Food Addict Looking for Support

Depression is anger turned inwards, oversimplified I know, but start with that idea. Then the self-sabotage makes more sense. I've been there and still struggle. Everyday that I am kind to myself, eat food that I need for fuel and do not eat anything that is harmful to my body.....high transfat, high sodium, high process sugar......I notice, I congratulate myself and I appreciate myself. Sounds corny, but it matters. Every little step that you take toward self care, make note of it. It will be harder to sabotage yourself when you find out that you can be caring and kind to yourself.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling for a while now with your weight and especially the way you feel. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom so to speak and it sounds like you have. We can only go up from there!

I'd also like to say that you've made a good move on opening your diary. I might just make you feel a little more accountable. Feel free to add me if you want and I'll be happy to support you with your journey!

I feel like I could have written this. Except I am currently 5'6 and 280 pounds. I am so ashamed with myself. I literally eat fast food twice a day. I don't feel "normal" until I've had breakfast and a giant diet coke from McDonalds. Every. Single. Day. I feel so disgusted with myself. I work 12 hours a day and use that as an excuse to not pack a lunch. Then I have to go buy a fast food lunch. Usually McDonalds again. I feel so good and happy while I'm eating it. Afterwards, I usually want more, even tho I feel guilty and exhausted. It doesn't matter if I'm super full, I still think about what I'm going to have for dinner. I've been seriously considering therapy as well... Pretty sure I need professional help.

@coltsmama2015 and dargrohm, I also feel like I could have written this post myself. It's not only embarrassing, but so difficult to face that I just don't have the self restraint to say no. I always tell myself that I will take left-overs from dinner to work the next day, but I NEVER do. I go out to eat and tell myself "I'll order the salad, I'll order the salad, I'll order the salad" then when they ask me what I am having my mouth opens up and a demon from deep inside my body speaks out "I'll have the burger" or whatever else I should not be having. I can hear myself say it, but have no power to stop it. I always regret it later.

I too have battled the same issues for a long time. I've now lost 54 lbs since January and it's a struggle day to day. There is a difference in my attitude this time that I think is the reason that I am succeeding now when I have failed in the past. In January I decided that I was going to change my eating and exercise habits and get healthier. I still have a very very long way to go.

In my opinion, the difference is this. This time I have my head on straight. I went into this knowing that I was going to work at losing weight, however because of the long way I have to go, I also decided that I was not going to deny myself those things that I really want to eat. I knew I would just deal with the situations when they arose and not beat myself up mentally for it. I told my family not to nag me about what I was eating if I happened to want to have pizza or something and they've honored that wish.

Funny thing is that I haven't wanted to eat those items so it hasn't been an issue. I mentally gave myself permission and that changed everything.

The reason I had to add that permission was because I know I'm on a 2-3 year journey. Nothing happens overnight and I applaud myself for every step I make in the right direction. It is working and I'm grateful that I have had the ability to roll with the ups and downs and not let myself get down on myself which can quickly lead to the depression that leads to what I can the "what the hell" stage where I could possibly reverse all of the good done so far.

My little trick to not overeating is that I will plan my meals ahead of time and even bag the correct amount of food to eat. (Especially in the evening.) I will try to let my snacks (lately I have been eating raw almonds or fruit) last all night and just eat a little at a time which will fool the body into think it is getting more to eat than it is.

I hope this helps, good luck on your endeavor.

I think sometimes it's just baby steps. Take it one day at a time -that's what I need to do. By any means, I am not an expert, I just started my journey yesterday, but I am certain that the big picture will overwhelm me. I have 100 lbs to lose and that sounds like an impossible task.

Take it one day at a time, be nice and kind to yourself. I too need to be held accountable and I would love to support you if you have me.

Dargrohm:
I'm glad you're starting therapy and getting back to medication. I bet that will be a huge help (especially once you find the right tools for you). Your post resonates for me because of the way you describe the loneliness, self-loathing, and self-sabotage, so even though I'm not struggling with quite the same things, I wanted to tell you that I'm with you. Thank you for your honesty and your courage.
Here's what works for me, for what it's worth:
1)Pre-log food as much as possible.This is the single most valuable thing about MFP for me, because it forces me to be intentional about what I eat. (I think there's some psychology there about imagining yourself eating the food, too, that makes you more likely to actually do it.) I pre-log expected heavy-calorie meals, too, and that helps me both adjust the rest of my food for the day to balance it out at least a little, AND helps me enjoy that food more because I get to anticipate it even more. It also helps me avoid going off the rails when I lose it and eat a bunch of cheese, because I've already planned the next meal and somehow that keeps me in line, though its not rational.
2) Set the calorie limit at a reasonable level. I love food, and a goal below 1400 is not something I can stick to. Keeping it below 1500 most of the time is a good place for me - hard but not awful. (I'm 5'3.5, started at 180lbs, and am now at 147.)
3) Start emphatically, and then ease up. This was helpful to me because I'm lazy and easily discouraged, so getting immediate results was important motivation. I cut out added sugar and white flour, and ate lowish carbs for the first two weeks, which of course made the water weight fly off. Seeing the number on the scale go down so immediately and satisfyingly was a huge emotional boost that helped me settle in for the long haul.
4) identify realistically what's going to keep you from your goals, and make a list. (For me it was my bad work lunch habits, and my poor evening supply of willpower.) Then figure out strategies to address every one of those barriers. If your strategies don't work, keep adjusting until it clicks. You're already doing this with identifying the need to address underlying emotional stuff.

I do not find that it gets easier. I don't think I'll ever be a person who doesn't crave unhealthy food, or a person who can't wait to get out for that 5-mile run. But I keep adding tools that help me make better choices, and it does get easier to reach for those tools when I need them.

Please feel free to add me.

What a great discussion. I just want to add that I've been in the same boat and last summer went to a therapist. He told me I'm a food addict flat out and suggested going to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I went grudgingly, but kept going back and have stayed in the program just about 9 months. I've lost about 60 pounds and I feel happier and more mentally stable than I can ever remember. My life doesn't revolve around food anymore. You're welcome to friend me, pm me, take a look at my diary if you want. I'm by no means perfect, but I've been at the bottom and don't intend to return to it.

Hey, I'm one myself. I would love to join you on your weight loss journey. I have had a addiction to food, mine was sweets. I would eat nothing but Oreo's two family packs a day. Everyday. Plus other sweets through out the day. I'm sorry but my device is going dead. I will message you when it charges. I'm here for you to give you encouragement and support. My name is Shelia and I login under embersoul0417. You can do this. It's not always going to be easy, but you need to believe in yourself and know that you worth more than you may think. It's not even about the weight. It's a healthier way to live. Sorry going dead.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have anxiety and depression and food has been my comfort/friend almost all of my life. That's all I ever think about. I so want to have that terrible drive through food, but I want to be confidant in my body more. Feel free to add me. we can be each others motivation/support.