My husband and I do not diet together well.

Congrats on the 12 pounds and the three weeks
No oil, no salt and so on --- that is silly.
Plan to eat the way that is going to work for you. Your husband will back off if the two of you stop talking about food so much.

Did you force a way of life on him he doesn't need or want and constantly get mad when you don't succeed, thus causing him frustration when you don't make an attempt?

hannahmattison31 wrote: »

I can and will lose weight. I have lost 12 lbs already and I'm really proud of that. I understand why my husband thinks I'm going to fail, he's heard it many times before. I think I've made at least 4 solid attempts at losing weight in the 7 years we've been together. I never lasted more than a two weeks on any diet before giving up completely. The fact that it's been three and I still want to diet tells me I'm in it for the long haul this time. I just still don't know what that diet is going to look like yet. I just wish he'd have faith in me to do it! Since it's NOT life or death he should just be supportive and not mean. I have no one to blame but myself for my weight but it would sure be easier if I had a partner that was a little more empathetic.

Also note, my psoriasis is on my hands and feet, making exercise and food prep difficult. well, making everything difficult actually.

I'm starting to think a more CICO focus is more the way to go, especially to start out.

I'd love a dieting partner but I'm with my husband every day. He's the logical choice. And most of my friends are thin. The ones that are my size are definitely not willing to workout and diet with me. I feel like I'm stranded on an island!

It sounds like you need to have a very frank conversation with your dietitian AND your hubby....preferably when you are both not hungry! Be honest with him. He's spending cash on this diet that YOU wanted. From his point of view, he is sick of listening to your complaints (that's what girlfriends are for, btw) and just wants the freedom to eat what he wants. Stop blaming him for being "mean" and "non-supportive." (It sounds like whining to me.) Reschedule with your dietitian and work this out for the better. Celebrate your 12lb loss to a start of a new you. Your hubby doesn't have faith in you for the long haul? He's been with you for 7yrs & you've tried to lose weight for less than a handful of times and weren't successful. And now your fighting...over a diet....look at the big picture here. You aren't going to be 150lbs smaller in a few weeks or months (or whatever it is that you need to lose). So stop complaining to him about it, get back with your dietitian who you said you really like, adjust your choices of foods to eat, and focus on what you need to do.

I say this with all the virtual love and support I can give you, as one who has given love & support to a best friend IRL.

(btw, I've known plenty of people to lose significant weight who could not exercise at all. For them, it was all about calories and portion control.)

I tried to lose weight for 15 years with different diets. I lost weight but I would always quit and regain because they weren't sustainable for me. It sounds like you are doing an unsustainable diet.
I have had the easiest and best success losing weight by just counting calories and eating all the foods I Iike so that is what I reccomend you do. Just log as accurately and stick to the calorie goal MFP gives you. Get enough protein. If you want to eat more meatless meals then do that but you do not have to go vegan to lose weight. You lost weight by eating less calories not by going vegan.
My family has not changed the way they eat just because I need to lose weight. They have different calorie needs and preferences than me. I'm eating most of the same foods as them, just appropriate portion sizes for me. My plate often has more vegetables or I have a salad on the side. I find pre-logging my whole day to be pretty helpful to sticking to my calorie goal and meeting my other goals.

hannahmattison31 wrote: »

Sorry, let me clarify. He's a PA, so just a step down from MD. He's not some quack at a gym somewhere. I was referred to him by my PCP.

And yes, unfortunately my husband does have an "all or nothing" mentality. Drives me insane in times like these. Even the nutritionist said we don't have to cut out meat and dairy completely. He said to dramatically reduce it. So his ideal is probably somewhere around 5% meat and dairy. It's my husband that is the nut job in this situation.

SWellz wrote: »

You both sound frustrated. If you both truly went from fast food to vegan for your health, then yeah, I can see him resenting if you cheat. But you don't know if that's what's bothering him until you ask him. Just talk to him! You can both get it out and then have some black bean tacos.

I can agree. It is the other way around in my house but I do not make an issue about diets because at my age I really do not want to be single again.

You and your husband both sound horribly codependent. You should look into marriage counseling.

OP - are you using this app to weigh & log your food?

My husband is a rough man. A very good man just rough around the edges if you will. He thinks he can motivate me by snarky comments. For example if I am over snacking he will make a comment like "haven't you had enough". If you tell my husband he can not do something he will do it and with perfection. I have tried to explain to him the negative feedback shuts me down. We are very different in that way. Sometimes in marriage communication really is key. Also understanding your spouse. You can not change him. You can change the way you receive his words and try to communicate to him that you would like only positive reinforcement and that you need grace with this diet and that you know yourself and you know an extreme change will cause you to fall back. It will be a process for you both. It's for my husband and I. But marriage is all about growing and being a better spouse no matter what your spouse says or does. I know this doesn't seem like much help but I promise it will get better!