Any good jokes?

Amanda_0707
Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
in Chit-Chat
Seriously this Tuesday is a repeat Monday
«13

Replies

  • kevin3676
    kevin3676 Posts: 40 Member
    Why does a mermaid wear seashells?



    She grew out of her b shells!
    I know, corny lol
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    kevin3676 wrote: »
    Why does a mermaid wear seashells?



    She grew out of her b shells!
    I know, corny lol

    Omgahsh i love this joke
  • kevin3676
    kevin3676 Posts: 40 Member
    Haha nice!
  • kevin3676
    kevin3676 Posts: 40 Member
    No one else!?
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    kevin3676 wrote: »
    No one else!?

    I guess not
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,537 Member
    Knock knock.

    Let's have sex.
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    A woman goes up to the counter at the hardware store and asks the clerk where the batteries are. Intending to show the woman where they are he wiggles his finger and says, "Come this way." "The woman says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need the batteries."
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? One, but you have to slice him thin.
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    huntersvonnegut wrote: »
    A woman goes up to the counter at the hardware store and asks the clerk where the batteries are. Intending to show the woman where they are he wiggles his finger and says, "Come this way." "The woman says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need the batteries."

    Hahahah ewww
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    Knock knock.

    Let's have sex.

    Omgahd i laughed so loud just now
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
    Two men walk into a bar... the third one ducks.
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    What did the left saggy boob say to the right saggy boob?


    "We better get some support around here or people will think we're nuts!" :smiley:

    I hope your day gets better.
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    littlehearsedriver wrote: »
    What did the left saggy boob say to the right saggy boob?


    "We better get some support around here or people will think we're nuts!" :smiley:

    I hope your day gets better.

  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    dcgirlie01 wrote: »
    littlehearsedriver wrote: »
    What did the left saggy boob say to the right saggy boob?


    "We better get some support around here or people will think we're nuts!" :smiley:

    I hope your day gets better.

    So funny cant ever forget this
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,537 Member
    dcgirlie01 wrote: »
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    Knock knock.

    Let's have sex.

    Omgahd i laughed so loud just now

    But.... I was not telling a joke.
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    I got one.

    My life. :o
  • swbenbow
    swbenbow Posts: 87 Member
    Two fish in a tank

    One says to the other ...

    "How do you drive this thing?"
  • martyqueen52
    martyqueen52 Posts: 1,120 Member
    A cop is behind a vehicle for some time, and notices this person keeps on doing "rolling stops", so he pulls the car over.

    Officer approaches car, asks guy "sir, is there a reason you keep on doing rolling stops at stop signs?" The guy responds "yea man, it's all the same anyhow". They continue to argue the differences for a minute.

    Finally the officer gets irritated when the guy gets aggressive and raises his tone and says, "listen man, it's all the same, I slowed down by the stop sign!!".

    Officer pulls out his baton and starts wailing on the guy. The guy goes "WTF man stop!!!". Officer responds with... "Are you sure you want me to stop... or slow down!?"

    Thought this was a riot when I heard it, being a LEO.
  • OneHundredToLose
    OneHundredToLose Posts: 8,523 Member
    Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.
  • 50sthenew30
    50sthenew30 Posts: 57 Member
    I was lying in bed with my wife last ­Sunday morning when she called me by a special pet name, a loving and endearing term. ‘Hey Shorty,’ she said. ‘Would you like to hear the patter of little feet?’


    Taken aback, I replied: ‘Yes, I would.’


    She said: ‘Good. Run down to the kitchen and get me a glass of water.’


    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1335573/Warm-cockles-Ronnie-Corbetts-best-gags.html#ixzz46LWhgynL
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

    The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
    huntersvonnegut wrote: »
    A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

    Omgahd so stupid its great
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, f**k it?"
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

    A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
  • michaelguzzo
    michaelguzzo Posts: 6 Member
    the nuns rode their bikes from the convent to the church every morning. One day Mother Superior decided to take them on a different route. As they were riding along, one of the new sisters took in the surrounding scenery. She rode up to Mother Superior and said "Mother, I've never come this way before." Mother Superior replied, "It's the cobblestones, honey."
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    Unknown
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  • jenovatrix
    jenovatrix Posts: 219 Member
    A duck walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "got any raisins?" Bartender says no.
    Next day, duck comes back, asks the same question. Bartender says no again.
    The third day, the duck comes back, asks the same question. Bartender yells "I told you we don't have any *kitten* raisins, and if you ask again, I swear I will nail your bill to the wall!"
    The day after that, the duck comes back. He says "got a hammer?" The bartender says no.
    Duck says, "got any raisins?"

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