After he cancelled our 2nd date....
myfavoriteyear
Posts: 31 Member
I met a guy over the weekend and we had a great date on Saturday night. He texted me on Sunday to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Then yesterday morning he texted me saying he wanted me to come over last night. I said ok. But just before I was about to leave he texted me and said "I can't do it tonight." didn't give a reason. I texted back and said "No problem."
But about 15 minutes ago he sent me 4 texts in a row saying how are you, sorry something came up, I wish I could be with you now. Haven't responded yet. Truthfully I'm really interested in him but him cancelling last night was not cool. Just wondering what my next move should be. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks!
But about 15 minutes ago he sent me 4 texts in a row saying how are you, sorry something came up, I wish I could be with you now. Haven't responded yet. Truthfully I'm really interested in him but him cancelling last night was not cool. Just wondering what my next move should be. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks!
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Next move is to tell him you appreciated the first date, but you are no longer interested. He's playing the field and isn't actually interested in you.7
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yup yup... move on2
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It honestly sounds like he's looking for a FWB setup, so just keep your eyes open on that. But it that arrangement works for you - do your thing.
He's 100% using you as a backup though. I once had a guy tell me "I have other plans tonight, but if they fall through, you could come over and watch Netflix if you wanted." Err, hard pass.4 -
sounds sketchy.... too soon for sketch2
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Thanks all for the input. I'll write back to him and say I'm doing great and act like I haven't given it a 2nd thought. Put the ball back in his court. I have no expectations here.2
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Yeah, if he was looking for a date, he would have invited you to dinner. Asking you to come to his place is just a hook up.7
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Maybe something really did come up... You said you had a great first date. Maybe one more chance any more red flags then walk away.2
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A few problems: 1) Wanted to come over? How about taking you out? 2) no reason for the cancellation. It's tough, but I would say "no thanks."2
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He's a loser or.... you know. You've only had one date. It's not like he has to explain every thing about his life to you at this point. Things happen. Just go with your gut and make the call. You either want to see him or you don't.5
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Keep your guard up. Sounds like he booked a date with you and then someone else called. Easier to cancel with you and go with the other person he may have know longer. I say move on. If you aren't worthy of his trust, he's not worthy of your time.1
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myfavoriteyear wrote: »Thanks all for the input. I'll write back to him and say I'm doing great and act like I haven't given it a 2nd thought. Put the ball back in his court. I have no expectations here.
I'm not sure that was the point of all this advice.
Are you looking for something casual because you said it was a great first date and you liked him but it sounds like he's just looking for a booty call.1 -
Gosh I must be too kind I would give him another chance.....8
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Between us, I would suggest not going to his place, or bringing ANY PROSPECTIVE BF to your place, until at least the 4th or 5th date. That will weed out the guys that are just looking for a quick hookup...you don't have to write him off after only one cancellation, but keep your guard up. Most guys that are "into" you would do anything NOT to cancel a date, and would make the effort to explain themselves so you aren't sitting there wondering.3
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Honestly he sounds married. I can understand not wanting to be completely candid about "something came up", especially if you just met but 4 texts in a row is a serious red flag.
Look him up on social media, a bit stalker-ish but your just being careful.2 -
I'm sorry, but I don't understand the big deal. He cancelled last minute one time. If there was a pattern then sure be suspicious or questioning, but once doesn't seem like enough to write him off. It sounds like your plans were made day of and it was a Monday night, so things easily do come up.
I don't know that you know the guy well enough to not be understanding. What if something came up on your end? He also is texting you the next day. I think it is normal to keep your guard up and see if it becomes a repeat, but things happen. You can easily make plans to see someone because you are really into them and want to see them, but neglect that you had other plans or responsibilities.7 -
Yeah, I mean we did just meet and the plans were made same day. It was annoying when he cancelled though and not something I'd put up with on regular basis. I'll just leaving the ball in his court and making him do all the work for now...will see how it all pans out. He knows he won't hear from me if he doesn't text me first.I'm sorry, but I don't understand the big deal. He cancelled last minute one time. If there was a pattern then sure be suspicious or questioning, but once doesn't seem like enough to write him off. It sounds like your plans were made day of and it was a Monday night, so things easily do come up.
I don't know that you know the guy well enough to not be understanding. What if something came up on your end? He also is texting you the next day. I think it is normal to keep your guard up and see if it becomes a repeat, but things happen. You can easily make plans to see someone because you are really into them and want to see them, but neglect that you had other plans or responsibilities.
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Move on.
Take it from a guy.
He wanted the other girl, but it didn't work out.
He still got the itch to scratch, so that's where you come in.
You've dodged a bullet.
OR
He had a genuine reason for the cancellation.myfavoriteyear wrote: »I met a guy over the weekend and we had a great date on Saturday night. He texted me on Sunday to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Then yesterday morning he texted me saying he wanted me to come over last night. I said ok. But just before I was about to leave he texted me and said "I can't do it tonight." didn't give a reason. I texted back and said "No problem."
But about 15 minutes ago he sent me 4 texts in a row saying how are you, sorry something came up, I wish I could be with you now. Haven't responded yet. Truthfully I'm really interested in him but him cancelling last night was not cool. Just wondering what my next move should be. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks!
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@myfavoriteyear Yep, I'd do exactly that. He has to make it clear he wants to see you and if it becomes a repeat, then bolt.0
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Play him at his own game don't be overly interested and if he does suggest another date make him wait for a week or so you don't want to seem needy.
I wouldn't look too much into cancelling so what big deal blokes do that all the time it was only the second date and then he was texting asking how you were so obviously is concerned he messed up.
If he keeps doing it then something is up like he has another girlfriend / wife or date...check him out on social media see what his profiles are like you will get a good or bad vibe about him and will know where you stand.0 -
Say you'll meet him for coffee or drink, not in your home that way you'll see if he just wants sex
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My rule 1 of dating - First 3 Dates must be "OUT", meaning I either meet you at a place or you come pick me up and we go somewhere. NO House dates until date 4. That way you weed out men who just want some.
You were either sloppy seconds or he almost got caught (either girlfriend or wife was home). You are better than that. RUN!1 -
myfavoriteyear wrote: »I met a guy over the weekend and we had a great date on Saturday night. He texted me on Sunday to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Then yesterday morning he texted me saying he wanted me to come over last night. I said ok. But just before I was about to leave he texted me and said "I can't do it tonight." didn't give a reason. I texted back and said "No problem."
But about 15 minutes ago he sent me 4 texts in a row saying how are you, sorry something came up, I wish I could be with you now. Haven't responded yet. Truthfully I'm really interested in him but him cancelling last night was not cool. Just wondering what my next move should be. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks!3 -
finny11122 wrote: »myfavoriteyear wrote: »I met a guy over the weekend and we had a great date on Saturday night. He texted me on Sunday to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Then yesterday morning he texted me saying he wanted me to come over last night. I said ok. But just before I was about to leave he texted me and said "I can't do it tonight." didn't give a reason. I texted back and said "No problem."
But about 15 minutes ago he sent me 4 texts in a row saying how are you, sorry something came up, I wish I could be with you now. Haven't responded yet. Truthfully I'm really interested in him but him cancelling last night was not cool. Just wondering what my next move should be. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks!
All hail Finny the voice of reason with whom I happen to totally agree. stuff comes up. at least he cancelled and didn't leave you hanging and waiting2 -
finny11122 wrote: »myfavoriteyear wrote: »I met a guy over the weekend and we had a great date on Saturday night. He texted me on Sunday to wish me Happy Mother's Day. Then yesterday morning he texted me saying he wanted me to come over last night. I said ok. But just before I was about to leave he texted me and said "I can't do it tonight." didn't give a reason. I texted back and said "No problem."
But about 15 minutes ago he sent me 4 texts in a row saying how are you, sorry something came up, I wish I could be with you now. Haven't responded yet. Truthfully I'm really interested in him but him cancelling last night was not cool. Just wondering what my next move should be. Would really appreciate any advice. Thanks!
All hail Finny the voice of reason with whom I happen to totally agree. stuff comes up. at least he cancelled and didn't leave you hanging and waiting
Any well adjusted single guy is going to be working and have things going on . He ain't going to be lazing about. The fact he got in touch with her and wanted to see her again is a good sign. She needs to chill , go on a few dates and see what he is really like .3 -
Keep your guard up. Sounds like he booked a date with you and then someone else called. Easier to cancel with you and go with the other person he may have know longer. I say move on. If you aren't worthy of his trust, he's not worthy of your time.
If a guy can't drop his entire life to be with you after a single date then he's not worth your time. Move on!7
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