"Hahaha You will NEVER fit in that"

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NotGoingDown90
NotGoingDown90 Posts: 22 Member
edited April 2016 in Health and Weight Loss
Is what I was told by my father in law as I jokingly told my sister in law that I will wear her dress that I will pick up from dry cleaning on my way home. He kept repeating the same thing while emphasizing the word NEVER. He even made fun of me as I ate dinner and I was sitting on a separate table with my husband because the other table was filled with people. He kept saying look at her hiding in the corner stuffing her face. I lost 6 pounds since starting my weight loss journey. I have 9 pounds left until I reach 130 I don't think I'm huge but apperntly my father in law does. Every girl in the family is at the most weighs 110 and because I'm not that weight they think that I am huge and I'm just annoyed and feel like venting. I was really getting happy because my new size 8 pants are getting lose so my next purchase is going to be size 6 but now I'm just upset and it caused me to emotional eat. Ugh does anyone have people like this in their life?

I also forgot to add but they always made fun of their oldest daughter about her weight and she recently lost a lot of weight and since then they have been bothering me about my weight because in our family there is always that one person they make fat jokes or height jokes about
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  • AJ_G
    AJ_G Posts: 4,158 Member
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    You can't choose how you feel about negativity like that, but you can choose how you react to it. You can let it break you down or you can use it as fuel to prove people wrong. I personally love when people tell me I can't do something. It's all about how you use it.
  • KorvapuustiPossu
    KorvapuustiPossu Posts: 434 Member
    edited April 2016
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    Some people are just plain rude... I know it's hard but just try to ignore him. You don't need such negativity in your life. You are doing well and just keep on going. His opinion means nothing. I would personally call him out on being out of place and reconsider next dinner invitation. If you are not treated with respect you deserve then you shouldn't be around those people and go through emotional abuse.
  • Densans
    Densans Posts: 51 Member
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    Is your father in law overweight?
    Usually when people react like that they are jealous because they themselves got short comings and don't got the motivation to start something, so I would actually think he is more jealous of you actually.
    And try to use it as a positive push, like (Oh okay, you think never? Let me show you).
    I had the same problem practically but not with father in law but from family.
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
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    If I had people like that in my life, they wouldn't be anymore. That's awful! I'm sorry you have to deal with that. If you aren't comfortable saying something, ask your spouse. What he is saying is hurtful and makes you feel bad, it's not only rude but poor taste. If he's not apologetic, hopefully you can at least come to an agreement that your spouse will support you with... Don't let people like that get you down and if it comes down to it, use that as motivation to prove them wrong. Good luck :D
  • size102b
    size102b Posts: 1,370 Member
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    Your husband should take his rude father to one side and tell him to stop
    Obviously your not fat & don't let them make you think differently this mans a bully
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    NotGoingDown90 wrote: »
    Is what I was told by my father in law as I jokingly told my sister in law that I will wear her dress that I will pick up from dry cleaning on my way home. He kept repeating the same thing while emphasizing the word NEVER. He even made fun of me as I ate dinner and I was sitting on a separate table with my husband because the other table was filled with people. He kept saying look at her hiding in the corner stuffing her face. I lost 6 pounds since starting my weight loss journey. I have 9 pounds left until I reach 130 I don't think I'm huge but apperntly my father in law does. Every girl in the family is at the most weighs 110 and because I'm not that weight they think that I am huge and I'm just annoyed and feel like venting. I was really getting happy because my new size 8 pants are getting lose so my next purchase is going to be size 6 but now I'm just upset and it caused me to emotional eat. Ugh does anyone have people like this in their life?

    I also forgot to add but they always made fun of their oldest daughter about her weight and she recently lost a lot of weight and since then they have been bothering me about my weight because in our family there is always that one person they make fat jokes or height jokes about

    Your weight is not the problem here. Tolerating this behaviour is. I cannot imagine any adult behaving the way your father in law did, not even if you were 800 lbs, I cannot imagine myself sitting through this and not just telling him this was the last time we have contact until he grows up, and most important, I cannot imagine my husband just sitting there while this kind of verbal abuse was going on.
    You have family problems and probably marriage problems. Solve the real issues, not the imaginary weight problem, or you will never feel happy.
  • GreenIceFloes
    GreenIceFloes Posts: 1,491 Member
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    Seems like a sad, insecure little man. I'd have (verbally) punched him in the groin if I were you.
  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,765 Member
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    Reply: "I'd rather be carrying a few extra pounds than have to live with the knowledge that I was a complete utter *kitten* like you."
  • nats2508
    nats2508 Posts: 45 Member
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    Not a nice man. If you are not confident enough, tell your husband and ask him to step up for you and if he doesn't/won't it might be time to be brave and pull your father in law aside and tell him that you will not accept the way he is treating you. Your weight is your concern and next time if he sees you eating and gets rude, ask him if he wants some..in his face! bullies never like it when they get something back!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Some families have set up dyanmics that don't really work in the real world. You FIL probably thinks that's ok because it's a norm within that family. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I recommend that either you or your hubs try to let him know how that his behavior really is out of line, and how it makes you feel. Unless he's just an unfeeling jerk (which ok, is entirely possible), chances are he just doesn't realize how bad his behavior really is.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    edited April 2016
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    If your husband didn't stick up for you right away--he won't. His father has the upper hand in the family and this is his way of showing everyone that he is "top dog". When he makes a stupid comment like that be prepared and just stare at him and look him up and down slowly and then give a small knowing smile--like you're aware of his mental games. If you show him it won't work with you--that you're mentally stronger, he'll leave you alone.

    PS: I know this because I grew up with 5 brothers and now have 3 sons in their 20's. They always try to dominate, especially my oldest son. So I know what works.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,136 Member
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    snowflake954 wrote: »
    If your husband didn't stick up for you right away--he won't. His father has the upper hand in the family and this is his way of showing everyone that he is "top dog". When he makes a stupid comment like that be prepared and just stare at him and look him up and down slowly and then give a small knowing smile--like you're aware of his mental games. If you show him it won't work with you--that you're mentally stronger, he'll leave you alone.

    PS: I know this because I grew up with 5 brothers and now have 3 sons in their 20's. They always try to dominate, especially my oldest son. So I know what works.

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  • aliciamariaq
    aliciamariaq Posts: 272 Member
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    snowflake954 wrote: »
    If your husband didn't stick up for you right away--he won't. His father has the upper hand in the family and this is his way of showing everyone that he is "top dog". When he makes a stupid comment like that be prepared and just stare at him and look him up and down slowly and then give a small knowing smile--like you're aware of his mental games. If you show him it won't work with you--that you're mentally stronger, he'll leave you alone.

    PS: I know this because I grew up with 5 brothers and now have 3 sons in their 20's. They always try to dominate, especially my oldest son. So I know what works.

    Great advice! And I can relate, I have 3 brothers and a very dominate FIL, this technique works!
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    You have a terrible husband that either is too spineless to stand up to his father or isn't a good person himself, but it's not surprising considering what his father is like. Sounds like the whole family isn't worth much if everyone sat there and said nothing. You should get out now. This won't be your only story.

    And as an aside, being miserable is terrible for your health.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    That's seriously messed up. He's clearly on some massive power trip.

    Tell him directly that you don't appreciate his comments and to please stop them. If he refuses then try to reduce as much contact with him as feasibly possible. Tell your husband that you expect his support on this.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    snowflake954 wrote: »
    If your husband didn't stick up for you right away--he won't. His father has the upper hand in the family and this is his way of showing everyone that he is "top dog". When he makes a stupid comment like that be prepared and just stare at him and look him up and down slowly and then give a small knowing smile--like you're aware of his mental games. If you show him it won't work with you--that you're mentally stronger, he'll leave you alone.

    PS: I know this because I grew up with 5 brothers and now have 3 sons in their 20's. They always try to dominate, especially my oldest son. So I know what works.

    I am a little bit confused here. What does "dominate" mean in this context? I am guessing you did not raise your son to insult people in such a rude manner? OP is not talking about some stupid thoughtless comment, she is talking about continuous bullying. Why would she treat this like a game and play along? Smile when insulted because she is female and he is a man playing some perverse domination game???
  • Scamd83
    Scamd83 Posts: 808 Member
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    I was really getting happy because my new size 8 pants are getting lose so my next purchase is going to be size 6 but now I'm just upset and it caused me to emotional eat. Ugh does anyone have people like this in their life?

    He probably wants you to eat emotionally so you put on weight and can continue to bully you. Try think of that next time the urge takes hold. I won't say lose weight just to get the better of him because it should be for you, not him. But consider that a nice bonus, but also make it clear to your husband he needs to take your side here if he loves you.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    Your husband should talk to him and let him know that these comments are not okay. If your husband won't stand up for you then you likely have a whole other set of problems.
  • cbihatt
    cbihatt Posts: 319 Member
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    If it was me, I would no longer attend family gatherings with my in laws. I had an in law who was toxic and once I started avoiding this person, I felt so much relief! He can't say rude things to you if you are not around.
  • booksandchocolate12
    booksandchocolate12 Posts: 1,741 Member
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    thorsmom01 wrote: »
    Your husband should talk to him and let him know that these comments are not okay. If your husband won't stand up for you then you likely have a whole other set of problems.

    ^^This.

    What does your husband do while all of this is going on??

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