Vent.. Am I being Unrealistic?
Options
PurpleRunningPug
Posts: 16 Member
Long post.. sorry...
Quick background- I'm 32. I grew up overweight.. not obese I guess.. but always carried extra pounds. At my highest, I weighed 176 lbs (in high school.. lost some, but gained it back in college.) At 5'4", that's a significant amount of extra weight. In 2007 I started exercising and it worked wonders for my health and self esteem. I was able to lose 35+ lbs and although I have never felt "thin" I was comfortable and happy with where I was. I fell in love with running and have participated in numerous endurance races, including 10 half marathons and 2 full marathons- then I got injured. It's been about a year and a half since I've been able to run long distance and I've had to find other ways of exercising to compensate.
I met my husband in 2008, so he has been with me throughout all my health and fitness endeavors. He has seen me at my smallest (In 2012, I got down to ~134 lbs) and when I was heavier (Currently in the 150's). He is happy with whatever my weight is- and since he has never struggled with weight issues himself he can not relate to my fitness/food obsession.
I've gained about 15 lbs since I've stopped running distance, despite continuing to work out at an intense level (HIIT style workouts and weight training.) I've been struggling to find success. I started using Beachbody products, simply because I love that they don't add artificial ingredients or sugar, and they are meant to help fuel your body- giving it the nutrition it needs to make the most out of work-outs. I've been using Shakeology mostly as a multi-vitamin supplement for overall health, the new Performance line Recover drink after workouts, and most recently, the Performance Energize drink for a pre-workout. I have been loosely following the 21 Day Fix meal plan to control my portions and make sure I get the right macros every day, and I have been working out using Insanity Max 30, and occasionally Body Beast fitness programs. I don't do the coach thing.. since I'm fairly well educated on nutrition/fitness, and can self-motivate (most of the time).. plus, I REALLY dislike the whole sales/commission aspect of it.. despite when all the "coaches" (who don't even need to be fitness experts, or certified in anything) say "I just want to help people!" Whatever.
Anyways, despite everything I know and everything I do, I'm still struggling. I know my nutrition could be better- Vacations, social events, and holidays can de-rail here and there.. plus I tend to have the "treats" too often, and without compensating the carbohydrate serving- so there's room for improvement there. Also, I've been finding it harder to go to the gym in the evening- Usually I come home from work ~6pm, walk the dog, eat/chat with hubby, then get to the gym around 7:30. Lately though, I struggle to find the will to get out. I'm tired of getting home from the gym at 9 or 10 at night. I've been doing Insanity Max 30 in the mornings, so I get up at 4:30 am to fit in breakfast and a workout before work. I find myself skipping the gym in the evening altogether.. but I feel like I'm hindering my progress by not getting in my strength training. I'm just at an impasse where I feel like I shouldn't have to work this hard.. and why am I not seeing results. Cue frustration.
In addition to this, I'm starting to get resistance from my husband. He sees me spending all this money on Beachbody products, and actually said to me "You've been doing this for how long now... where's your Beachbody?" What he meant was- He is concerned that I'm buying into a scam or a fad and "jumping on the bandwagon" with all these products that as he sees it, isn't doing anything for me. He is fine with me, whatever size I am. But I am not fine. I am uncomfortable. I do not see Beachbody as a scam, fad, or jumping on the bandwagon... I see it as tools to achieve health wellness and the goals I'm trying to set for myself.
In an effort to bring me out of my funk I've been stuck in lately, I thought maybe I should switch up my routine. I can try to go straight from work to the gym.. that way I can do my strength training then relax at home.. instead of going home, relaxing.. and trying to muster the motivation to go back out... but my husband doesn't like this plan.. because I wont be there to eat dinner with him.. and he will have to walk the dog for me. I could easily tell him, "oh well, I'm going to do it anyways because it's important to me and that's how it's going to be." But I do want to consider his feelings.. marriage is a compromise, and I don't want to be selfish by taking/doing what I want without considering the other person.
As far as he is concerned.. I'm always adding new products/workouts, and trying new ways of doing things.. and nothing changes. I feel like the reason I'm not getting anywhere is not the products being a "scam" or "not working", but my nutritional and exercise shortcomings- which he doesn't see.. because to him.. I eat super healthy (compared to "normal" people) and exercise all the time (30 mins 4-5 days/week as of late.) Part of me wants to just stop doing everything and show my husband what would happen if I didn't put in all the effort.. but that would be counter productive and put my mental health in a bad place :-p Sigh.. I'm just stuck and don't know what to do with it.
Am I trying to do too much? How do I balance my personal time with my marriage? Am I being selfish or unrealistic? Ugh.
Quick background- I'm 32. I grew up overweight.. not obese I guess.. but always carried extra pounds. At my highest, I weighed 176 lbs (in high school.. lost some, but gained it back in college.) At 5'4", that's a significant amount of extra weight. In 2007 I started exercising and it worked wonders for my health and self esteem. I was able to lose 35+ lbs and although I have never felt "thin" I was comfortable and happy with where I was. I fell in love with running and have participated in numerous endurance races, including 10 half marathons and 2 full marathons- then I got injured. It's been about a year and a half since I've been able to run long distance and I've had to find other ways of exercising to compensate.
I met my husband in 2008, so he has been with me throughout all my health and fitness endeavors. He has seen me at my smallest (In 2012, I got down to ~134 lbs) and when I was heavier (Currently in the 150's). He is happy with whatever my weight is- and since he has never struggled with weight issues himself he can not relate to my fitness/food obsession.
I've gained about 15 lbs since I've stopped running distance, despite continuing to work out at an intense level (HIIT style workouts and weight training.) I've been struggling to find success. I started using Beachbody products, simply because I love that they don't add artificial ingredients or sugar, and they are meant to help fuel your body- giving it the nutrition it needs to make the most out of work-outs. I've been using Shakeology mostly as a multi-vitamin supplement for overall health, the new Performance line Recover drink after workouts, and most recently, the Performance Energize drink for a pre-workout. I have been loosely following the 21 Day Fix meal plan to control my portions and make sure I get the right macros every day, and I have been working out using Insanity Max 30, and occasionally Body Beast fitness programs. I don't do the coach thing.. since I'm fairly well educated on nutrition/fitness, and can self-motivate (most of the time).. plus, I REALLY dislike the whole sales/commission aspect of it.. despite when all the "coaches" (who don't even need to be fitness experts, or certified in anything) say "I just want to help people!" Whatever.
Anyways, despite everything I know and everything I do, I'm still struggling. I know my nutrition could be better- Vacations, social events, and holidays can de-rail here and there.. plus I tend to have the "treats" too often, and without compensating the carbohydrate serving- so there's room for improvement there. Also, I've been finding it harder to go to the gym in the evening- Usually I come home from work ~6pm, walk the dog, eat/chat with hubby, then get to the gym around 7:30. Lately though, I struggle to find the will to get out. I'm tired of getting home from the gym at 9 or 10 at night. I've been doing Insanity Max 30 in the mornings, so I get up at 4:30 am to fit in breakfast and a workout before work. I find myself skipping the gym in the evening altogether.. but I feel like I'm hindering my progress by not getting in my strength training. I'm just at an impasse where I feel like I shouldn't have to work this hard.. and why am I not seeing results. Cue frustration.
In addition to this, I'm starting to get resistance from my husband. He sees me spending all this money on Beachbody products, and actually said to me "You've been doing this for how long now... where's your Beachbody?" What he meant was- He is concerned that I'm buying into a scam or a fad and "jumping on the bandwagon" with all these products that as he sees it, isn't doing anything for me. He is fine with me, whatever size I am. But I am not fine. I am uncomfortable. I do not see Beachbody as a scam, fad, or jumping on the bandwagon... I see it as tools to achieve health wellness and the goals I'm trying to set for myself.
In an effort to bring me out of my funk I've been stuck in lately, I thought maybe I should switch up my routine. I can try to go straight from work to the gym.. that way I can do my strength training then relax at home.. instead of going home, relaxing.. and trying to muster the motivation to go back out... but my husband doesn't like this plan.. because I wont be there to eat dinner with him.. and he will have to walk the dog for me. I could easily tell him, "oh well, I'm going to do it anyways because it's important to me and that's how it's going to be." But I do want to consider his feelings.. marriage is a compromise, and I don't want to be selfish by taking/doing what I want without considering the other person.
As far as he is concerned.. I'm always adding new products/workouts, and trying new ways of doing things.. and nothing changes. I feel like the reason I'm not getting anywhere is not the products being a "scam" or "not working", but my nutritional and exercise shortcomings- which he doesn't see.. because to him.. I eat super healthy (compared to "normal" people) and exercise all the time (30 mins 4-5 days/week as of late.) Part of me wants to just stop doing everything and show my husband what would happen if I didn't put in all the effort.. but that would be counter productive and put my mental health in a bad place :-p Sigh.. I'm just stuck and don't know what to do with it.
Am I trying to do too much? How do I balance my personal time with my marriage? Am I being selfish or unrealistic? Ugh.
0
Replies
-
Are you using this site to count calories? Do you eat the same amount of food now as when you did distance running? You hear it all the time hear, but all you really need for weigh loss is calories in versus calories out. That looks different for each person, but the formula is the same. It sounds like you are putting a lot of emphasis on exercise and getting burned out.
For weight loss, I would suggest putting more of your effort into food. You can use the programs you are currently on, but you can also learn to cook meals that are filling and fit within your calorie goal. That would help you make long term changes that are beneficial for your health and weight, and might save you money not buying all of these programs. Get a food scale and use this app as intended.
Can your husband go with you to walk the dog? Can he go with you to the gym? Can he make dinner while you are at the gym so you can eat together after? One of the concerns I see from your post is about the two of you getting enough time together. Try to plan activities together that will also help you with weight loss and fitness. Besides exercising, you could take cooking classes together.13 -
I agree with puffbrat. I exercise daily, but the real effort I have to put in is watching what I eat. Like you, Stephanie, I've always been over weight (you can see my other 2 pictures to see how I used to look), and it is a constant battle for me. Although I exercise 6 days a week, the only way I can lose weight is to count calories. It's always an eye=opener to see how many calories you're taking in. I had my BMR measured when I had my % bodyfat measured hydrostatically. So, mine is 1700 calories. Therefore, to lose weight, I eat about 1700 calories when I don't exercise (either Saturday, or if work/life happens and I can't exercise that day), and I eat 2000 calories on days I exercise. Doing that, I lose 0.5 - 1 pound a week. I add back 300 calories if I don't want to lose weight.
So, I would using the tools here to look at what you're eating. FYI, I eat what I want (sweets or fried food, etc.), but just make sure the calories are within goal.5 -
You are putting all your effort into the exercise. That's great. However, you need to put less food into your mouth.
It all comes down to the energy balance equation. It does not matter if you are killing it with a kick *kitten* exercise routine, if you are then going to eat more calories than you expend.
To lose weight, you must take in fewer calories than you expend.
You don't need fancy shakes or a special diet. You just need to eat less. Begin counting the calories you are consuming, if you are not already doing so. Make realistic estimates of the calories you are burning. Make sure that the calories you consume add up to less than the calories you are expending.
That's really all there is to it. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.11 -
If you're working this hard and not seeing results, have you talked to a doctor and had any recent blood work done?
I have a thyroid condition and I basically have to cut calories to below 1,000 a day and workout for an hour every single day just to see a pound a week loss. Anything less than that and I'm lucky if I don't gain. Before my thyroid went kablooey, I actually was one of those annoying "can eat anything and not exercise" naturally thin people.0 -
It's a forest/trees thing. Your food is an excess supply of nutrition. In fact, your various fitness foods are marketed to the runner you were before your injury, and the fitness enthusiast you were before you became demotivated. You are not that person now. Get back to the basics of weighing your food and depending on your food to create your calorie deficit rather than trusting your running/exercising to create the deficit you were always able to keep despite occasionally munching on the goodies off plan.1
-
You are putting all your effort into the exercise. That's great. However, you need to put less food into your mouth.
It all comes down to the energy balance equation. It does not matter if you are killing it with a kick *kitten* exercise routine, if you are then going to eat more calories than you expend.
To lose weight, you must take in fewer calories than you expend.
You don't need fancy shakes or a special diet. You just need to eat less. Begin counting the calories you are consuming, if you are not already doing so. Make realistic estimates of the calories you are burning. Make sure that the calories you consume add up to less than the calories you are expending.
That's really all there is to it. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.
Yeah this is basically what I was going to say. Your husband is likely frustrated because he sees you spinning your wheels, spending all that money on a bunch of overpriced products, then eating too much.
2 -
Hey girl! First of all, congratulations for coming so far on your fitness journey! You should be proud of all your accomplishments to date
After reading your story maybe I can offer this advice from my own personal experiences.
"Am I trying to do too much?" Well the answer to this is up to you. Some people spend 3 hours a day working out because it's their passion, and some people spend zero hours a day working out! Neither is better or worse or too much or too little, it all depends on what is making you happy.
"How do I balance my personal time with my marriage?" Schedule time for both things and stick to it. Sounds like your husband is resistant to a change in routine but I wouldn't let this deter you from making a change if you're in a funk right now. You are more responsible for your own happiness than you are for his.
"Am I being selfish or unrealistic?" NO! Selfish is a bad-word and you should never associate it with yourself! It's clear from your post you are very caring and cognisant of others feelings. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself!! Honestly some of the things your hubby says to you sound somewhat bullying like "You've been doing this for how long now... where's your Beachbody?" It's not fair for him to say that and maybe that needs addressing! I've had to ask my partner to be more positive when it comes to my fitness goals- for whatever reason people seem really quick to rag on those that are working to better themselves. Maybe a conversation between you two on that would benefit the both of you 0 -
Did the OP delete her profile??0
-
Just do you, boo.
I mean it sounds more like your husband may just want you to relax a little. No one wants to go along on someone else's anxiety-trip.
If you talk about your food/exercise with anyone, expect there to be a response to that. How your husband reacts to life is how he will react to your complaints, as well. If you are over-doing it, admit it. It sounds to me like you really expect too much perfection from yourself, and your husband may be getting a little annoyed.
Beachbody obsession isn't healthy. I know they preach, but it isn't emotionally healthy. It's also way too expensive, so I agree with your husband.
Give yourself a break. 15 pounds is not a life-altering amount of weight.0 -
A lot of runners get injured and then become cyclists. They're the ones who can't hold their lines. I kid, I kid. You should think about taking up cycling as it can be an endurance activity and you move at speed, it's similar to running in ways that are important to a lot of people who enjoy both.
Also, as somebody who has always done a lot of exercise and has been big and small, everybody else is right to point to calories in and out. If your goal is to lose weight you should be keeping track of what you eat and what you burn, and you should have a calorie deficit goal. Those are the tools that help people achieve weight loss.0 -
I agree with all of the above. Over the last 7 months, I've lost 53# using MFP and making an investment in a great personal trainer 2x/week. I run on my off days if I'm feeling spunky, but the majority of my exercise amounts to about 2 hours a week in the gym with the free weights. I'm stronger than I've ever been and as a former cardio junkie, I can't imagine now going back to that endless cycle just to maintain.
I've looked into some of the 21day fix meals and while they look delish, some of them are crazy high in calories for a serving. One that I made was around 750 calories (I have no idea what the crazy little boxes amounted to, but it wasn't very many). That's half my daily allowance in a "healthy" meal. To each their own. It works for some people, so I can't knock it. It just doesn't sound like it's working for you, so maybe a different nutrition program is in order.1 -
Yes, I count calories. Not always strictly, but I know where I fall most of the time. Using the 21DFix method.. you shouldn't have to count calories (As you have the correct portions of the correct marcos you are supposed to eat for your target), but I still do. I'm averaging 1500ish calories.
My work offers a health and wellness center- I've had metabolism and body fat screenings done several times. (Bodpod and CO2 exchange methods) The last time I went I was ~30% bodyfat and my BMR was 1250. Thus.. I was doing strength training along with cardio to try to build up my metabolism. I log my exercise along with my calories and 1500ish is still under goal.
I eat non-processed, whole foods 90% of the time (sometimes you can't control what other people put in your food/where it comes from). I prepare my foods as close to the 21 Day fix plan as I can. I meal-plan every week and cook our lunches/dinners on Sunday for the week. My Husband helps.
I have been with my husband 7+ years.. and not once have I been able to get him to the gym (LOL) He HAS worked out with me before at home a handful of times.. and I did get him into running a little when I was able to do it. But fitness is NOT his thing. He is of healthy weight and eats whatever he wants (SO not fair.) My dog is a 9 year old pug in a wheel chair (ridiculous, I know.. but super cute lol) Walking him is not considered exercise.. as we can't go that far/long with him. He was mine before I met my husband and I've always been the one who has taken care of him (Although I get some help sometimes).
I agree that food is my bigger issue... always has been. Fitness comes "easy" to me.. but I struggle with food- especially with sugar. I've been better as of late.. but it's always an internal struggle, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I also agree that I want to spend more time with my husband.. which is part of my motivation issues in the evening- but I feel I get the best results when I do both morning and evening workouts. That's my internal struggle.0 -
StephaniePadovani wrote: »I agree that food is my bigger issue... always has been. Fitness comes "easy" to me.. but I struggle with food- especially with sugar. I've been better as of late.. but it's always an internal struggle, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I also agree that I want to spend more time with my husband.. which is part of my motivation issues in the evening- but I feel I get the best results when I do both morning and evening workouts. That's my internal struggle.
But you're not seeing results right now. You're trying to exercise twice a day but lacking motivation in the evenings because you're tired and want to be home with your husband. What if you started alternating cardio and strength days, did your workouts in the morning, and tightened up your logging? Get the food under control, and the results will follow.6 -
Sorry, have to say it... "you can't out run a bad diet." Doesn't matter how much you workout. If you are over eating, it's not going to come off. You need to evaluate your "treats".3
-
OP made this long post then deactivated. Don't waste energy, as she's not interested in feedback.
For others who may feel like they're in a similar position (exercising a lot and having the perception that you're eating well), you should be aware of the shortcomings of this person's approach. In no particular order, she's:- relying on products and services to do a lot of the work for her (calories/macros/portion control etc.)
- wasting a great deal of money on those products and services, which are unnecessary
- following temporary fixes and plans, and only "loosely" at that
- not preparing/weighing/measuring her own food, or at least not as much as she could be
- overall, eating back too many of the calories she burns off and wasting a lot of effort
1 -
I don't have a profile. Never set one up. Use MFP as a tracking tool mostly.. and I keep my food diary private. Just wanted to vent to the universe today.1 -
StephaniePadovani wrote: »
I don't have a profile. Never set one up. Use MFP as a tracking tool mostly.. and I keep my food diary private. Just wanted to vent to the universe today.
When people go to your profile, it says "Page not found" - I'm not sure I've ever seen that, so that's why people think you posted and deactivated. Usually it just says "____'s profile is only viewable by their friends."1 -
StephaniePadovani wrote: »
I don't have a profile. Never set one up. Use MFP as a tracking tool mostly.. and I keep my profile private. Just wanted to vent to the universe today.
You should have a profile. It's automatically created when you set up your account. For people that have a private profile, it usually just shows a profile pic and then "this users profile is private". When clicking on your name I either get this user has deactivated or error page not found.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 390 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 922 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions