Lost 13lbs since January but no one notices!
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I bet some people have noticed but are too jealous to say anything! That happens, like it or not. We can all be mean-spirited inside sometimes.
Generally I think it's safer not to comment on someone's weight, either way. My husband lost 50lb over the course of a year a few years ago, and virtually everyone we know commented on it every time they saw him. At first he was thrilled, but after a while he felt a bit upset about it: "Was I really that overweight before? Did I look that awful?" he asked me! Also it got very, very boring to constantly be discussing diet and weight, and we both felt it wasn't desirable for this to be the primary topic of conversation in front of our impressionable children.
All of that said, if one of my close female friends lost a good bit of weight, and I knew she had been wanting to do so, I would compliment her. I would probably say something like "You look great, really healthy and fit right now" rather than commenting on the weight piece specifically.7 -
I lost probably between 20 and 30 pounds before anyone commented. That was only two sizes down.
Its because people who see you every day adjust to the loss. Heck, I even adjust to how I look now and need to check photographs of myself from a few months back sometimes just to make sure I have lost!
I've never felt invisible, just ignored. I'm 66. Nobody young likes to think about what they might look like fast forward 40 years from today. Lol!
I can't help reminding them by still existing. Nobody should have to hide! 6 -
I've lost 102 and mostly nobody says a word ( few close friends do). But that's ok, I know I've done good and feel better. Talking about someone's weight is weird anyway.
I've lost 70+ pounds and very very few people have said anything--I don't like having my body commented on, so I would never do it to someone else.2 -
I've lost 20lbs (I'm 5" 2') and no one has said anything. Which is fine by me because I'm very introverted and hate it when people draw attention to me. I look in the mirror and can't see a major change, but I've lost inches all over and can fit in my smaller hiking gear, which is cool.4
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nlwilliams60 wrote: »Why do you care? You know you've lost weight and making changes.
I care because I see big changes in my body, energy level and attitude. This is profound and amazing to me and I'm so happy about it - and yet, inexplicably it's invisible to those closest to me. So what does that say? Does it say I'm just this invisible older woman who people don't really see anymore? Does it say the people I consider closest to me either don't feel close enough to compliment me or close enough to know they wouldn't offend me?
While I never did this for anyone else I suppose subconsciously I was looking forward to a few pats on the back. And I can do this without that for sure - I am obviously but I'm simply curious about what's behind it.
Your weight loss and what you're doing is not nearly as profound and amazing to others as it is to you. Save yourself some grief and drop any expectation of people being interested in it. That way if they are, it's a great surprise and if they're not, they're simply meeting your expectations.
This also. People have a lot of other things going on, a lot of things to distract them. And frankly, many don't give a hoot if their friend/family member lost a few lbs. They may say congrats or something and then go on to talk about last weeks season finale of Hell's Kitchen.
Do this for YOURSELF. Not outside approval.
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My medical student son once told me that weight loss is not noticeable at first because the first place you lose weight is around your organs. I really don't know if it's true, but it kinda makes sense.2
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A lot of times, people can tell something has changed, but don't know what exactly. I have people tell me they like my new hairstyle. I have the same auburn mid-back length hair I've had since 1998.5
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People don't say things for a number of reasons.
It's can be viewed as rude. Frankly I don't care for the comments
People can't tell by the clothes you wear. When I was younger a friend had stop by to get a ride to work from my mom. She looked huge. Like 9 months huge. My mom wanted to ask her if she was pregnant. She changed for work and she then looked the way she normally did, less than 12 hours after that she was holding her baby boy. Fun times.
Afraid you're sick. My mom lost 50lbs. We were at a family bbq and no one had said anything until the end. My great grandmother's brother pulled my mom to the side and asked if she was sick. He had been battling cancer and had lost a lot of weight because of that and was concerned that she was too.2 -
Some people just dont say anything. After 20lbs lost nobody said a thing except my mil. Even though people noticed like all my sils. But now that ive lost 30lbs people say more now. If anything its annoying constantly hearing how im too skinny and im perfect and to stop. Especially when im 145lbs so im not a twig or unhealthy skinny2
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ericatoday wrote: »If anything its annoying constantly hearing how im too skinny and im perfect and to stop.
But this at least is much better than "How much do you still have to lose?".5 -
Why do you care?
I've lost over fifty pounds and no one has said anything. Doesn't change the fact that I've lost fifty pounds, feel better and look better.1 -
Detritus_1965 wrote: »ericatoday wrote: »If anything its annoying constantly hearing how im too skinny and im perfect and to stop.
But this at least is much better than "How much do you still have to lose?".
People are sly...they can ask questions in a way so they can figure out your starting weight.
How much have you lost? What's your goal? or How much do you have left to lose? Not falling into that trap!4 -
I agree with what everyone has said...they are probably jealous and also if you slowly lost that weight unless your parading around in a bathing suit, they probably won't notice if they see you every day. You should be proud of your accomplishment and happy to be healthy. Who cares about what others think! It's all about you!2
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It's a touchy subject. When I lost 40 pounds, lots of people noticed and told me I looked great. It was nice they noticed but it made me uncomfortable because (like someone else said) no one said anything when I GAINED all of the weight--that I would have appreciated! I thought I looked ok but looking back at the photos I did not. I would have liked it if one of my friends had said "hey--are you feeling ok? You don't look happy or healthy" or something like that. It also made me feel kind of bad when they commented on my weight loss because I was now in my "weight range" and I had to accept the fact that I had let myself go to get to a point where people noticed my weight loss.2
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I'm guessing it's my age - people aren't checking out your figure once you're in your mid-50s I suppose, so fluctuations in weight just don't register maybe? I guess it's true that middle aged women are truly invisible.
Wow!! If you really believe that as a middle aged woman you are invisible, than you maybe aren't carrying yourself in a way that would get you compliments or attention.
Be the best you can be no matter what your age.
Have pride and confidence in yourself and people are drawn to it. To look beautiful, you have to feel beautiful.1 -
Are you losing weight for other people or for you?0
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I wish I'd taken a "before" photo for myself as I've lost 20 lbs so far and I don't feel the difference and I think people are humouring me.1
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I'm 5 feet and it wasn't until I hit 17 or 18 lbs that people commented. A few days ago, someone asked me why I was in such a good mood and I told them it was because I'd hit the 20 weight loss mark that morning. After that, they said that they'd noticed and I looked great, but that they didn't want to comment until I said something. The funny thing is that I can still wear the same clothes and there's not a lot bagginess. I blame it on the fact that pants and jeans all now have stretch material in them.3
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I do think it would be worthwhile for you to examine your thinking about this. Why is the recognition/approval of others apparently so important for you? Is this a healthy and beneficial attitude or is it something you might want to work on changing?
I'm also a little curious, since people noticing and commenting on your weight loss is very important to you, why have you chosen not to share that you are dieting and exercising to lose weight? It could appear as if you were setting up a type of test for those closest to you to determine if they are really paying attention or something. It reminds me of a colleague for whom recognition of her birthday was essential to her - yet she wouldn't mention it in advance. Then she would be devastated if someone failed to give her a card or gift. It was really, really, really, really bizarre, especially since she was WAY beyond the age when most people make a huge deal about their birthday (mid-40s).
So, if you examine your thoughts and feelings and conclude that you really need that recognition and praise, then be kind and set up those who are closest to you for success. Share your dieting and exercising successes with them at appropriate times. Don't expect them to read your body and mind and know that it is okay to comment about any changes that they might notice. I am sure once you let them know about your weight loss they will be effusive with compliments and congratulations.
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It also depends on where your body loses the weight first. I have found I lose weight (and gain weight) around my face first, so it was very obvious for people who knew me. For others, it may be places as weird as your ankles, and not many people are looking at them enough to notice a change.1
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I'm losing weight for me but I am so damn proud of this accomplishment and I feel like I look so much better that yes, I wouldn't mind a little external validation. We are humans, social creatures, and I don't think anyone is truly human from the need for validation or a pat on the back. Will it stop me from continuing - heck no.Are you losing weight for other people or for you?3 -
You noticed and that's what matters1
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I'm also a little curious, since people noticing and commenting on your weight loss is very important to you, why have you chosen not to share that you are dieting and exercising to lose weight? It could appear as if you were setting up a type of test for those closest to you to determine if they are really paying attention or something. It reminds me of a colleague for whom recognition of her birthday was essential to her - yet she wouldn't mention it in advance. Then she would be devastated if someone failed to give her a card or gift. It was really, really, really, really bizarre, especially since she was WAY beyond the age when most people make a huge deal about their birthday (mid-40s).
Since I was convinced that I wasn't going to be able to do this, I told only a few people. My boyfriend has sabotaged my weight loss attempts in the past and he's very insecure. I knew if I told him he'd be rolling home with creme brûlée and tiramisu every night, so there was no way I was telling him. But, now that I'm well on my way, he knows. I have told a few friends - one, who I see regularly, who is also dieting. I didn't bring it up when I lost weight because she wasn't losing and I didn't want to be obnoxious. But we are close friends and we're far apart enough in age that I don't suspect jealousy.
I was feeling like I was in a twilight zone episode - the scale said I'd lost nearly ten percent of my body weight but had I really??? In the past people commented on my body all the time - even when I hadn't lost weight or lost 3-5 lbs by chance. I guess I got used to being under scrutiny. I was a few years younger. I wore body-con clothes and high heels - my figure was something I dressed up and enjoyed. That's changed in the last 5 years or so. My body became something I artfully hid. Now that I'm not hiding it - I want to scream, "I'm back!"
Some of the comments from people are harsh and simplistic but I put myself out there for public consumption by posting. This question people have asked, "Who are you doing this for?" and the comments "You need to examine your reasons" - they are just shaming and unhelpful. We all are losing weight to feel better about ourselves, be healthier etc. There's no way a person could sustain something as challenging as weight loss if it were for other people - it's just too hard in my opinion. The motivation must come from within.
If all of you harsh folks are doing this strictly for health and could care less how you appear to the world - more power to you (but I'm not necessarily buying it in every case). Still, I'm not going to police or critique your reasons for losing weight.
I was reaching out for support - I thought there might be some interesting dialogue, some explanations I hadn't considered - and a lot of wonderful folks have shared those things - thankfully!! But, I really didn't expect even a few people to pull superiority trips.
So instead of defending myself I'm going to own it: I want to look amazing and I enjoy when people notice what a kickass job I've done of getting back in shape! Sue me.11 -
I've lost about 110 pounds and most people have not commented at all. Most of those that did comment were casual acquaintances. A few friends commented after the 50-75 lb mark, and apart from random "you look good" comments, only one or two family members have ever directly said anything.
I don't really care either way. If people comment, I will answer their questions, and I'm not insecure about sharing how much I've lost or what I do, but I'm also fine with not talking about it.6 -
I've noticed, you're looking great lately!2
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I lost 34 lbs, and I'm a 23 year old woman and people still don't notice!
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I lost 34 lbs, and I'm a 23 year old woman and people still don't notice!
That's crazy! I think it's backlash to all the fat shaming that goes on. More contemporary thinking is we shouldn't police other people's bodies or say things that might make them feel self-conscious or under scrutiny. This is just so new to me.2 -
I notice me. I'm not looking good compared to you, but compared to old me I'm looking goooood.1
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Probably because no one cares lol. Not trying to be mean, but honestly, woukd you care if someone weighed 13 lbs less? Why would you? Your friends probably don't really notice your weight. It's not like you dropped 50.2
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OP if you read through this forum you will see other threads of people complaining that everyone is commenting on their weight loss and it is none of their business.
Or people say 'you've lost weight, you look great' and they are offended because it implied they didnt look great before.
Little wonder most people think it best to just say nothing.2
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