Getting over shame of large weight gain -anyone else?

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  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
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    From the other side of this: I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in nearly a year, and he had gained a large amount of weight from a mobility-limiting injury. I was surprised when he walked in, but I didn't say anything. (I know some people WOULD comment, and that's unfortunate.) We enjoyed a couple of drinks and caught up on life, and we had a great time. He was still him, and the weight gain didn't change that. We had a fun night, and it would have been a shame to miss that just because he was embarrassed he was heavier.

    As years go by, you're going to see people around you gain weight and lose weight and gain weight again and... It happens. Life can't stop just because of some extra adipose tissue.
  • cate320
    cate320 Posts: 130 Member
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    Yes. I live far from home, and my mom recently visited after nearly 2 years of not seeing each other. I think I gained about 30 lbs in that time, so I stressed for weeks before she got here that she would say something, and we'd have a big mother daughter fight and ruin her trip.

    It didn't happen, thankfully, but the fear is real. I am going home to visit in a few months and going to see the *rest* of my family, and so I still get to worry. Hoping I can shed the excess weight before then. I still won't be skinny, or even healthy, but at least won't shock them.
  • unawind
    unawind Posts: 46 Member
    edited April 2016
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    rodriguezbc wrote: »
    I feel that part of my battle in the early stages of weight loss is the discouragement and shame of how much I gained to begin with. I gained about 60 pounds (translates to 6 pants sizes) in one year, and I am a 5'3" female. Sometimes I get very anxious when I am going to see someone I haven't seen in a long time, to the point that I try to avoid it if I can. Has anyone else been through this?

    Absolutely. I feel you. I've gained 40 lbs over 10 years and I'm still disappointed in myself. I don't want to see people I went to college with because I'm ashamed. I used to be 125-130 and fit. Now I'm 158 (down from 165) and look like a cheese curd.
  • Seffell
    Seffell Posts: 2,222 Member
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    Yes, I gained about 40lbs in 2 years and I'm very embarrassed about it. I live in a different country at the moment and when I get back I don't call any of my friends out of shame. I can't imagine them seeing me like this.
  • OhMsDiva
    OhMsDiva Posts: 1,074 Member
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    I never was small, but I did lose quite a bit of weight after being sick for a while and I gained it back, plus some. I never really knew what size I was until I look back at my pics now. The thing I work on is forgiving myself for allowing myself to get in the condition that I was in. Sometimes I think that strangers look at me and think how big I am, but I know how far I have come so I hold my head up high.
  • RWClary
    RWClary Posts: 192 Member
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    Odiaa wrote: »
    If people can not accept you the way you are then they weren't your friends anyway.
    And the opposite is ytue as well. Some of my old friends resented me after I lost the fat.
    Human nature is a strange ointment...
  • rodriguezbc
    rodriguezbc Posts: 10 Member
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    Thank you everyone so much for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate it!
  • rodriguezbc
    rodriguezbc Posts: 10 Member
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    RWClary wrote: »
    Odiaa wrote: »
    If people can not accept you the way you are then they weren't your friends anyway.
    And the opposite is ytue as well. Some of my old friends resented me after I lost the fat.
    Human nature is a strange ointment...

    yes, You are right about that. When I lost weight the first time, I was looking good and certain people gave me those envious dirty looks.

  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
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    Back in the 80's, (the dark ages), I did dance aerobics for many years with this instructor. We're the same age and she has always been "model" thin. A couple years ago when I was at my heaviest I was waiting for my flight to take off and she came down the aisle. I hadn't seen her since I had put on over 50 pounds and rather than saying hello I turned away so she wouldn't see me. I'm guessing that she wouldn't have even recognized me and I was too embarrassed to find out. She was still thin of course and looked years younger than I thought I looked.
  • missgamer84
    missgamer84 Posts: 19 Member
    edited April 2016
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    I lost a good bit last summer and was comfortable. Then I became pregnant and lost it and gained weight. After that, had to be prescribed some steroids for my Lupus and gained about 40lbs all last fall :( I joined the gym 2 months ago and have been going 3-5 days a week and can tell a small difference in my body, yet the number on the scale hasn't moved. It's very discouraging and I have cried a lot. It's nice to see I am not alone at least, and I will not stop what I am doing. I am going to try and see a Weight Loss Doctor hopefully soon, I have never been this down.
  • PurpleOrchid531
    PurpleOrchid531 Posts: 28 Member
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    Yep. Been there too.

    I had two kids in a row and gall bladder surgery shortly after my second was born so I started off around 40 lbs heavier than when I got married. I was active and going to the gym all this time but nothing made a difference until I started MFP and tracking my calories.

    I decided not to go to my high school reunion (I went to an all-girl high school and you know how mean girls can be). I didn't want to be "that girl" that my classmates talked about. I know it sounds completely shallow that I cared more about my appearance than seeing my old classmates.
  • RWClary
    RWClary Posts: 192 Member
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    rodriguezbc wrote: »
    RWClary wrote: »
    Odiaa wrote: »
    If people can not accept you the way you are then they weren't your friends anyway.
    And the opposite is ytue as well. Some of my old friends resented me after I lost the fat.
    Human nature is a strange ointment...

    yes, You are right about that. When I lost weight the first time, I was looking good and certain people gave me those envious dirty looks.
    You find out people's heart when you either fail or achieve. I have learned to accept this.

  • Vanessalookingood
    Vanessalookingood Posts: 135 Member
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    Wow, reading over these posts and it's really sad to realize how much of life can be spent running...or hiding from shame. A couple of years ago I missed my 20 year high school reunion because I couldn't let others see how far I had let myself go. Many times I have spotted someone from my past and turned the other direction or pretended not to notice them. Being overweight for me is really like being in a prison-stealing one's life away. I hope to continue with the progress I am making, as it really is so much more to me than just improving my physical appearance. This journey I am on is helping me to love and accept myself. Thanks everyone for your posts.
  • lauraesh0384
    lauraesh0384 Posts: 463 Member
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    I gained back 30 lbs in a span of about 5 months when it took about 6 months to lose it. I got down to my lowest weight since high school which was 158. Then my boyfriend moved in and my routine got thrown off. Then I used the excuse that I couldn't walk in the apartment anymore because the new sectional we bought was too big, so there wasn't any room. Pretty lame, huh? So I'm back at it and I never want to be at this weight again. My boyfriend likes the way I look, but I felt so disgusted with myself. I told him it didn't matter what he thought; it was how I felt about myself. Fortunately I'm about 5 lbs away from being back in the 160's. That weight gain was a huge wake up call. I gotta stay focused and can't let life's distractions interfere.
  • ScaryBrandon
    ScaryBrandon Posts: 2 Member
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    Shame doesn't begin to describe how i feel. It's completely demoralizing. I gained back the 85 lbs i lost plus 15 additional lbs. For me, it's particularly shameful because of my education in molecular biology and metabolism. Family always tells me, you did it once, you can do it again... I am living (barely) proof that food addiction is real. So here I go again, a little older and wiser this time. The odds are against me, but i'm "oddly" optimistic. I'm going to lose it again and keep it off this time. Good luck everyone. If i can overcome the shame, anyone can.
  • carolinachic91
    carolinachic91 Posts: 22 Member
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    I feel the same way, before I got pregnant with my daughter I had lost 60lbs and I was almost happy with how I looked and then during the pregnancy I packed on the weight because I was lazy and now I'm back where I started. It's embarrassing going to family functions because everyone saw the whole weight loss then I ballooned back so its discouraging. We can all do it though, we've done it once so we know it's possible.
  • shadows2424
    shadows2424 Posts: 179 Member
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    Completely! Oh my god...my brother came over yesterday I did not want him to see me...I have gained 50 pounds since this time last year from binge eating probably associated with a new med I was put on...it's horrible but my heads on straight for weightloss and I'll keep plugging away. I hope your weight issues work out.

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