How do you stay within your cal limit while socializing??

I agree with those that have said just order your own. I've always done this because I basically am a really picky eater and don't like hardly anything.

I actually take breaks from socializing for a few weeks at a time periodically if I'm working towards a goal. Not a long-term solution but helps me get focused without the distraction. I'm an introvert, though, so am fine not socializing.

I'm repeating a lot of things here, but they're useful strategies:

1) Control the frequency where you go out with your friends for a meal. A walk in the park, movies, board or card games, sports games, plays, shopping, etc. are all things you can do without the temptation of a platter in front of you. Or meet for a drink, but don't let it turn into dinner - have your planned and logged cocktail, catch up, go home.
2) Make the time you do go out your splurge meal for the week/plan to eat at maintenance that day. Or bank your calories all week by eating 100 less than usual.
3) Be very active the day you're going to dinner. An extra 300-500 calories burned will help negate the appetizer snacking.
4) I'm utterly useless at controlling myself once there's food on the table and I'm being offered. So I have it... But then I get a to-go box with my main course and throw most of the main course in the box. Leftovers, and usually not too much damage done.
5) You say you wait a while before you take any of the food. Does the fried calamari actually taste any good after it's started going cold? Remind yourself that the taste just isn't going to be worth the calories.
6) Give yourself an "I can't because ___" line to say out loud. "I can't have those appetizers because I haven't been feeling 100% and those might upset my stomach." "I can't get another drink/eat too much, I won't sleep well if I do." "Not today, it just doesn't sound good." People won't push food on you, and you won't want to go back on your statement.

I've got two suggestions for you. The first is why does food have to be the focus of a social gathering? Why donyoubplan an outing that focuses on an activity other than eating. Most of the time when I go out its to meet people to go dancing or play golf. Sometimes it just to walk around downtown or go to the park. I have a great time and more often than not, also getting some exercise.

My second suggestion is if you are going to hang out at a restaurant, order your own meal and don't give into temptation with the shared food. You can't expect others in your group to limit their enjoyment because they are on a diet, even though it's hard for you. I hope I'm not sounding callous, I know how hard it is. Sometime people from my office go out for lunch. There are a lot of shared appetizers, chicken wings, breaded onions, stuffed mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, and more. Usually there are at least four different items, and they all smell and look amazing. However, I only have 400 calories max in my lunch calorie budget because I refuse to diminish evening calories as I love to have a big dinner and dessert. As tempting as it is, I stick to a salad with no dressing, and if available, a few prices of fruit on the salad. Granted the salad is large so it is filling, it's no where near as appealing as the shared food. However, I have the satisfaction of knowing I am a healthy weight, where as my coworkers are all very overweight, and that keeps me on track. I see them indiscriminately eating and know that behavior leads to weight gain which is something I don't want to happen to me. I still have a great time socializing, and still feel good about myself because I know I am making the healthiest choice for me.

I save my calories for the alcohol

If you have a scale at home, try making similar things so you get a sense of how many grams/oz in a meatball, how much in a piece of meat, how much for 6 rings of fried calamari. This works well if you know the restaurant menu in advance.

Also, restaurants, big and small, keep tight control over portion sizes for budget reasons. If the wait staff doesn't know how many ounces of meat in that serving, the cook does. There have been a couple times when I have quietly asked what the restaurant uses as a serving size. I mention I am tracking consumption and I have always had a cooperative response. It then becomes a matter of counting how many rings of calamari, or bread sticks etc.

I belong to a cooking club where we have pot luck dinners. I have become adept at estimating how many ounces that hunk of sweet potato probably is or finding a roughly equivalent recipe of a chicken fricassee and charting a volume measurement, i.e. 1 cup.

Sodexo is an institutional caterer for universities, hotels etc., whose menu has been uploaded to the MFP database. When I am really stumped, I rely on a Sodexo entry.

If all else fails, remember that starches have more calories than protein, butter run around 100 cal per tablespoon but that whipped butter has fewer cal per volume measurement than solid butter, etc., and that plain alcohol in moderate volume isn't that bad.

If I know I'm going out, I eat lighter throughout the day and save for the calories I'll be eating later. I also try to order a healthier option, most restaurants have many things that won't blow the calorie bank. I think being open about your weight loss helps in these situations because your friends are a little more understanding and will understand if you can't indulge with them.

If my willpower wavers when it comes to food (and it does! Warm bread?! Puh-lease....I cannot say no) then I need to step up when it comes to exercise
Easy Peasy.
Sometimes....the warm bread is totally worth the time I'm going to have to spend swimming laps or sweating on an elliptical....and sometimes before I reach for the bread, I do the calculation in my head. What?! 47 bazillion hours on the rowing machine?!
No thanks, I'm allergic to bread

-Eat lighter throughout the day and/or add extra exercise so you have some calories to use without going too far over budget.
-Order a lower calorie appetizer in addition to the high calorie ones your friends are ordering
-Instead of waiting until you can't stand it any longer (which you admit doesn't work so well), take a small portion right off the bat. Force yourself to eat slowly and mindfully so you don't over indulge.