.
I noticed this too, reading her post...lol....I thought maybe being April 1 it was an April Fool's prank, being resurrected lol. so I sent a PM to the OP.
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When someone crosses boundaries, there are a few ways to react. Imo, the best is to simply state the boundary: "Actually I am very happy with my current weight and feel good about it. You, however, are making me feel very uncomfortable with your comments and ai feel like you are trying to shame me and/or judge me. I would feel morecomfortable if we didn't talk about either of our weights and simply concentrated on enjoying our time together". (States boundary). If the bad behavior continues: "Listen, I have already told you I am uncomfortable with our weight being discussed as a topic. If you continue doing so knowing that it is making me feel bad, it will be better if I leave and we can get together another time when we can both enjoy the conversation". (States consequence of boundary violation). If the bad behavior continues you must follow through on the stated consequence. You must leave. Do so calmly and not in a huff. Simply say, "I see you are not taking my request to not discuss this seriously. It appears it will be better if we get together at another time". And leave! Do not let them say anything at this point to sway you to stay. It is past that. The next time they will likely stop the bad behavior.
It would seem much easier to just tell them to go to hell and not bother arranging another meet up. Why would you go to all that trouble to explain to them how awful they are being and then give them another chance? Burn the bridge and move on.
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