How do you stay within your cal limit while socializing??

Order the salmon; order a side salad instead of fries; drink water not alcohol; bring veggies to "potlucks"; tell everyone "that" makes you sick; make exercise playdates instead of at bars.

Or- Get pregnant, have a baby, and give up socializing.

There are two circumstances where I'd indulge: If I have caloric room to do so, or if I consciously decide to go over goal.

To me, it's only partly a "willpower" problem. Mainly, it's a "habits" problem.

Others have had good suggestions to make room in your calorie goals for extra indulgence. These may not work for you, but there are a few others I'd add, that have helped me in similar situations:

1. Don't arrive hungry. If I eat something satiating before I go out (even when I plan to order some reasonable thing from the menu), I'm less likely to nibble when people offer. I keep shelf-stable satiating pre-portioned snacks in my car for impromptu hunger abatement.
2. Write a new script for yourself, and rehearse it in your head repeatedly. Think about the triggers for grazing on apps, and visualize how you'll respond differently. Start creating some new habits in your head, and apply them in real life. Every social outing, even if you can't hold out through the whole event, make sure you go a little bit longer (time-wise) before indulging. Practice the new habits as long as you can. For example, you might visualize yourself turning down the calamari with "Oh, thanks . . . but I had a really late lunch today, so I'm going to keep it light tonight." (I avoid talking about my calorie-cutting. It's a downer for those who aren't cutting, and most people give less push-back if you don't make a big deal of refusing.) Imagine yourself drinking some of your water after refusing, maybe, and do that, too.
3. Consciously think of some negative aspect of the food you're being offered, even if you're kind of faking yourself out at first. "Oh, the calamari here is always so salty!", "That grease swimming around the cheese bread is kinda gross." (Keep it in your own head, don't share it out loud, of course!)
4. Think about your future self. What I'm doing if I go over goal is gratifying my current self (some minor food-related pleasure, maybe), and damaging my future self (making her be more unhealthy, more unhappy). Usually the benefit to my current self is less significant, it just seems more real in the moment.
5. Observe the effect of alcohol, if you're consuming it. Sometimes I can put a little editor in my head who says "Would you still do this if you weren't all relaxed from that glass of wine?" Being conscious about it can help.

If you know they always share then you can choose to be a part of that and save enough calories to accomadate trying several things- or order your own thing and do not eat off the other's plates just because you can reach them. It isn't yours even if everyone else at the table is sharing because you opted out.
If you are done eating but there is still food then pop a piece of mint gum in your mouth.

I do a couple of things. I might say to friends to feel free to order an appetizer but I won't be having any, I'm saving all my calories for my delicious meal and a drink. Then I've said it out loud and can stick to it (usually). OR I will portion some of the appetizer onto my plate and eat that (not going back to the main plate), and then take home some of my meal if I want to cut down on total calories). Just say it factually and then follow through.

I do a couple things
I drink one beer really slow
I order "tapas" , small plates or an appetizer especially things like ahi tuna or fish tacos. Those are small size splurges and I don't make
Them at home
If dessert is being ordered, I will decaf. I try to keep my hands busy and stay inconspicuous

I agree with those that have said just order your own. I've always done this because I basically am a really picky eater and don't like hardly anything.

I actually take breaks from socializing for a few weeks at a time periodically if I'm working towards a goal. Not a long-term solution but helps me get focused without the distraction. I'm an introvert, though, so am fine not socializing.

I'm repeating a lot of things here, but they're useful strategies:

1) Control the frequency where you go out with your friends for a meal. A walk in the park, movies, board or card games, sports games, plays, shopping, etc. are all things you can do without the temptation of a platter in front of you. Or meet for a drink, but don't let it turn into dinner - have your planned and logged cocktail, catch up, go home.
2) Make the time you do go out your splurge meal for the week/plan to eat at maintenance that day. Or bank your calories all week by eating 100 less than usual.
3) Be very active the day you're going to dinner. An extra 300-500 calories burned will help negate the appetizer snacking.
4) I'm utterly useless at controlling myself once there's food on the table and I'm being offered. So I have it... But then I get a to-go box with my main course and throw most of the main course in the box. Leftovers, and usually not too much damage done.
5) You say you wait a while before you take any of the food. Does the fried calamari actually taste any good after it's started going cold? Remind yourself that the taste just isn't going to be worth the calories.
6) Give yourself an "I can't because ___" line to say out loud. "I can't have those appetizers because I haven't been feeling 100% and those might upset my stomach." "I can't get another drink/eat too much, I won't sleep well if I do." "Not today, it just doesn't sound good." People won't push food on you, and you won't want to go back on your statement.

I've got two suggestions for you. The first is why does food have to be the focus of a social gathering? Why donyoubplan an outing that focuses on an activity other than eating. Most of the time when I go out its to meet people to go dancing or play golf. Sometimes it just to walk around downtown or go to the park. I have a great time and more often than not, also getting some exercise.

My second suggestion is if you are going to hang out at a restaurant, order your own meal and don't give into temptation with the shared food. You can't expect others in your group to limit their enjoyment because they are on a diet, even though it's hard for you. I hope I'm not sounding callous, I know how hard it is. Sometime people from my office go out for lunch. There are a lot of shared appetizers, chicken wings, breaded onions, stuffed mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, and more. Usually there are at least four different items, and they all smell and look amazing. However, I only have 400 calories max in my lunch calorie budget because I refuse to diminish evening calories as I love to have a big dinner and dessert. As tempting as it is, I stick to a salad with no dressing, and if available, a few prices of fruit on the salad. Granted the salad is large so it is filling, it's no where near as appealing as the shared food. However, I have the satisfaction of knowing I am a healthy weight, where as my coworkers are all very overweight, and that keeps me on track. I see them indiscriminately eating and know that behavior leads to weight gain which is something I don't want to happen to me. I still have a great time socializing, and still feel good about myself because I know I am making the healthiest choice for me.

I save my calories for the alcohol

If you have a scale at home, try making similar things so you get a sense of how many grams/oz in a meatball, how much in a piece of meat, how much for 6 rings of fried calamari. This works well if you know the restaurant menu in advance.

Also, restaurants, big and small, keep tight control over portion sizes for budget reasons. If the wait staff doesn't know how many ounces of meat in that serving, the cook does. There have been a couple times when I have quietly asked what the restaurant uses as a serving size. I mention I am tracking consumption and I have always had a cooperative response. It then becomes a matter of counting how many rings of calamari, or bread sticks etc.

I belong to a cooking club where we have pot luck dinners. I have become adept at estimating how many ounces that hunk of sweet potato probably is or finding a roughly equivalent recipe of a chicken fricassee and charting a volume measurement, i.e. 1 cup.

Sodexo is an institutional caterer for universities, hotels etc., whose menu has been uploaded to the MFP database. When I am really stumped, I rely on a Sodexo entry.

If all else fails, remember that starches have more calories than protein, butter run around 100 cal per tablespoon but that whipped butter has fewer cal per volume measurement than solid butter, etc., and that plain alcohol in moderate volume isn't that bad.